Every few weeks I get an email from a teenager who is struggling with crossdressing. They’re looking for advice, sometimes sure of their transgender identity, other times coming to terms with the alien desire to wear clothes of the opposite sex. I think it’s wonderful that the Internet allows us to explore the transgender demons inside us without letting on that we’re anything but normal. Yet in many ways I’m conflicted about replying, because being a teenager and knowing about crossdressing is not something I can relate to.
Even though I’ve had the strange desire to wear woman’s clothes since I was four years old, I didn’t have a name or anyone to reach out to when I was a teenager. So I have limited experience in receiving advice early on in life, and then looking retrospectively to see how helpful that advice was.
I’ll share some of my thoughts on the most common questions I’ve received from teenage crossdressers, and I encourage you to review the excellent resources provided for transgender youth by tsroadmap.com
I like to wear woman’s clothes, am I a crossdresser? Maybe, maybe not. During the teenage years there is a lot going on as our bodies change and mature. Hormones are raging, as we begin to fully form our identity separate from our parents and family. During this stage of life things which seem vitally important today may not seem so important three years from now. We go through phases that seem to leave as quickly as they came.
By no means am I saying that your desire to wear woman’s clothing, or your perceived identity as a member of the fairer sex is just a phase. Rather, you need to carefully examine your own feelings in light of the dramatic changes happening in your life. It may very well be that you are a crossdresser, and have been blessed to realize this so early in life. Only you know for certain whether you’re a crossdresser, and it’s okay to take a few months to figure it out.
Should I tell me parents? That’s a tricky one. I haven’t told my parents yet, even though I suspect my mom knew all along. There are few people in the world who care more about you than your parents. They want what is best for you, and can be your greatest allies as you explore your feminine side. Your parents could also end up harming your path to self discovery – a well intentioned parent may seek to cure you for fear of your future, or may have religious or moral objections to who you are that lends itself to destructive behavior. My advice would be to find another adult you feel safe confiding in. Perhaps it’s an aunt you have a good relationship with, or a school counselor – someone who is able to place your needs ahead of the need to tell your parents without your consent. There is no guarantee that this person will have all the answers, or even any good answers, but talking with someone will help you figure out things for yourself as well.
Am I gay? Maybe, maybe not. Just because you enjoy wearing woman’s clothes does not mean you’re gay. Sexual preference (do you like boys or girls) and gender identity (do I identify as a boy or girl) are separate. In fact many crossdressers are heterosexual men who identify as male, but enjoy wearing woman’s clothes on occasion.
How can I look better as a woman? If you’re friends with a girl you trust, a great way to perfect your look is to practice and get her feedback. She’s learning just like you are, and it can be a fun way to bond with someone. You’ll also find many crossdressing tips right here on Crossdresser Heaven.
Where do you hide your feminine things? It’s hard to find a place at home that is truly private. Even seemingly safe hiding places such as under your bed, in a suitcase full of regular clothes at the bottom of your closet are susceptible to accidental discovery (the day your mom decides to do laundry and turn over your bed, or go through old clothes looking for something to give to goodwill). The best hiding place is out in the open after your parents know, but this isn’t always an option. A pile of ‘your stuff’ is usually a great hiding place – the box that holds your CD collection, or in a cupboard behind school text books. Look for a place that someone else is unlikely to have reason to go.
How can I remove makeup before my parents get home? I remember the first time I tried on my mother’s lipstick I spent 30 minutes furiously scrubbing to try and get it off before she got back home. All the furious scrubbing made blood rush to my lips, so they looked red even though the lipstick was long gone. The best way to remove makeup is with makeup remover. Your mom probably has some, but if you’re unsure you can buy eye makeup remover at any drug store. This will remove eye shadow, mascara, and can even be used to take off lipstick. Most blush and foundation should come off with a good face wash.
More Articles by Vanessa Law
- 7 Essential Tips to Crossdressing
- Win a Free Makeup Prize Bundle from Jecca Blac
- A Few Changes in Our Family
- I Want to Live Like That
- Hope in Despair, Light through the Darkness
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When i was younger {12} i put on my mothers makeup sometimes, to experiment, even though she would put it on me for dance recitals, and i learned from her to use noxema skin cream that always seemed to work to remove makeup, hugs melony..
practice and get her feedback Practice, practice, pracice 🙂 Magazines – and obviously – the Internet are great sources of information. If I may, I’d like to add something about judgement. 🙂 Don’t judge yourself too harshly and try to avoid comparing yourself to those airbrushed faux women you see in the media. Most women I know, don’t look like that and neither do most of us trannys either. 🙂 I know it’s tough and confusing, but try to think about the good stuff you have going on. Try not to worry about the future – if you think you… Read more »
My teenage sister, the advise that I can give is that be true to your self. The feeling of “cross dressing" or in my case of being a girl/woman will most likely never leave you. I know this to be true for me. I’m 44 years old now and ONLY in the last few months been true , honest with my self,that is to say come to terms the I’ve been a woman all of my life. If I would have had the resources like the internet I beleave I would have come out to my self first anf then… Read more »
This is not so much for the teenagers out there as it is for us girls who have walked this path already. If you are like me, there was no one to go to when I was a young adolescent grappling with these mysteries. Vanessa, I agree, this is a tricky area to get into. But the least we can do is be there just to listen, to empathize where the stories intersect, to know when to admit we don’t have answers when we don’t. I feel at times at 54, I am still a “teenager" when it comes to… Read more »
Vicki, you are right we need to listen if when we do not have answers.
I wish I would have someone to listen to me when I was young.
I also feel very much like a teenager now that I’m honest with my self and starting to live my life more openly. I have been blessed with a very supportive wife.
The “tg" community needs to be more visible with positive role models
so lets be our selfs (as much as our “lifes" allows us to be) and beautiful girls and woman.
Stay safe,stay pretty, God bless… Ronnie
So true,so true. How I wish that there was someone to guide me along the way when I first figured out that I was a crossdresser. Now we who have been there MUST help the ones who are now just begining to realize themselves. To all our young sisters, please do all you can to learn about being transgendered. This is a wonderful place to begin. I’m sure that if you post on any comment here, you will find someone to talk with and help you. Most of all, dear ones, love yourselves first. That is the most important thing.… Read more »
One of my biggest regrets is never cross dressing as a teenager. I distinctly remember, as a 12 or 13 year old, wondering what I would look like as a girl, and of being told by young girls that with my slight frame, bright blue eyes, and long eye lashes looked like one. I had two girl friends around this time spending lots of time with them, and more then once they offered, or maybe threatened, to give me what would now amount to a transformation. I think they meant it as dig, or possibly even an insult but, they… Read more »
Indeed – perhaps they saw something inside you, and knew that you would flourish as a girl if given the chance…
Yes, I also wish I would have dressed as the girl I was as a teenager,but I/we can not go back.
Lets all look foward in what ever “stage" we are in. Lets laugh,sing,dance,wear heels (LOL) and be happy… it’s about time.
God bless, Ronnie
I’m quite lucky, having started cross dressing when I was 17, however due to doing my computer studies which occupied most of the time, I’d put it on the ‘back burner’ so to speak, do I regret it? no not at all because their was other things that I was doing, like going out with friends and enjoying being young. I’d figured back then that you’re only young once and that their was plenty of time to dress when I wasn’t out and about. (was still in the closet then). The other thing I realized was the importance of having… Read more »
Todays youth has it easier with crossdressing then what I had to do as a boy. Except for dresses primarily, boys skirts are readily available to every male in America. Even in anime there are hundreds of sites that offer crossdressing boys. In 1961 , at 11 yrs of age, I started crossdressing. I did not have to sneak around. My mother thought that all boys should wear dresses. She dress myself as well as my two brothers. I took to them like a duck to water, my brothers did not. by the time I was 16 yrs of age… Read more »