Crossdresser Heaven

Fashion, makeup and body movement tips for crossdressers who want to look and feel more feminine

Archives: September 2011

3 Steps to Successfully Crossdressing in a Foreign City

Published on: September 28, 2011

I’ve spent the last week with a friend in California. It’s been wonderful to get away from home, spend time with friends and decompress from my last surgery before heading in to my next one (22 days until SRS!). I’ve also enjoyed seeing the local attractions around Hollywood and Santa Monica, and even overcame my fear of skimpy swimsuits by wearing a bikini to the beach. The day was gorgeous and the sea far too inviting to miss out.

Travel for a great crossdressing vacation This got me thinking a bit more about the many ladies I’ve corresponded with who wait with anticipation for travel to let their inner woman dance. For some the thought of crossdressing so close to home is enough to send chills down their spine. With breathless trepidation they ask, “What if someone I know sees me?”. And it’s all to easy to follow this line of thinking right into a catastrophe of life altering proportions.

The anonymity a foreign city provides can provide comfort and courage to the weary cross dresser. Though I warn you not to seek the sapid time en femme in a strange city without some forethought. Here are 3 steps to getting the most out of your cross dressing sojourn:

Plan What You Will Do: It’s not as much fun spending the evening in your hotel room. Planning a few weeks in advance will ensure a memorable outing. Get in contact with local transgender organizations (there’s a great one in Seattle called the Emerald City). Ideally you’ll be able to make a meeting of the local chapter and join them for dinner and drinks – an out of town guest is always a treat! At the very least they’ll be able to tell you about transgender friendly parts of town you can enjoy. Another alternative is to contact an organization that provides cross dressing fantasies for a fee (in Seattle The Emerald Fantasy is one example. This might cost you a bit, but will ensure a magical cross dressed evening.
Plan Your Outfits: Since you need to fit everything in a suitcase you can’t take your whole wardrobe with you. Put together outfits for each day or night out a few days in advance. Don’t forget jewelry and makeup. If you’re just finding your style try them on in the mirror before packing – there’s nothing worse than having places to go but nothing to wear.
Get Confidence from Unfamiliar Surroundings: Remember, it’s likely that you’ll never see any of the people you meet again. Use this as an opportunity to be fabulous! Enjoy yourself and let fear take a back seat. If you drink, start your evening with a glass of wine at the hotel bar to get used to your femme self before sauntering out in the world.

There you have it ladies – there’s no excuse to put off your fantasy. Grab your suitcase and airline ticket and let your inner woman shine! Whether it’s an indulgent personal vacation or a few hours after a business trip you’ll be thankful for the time spent expressing yourself. Be safe, have fun and look forward to next time!

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Photo courtesy of Duncan~

A Dire Warning for Facebook Users

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Crossdresser Support

Tags: cross dress on Facebook

Comments: 2 Comments

Published on: September 26, 2011

To my dear readers,

One of my passions in life is technology. I’m a self described geek and enjoy following the latest in technology news and updates. Whether it’s the latest gadget from Apple, a new service from Google or a pre-release version of Windows 8 I’m there. Reading about them, playing with them – admiring what they do well and learning from what they don’t.

I’ll admit that in the past I’ve had a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Facebook is a wonderful tool that allows me to stay connected with friends and family, yet at the same time seems to disregard the privacy of those who use it with abandon. About a year ago there was the ‘beacon’ incident, where purchases made on other websites showed up in your Facebook feed – which alarmed those who bought something innocuous, and did far worse to others who had bought things they’d rather remain secret, like an engagement ring for a beloved.

Privacy settings seem to miraculously change as they ‘improve’ the service, and I’ve had a hard time keeping pace with what I’ve actually disclosed to whom. Yet what Facebook announced this week terrified me, and as a service to those in the transgender community I want to share this warning so you’re not caught in a nasty surprise.

What has Facebook Done?

This week Facebook announced new ‘frictionless sharing‘ which in a nutshell lets a website show your friends what you’re reading without you even clicking a like or share button. The website will ask you for permission once, and from then on every article you read will be announced to all your friends.

Decide to linger on the New York Times article about transgender discrimination – now your friends can find out. Take a few moments to click through to a story about a cross dresser – good thing those closest to you are so understanding as you accidentally out yourself.

A few months back I wrote about the best strategies for protecting your cross dressing secret on Facebook, but I fear that these will no longer be enough. In my opinion if you use Facebook you’re just one mistake away from telling the whole world you’re a cross dresser.

How to Protect Your Crossdressing Secret While Staying in Touch With Friends

Of course, it’s not as easy as telling you to stop using social networking sites. After all, the sense of connection enriches your life and allows you to grow closer to those closest to you. I am going to advise that you strongly consider switching to and encouraging all those you care about to do the same. The privacy model on Google+ is dead simple. You can create circles by adding people to them, and when sharing you decide which circles to share with. What you read is never shared unless you explicitly click the +1 button on a website – avoiding any nasty surprises.

With Google+ you are in control of what you share and with whom.

To the best of my knowledge all the ‘Like’ buttons on Crossdresser Heaven will only share once you click it and will continue to behave that way. If I discover anything to the contrary you’ll see all Facebook integration disappear from Crossdresser Heaven.

Please, be careful out there.

-Vanessa

Crossdressers – What’s Your Excuse For Not Being A Feminist?

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Transgender News and Issues

Tags: Women's Issues

Comments: 1 Comment

Published on: September 23, 2011

It’s something that doesn’t become obvious with just an occasion foray en femme. You miss it when you’re looking around to see if other’s are staring. It passes you by like a ghost of insights half-grasped when every feminine moment is an electrifying delight. As you soar on endorphins that ride the wings of your cross dressing fantasy it doesn’t occur to you.

Being a woman is hard.

It’s not just the hours spent trying to look perfect, knowing that men are gawking and women judging. Or creating an outfit that walks the delicate tightrope of fashion and comfort.

You’re a second class citizen.

Judged for your looks, dismissed regardless of your intellect, and patronized by even the most well meaning. Sometimes it’s obvious, like the times I’ve had to repeat myself over and over because I must be doing something wrong – without even a consideration they’ve determined it’s my misunderstanding. Or the more subtle, where his tone takes on a quality of endearing discrimination – it says, “I know you don’t understand, but I’m here – I’m a knowledgable man and I’ll help you through this dear.” It’s not just everyday interactions.

You’re typecast as decoration.

I wrote recently about the token women so common in movies and TV these days. They’ve removed the blatant helpless heroine, but left behind a veneer of feminine subservience that teaches our daughters their “place” in society. You’re not just programmed from birth.

You’re prey.

Walking down the street I can see men licking their lips like hyaenas’ watching the just dead carcass of an unfortunate animal. In the bright of daylight it can be flattering, more likely creepy. In the shadows of dusk it becomes scary, and as dusk turns to night it can strike terror into your heart.

What does this have to do with cross dressers?

Since I’ve been living as a woman full time I’ve noticed the subtle and not so subtle ways in which it’s harder to live as a woman in this world. And I know how difficult it is for cross dressers to appreciate. After your time en femme you get to return to the world as a straight privileged male. Someone who earns more, is taken seriously, isn’t preyed upon and commands respect for no better reason than the configuration of your genitals.

But as a man you also have the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of all the women you meet. Treat us with respect, let our voices be heard and consider our opinions. You are in a better position than 99% of all other men to appreciate the hardships that women face – you’ve been given the gift of such an insight.

I implore you – make the world a better place for women. Don’t be afraid of being counted as a feminist. We’re not the bra burning, man hating, angry, hairy women that the male dominated media has stereotyped us as. We’re women trying to make the world a better place for other women.

And we welcome you, whether you’re wearing a suit and tie in a position of power, or as our girlfriend wearing heels and hose. Join us, and let your gift of feminine understanding shine a light of hope for women everywhere!

5 Tricks For Loving Your Time En Femme Without Envy

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Crossdresser Support

Tags: en femme

Comments: 1 Comment

Published on: September 18, 2011

I have friends who enjoy the dance between the genders – being able to switch back and forth between their regular life as father, husband, provider and the enchanted feminine delights the experience. It’s not something I can fully understand, since I would have gone crazy were it not for transition, but as crossdressers they are content with this balance. Yet it’s not always an easy or friction free one to strike. Often there are commitments and expectations that tug on you.

Perhaps it’s subtle disapproval from your wife, who steers you away from those nights out en femme, or it’s the weight of responsibility that makes it difficult to find the time to fully express the other side of yourself. Maybe your community or health circumstances have made it more of a chore than a joy to dance in the feminine. After a while, this becomes frustrating, and at worst could fill you with anger towards those who keep you from crossdressing and envy towards those who get to express themselves more freely. Balance your time en femme

Recently on Transgender Heaven I wrote an article about accepting your body as it is, and learning to love the transgender woman you are, even if your reflection in the mirror isn’t perfect. As I thought about this, I thought about the dilemma that many crossdressers face. While body image is important, it’s full force is generally confined to the time spent en femme. A much more insidious concern is the balance between time in male mode and en femme.

Before I share a few tips I want to make clear that everyone the time needed en femme is different for everyone. Some are comfortable with dressing once a week, others itch if they haven’t gone out in a day, and still others are content to crossdress once a year at a nearby transgender conference. Wherever you are on this spectrum it’s okay. There is no right way to do this.

Tip 1 – Appreciate the Time You Do Have

Rather than lament the few hours a month you have to crossdress, relish them. Get every ounce of joy you can out of them. Be present in the moment. Go slowly, don’t rush, immerse yourself. For those few hours push negative emotions aside, let your inner woman come out and bond with those around you. Don’t let fear or envy or regret rob you of a beautiful experience.

Tip 2 – Anticipate to Enhance Your Joy

Even if you can only dress once a week, it doesn’t mean you can’t anticipate it during the week. Plan your outfit – try on different styles and colors in your mind. Think about which make up would work best and how you’d like to accessorize. This will give you a small taste of the experience even if it is somewhat infrequent, and will also ensure that you look even more fabulous!

Tip 3 – Explore Crossdressing in Male Mode

Just because you can’t wear a ball gown to work doesn’t mean you can’t feel sexy. Try some silky lingerie under your pants, or a small drop of woman’s perfume to make you feel feminine even when your male side is needed.

Tip 4 – Nurture Your Emotional Side

Take time to be more caring, think of the needs of others and sacrifice some of your own time and comfort. This is a very feminine mode of being, and by nurturing this you’ll not only express your femininity, but also bless others around you.

Tip 5 – Be Thankful for Loved Ones in Your Life

Even if at times it may seem that they’re keeping you from crossdressing, or a burden on your feminine personna be grateful for all the joy they do bring to your life. Take time to cherish your wife, your children, your friends every day. You’ll make them feel good, and help them realize how important they are in your life.

How do you make the most of your crossdressing even if you’re not able to do it regularly?

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Photo courtesy of bldodge

How to Crossdress and Pass in Public

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Learn How To Crossdress

Tags: passing as a woman

Comments: No Comments

Published on: September 13, 2011

I recently wrote an article at Transgender Heaven for woman who are struggling with going full time because they don’t pass as well in public. The article is entitled ‘How to Go Full Time When You Don’t Pass‘.

Do you stand out when crossdressing?

Much of the advice is also valid for crossdressers who are fearful of going out dressed for the first time. Though if you’re not intent on transition I’d recommend you tread carefully when altering your body movements and voice. Too drastic a change could jeopardize your ability to lead a regular life when you’re not en femme. You need to make sure you’re okay with that.

For crossdressers, I think there are two other vital areas to be aware of if you’d like to improve your ability to pass in public.

Clothes – Wear what flatters

Now, honestly I’m the last person who should be telling you what to wear. Already your fashion proclivities are recalcitrant just by crossdressing. And you’re free to wear what makes you feel most comfortable. If you’d like to improve your odds of passing, however, I recommend paying attention to what woman your age and body shape are wearing. What looks good on them? What doesn’t? Use this as a basis to develop your own unique style, and do so with the confidence that you’re starting from a safe, well worn style path.

Makeup – Beware the Bozo

Your goal when putting on makeup is not to hide every imperfection, nor is it to create a dramatically different image, one other than what you see in the mirror. You should approach makeup with a light touch, intent on accentuating your best features and drawing attention away from those that aren’t as flattering. I recommend starting out light, with something like Bare Escentuals mineral makeup. But each person’s skin type is different, and it’s important to try different makeup until you find one that’s right for you. There are many different options for mineral makeup at SheerCover.com and other site – be sure to try as many as you need in order to make the best decision for your skin’s health. Pay more attention to the quality of your skin – moisturize often, wear sunscreen – if you’re able to get laser hair removal or electrolysis which will dramatically soften your skin. Take a look at a few more makeup tips for crossdressers here.

So go out and work your great looks, and don’t worry about what others think!

What else do you do to pass as a woman in public?

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P.S. Follow me on Google+ for great discussion about transgender news and issues. If you don’t have an invite, you can get a free invite to Google+ here.

Photo courtesy of Megyarsh

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