Archives: July 2011

You’re Beautiful

Comments: 1 Comment
Published on: July 30, 2011
Blossoming in the love of acceptance

Blossoming in the love of acceptance

There are moments in life that reach into the deep of our soul and remind us how lovingly connected we can be with others. When someone sees for who you are and accepts you it’s as if time stands still. In an instant the core of your being opens up and is bared for them to see. Without judgement, or embarrassment or hesitation. Your truth blossoms like a flower in spring time, and their acceptance is a breeze gently flowing past. Touching, knowing and refreshing.

And there are still other moments that resonate so strongly our spirits can’t help but dance in unison. When someone knows you and looks deep within to see you – to truly see you – and loves you then words to describe it become nothing more than an inadequate attempt to describe shadows behind a dimly lit veil. It’s as if the flower of your soul has opened up, and the warmth of their sunshine gently cups your newly blossomed bud. Nurturing and drawing the light of your beauty skyward.

As many of you know, I recently had facial feminization surgery. The process of recovery is not pretty – your face is sore, bruised and swollen. The incisions are still red as the blood rushes to heal, and scars show through – on your head, under your nose, around your ears. You’re beat up and feeling like it.

Slowly, slowly healing takes place. Every day I wear a facial garment to keep the swelling in check, and at least 3 times a day it comes off for a massage to aid in healing. I’m blessed that my dad and his girlfriend are spending a month with me to help me recover. Tonight she had just taken my facial garment off to begin the massage when my dad turned to me and said two words with a depth and sincerity that shocked me to tears.

“You’re Beautiful”

So simple, so short and yet I felt time pause as my spirit basked in the light of his seeing me, knowing me, and loving me still so deeply. I began to softly cry as we shared a time where we were truly open in love for each other as we talked and hugged and held each other.

Tonight I go to sleep feeling loved, affirmed and encouraged.

Bruised, Swollen and Happy

It’s been two weeks since my facial feminization surgery and I just wanted to drop a quick note to readers of Crossdresser Heaven to let you know that I’m okay. I sincerely appreciate all the good wishes, thoughts and prayers from you dear ladies during this time.

My surgery went well, but the road to recovery is still long. The bruising on my face is subsiding, but I’m still fairly swollen and I’m usually worn out after something as simple as going out to eat for lunch or driving to the grocery store.

I’m trying to write down as much as I’m able, so I can remember the experience and share thoughts and advice with those who are about to embark on this journey, but to be honest right now my energy levels are too low even for such a modest undertaking.

Blessings and thanks, I hope to write again soon.

The canvas that paints your smile and shares your soul

Dear readers,

In a few days I’ll embark on the next phase of my journey to let my true self shine for all to see. There have been many milestones along the way. Some have been relatively easy such as starting hormones. Others have been a momentous emotional occasion, like legally changing my name, and yet others have been filled with fear and trepidation as I went full time so many months ago.

The next milestone awaiting me promises to be be a physically challenging endeavor laced with emotional upheaval. A life changing surgery awaits me, in hours so short I can count them. Facial feminization surgery will be the first surgery of any kind that I’ve had, and the prospect looms even larger in front of me because of this.

Make no mistake, I’ve pondered long and hard the need for this surgery. I’m blessed that the ravages of testosterone on my body have left my face remarkably untouched. I have not needed to struggle as hard as some to blend in. While SRS is a non-negotiable necessity, some may view facial feminization surgery (FFS) as a narcissistic luxury. Yet those who would only be looking on the surface, and counting what their eyes can see not what their heart cannot hear.

For the first time in my life, I look in the mirror with love for the person staring back at me. Yet even amidst this love my soul harbors a deep disquiet. As if a past before memory calls out to me in a mocking tone, reminding me of all the ways I’m not complete. It’s like looking into the cool oasis waters and seeing a mirage of yourself, wondering whether the real person exists.

As many times as I ask myself, my answer is always, “Yes, I need this to be whole. To be who I am.”.

So, to the lovely ladies of Crossdresser Heaven, I ask for your love, prayers and thoughts of care at this time. You may not hear from me for a while as I recover unless the writing inspiration strikes me with force and I can schedule a few articles in advance.

Blessings,
Vanessa

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