Archives: March 2008

Living between the man I am and the girl I want to be

It feels so right. Exercising my feminine grace, sharing my soul with a friend or stranger, working on being beautiful. Becoming a woman seems like the worthiest outcome of my efforts, and whenever I think about the necessary practice and perfection to get there it lights a smile inside my soul.

Yet for all my strong desires to be a woman, I go to work on Monday without a trace of the girl within me. I do not need to suffer the sacrifice so many transsexuals make when they transition. And I wonder, is my desire for womanhood just a fantasy that amuses me in my time away from real life?

My lovely wife has been wonderfully supportive. She’s shown more support than I dreamt I would receive. Yet, she loves me for the man I am, and I know that going further down the path to womanhood would mean that I lose the most precious thing in the world to me – the relationship I have with my wife.

Somehow, it feels false for me to split my time between being a man and a woman. It feels more whole to be a man on the journey to womanhood. That even though it is slow, each step is deliberate with a well known end goal. To set such a definitive direction would mean so many things, not least of which are many uncomfortable conversations with those I love.

Don’t misunderstand my confusion – I have come to terms with being transgender – I love and accept that part of myself, along with the many other talents and gifts God has blessed me with. Yet I still struggle with how to express it in a fulfilling way. Unless I have a clear path before me, I resist the necessary practice in the feminine ways that would take me closer to being a woman. If being transgender is part time, more of a ‘hobby’ than a lifestyle for me, how can I be fulfilled?

Navigating the transgender world: The difference between transsexuals, drag queens and cross dressers

For your typical heterosexual man or woman the transgender world can seem quite perplexing. Not only is the whole concept difficult to grasp (‘you’re a man, why do you want to be a woman?’), but even within transgendered there is great diversity.

None of this is helped by the myths that have become widely voiced within society. To begin with I will first dispel some of the most common myths about the transgendered:

Myth 1: The transgendered are homosexual

This is probably the most common misunderstanding. There is a difference between sexual orientation (straight, gay, bisexual) and gender identity (self identify as a man or a woman). The transgendered identify or express themselves as a gender that is different from one in which they were born. This video gives a good overview of the differences between sexual orientation and gender identity. Most transgendered are not homosexual, in fact the vast majority of crossdressers are straight.

Myth 2: All transgendered are sex workers, adult entertainers or freaks seeking attention

Thank you Jerry Springer for perpetuating this myth! Most of us live normal lives – we go to school / work, spend time with our families and friends and engage in other hobbies just like the rest of society. In fact, being treated as a normal woman is often a sufficient motivation that many of us endure long hours practicing and perfecting our femininity. It is unfortunate that discrimination has forced some transgendered people out of their jobs, and they feel they must turn to less wholesome professions in order to survive.

Myth 3: All transgendered want to get a sex change

This myth still causes controversy within the transgendered community, as some who have undergone sex reassignment surgery (SRS) struggle to understand why someone would act and dress as someone of the opposite sex without wanting a sex change. The truth is that the transgendered experience is a spectrum, from those who only occasionally wear clothes of the opposite sex, to those who undergo SRS and live full time as the opposite sex.

The Truth about Transgendered

I’m always weary of creating nice, neat categories, and then sorting people into these categories. This ignores the natural diversity, and by showcasing the differences can also increase discrimination and instill an ‘us vs them’ mentality. However, even with these pitfalls, I think describing the commonly used categorizations within the transgendered world we are able to have a better conversation about what it means to be transgendered. As you’re reading this, please do not try to define a person by the category, but keep in mind that while people may identify with a particular group it is only a small window into who they are as a human.

I mentioned earlier that transgendered is a spectrum. I’m going to define and discuss some points along this spectrum. For the purposes of brevity I’m going to talk about the male transgendered, though there are female to male transgendered as well.

Transgender: An umbrella term used to describe a person (male or female), who dresses or behaves in a way that is different from their sex at birth.

Cross dresser: A man who dresses in woman’s clothes either part time or full time. Often taking on the mannerisms and appearance of woman. Most crossdressers are straight, and many are in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. Cross dressers normally do not want to feminize their body, or undergo SRS.

Transvestite: A person who cross dresses. The term cross dresser is preferred, as sometimes the term transvestite is (wrongly) associated with a transvestic fetish (which are those who occasionally use clothing of the opposite gender for fetish purposes).

Drag Queen (and King): A stage artist, host or performer who wears makeup and woman’s clothing with the purpose of entertaining or highlighting transgender issues. If only done for the performance, these people are not considered cross dressers.

Transsexual: A person who has the desire to live and be accepted as the opposite sex. Typically men will feel like ‘a woman trapped in a man’s body’. Having undergone SRS (or post operative transsexual) is not a requirement for being a transsexual. Often times a transsexual will take steps to feminize their bodies (e.g. through hormones)

Intersexed: A person who is born with sexual anatomy that does not fit the typical definitions of male or female. There are many different varieties of this difference, e.g. being born with genitals that seem in between male and female, or male on the outside, female on the inside, or even having both XX and XY chromosomes.

Some valuable resources for continued reading are:

Some changes to Crossdresser Heaven

Hi folks,

I’ve made a few tweaks to the website, to clean it up a bit, and make it easier to find articles based on categories. Hopefully this will make it easier for you to find what you’re looking for.

If there is anything you would like to see discussed in an upcoming article, please let me know and I’ll get make sure to include a post on it in the near future.

Thanks for reading – your comments and continued visits to www.crossdresserheaven.com keep me inspired to post more content about transgendered life, and the issues we face.

Hugs,

Crossdressed Outfit of the week: Looking forward to spring!

Spring is just around the corner, and we get to set out clocks ahead an hour this weekend to enjoy another scrumptious hour of sunshine! To celebrate the coming of spring, this week’s outfit features strappy sandals, a fun print skirt and a sexy rhinestone tank top. Not only will you start off feeling cool and refreshed for Spring, but you’ll save almost $70!

Match it with some pink lipstick and you’re ready for the sunshine. As always, the crossdressed outfit of the week is chosen with care, and sizes are available up to XL (or size 18), with shoes in sizes up to at least 11W

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Dyeables Flamingo (Women's) - White Satin

Feminine beauty starts with your face

Close your eyes for a moment and picture a beautiful, feminine face. Think for a moment – what are some of the characteristics of the feminine face? Perhaps the high arching eyebrows, large soft eyes, and high cheek bones were the first thing you pictured. Think some more – what does every beautiful woman have?

That’s right! Smooth, clear skin! In fact, this is something that many crossdressers overlook. Along with movement and appropriate dress, your face will determine whether you pass or not. While guys may stray to other areas of our feminine anatomy, most woman first see your face. As we all know, it’s harder to pass when there are woman around.

This is a challenge for crossdresser who wants to pass well. Our faces have been roughed up from year of shaving, lack of moisturizer and no sun protection. Even if you’re lucky enough to be born with a feminine face, it will age faster unless, that is, you do something about it!

In just the last few years light therapy has shown tremendous promise for treating acne and revitalizing your skin, dramatically reducing the effects of aging. The NatureBright Clarity Skin Rejuvenation Light is one example that will have you looking fabulous in no time!

If you’re not willing to spring for light therapy, at least consider a good moisturizer (Olay is always a popular brand). The best time to start your moisturizing routine is before you get wrinkles, and even if you’ve missed out on years of good facial care it’s never to late to start!

So ladies, go forth looking beautiful, with smooth clear skin!

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