Passing ain't easy
Ever had one of those days where nothing seemed to go right? Your hair frizzed up, your outfit so shocking it could make a teenage girl weep with shame, and your makeup looks like a bad rendition of kindergarten finger painting?
Or perhaps it is something more subtle. A feeling of disquiet, an awkward motion more robotic than feminine, or a strained high pitched sound in place of your usual confident contralto.
That would be a good description of my yesterday. I decided to wear one of my favorite patterned skirts of orange, blue, green and dabs of black and white beneath a plain orange top and unassuming flats. A comfortable outfit for running a few errands around town before spending an idyllic few hours in the park drenched in sunshine.
Passing (or not) when Crossdressed
It started out well – I made small talk with the teller at the bank while depositing a few checks, then I was off to grab a Starbucks. When I opened my mouth the barista at the drive through was clearly shocked. To his credit he recovered quickly with a smile, and we chatted about the beautiful mountains the clear day had made visible. Note to self – more voice feminization practice. Feeling a bit lazy, I decided to go shopping later in the day, and headed to the park.
Were I delusional I would think that the lingering looks from men in the park were all a natural male reaction to a beautiful, tall brunette passing them by. I’m not quite that pretty, and the somewhat confused looks I saw on a few faces betrayed a response of more than just appreciation.
Sometimes when I go out I’m fairly passable, but that on day passing was not in my destiny. As if to confirm this sentiment I exchanged radiant smiles with a few woman in the park. And it only got more fun when I walked into Safeway. The lady giving away free samples forgot her pitch momentarily when she saw me, and to my overwhelming joy and chagrin I was carded by the cashier on the way out. I must confess, there are better experiences in life than producing your male ID while out en femme. The cashier looked a bit befuddled before blessing me with an encouraging smile. Note to self – get your ID photo updated to look more gender neutral.
So, did I fail by not passing?
If you believe every time you fail every time you’re read, then perhaps you would recommend I review my own tips for passing as a woman. Looking back on the day, I went out as Vanessa, I felt great, chatted with a few people and was on the receiving end of many smiles. Everyone I met was pleasant – I even walked past a gaggle of teenage girls without inspiring shrieks of laughter (or even a comment). Perhaps it was my worst day in a while for passing, but I had fun and expressed my true self. In my book that’s a success.
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Vanessa is a happily married 30 year old transgendered woman from Seattle. It's been a long road to acceptance for her, despite the fact that she has been crossdressing for more than 25 years. Sometimes, when she looks in the mirror she longs to see the girl that lives within her. 
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