Crossdresser Heaven

Fashion, makeup and body movement tips for crossdressers who want to look and feel more feminine

Archives: March 2008

What Sex is your brain?

Categories: Transgender Info, Vanessa's Transgender Experience

Tags: crossdresser sex, crossdressing, Gender Identity, transgender, transsexual, what is my gender identity, what sex is your brain

Comments: 8 Comments

Published on: March 30, 2008

I love taking the tests for gender. I’m fascinated with the prospect that someone can take seemingly basic things about my life and expression, and tell something more fundamental about who I am, that I may not even realize. Of course, with any such test there is part science, part art, and part make believe, and we should never let the results from a test determine who we are.

Some of you are probably familiar with the COGIATI test, which stands for the mouthful of ‘Combined Gender Identity and Transsexuality Inventory’ (phew). This test is targeted to Male-to-Female, Pre-Operative people, and should be used as a basis for self-examination, and to consider whether further investigation should be pursued with a qualified therapist.

At the end of the test you are categorized into one of five categories:

Class 1 – Definite Male, typical of the sexual gratification-based, fetishitic transvestite
Class 2 – Feminine Male, mostly sexual / fetishistic but slightly gender involved crossdresser
Class 3 – Androgyne, the serious transgenderist
Class 4 – Probably Transsexual, most common type of transsexual (well over 70%)
Class 5 – Classic Transsexual, the rarest, early onset, ‘classic model of early research’ transsexual

Whenever I’ve taken this test, I either end up as:

Class 3 – Androgyne, or
Class 4 – Probably Transsexual

I think this shows two things: Firstly that our self perception varies over time, with our moods and our circumstances – something that is important to keep in mind for those who are contemplating a transition. Secondly, for me at least, cross dressing is more than just about feeling comfortable wearing woman’s clothes, but striving to be woman in mannerisms, behavior and thoughts. Whenever I have done this I get a sense of resonance, just as playing a chord on the piano perfectly matches two or three different notes to produce a harmonious sound.

For those who aren’t transgendered

The other day I found a great gender test on BBC, which is among one of the more scientific I’ve taken. They also allow everyone to play along, so you don’t need to be transgendered to take the test. My results are below, showing that my brain is slightly female. When my wife took the test she scored as the typical male (so perhaps we are equally yoked ).

What did you score? Did this match up with your expectations?

Before you rush off and make any big decisions based on a gender test, please heed these warnings. Have fun!

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P.S. If you’re a woman inside, look your best by following tried and true advice from the world’s best crossdressing guide.

Let us take a piss!

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Transgender Info

Tags: crossdresser piss, Crossdressing Cure, transgender bathrooms, transgendered

Comments: 4 Comments

Published on: March 29, 2008

I regularly post on Yahoo Answers, answering questions about the transgendered and cross dressing. (My Yahoo profile). I really enjoy helping people come to terms with their transgenderedness, or that of a loved one. Recently Fire Falcon answered a question about the transgendered using the ladies bathroom, and I thought it was too good not to share with all of you:

[[One of my friends was ranting about how some transvestite was saying he wanted to be able to go to the ladies’ bathroom and all this other crap.]]
So what? A bathroom is for taking a leak and other such things. While I don’t necessarily agree with transvestites or crossdressers using the bathroom of the gender they are presenting as, I have no issue with it because GASP… Dressing like a girl and going into the men’s bathroom is asking to get your face beat in, and there’s already too much violence and hatred in this messed up world.

A transvestite, transgender nor a transsexual is coming in there to peer at your goodies or try and rape you– they’re coming to use the bathroom they feel is right for them, so they don’t get the crap beat out of them in the other bathroom. Calling the cops on someone who runs in, tinkles, washes their hands and runs back out is not only absurd, but borderlines on cruel.

For god’s sake, let people take a piss.

I think that pretty much says it all…

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P.S. Ever wondered what it would be like to be a mother? Take this teleseminar to find out how to become the best mother possible!

I married a cross dresser

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Crossdressing Relationship Advice

Tags: cross-dressing, Crossdressing Relationship Advice, my husband is a crossdresser, transgendered wedding, why do men crossdress

Comments: 112 Comments

Published on: March 27, 2008

When you marry the man you love, you hope for a life of bliss – your own ‘happiness ever after’, but even the most optimistic of us will expect some challenges along this wonderful journey called marriage. You probably didn’t expect him to utter these fateful words, ‘Honey, I’m a Cross Dresser’.

A few weeks ago I wrote an article about what to do if your boyfriend is a cross dresser.

Today I’ll address some of the most common questions from wives who find out that their husband is a cross dresser. I highly recommend that you buy a copy of the book My Husband Wears My Clothes. It was written a few years ago by Peggy Rudd, a PhD and wife of a cross dresser. She provides loving insight into the how and why of cross dressing.

So what do you do when you find out for the first time? The most important thing to realize is that it is okay to feel shocked, uncertain and confused. It’s not every day that you meet a cross dresser, much less find out that your husband is one!

The next thing to realize, is that he is telling you this because he loves and trusts you deeply. He is probably just as scared as you are right now. You both need to be careful not to say anything that would hurt the other person.You’re both in a sensitive position. While you should respect that he it is difficult for him to share with you, you should also expect him to go as fast or as slow as you can handle.

The first thing to do is reassure him that you love him. This will be tough to do. You’re shocked and not in full control of your emotions, but even though you just discovered your husband is a cross dresser you need to show love.

So now you may be wondering:
He’s a cross dresser, is he gay? Probably not, most cross dressers are heterosexual

Why didn’t he tell me about his crossdressing sooner? This one is tricky, ideally he would have shared with you before you were married. Most likely he thought he could control it, he thought that being married would quell the urge to cross dress. That hardly ever (never) happens, and he probably put it off for so long because he was afraid of how you would react. Ironically, he has hid this secret from you for so long because he loves you so much!

Why does he cross dress? Phew, an even tougher but great question. I explored this in some detail in my article ‘why do men cross dress‘. The short answer is that no one knows for sure and many men have different reasons for why they cross dress, but most describe it as a need, an urge that won’t go away.

How can I make him stop cross dressing? You’re asking all the right questions love, but you probably won’t like the answer to this one. You can’t stop him from cross dressing. Sure, you’ll fight and he’ll promise not to cross dress, but a few months later you’ll find a pair of size 12 pink pumps in the wardrobe…

Does he want a sex change? Probably not. There are fewer transsexuals than cross dressers, so it is less likely that your husband has a desire to change his sex. Most cross dressers are happily married and only enjoy dressing part time.

So now what do I do? As I mentioned above, reassure him that you love him. Spend a lot of time in deep, open conversation with him about his desire to cross dress. Learn as much as you can about it (I know I sound like a used car salesman, but trust me buy this book!). Learn to compromise – let this grow you closer together rather than split you apart. Work with your husband to set limits that you are comfortable with as well. If you don’t want him to dress when your friends are around; let him know.

Tri-Ess has some great information and a Crossdressers wives bill of rights which makes for a great starting point as you and your husband come to a fair compromise about his cross dressing. There are many other good resources on the Internet. Also, take some time to explore Cross Dresser Heaven, I’ve gathered a number of resources that may be valuable for you.

Good luck, and please contact me if you need any support or advice!

Hugs,

Vanessa

P.S. Thanks to my lovely wife for reviewing this article before I posted it. As much as we listen, we need to be open to the precious woman in our lives – they are often trying to tell us more.

Counselors should be advocates for the transgendered

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Transgender News and Issues

Tags: counselors advocate for transgendered, crossdressers, Gender Identity, transgender, transgendered

Comments: 1 Comment

Published on: March 24, 2008

This is the conclusion of research done by two PhD students at the university of Oregon, who spent years studying transgender issues. They explored the issues of discrimination in the workplace and transphobia that many in the transgendered community experience. They also lament the lack of qualified counselors available for the transgendered.

I think it’s wonderful that more and more researchers are devoting time to transgendered studies. When more people examine and question pre-conceived notions they advance the state of the art in our understanding. I think this can only be a win for the transgender community, as the medical profession gains a better understanding of who we are, why we are transgendered and how best to ensure we live healthy fulfilled lives.

I poked around the Internet some, and found a few valuable resources. Naturally wikipedia has a great article, I even found an article by our local Seattle and King County health department addressing transgender health as well as this great site which covers many issues transsexuals face. If you’re confused about where on the gender spectrum you fall, this gender test is a good place to start. It will give you some thoughts, and hopefully encourage you to seek counseling if you struggle with your gender identity.

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P.S. Don’t let your lack of self-confidence stop you from going out dressed. Hypnotize yourself into the confident woman you are!

Learn how to cross dress

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Crossdresser How To

Tags: Crossdresser How To, crossdressing, how to crossdress, learn to crossdress

Comments: 58 Comments

Published on: March 23, 2008

The first time a man puts on a dress he looks like – a man in a dress. In our minds we picture ourselves as dainty, feminine and gorgeous, but we’re actually a man caught wearing girl’s clothes. Looking good as a woman is a hard thing to do – just ask any lady who has spent an hour doing her hair and makeup!

If you’re just looking for some quick tips on what to wear the first time you cross dress then my previous article is the right place for you to start. If you want to look fabulous, and pass as a genetic woman – then read on!

There are seven aspects to looking great and passing as a genetic woman every time:

Wearing clothes that make you look good
Making sure your curves are in the right places
Feminine body movement
Hairstyle that feminizes your face
Natural makeup
A feminine voice
Loving who you are as a woman

Do we want to look like men wearing dresses?

NO! If you’re like me, the image you hold of yourself is as a beautiful movie star, not a guy in drag. The truth is that we can all look and feel beautiful – but it takes some work. Over the next few weeks I’m going to share with you some of the secrets to looking like the woman you see inside – to cross dress for success.

If you’re eager to look fabulous today, I highly recommend the World’s Best Cross Dressing Guide. You’ll get all the tips and tricks you need to be the woman you are, and complete your male to female transformation!

Before we get started though, I want to share with you the biggest mistake men make when they wear woman’s clothes. This is probably the number one reason why cross dressers fail to pass, and end up looking like a guy in drag instead of a passable woman.

Before I share it with you, think for a moment on how you picture yourself as a woman. Let me guess, high heels, short skirt, dramatic makeup and plunging neck line. Am I right?

The biggest mistake the transgendered make is that:

When men cross dress they try to look like a whore

Not many woman would be caught dead wearing 6″ heels and a mini-skirt that barely covers their panties. Yet cross dressers try to dress like this – they’re dressing as their own fantasy girl. Take a tip from genetic woman – most of the time they are dressing for their girl friend, or to impress other woman. They are trying to out do other woman, not fulfill a man’s sexual fantasy.

Even if you’re lucky enough to have all the other attributes of a woman, if you dress like a whore you will stand out.

In the first lesson (coming next week), I will teach you how to wear clothes that make you look good, so you can cross dress with confidence.

Until then, good luck – and look gorgeous!