Archives: September 2008

The Third Gender

Categories: Gender Identity
Comments: 7 Comments
Published on: September 18, 2008

Society likes clear boundaries. Black or white. Gay or straight. Male or female. The relentless desire of society to categorize and sort. Placing each of us into nice neat boxes. People struggle mightily with the concept of a third gender. The idea that someone is in between a man and a woman. Gender society does not like to think of the transgender. In spite of this new social gender constructs are created to categorize the third gender: you’re a crossdresser or a transsexual. Yet the categories strain still, so more must be constructed: pre-op transsexual, no-op transsexual, post-op transsexual.

And on it goes, until we realize that there is no third gender. Just like there is no third race, but a spectrum of diversity that scares the gender society in it’s breadth of difference.

In this wonderful video Kit reminds us that,

“There may be as many as a million genders – just floating around waiting for the right person to snatch them up, put them on and proudly parade around in their new skin. Unrestricted by layers and identity, or limitations of society or culture or social construction. See, this new gender is a function of inner desire and genuine understanding of self to be lived.”

My thought for you today is:

There is no third gender, only gender

A beautiful melody of human diversity


P.S. If you enjoyed this article please subscribe to Crossdresser Heaven to receive regular updates on things that matter to the transgendered community.

You're Not The Only One Embarrassed By Crossdressing

Life is a wonderful journey of discovery and marriage is a path along this journey. One where you get to learn more about yourself than just about any other time in life. Being transgendered is another path along that journey, one that is often times marred with the shame of crossdressing and the embarrassment of wearing women’s clothes.

I’ve spent most of my life coming to terms with my my desire to wear a bra and stockings, to dress and express myself as a woman. I’ve been through the shame of crossdressing, religious zeal for "righteousness", purges where I’ve said ‘Never again!’. I’ve also been through times of delight, transgendered indulgence and a feeling of wholeness. Through this experience I’ve learned to accept myself, and most of the time to overcome the shame and embarrassment of being a crossdresser – to live my life regardless of what society thinks.

But I recently made a fairly big mistake. Like a buffoon I overlooked my wife’s feelings – I forgot that she is also embarrassed by my crossdressing. While I’ve had many years to learn to overcome the stares and snickers – my wife is new at this. While I’ve had to overcome my crossdressing shame to live as who I am inside, my wife is doing it out of love for someone else.

The other day while we were out I was happy to indulge my crossdressing urges. We’d spoken about the plans for the trip before we left, and while we were out it didn’t occur to me that she would feel embarrassed as people watched me learn how to apply makeup.

One thing every husband knows (or should know!) is that when your wife says nothing is wrong, you better believe there is something wrong. It took a while for me to find out just how embarrassed she was, but when I finally did, lets just say that she "let me know in no uncertain terms".

In my eagerness to shield myself from the stares and snickers of others, I had accidentally shielded myself from the fears and concerns of someone I love dearly. I had focused on my wife’s support and encouragement, and forgotten that she has fears and concerns that are equally as valid.

I think there are two things I would do differently next time. Firstly I would make sure to pay attention to the subtle (and not to subtle) cues my wife sends me about how she’s feeling. A few minutes of crossdressing bliss is not as important as caring about your wife’s feelings – and showing her by doing things differently. Secondly I would ask her if there are certain things she’d rather I do alone. It’s tempting to spend every waking moment with your spouse, but there are certain things that are better experienced separate from each other.

Honey, I’m sorry for not considering your feelings. I love you.


P.S. Don’t make mistakes in crossdressing that could hurt your loved ones. Read My Husband Betty by Helen Boyd, or My Husband Wears My Clothes by Peggy Rudd.

Crossdresser Heaven Turns 100!

Crossdresser Heaven Turns 100

Crossdresser Heaven Turns 100!

Today your support has helped us reach a milestone at Crossdresser Heaven. The 100th person subscribed to receive regular updates on all things important to crossdressers and the transgender community.

Thank You!

When I first started sharing my thoughts on crossdressing six months ago I never imagined that I would have a chance to impact the lives of so many people. I believe that transgender outreach starts within our own community, and it’s humbling to realize that I have been able to play a part, however small, in this transgender outreach.

This is really a celebration of your contribution! Without your supportive comments and notes it would have been difficult to continue sharing. Knowing that someone out in cyberspace is listening gives me the passion to continue sharing everything that God has laid on my heart about the transgender life. Thank you to everyone who has shared Crossdresser Heaven with friends and the communities on their websites.

Among all the people who have visited Crossdresser Heaven to participate in the transgender community there are two groups of folks I’d like to extend a special note of appreciation.

Firstly to those who aren’t directly impacted by the transgender life, who visit with a sincere desire to  understand us more. You may be perplexed or even disgusted by crossdressing but choose to respect our shared humanity and seek a common understanding. Thank you! You are demonstrating an uncommon strength of character.

Secondly to the those who have a crossdresser in your life – the wives, girlfriends and loved ones of a transgendered person. There are few things that bless me more than the opportunity to comfort, encourage and be a “virtual shoulder” to cry on for you. Thank you for loving enough to try understand the crossdresser in your life. Thank you for being courageous enough to share your story. I know first hand the pain, confusion and frustration that my wife goes through, and it is truly a gift to share the fruits of her love and devotion with you.

If you’re a new visitor to Crossdresser Heaven, please take a moment to subscribe to Crossdresser Heaven by email. You’ll stay up to date on the latest happenings in the transgender community, and receive regular fashion, makeup and femininity tips. It only takes a moment to subscribe and you’ll help extend the transgender outreach.

With love,
Vanessa

Crossdressed Outfit of the Week – Last Flirt With Summer

Comments: 1 Comment
Published on: September 12, 2008
Flirty transgender dress

Flirty summer dress

Just as I prepare for the cooling dance into fall mother nature decides to give us a week of glorious eighty degree weather! To celebrate this week’s crossdressed outfit is a flirty dress perfect for the final warm days of summer, pair with sensible yet feminine open toed sandals. It’s a great dress for a warm day or paired with some jewelry and heels for semi-formal evening wear.

Sensible, yet feminine sandals

The sandals are great for the taller girls, the lack of heel means that you won’t be towering over everyone else. Be careful though, opened shoes can sometimes make your feet look larger (not a good thing for your average crossdresser). Make sure you get the wide width shoes if your feet are a bit larger.

As always, crossdressed outfit of the week only recommends clothes that are available in at least size 16/18 or XL, with a shoe size of at least 11. We get frustrated with all the gorgeous outfits that won’t fit us so you don’t have to!

I hope you’re making the most of these last few days of warm sunlight.


P.S. Breastforms are great for those covered up months in winter and fall, but it’s hard to look feminine in the hot summer months without breasts of your own. Grow transgender breasts naturally with this revolutionary guide!

3 Transgender Makeup Secrets you won't learn at home!

A few days ago I did something I’ve never done before – I visited the makeup counter in our local mall for a makeup consultation. For many women getting a feminine makeup makeover is just another relaxing stop on a shopping trip. As many of my readers know, when a man gets a crossdressing makeup consultation different emotions are at play. Fear, anxiety and a good dose of self conscious doubt.

transgender-makeup-secrets.jpg

Transgender Makeup Secrets

Some of those emotions came into play when I first sat down (in guy mode) and began talking with my consultant. Normally it’s my wife who notices when people are looking at us, as my powers of observation seem limited to what’s directly in front of me. It was a small makeup store, and even I noticed that the whole room got quite and looked at me. Yikes! I might as well have worn a sign over my head:

Crossdresser Makeup Application in Progress

Then ten seconds later everyone went about the business of making themselves look fabulous. Perhaps they made a few comments about the transvestite sitting next to them, but noone said anything to me.

Don’t let the weight of society’s unease scare you off. If you go through with it you can learn, in person  these three

Transgender Makeup Secrets

I’m about to share with you now.

Before I go further it’s worth mentioning that there are many valuable resources on the Internet that can help you become proficient in makeup application – Thanks to regular reader and commenter Lynn who shared videojug.com as a great place to get makeup tips. Amazon is also a great place to find high quality mineral makeup at a reasonable price. This mineral makeup starter kit is perfect for crossdressers – you get two colors of foundation, brushes, finisher and bronzer (perfect for that sunkissed look!) as well as a load of other free goodies.

The first makeup secret I learnt is: Start applying foundation from the outside of your cheeks in. This allows you to control your coverage better, and helps you avoid dumping all your foundation on your cheek bones.

For the longest time I had started both my foundation and bronzer on my cheek bones. Usually I ended up struggling to cover an overly enthusiastic application – after all, I was trying for the “less clown, more well made up women look”.

The next crossdresser makeup tip is: apply bronzer as if you’re drawing a three on your face. Starting at your forehead, paint the brush down the side of your face and in to your cheeks, then curl down again to your jawline. If you’ve already got a well defined and muscular jawline you may not want to accentuate it futher, so just do the top half of the three.

Over the last few months I’ve become partial to lipgloss. It gives me a more fresh, young look, and it’s easier to apply than lipstick. The makeup consultant convinced me to give lipstick another try – especially for the subtle day time look. Her makeup tip is to apply lipstick with a small brush (slightly smaller than your concealer brush). This allows you to put the lipstick on more precisely – avoiding the need for lip liner.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these transgender makeup tips, please take a look around to learn some more crossdressing secrets.


P.S. Discover more makeup secrets and truly look your best!

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