Flush – The Final Frontier

For millennia humanity has sought to explore the outer limits of what is known. Travelling across continents and oceans, through the sky and into space. Each new frontier brings with it a yearning to search for the boundary to the next. As each frontier has been pushed we’ve discovered new and strange civilizations living there. Our journey across land found an unfamiliar Asian peoples. Across the sea we discovered the native American Indian. And on completion of our voyage through space to land on the moon we found the strangest of all species: Hollywood set designers, cameramen and key grips.

As foreign travelers to the land of the feminine we are faced with similar frontiers and strange new experiences. Whether we journey as immigrants or for a short time as vacationers we can all savor the joys and confront the bastions of womanhood.

For those just beginning their discovery the world is surrounded with tantalizing and anxiety induced firsts. From the odd sizings at the clothing rack, the curious color and pattern combinations and the intimidating make up counter. Each barrier is crossed with determination and the fortitude of practice fueled by an inner calling within us. Walking in heels, putting on makeup, styling your hair – each comes with their own unique codes and customs.

Yet for all the frontiers we push into the feminine one stands alone in vexing even the most secure transgendered women. This fortress of femininity – adorned with warning signs to deter all would be intruders – is otherwise known as the Women’s Restroom. The frocked defender placed on the door seems to peer within our soul, testing our femininity.

Transgender Women's Restroom

The Final Frontier

Until quite recently the women’s bathroom was the one place I was unwilling to go. It wasn’t just the potential for an embarrassing outing in what could quickly become the most hostile place on earth. After hearing all the hooha about the ‘Bathroom Issue’ from conservative critics I was actually worried that it could be illegal. Of course, my intentions of being in such a place would only be honorable – at least as honorable as peeing can be – but I wasn’t quite convinced a judge would see it the same way.

As a quick disclaimer, I’m not a lawyer nor do I play one on TV. For more information on the legality of using the women’s restroom I encourage you to review this web page from the Transgender Law and Policy Center. They have information for some states, though right now it doesn’t seem to be a comprehensive list.

One valuable piece of information I discovered at Esprit is that – at least in Washington State – it is not illegal for a transgender women to use the women’s restroom. Though if the restroom is in a private business such as a restaurant, the owner has the right to tell you to find another place to relieve yourself. This discovery fortified my courage, and the frustration at limiting excursions to a few hours finally convinced me…

To boldy go where few transgender women have gone before…

And then write about these interesting and terrifying experiences in the women’s restroom – stay tuned for all the details in an upcoming post.

Have you been in the women’s restroom? In a fit of terrible imagery I must ask… do you have any juicy bathroom stories to share?

P.S. If you’re looking for more bathroom reading, I’ve shared some of my thoughts before about transgender bathrooms and the innovative but still somewhat controversial solution in Thailand schools.

P.P.S. Sometimes the written word can be a poor medium with which to express humor. In case you’re wondering I don’t think the moon landing was faked – Hollywood would have done a much better job with the production quality, not to mention character development.

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A Transgender Wife and a Transgender Husband in Love

It’s such a wonderful blessing to hear stories from wives who love and accept their transgendered husband. This week’s crossdressing success story is unique journey of discovery for both partners – beautiful, moving and inspiring.

If you’re the partner of a crossdresser please take a moment and click here to share your crossdressing success story. Your joys and frustrations, acceptance and struggles will inspire and comfort other partners. Stories of the good times will provide light and hope, and stories of the bad times will let them know they’re not alone in their pain.

Andy and Natalie’s Transgender Success Story

I feel the need to share our story in the belief that it may help other wives understand and support their husband. I’ll get straight to the point, when my husband told me that he likes wearing feminine clothing & make up I honestly wasn’t that judgmental about it, because my mother taught me to be open minded to such things.

He informed me in a letter that he made me read in private in another room for fear I may react negatively; quite the opposite I can proudly say. I read the letter and thought about everything. It made me realize that I secretly desired to be a man. I told him my secret desire, and I will never forget the look on his face; surprise mixed with love and happiness.

Ever since our relationship has grown immensely. We encourage each other & refer to each other in the opposite sex more. Our spiritual connection was bursting with passion,
understanding, and deep love for each other; it made our relationship stronger. I sense the envy that people have when they see us and it honestly makes me thankful; I’ve found a bestfriend, lover, and soulmate all in one (a rarity in these current times I sadly believe).

I love to have girl nights with him. We practice & share makeup & some clothes. The only downfall we have come to learn is how & if we tell our friends and family about us, but we agree that this is a minute concern & don’t stress about outsiders. We see each other inside & out & share a deep connection & desire for each other.

I just hope that other wives will be as open & understanding because they may come to realize that it can strengthen & intensify the relationship. Just remember that he is opening his soul to you, he’s in a fragile state of self consciousness and any sense of negativity may hurt him. He’s looking for understanding, acceptance, and in my opinion, informing you that he loves you enough to reveal this to you.

It can be a spiritual revelation to the relationship & it has (and I can testify) lead us to act upon our fantasies in a way that I can only describe as ‘OMG, satisfaction.’
- Andy & Natalie from Houston, TX.

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The Plot Thickens … Need To Add Water

For the first time in years I had a plan for my life. Years and years of introspection and contemplation led me to take a number of significant steps over the last 12 months. I began growing my hair out (again), steeled myself against any inquisitive glances and went out as Vanessa as often as my free time would allow and started paying attention to my gestures and movements. I began making more friends in the transgender community, attended Esprit (and made more wonderful friends), lived as Vanessa a week out of every two and began seeing a therapist. I had countless conversations with my wife, fights and tears and love and support and a deep and open sharing.

I even put together a rough transition plan for myself, which went something like:

  • Start new job
  • Begin hormone therapy in September/October
  • Do awesome work on new job and make my employer happy
  • Slowly start coming out to more friends and family
  • Begin discussions with my manager and HR about living as Vanessa full time late 2011 or early 2012 (unless the hormones cause developments which need to speed said conversations)
  • Take a few weeks off to have facial feminization surgery and return to work as Vanessa
  • Cue Real Life Experience…
  • 12 months later, ‘It’s a girl!’

All neat and clean. As safe and comfortable as one could imagine such a dramatic upheaval ever being. But the plot has thickened, and I must roll the dice again on my tidy plan.

For reasons that are fairly complicated I find myself in a position where I need to tell my employer after only a week and a half on the job. I won’t go into all the details, but there wasn’t a slip up on my part, or anything overly prying on the part of my employer. It’s just an unfortunate side effect of the intersection between company policy, Crossdresser Heaven and my desire to be open and honest.

I have a meeting scheduled with HR this week to try and work through it all. Honestly part of me is terrified. I haven’t had nearly enough preparation for this. I know that I’m relying in far too great a measure on my employer’s lgbt friendliness. Yet I sincerely don’t see this impacting my work or team for at least a year or more, and I’m hopeful that any serious drama can be postponed for at least as long.

Though I’ll also admit that part of me is excitedly anxious for this to be done. Perhaps it’s with resigned acceptance that my transgender journey will never be safe or predictable or fully in my control.

I had discussed with my therapist whether I should start as Vanessa, but we both agreed this would be far too much to handle for all concerned. After this week I count my blessings that I didn’t laden myself with this psychological burden as well – there are so many new things to learn as it is. I don’t think I could learn to work in a new gender role at the same time.

Come to think of it, I’m mostly at peace with it all. I expect a fairly positive reaction from HR, and if I can postpone sharing with my manager until it would impact my team I think it will make it easier when I do decide to share. While I can imagine many variations of a worst case scenario, what will be will be.

I’m going to fetch some water now…

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My Beautiful Veronica

It’s always a treat when I receive a crossdressing success story from the spouse or loved one of a crossdresser. The beauty of their acceptance is matched only by their courage in sharing their story.

If you’re the wife or girlfriend of a crossdresser, today I’d especially like to encourage you to share your crossdressing success story. It only takes a few moments to submit your story, but you will undoubtedly touch the lives of others in your situation. Even if you’re not fully comfortable with your significant other crossdressing, sharing your story of the first time they told you, or the first time you felt comfortable seeing her dressed would be a blessing to us all.

Meet Charlie

Hello, I’m Charlie. I just want to start off by saying that I am a woman. This is a short story about my boyfriend and sometimes girlfriend Veronica. How I came to find out about her crossdressing and how we are doing now. I hope this brings encouragement to other Crossdressers and transgendered ladies out there.

Charlie and Veronica’s Crossdressing Success Story

When I met Veronica, love just existed, like some outside force pulled us together. When I started staying over at his house I always noticed little feminine things, like the way he (at the time) sat, sometimes the way he looked over his shoulder and giggled.. in a way I thought of it as girlishly cute…

As time progressed our relationship began to get a little rocky, we actually were in an argument when he told me “I like to wear womens lingerie sometimes”, I responded with a surprised, “what?!”. He then proceeded to yell, “I’m a cross dresser”. At first I was in shock, I had never encountered anything like that before. I was a bit distant for the firstday or so, I had to collect my thoughts and figure out whether I could handle a crossdressing (he also admited he was bisexual at the same time) boyfriend. I decided I would try because I was verr in love with him.

I had a lot of questions, and he was completely open and honest with me. I began to feel more comfortable with the idea of my boyfriend in panties as we continued to talk. Eventually I looked at pictures and to my surprise, he looked verry sexy in drag. To be honest I was a bit turned on by his provocative debut.

I decided that him and I should go shopping and buy him some things. Our shopping trip was a bit frusturating for us in the fact that he was nervous and I didnt know what to pick for him. (just a tip: work out a plan if your not ready to be open with your transness yet). When our shopping trip was over he dressed up for me, and I realy liked it.

We have had other personal troubles but her crossdressing has actually brought us closer. I love the night’s when we are not us as the world knows us. I love getting her dressed and doing her make up and turning my boyfriend into my beautiful Veronica.


If you’d like to look better as a woman I encourage you to try the world’s best crossdressing guide –  I guarantee you’ll learn a thing or two about passing as a woman and enhance your feminine image!

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It’s only quiet because we’re paddling so hard

It’s been almost two months since I quit my last job. During that time I’ve had the privilege of vacationing in Kauai with my lovely wife, hosting my dad and his girlfriend at our house for a week, focusing on my health by exercising, spending time with old and new friends, and exploring the next steps in my life on the way to womanhood.

Today marks the end of a very productive and much needed break between work duties. On the whole it’s an extremely positive move for me. It’s a great company that builds exciting products, they have excellent health benefits (with a generous cap on transgender related surgeries), a strong focus on diversity (which should come in handy when I do transition) and they pay me (which always helps on the journey through life :) ).

The one downside is that my once abundant time will shrink to nearly nothing – as witnessed by the 57 emails and 27 training classes and reading assignments I need to complete. This means that I might find it more difficult to share the transgender world as deeply with all you wonderful ladies. I can assure you that even if I’m silent for a week or two that you are never far from my thoughts. I also promise you that I’m not packing up and going home – the transgender community, and you dear readers, are too important to me. You have given me so much – sharing with you has been both fulfilling and educational. You stories and comments have touched my life.

Not to end on too much of a downer, I’ve recently read a few wonderful transgender books – while I work on posting reviews for them I’ve compiled a good list of transgender books for you to peruse.

I’ve also been inspired to learn more about your hair removal strategies. One of my dear friends has been struggling with hair removal, having started in earnest only after going full time, and  I think it would be interesting to learn when others in the communbity started hair removal. Take a second to answer this poll on http://www.crossdresserheaven.com


When Did You Start Permanent Hair Removal?

View Results

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