Last week I got a resounding response when I touched on the topic of otherwise benign crossdressing websites displaying a warning. Perhaps, not so subtly asking the question – Are we ashamed of crossdressing?
I got a touching response from Michelle via email. She has kindly allowed me to share it with you:
But some of us are not proud of who we are at all. I for one am VERY conflicted. I really enjoy dressing up pretty and sometimes it is sexual, but sometimes it is not. My wife, however, does not tolerate it at all, sexual or not, private or not. I love my wife dearly, so when I do dress behind her back, I feel extremely guilty. Sometimes the guilt is because I have been to websites that I should not have been to, and sometimes it is because I have indulged myself sexually (never with another person, just masturbating, but still) and I know that she would not be pleased. Sometimes I wish that Michelle would just go away and not haunt me anymore. But then, I am irresistibly drawn to do something later that I will regret. I feel as though I have no power of myself. But you are happy with who you are so you probably don’t understand me (and those like me) and I don’t even know why I am telling you all this.
Michelle showed bravery and honesty in sharing this with me. I know first hand the pain, self-loathing and confusion she expresses. The lack of control over your desires, wanting to fulfill your needs and to still love and respect your wife. These are not easy things to grapple with. Many people never have to deal with something so heart wrenching.
Michelle’s email is a beautiful expression of a truth many crossdressers live with, and it touched a chord with me. I thought I’d share my response to her with you, dear reader.
I spent much of my life believing that crossdressing was a curse, or worse – a sin I needed constant forgiveness for. Society and religion had convinced me that I was doing something wrong. If only I had enough will power, or enough faith, or a mastery of my emotional triggers – then I would be free of crossdressing. I was wrong for doing it, and I was weak for continuing. As much as I accomplished in my life I could never conquer crossdressing. I felt powerless, until I realized that I did have the power.
I could not change my desire to crossdress, any more than I could change my height or the color of my eyes. But I could change the meaning it held for me. Up until then I had viewed crossdressing as a cross I must bear, but what if it was truly a blessing? I couldn’t make society accept me, but what if I accepted myself?
With much introspection I asked myself – why should I be ashamed of crossdressing? At this question my mind flooded me with answers, most of which involved some variation of how other people would perceive me. I tend to agonize about what other people think, but crossdress or not, other people have perceptions of me – both positive and negative that I can influence but not control. Should I be ashamed because of what other people may think? For centuries people thought ill of another based on the color of their skin. Does that mean every person of color should feel ashamed? Absolutely not!
It took a long time, but I finally overcame this reason to be ashamed. Yet so many more reasons remained. One kept nagging me – ‘was this the most productive use of my time?’. Were the hours spent perfecting my makeup technique and shopping for clothes well spent? Perhaps not – though the same could be said for hitting a little white ball around with a stick.
The mind is cunning, next it asked, ‘What about your wife Vanessa? Surely your crossdressing must do harm to her, don’t you feel guilty about what you put her through?’ Ahh, well played mind. I do feel guilty about this. For my wife I want to be the man she deserves. I don’t agonize about the perceptions of the nameless stranger on the street, but I do care very deeply about what my wife thinks.
So I took a step back, and took stock of my ‘husbandry’. I crossdress, but I’m more caring and compassionate than most men. I wear makeup, but I treat her as my equal and respect her opinion. I’d rather get a manicure than tinker with a car, but I share my feelings and listen to her do the same. I realized that our relationship to another is more complex than a single issue. How fortunate a couple would be if crossdressing were the only issue to deal with. It doesn’t erase the guilt I feel putting her through this, but it does put it in perspective. Would your wife rather you spend every night drinking in the bar than crossdress? Likely not…
Sex has a unique way of making us feel guilty – we’re conditioned to be ashamed of our bodies almost since birth. In this case, perhaps you feel uncomfortable that your desire to crossdress is partly sexual. Even organizations like Tri-Ess try their best to separate crossdressing from sexuality. This is one I don’t feel qualified to unpack, though having a sex drive and becoming aroused is natural and healthy.
So is crossdressing a blessing? That’s something you get to decide for yourself. Personally, crossdressing has made me a better person. It has also allowed me a unique opportunity to share my acceptance with others. If I can offer just one person comfort and hope, then I’m doubly blessed in getting to share my blessing with others.
You may not be able to control your crossdressing, but you can control what it means to you. Will it mean shame, guilt and heartache? Will it be a part time hobby you indulge in, as harmful as a round of golf? Or will it open up the doors to bless others with compassion and love?
The choice is yours. The only wrong answer is choosing not to decide.
Hugs and blessings,
Vanessa
—
Dear reader, what do you think? How have you come to terms with your crossdressing? How do you deal with the shame and guilt? Is crossdressing a blessing or a curse?
Leave a comment and help another in heartache.
Loading ...
Vanessa is a happily married 30 year old transgendered woman from Seattle. It's been a long road to acceptance for her, despite the fact that she has been crossdressing for more than 25 years. Sometimes, when she looks in the mirror she longs to see the girl that lives
within her. 
63 Comments
Hi, i’m ashamed of crossdressing because i cant make myself passable, i try to follow your instructions on applying makeup but i end up looking like bozo the clown, i love dressing pretty and want to go out as a girl, but i look too rediculous, i cant afford surgery, plus my wife would never let me do it. what can i do. yours melony
Melony, I don’t think I have ever been 100% Passable, although I used to be very passable. As I have gained a few pounds over the years, I have become less passable. The little bit of weight seems to accentuate male features as it makes it harder to accentuate the feminine features.
One thing I have learned is that even though hair, make-up, clothes, etc. are an important part of passing, the most important part is your confidence and being comfortable with yourself and accepting who you are.
Usually we will feel better when our outfit looks great and our hair and make-up is perfect, but I have had days when everything was perfect and I looked great, but feeling nervous and unsure and people will pick up on that really quick. Other days my make-up may have been a little off or my hair not quite in place, but I felt good about myself, didn’t care what anyone thought, didn’t care if I was passable or not, it was just a beautiful day, I was happy and enjoying being me and no one notices, or at least they don’t seem to notice anthing.
To me, it is more important that people will recognize me and accept me as female more than it is for me to pass as one. Although I do like to pass and work on it as much as possible. When the people around you, especially those that matter most to you, know and accept you as female and the address you as a female (And hopefully treat you like a lady) then that is what makes the world of difference.
Passing can help your confindence, but I think confidence helps your passing even more.
Hello Melony,
You don’t have to be 100% passable. I have written comments before but I will review. I am a straight female who has an amazing cross dressing friend. She is not 100% passable but she doesn’t care. Honestly I don’t care. We go to Starbucks, Panera, wherever we want and I don’t care. If people have a problem it’s their problem. I say screw em do whatever you want and feel confident and proud. You are not hurting anyone. Don’t get caught up in societies hangups. Be Thankful this Thanksgiving that you know who you are and don’t be so paranoid.
Tracey
Thats the spirit Tracey. A lot of crossdressers are afraid to go out because they feel people likely wont like them, but its the other way around. People would love to meet you, and with that confidence, you can go anywhere your heart takes you. You two are a lucky pair. Carol
In my case I feel that I am pushed into being ashamed. Altough my wife accepts that I am a crossdresser and says she would like to help, I know she does not.
I went nearly a whole year this(from October 08 to now)not dressing up once. I did this because everytime I had the urge to dress up I had to surpress it. The rules change everytime. I cannot seem to do anything right.
I totally admit that yes, i have gone into website i should not have, but its like a rollercoaster ride. One page leads to another and so on. Everytime without fail my wife will go into my history and never fail to start on me about the most insignificant detail. What do I do?
Our arguments always lead to her bringing up the “Martina problem” I fight back because in my 35 years I only know her 6 and I have crossdressed since I was 5. I feel that she has no right to tell me what, where and when to do it. Yes I am lucky that I have a wife that knows my dirty little secret, but does that mean she should have control over me?
She told her family what I am and after years of knowing, if it is brought up jokingly, she thinks its wrong! In the end, she told everyone, not me! Trust should be both ways. Not one rule for her and another for me. Believe me, if I could go back in the past, she would never know. I love her with all my life and “Martina” is a threat to her. Even a chance to go to Thailand is stopped because all she sees in her mind is Ladyboys! I for one love culture, but in her mind she thinks I was the sex side of things. All I want is to meet others like me that like to dress up, help each other with becoming the preety woman we all desire to be. Do you agree?
Thanks for reading x
This is a serious issue for all of us.
Most women feel that a husband must take care of his family. How can a husband who dresses up be a husband at the same time with two women being in the house at the same time?
It boils down to what the stereotypical norms of society.
Men are to be men.
Women are to be women.
With crossdressing and transgenderism, these lines are seriously blurred and obscured. There is no division between man being a husband and a woman being a wife. It’s a gray area in which there is confusion of those expected norms.
Men feel their masculinity threatened and women feel their femininity is threatened.
If either a man or woman feels this way, lines of communication must open. Otherwise the hurt and anger will continue to well up in each to a breaking point.
My wife knew when she was getting into a relationship with me. We had started out as roommates. However, her family feels it is their right to torment her over the fact of who and what I am instead of doing the Christian thing and showing love and respect.
After my in-laws first found out about me, they were angry and felt I lied to them. Was I lying to them? Or was I lying to myself that I was or wasn’t lying to them?
I did what I had to do… I do not go to their homes dressed up out of respect and for their wishes.
A vast majority of people don’t understand crossdressing and especially transgenderism. We cannot expect people to fully understand at all, but I’ve done my best to explain it in the best fashion I could to them.
Here’s what I would do, and continue to do, is to explain to people this simple, yet elegant analogy which seems to be quite universal:
“Ever find a cute dress, so cute you just had to have it? It is in your size too! Yet, when you put it on, no matter how you adjust it, no matter if you alter it, no matter what, it just refuses to fit properly.”
Then, for guys, I use this:
“No matter how good that engine is, no matter if the only carberator you have for that Ford, you still have a Chevy carberator and not matter what you do, it will not fit on that Ford.”
But, talking to our spouses about what we feel is difficult and to add in crossdressing and transgenderism makes it even more difficult.
I still hold back things from my wife mostly due to her family though. The torment I would receive would be over the top and make me resentful to them.
My wife is supportive to an extent and is tolerant to a degree. She still is slightly on their side because of how she was raised.
We cannot allow ourselves to get angry with our spouses, we accept them as they are, but it’s not always reciprocal.
As much they need to understand us, we need to understand them to a greater extent and reassuring them continually loving them.
Mostly a blessing
Being a cross-dresser – or a tranny, pick you label – goes deeper than just clothes and make-up. I think it goes to the core of who we are and like it or loathe it, the effects are here to stay.
If I wasn’t a tranny, my life may have turned out very differently and I wouldn’t have had the family and friends I do now.
Am I ashamed? For 99.% of the time, no: I’m cool over it. Sometimes I have the odd dip into darker times, but doesn’t everyone?
Melony: Please don’t feel bad about passing. Very few of us do and the ones that look like they do? It’s Photoshop
Martina: Have a look at ‘Portable Firefox’ or look into the ‘run as’ command
What Lynn said
Seriously though, all of us get miserable at times, and wish we transgendered. It is really hard to love yourself when you don’t live up to society’s norms, but you’re well worth it!
Melony, I obsess about passing as the next girl, but the truth is that I’ll never pass 100%. I’m built as a man, taller than your average woman with bone structure that can’t be changed (even by the best surgery today). Photoshop + Hormones + Surgery + lots of makeup does wonders for many of the ladies you see on the Internet. As crossdressers we inherit a woman’s self-consciousness. 99.99% of all woman don’t look like the cover of a magazine – the trick is not to feel bad about it. A smile, confidence and body movement practice can go a long way towards your feminine illusion.
Martina, I can sympathize with you – marriage seems like a constant struggle to be who we are and respect who the other person needs us to be. We have it worse than most in this regard, but we’re by no means the only people to feel as though marriage asked for compromises we don’t feel we can make. My wife and I are still working through this. All I can say is that constant communication and mutual respect are more necessary than ever.
Patti, well said love. We should realize that they didn’t sign up for a husband who wants to become a woman. Even if you told them before getting married, the true reality doesn’t sink in until they must deal with this aspect on a day to day basis. We need to show our lovely wive’s the grace and understanding we’d ask of them.
Hugs,
Vanessa
Vanessa, your right not everybody can “pass”, but there are lots of girls that cant pass either. The question is , do you “pass” with yourself. Youll know when you do, and its easy from then on! Love carol
I am not at all ashamed to be a crossdresser. I enjoy dressing up as I never go out dressed as i am content with dressing in private at home. Girls are so lucky the stuff they get to wear so why shouldn’t I have some fun and slip on a dress or skirt ,maybe a pair of silky pantyhose and cross my legs and drink some coffee. I even openly buy skirts and hosiery, heels,makeup, as I don’t care what people think.A girl asked me one time,are these heels for u? I said ya, she then suggested that i try em on, so I did as i had on pantyhose under my jeans in which she saw and just said ,nice pantyhose.She had me walk around in the heels as well.It was nice for a girl to know my little secret.
This is a very difficult question to answer…
When I am crossdressed I am not ashamed – I wear ‘normal’ clothes that on any genetic girl would be accepted in most offices. I really relax when working from home in these clothes – and to be honest forget that I am dressed most of the time, it feels that natural.
When I am getting dressed, or changing back – that’s when the guilt kicks in. My wife knows, is kind of supportive – but doesn’t want to be involved. I think this is where a lot of the guilt comes from. It’s not going behind her back – she knows and tells me to, it’s the fact that I feel (and she never corrects me on this so I guess it’s right) that I have to make sure everything is back in it’s rightfull place before she gets in. Except for shoes and tights… The later I wear when it’s cold on the motorbike for reasons other than dressing and she is fine with that and the shoes we share as we have similar sized feet (and I have to buy womens shoes anyway due to the size of mine) and if she is in shoes that she can’t drive in we’ll swap – she takes my deck shoes and I take her heels.
The only problem I seem to find when it comes to shoes is a place that actually has my size.
That’s a nightmare! I’m like you, Kelly. I don’t care what people think either when I’m out.
But, when you do not pass very well, some people take offense to it and confront you.
Even though I pass very well when I shave my face as close as possible, my physique sometimes gives me away. Am I ashamed? No.
I do know that it is difficult for others who do not pass well, and I feel absolutely horrible for them. I don’t pity them, but I do know and understand what they are going through.
Clothing is essential part of being a woman. And not wearing the right clothing can make you stand out even worse. Wearing too much makeup, very outdated shoes, the whole nine-yards can make you standout like a sore thumb that’s been smashed to the point of being as big as your head.
I’m not attempting to demean or belittle anyone with this. But, I have worked with a few others who do impart this type of style.
It’s one thing going out clubbing at the favorite TG place, it’s another to walk around publicly like this.
Wow… I just wish I had the money to have helped a few of them who needed help in that area.
I feel a heavy heart for them.
My wife the other day says that I blow the TG Showgirls at the local TG/TV club, she went to for her best friends bachelor party, totally away.
Anyway, you should never be ashamed for who and what you are. And if people can’t handle who you are, then tough.
However, if it is your significant other, and she is not supportive of you, you both need to do something to help the lines of communication. Marriage is also about give and take. It should never be one-sided, nor should it be totally about you or her.
If you are struggling with this, go see a counselor, therapist or even your local church pastor and get it worked out.
It is going to take time and patience.
Do not be ashamed.
Well said Patti!
Hey friends. All of us at some time have felt ashamed of something. I think when younger and convinced that the cross dresseing thing is a passing thing (no pun, seriously), feelings of shame are deployed like bug sprary in the effort to suppress what we suspect/hope/need to go away.
Well, for many it does not. Once you come to grips with that, often the shame is not about the cross dressing so much, but shame at related behaviours. The shame associated with not being honest and open about something with a wife is a big one.
Most of the comments here are from CD’s who are out, or mostly out to their wives. Good for you. Even with the friction it causes, it is better than keeping it hidden.
I know that when I feel badly in any way, its because I am keeping something true and important hidden from somebody who deserves truth and is important.
So, there is a little confession. I am quite proud of my cross dressing. My “shame”, when it hovers around, is from not figuring a way and finding the nerve to share it nicely. Yet.
Great thread post Vanessa!
Wow, i was so moved by this article… its a little like reading my own story from someone else’s lips. Cross dressing seems to be something that i have always “come back” to…i mean that, no matter how deep i bury the desire to become the woman of my own dreams, she claws her way back up out of the deepest recess of my mind, and she is back stronger and stronger each time. its hard to explain, but it has been the bane of my existence for most of my life, now i think she is one of the few things keeping me sane and happy. I remember the first time i tried on lingerie (someone else’s! tsk tsk!), i was around the age of 9. I also remember the first time (of at least four times) that i got “sprung” dressing up, and let me tell you all, it was not pretty. In fact as the number of times i got caught climbed, so too did the intensity of the lectures and the threats and warnings of humiliation. My Mother loves me, just as i love her, and i do understand that she has always done her best to try to protect me from harm. Tragically, i know that this is something that neither she, nor any other member of my friends or family will ever, EVER, accept. Now at 39 i have finally accepted that the equilibrium between my masculine and my feminine “energies” (for want of a better word!) are SUPPOSED to be heavily in femme’s favour. In other words… “this is just how I am meant to be”. Since school i was persecuted for my “squeaky” voice, for my gentle and caring nature and my love of the arts. I guess you could say i am a late bloomer hehe, but finally i smile in photos, finally i look at them and feel beautiful and complete, and above all else, i feel happy, satisfied and secure within myself. I have the body of a man, but the burning soul of a woman that has been imprisoned for thirty years in the darkest cell of the dankest dungeon, for no better reason than guilt.
… and the first thing i did as a free woman was dance, and funny enough, i haven’t stopped dancing since!
N-tje.
(phewww, i feel better now! hehehe)
Do I feel ashamed of dressing up – sometimes, but not as much as I used to, although the times I do I suppose comes from starting to dress (much) later than many others do. Im much more accepting of it now than I was when I started, and it has strengthened my relationshup with my wife. Apologies if this rambles a bit
I have always been a bit quiet for a man, athough never really had any desire or interest in feminine things and was never very emotional. That all changed about 3 years ago following an illness which went undiagnosed for about a year – as a result I went into a deep depression and became deeply emotional. Luckily I have a very loving and accepting wife who supports me – and it was her that actually started me on this journey.
It started innocently enough as just some fun in the bedroom – we both like to try new things and are very compatible, and fortunately one thing the depression and illness hadnt affected was our love life.
Id had a particularly bad week with the depression and medication, and had spent much of the day upset, crying. We went to bed early and cuddled, just being close. The following day she playfully suggested that as I was being such a girl (no malice involved, just a teasing commment on my emotional state) that we sleep that night both wearing a silk nightdresses. One thing led to another, and things just sort of happened from there really, driven in turns by my wife and myself as we both explore this.
Although my dressing doesnt extend to full clothing and makeup very often, and Im fully aware of the large sexual aspect it has on both our lives, it is something we both enjoy a great deal. Aspects of it have worked their way into our normal daily lives as little rituals that we both enjoy (I do her nails for her, sometimes we play with makeup), and were always on the lookout for clothes I can get away with wearing when Im feeling a bit femme but dont arouse too much suspicion.
For the most part Ive actually quite enjoyed exploring this aspect of myself that I never really knew existed, and although its been a struggle at times I feel that Im a much better, more understanding person because of it. My wife has changed too, and I love her the more deeply because of it.
I know that my dressing will never go beyond the confines of my home, and have no desire to fully become a woman – overall Im happy with the way things are, and the person Ive become. One day I hope that my children will be able to accept this part of me (they dont know at the moment, although I think my eldest (teenage) suspects something. We are generally a quite open family and talk about everything, although this topic (generally) hasnt yet cropped up, and to be honest I dont think my eldest is quite mature enough to understand yet.
So overall I suppose I feel lucky more than anything.
Hi,
Just wanted to say to Michelle that she’s not alone. I myself am in the same situation. I also really enjoy dressing up pretty and sometimes it is sexual as well, but sometimes it is not. My wife, also doesn’t tolerate it at all. She thinks that it’s an illness that needs to be cured. I sometimes dress up behind her back, I mostly lie about it until you feel like you have to say something (out of guilt).
Websites, seen my share of them but it’s hard to find non sexual ones. Lately I’ve been trying to find ones that can help answer some of the questions that I’ve been asking for so many years. Why me? Why can’t I get rid of it? I too feel as though I have no control over myself. So Michelle I can relate to how you feel. I’m following therapy for half a year now. I hope that it’ll help. I’m just worried that there is no cure and that I’ll loose my wife if I try to accept myself.
I’m also afraid that if I do give in I’ll end up loosing control and that the man in me will totally dissapear. So in the meantime I’m trying to hold on. Most of the times it’s easy but there are moments when you loose control and afterwards you feel so guilty, depressed and alone…
So to all that have a wife that supports them consider yourselves very fortunate.
Sofie
Thanks to all the lovely ladies who have commented so far! Your stories, sharing and heart felt words of encouragement to others are a blessing and an inspiration.
Nicoletje – I hear that 40 is the new 20. Since I just turned 30 does this make 30 the new 18? (pause, hopefully). I’m overjoyed that you’ve found acceptance for who you are. Better late than never seems to be an overused cliche, but as you know – the acceptance, self love and contentment is worth waiting for. Spending the next 40, 50 or more years of your life happy with who you are is an exciting future!
Claire, your story of your wife’s acceptance and help bringing out your femme side is wonderful to hear. Perhaps age brings the blessing of wisdom as well, amidst the crash of emotions and confusion it’s hard to believe we’ll ever crest the mountaintop and look back and the beauty our life has become.
Petra, insightful that both shame and acceptance can live side by side. Thinking about this some more, we do this every day. As an everyday example, one might be proud of your scholastic achievements, but ashamed at your social ineptitude, or some such combination of looking at yourself in a positive and negative light.
Sofie, many transsexuals share your wife’s view on it being an illness that needs to be cured, though may differ on the specific cure used
Seriously though, there are many with wives or families who don’t understand or tolerate crossdressing. In general I’d prefer openness, even saying something like, ‘I know you don’t want me to crossdress. I respect your opinion, and that it is right for you. I love you, this is something I need to do for me to be happy. I don’t want to lie to you, or go behind your back and do this. ‘. It’s tricky, because emotions can sometimes get out of control in this situation, but if it’s been months or years since she was told, perhaps openness could help heal her wounds too.
Sofie, and others – if you find good, non-sexual websites please email them to me (vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com), I agree with you that it’s hard to find sites that discuss crossdressing without bordering on pornographic.
Sofie dear, best wishes as you explore who you are. It’s clear that you love your wife, even as you struggle with crossdressing. You may not be able to control the desire to crossdress, you are able to control at what pace, and how you approach it. If you do lose control, you can make it thoughtful, patient and caring – it just might not be easy to do
You need to accept yourself even if your wife does not.
As long as you are not accepting yourself, then you cannot expect her to accept you.
You need to stop thinking in terms of “Hoping for a cure”. You are not being honest with yourself.
Ask yourself these questions:
1.) how long have I felt this way?
2.) Will I ever be able to stop feeling this way?
3.) How long can I keep hiding how I feel and not being who I feel I really am?
4.) Would I be happier going through life hiding who I am and what I really feel or accepting the feminine being inside of me and being myself.
5.) Would I be more miserable going through life hiding who I am and what I really feel or accepting the feminine being inside of me and being myself.
6.) (Referring back to your answer to #1) As long as you have felt this way, could go go another round for the same amount of time and still not be able to freely express who you are and be happy?
In all likely hood, if you have been miserable for hiding your true self for 10 years, then you will be miserable having to hide it for another 10 years. That’s 20 years of being miserable that you won’t get back.
If hiding something like this is making you miserable for any amount of time, the longer you wait to change it is more time being miserable until you get to the point that you just accept being miserable. And why? because of what other people expect you to be? Don’t live your life for other people, you have to live your life for you. Not to say to ignore the feelings of those you love and care about, because thie feelings matter too, but they also have to understand that your feelings matter just as much as theirs and your happiness matters just as much as theirs. To expect you to not be yourself and hide the female you, which is the real you that wants to come out is not fair to you.
Find a counselor that is not going to try to “Cure” you, but rather one that understands and supports you and can help open up some lines of communication between you and your wife. Get her talking about it. Let her know it is important to you, that it matters to you and see if you can get her to reach some compromise through counseling.
Hi,
I just wanted to add that, as a newbie to this site (and indeed to visiting forums) that I not ashamed of my crossdressing per se, but when it crosses back into the real world the implications of my ‘habit’ really continue to hit home.
This happened literally just now, and prompted me to do some reading. I’d received a clothes order yesterday (the internet is wonderful), and was wearing my new outfit while working from home – just a feminine style tee and embroidered cargo trousers. The curtains are mostly closed for privacy as we are overlooked on both sides.
However, a knock at the door with an important delivery made me flush with panic, as I fumble round to get back into my male clothes. I sign for the delivery, looking suspiciously flustered, and it’s then that I feel disgusted with myself.
To give some background, I’m lucky enough to have a wife who supports my crossdressing – I told her when we started dating (16), and I’m now 34. I am though, for all intents and purposes, still in the closet, although I have told one or two friends, but kept it vague. I also have two lovely little kids, and I feel that it’s best to keep it a secret from them for now too.
I suspect my parents know, but it’s never mentioned, just odd snide remarks while I was growing up. On hindsight, there’s only so many times my mums and sisters neatly pressed clothes could suddenly look disheveled and smell faintly of boyhood excitement… ;-D
I’ve never gone out in public (except in fancy dress which is the PERFECT excuse) – I simply would NEVER pass, and living in a small town, it would prove a big gamble with many consequences. If I could, then yes, I probably would. The fact is, I do still feel isolated, as I don’t know any other trannies, and hence why I’m taking my first few delicate steps into solving this!
I hope this isn’t too off-topic, like I say, this has been a little out of my comfort zone, but to be honest it has proved cathartic! To conclude, it’s a wonderful blessing and something I wouldn’t (and couldn’t) live without for the feelings and depth it gives to my being, but there is certainly a darker side when it comes to acceptance and ridicule.
M x
Hi again,
Last couple of weeks my life made a 90° turn.
The trigger was a book I bought : “My husband Betty”. After 20 years of living in conflict with myself I feel that I’m now taking the first steps into self acceptance and it’s an enormous energy boost. I no longer have that sense of shame and guilt after having crossdressed.
My wife’s views are also changing.
I quoted a lot of passages from the book to my wife and we started talking about all the questions she had. My accepting myself has allowed me to talk more openly to her about my feelings. Even though it’s still not easy for her and she may never fully accept, she sees that it makes me happy. I can now dress up at home and yesterday she even did my make-up and we ordered my first pair of shoes(talk about a big change). Just knowing that I don’t have to lie to her anymore is a big relief. I’m trying not to rush things though as I want to give her time to adjust.
So my advise to all others in this situation would be, buy the book and more importantly talk to your wife about your feelings. If she loves you and sees how happy you can become it’ll change your life and your life as a couple forever. Don’t give up hope.
Hugs,
Sofie
Congrats Sofie! I’m so happy to hear that the book has been helpful. Everyone else should hear what a wonderful relief it is not to have to hide yourself from someone you love! Very good advice hon!
That is a great book, I have it also. Another really good book (My favorite book on this subject) is “True Selves” By Mildred Brown and Chloe Roundsley. I have read it many, many times and I am not much for reading. I have let a couple of my friends borrow it and I bought a copy just for my Mom. It helps everyone who may be involved or just curious about all degrees of transgenderism.
It is great thet your wife is accepting and learning and talking with you about this. That was so very important to me. I never did have to hide my crossdressing with my ex-wife. She wasn’t sure she wanted me to have surgery at first, but she soon only viewed me as a female and realized that was who I really was inside and supported me 100%.
Other than a couple of close friends in high school, she was the first person I had come out to, but we were so close and I felt that I could talke to her about anything, so surprisingly I was a little nervous, but overall, actually very comfortable in telling her everything and it instantly brought us even closer. I was very lucky to have had someone that supportive. I told her before we married and she still married me and we were together for 10 years.
(Divorced due to money problems.)
It is really great when they not only accept and support you, but they become a part of your life when you are being who you feel you really are. You can be yourself and they become a bigger part of you. When they help you with make-up, you go shopping together, or get dressed up and go out together, it really means so much to us.
If you can share that, you can pretty much share anything.
Hi, I have just recently started to cross dress, I am loving every minute of it and I feel so good.
I get home from work and the first thing I do is change into a dress.
I think it was surpressed in me but I am so glad it has come out.
I want to build up the courage to go out dressed as a women.
So just be you no matter what, don’t try and change your feelings as it is only yourself and your needs you are hurting.
Samantha, that’s wonderful to hear! I’m glad that you’re finding crossdressing fulfilling and rewarding. It starts with a few nervous steps, but your courage will build over time.
No, I am not ashamed to crossdress and I’m not ashamed of being a crossdresser however, like many cd’s, I too had moments in my past of shame, guilt, fear, and loneliness about crossdressing which I feel is very normal. I’ve been crossdressing to some degree or another for about 42 years or since I was about 5 years young. Now I just revealed my age
… I realize ther many reasons why some cd’s may experience shame or guilt and its usually caused by a cd not being accepted by people who are close to them such as family, wives, girlfriends etc.. as well as some of may have gotten caught or discovered against our will to be found out. These are all normal occurrences that may happen and can or will happen to us as crossdressers. It is not that easy to hide an entire wardrobe or feminine attire and accessories so the risk of being discovered is always prevalent for those who are still in the closet. It took me many years to embrace my crossdressing and totally accept myself first and foremost and then it was much easier to share this wonderful part of who I am with so many significant people in my life along the way and to this day, not one person holds this against me or belittles me for it. Some people I’ve told did not fully accept it if it were affecting them in anyway such as them being a girlfriend of mine in a relationship or if they felt it was not normal bahavior for a man to engage in.
I will say this from my own personal experience, is that when we as crossdressers are able to embrace this blessing that we possess and we are able to come out of the closet to some degree or another, it is a blissful feeling inside and out. It is a feeling beyond description that words cannot appropriately describe. That feeling feels silker and sexier than the clothing itself.
I encourage all closeted cd’s to take a step of faith and tell someone about your crossdressing whether it be a store clerk in a mall or womens clothing store that you dont know and will never see again or it could be a therapist if any of you are seeing one. Once you start to share with other people that you are a crossdresser, even if it has to be a stranger, you will want to tell and share with more and more people all the time and you will also realize that most people that you tell will not make a big deal out of it and some people will really enjoy hearing your story and start becoming inquisitive and asking questions about your feminine self. I doubt anyone you tell will call the local newspapers and TV [no pun intended..lol ] stations and ask reporters to come and hear your story and reveal it to the rest of the world. One last thought about overcoming shame is to talk to gg women about your crossdressing as they are way more receptive to this topic than our macho male friends are. 
~hugs~ Hannah
I agree Hannah, that the more peopple that you talk with about it, the better you feel and the more people you will want to tell until you finally get to the point that you become you. You will feel like this is just me, it’s who I am, rather than feeling like you have to explain to all the time to everyone you meet, but you will still enjoy educating people on the subject when they bring it up.
Sometimes people may approach you and ask you things. As long as they ask respectfully, you should feel perfectly fine about talking about the subject. And usually, as long as you are honest and open about everything, you will gain alot of respect from alot of very diehard homophobes.
After I first started coming out to my friends, I slowly started, even when I was in “Male Mode” Wearing a few things with my guy clothes that set off a little feminine flair. Being an 80’s rocker, it kinda blended pretty well. Eventually, after I was out to quite a few people, I was more comfortable coming out and not afraid and slowly added even more feminie things to what I was wearing when I wasn’t crossdressing. I still went out alot completely as female, but other times, the slower transition, I think, was easier and less of a shock for people to handle and accept. I then decided to get permanent make-up. I had my full lips done in Magenta and black eyeliner done. I had decided to be myself and be proud, but also had decided that I was at the point that I never wanted to go back into the closet, so if I got the permanent make-up, even if I could not afford breast implants and other proceedures, that I would at least have that much done, which is something permanent that I can’t go back on or I can’t hide because I never wanted to hide ME ever again.
I worked at a bar. It was a straight bar, but I was allowed to dress up anytime I felt like it. I had the complete support of my boss to do so.
Even when I wasn’t fully dressed up, because of the make-up, I would have people ask me if I was gay, if I was a crossdresser, if I wanted a sex change and all of the other usual questions that I am sure that so many of you have been asked many times if you have come out.
I have talked to so many people that come in and seem very unaccepting at first, but they have the guts to talk to you straight in the face and ask you questions with respect and all they want is respect back and the truth. Alot of people really do want to try to understand us. Alot of people already accept and support us, they just want to know specifically how you wish to be viewed.
Alot of people came in not so supportive, but they have all left with a better knowlege and understanding as well as respect and support for me.
Sometimes, it is just how you present yourself . Honesty truely is the best policy.
It is very therapudic to me to talk to people about crossdressing, transsexualism and the many varied degrees of transgenderism.
The more you tell people, the more they want to know, and the more okay they become with it. Not every one is going to accept it or understand it (Do even any of us REALLY understand it?) but most people do have enough curiosity to want to know more, and when they meet one of us in real life instead of those fakes on Jerry Springer that are giving us all a bad name, and they see that we are really not that bad, they at least will treat us better and be more comfortable around us.
I have never been ashamed or even embarrassed as I thought I might have been. I find that alot of the tough guys and haters are actually more scared of us than we are of them. I am comfortable going out dressed, even on days when I am not totally passable, but I do watch my back and am more aware of my surroundings than usual just in case.
I was actually very surprised at how many peopleare very nice, accepting and supportive of me and admire that I have the guts to just be myself and not care what others think. Especially where I live.
Many people who most would consider “Good Ol’ Boy Rednecks” whom I thought would not take the news very well have actually been some of my biggest supporters and defenders.
I have been very lucky. Since I have came out, I have only lost one friend, but if he would not at least try to understand (not that I expect anyone to really understand, but at least try) then he obviously was not much of a friend to begin with.
Most of the relationships I have been in, I have had the full support and understanding of the girl I was with. My ex-wife was wonderful and loved me either way (until the money troubles, that always does it! lol)
I did have a couple of girlfriends along the way that didn’t take it so well, but did accept it and still loved me. One said she accepted it comepletely and was not ashamed of me, but then did not want me wearing weomens clothing around her friends, did not want them knowing, and got mad at me because she came home from work and I was dressed up and she was upset because “what if I had brought a friend in with me?” I told her it was my house and she moved in with me and this is what I do and I didn’t need her permission to dress up in my own house. Heck, if I am going to go out dressed in public, then why would I have to ask her or anyone else permission to dress up in my own house that I was paying for? I told her that obviously, she was ashamed of it and needed to get beyond it. She didn’t give her friends enough credit because they were all wonderful and when they did find out they were completely supportive. I had told her before we made a committment to eachother and she moved in with me that I was wanting to pursue full surgery, but not sure if I would ever be able to afford it, but that was the goal and if I couldn’t have surgery that I would eventually get breast implants and live full time as a female regardless and she said that didn’t bother her, but apparently it bothered her more than she had expected. She didn’t mind me crossdressing, she was just afriad of what her friends would think of her. Even her own parents supported me and bought me nice female clothes on my birthday and Christmas.
I think that what alot of crossdressers/transgendered/transsexuals feel is not shame for being what and who they are, but shame for not feeling good enough for others that they love and admire. I feel sorry for the people with wives that do not accept them dressing and they either are only allowed to crossdress at home or have to completely hide their crossdressing from their wives. I would suggest that you find a good supportive counselor and go see them alone a few times. If the counselor takes the point of view that they are going to help you stop wanting to crossdress, then dump them and find another one. When you feel you have found the right one, then start taking your wife (or significant other) They may be able to help your mate see things from your perspective alot better than you can.
You have to remember. It is YOUR LIFE and you only get to live it once and life is too short.
It is also their life as well, so you do have to recognize that what you do will affect their life as well. You life is together. But you also have to be happy and if something is making you miserable, it isn’t fair to you or them. They need to understand that as much as coming out will affect their life, repressing who you truely are on the inside and not being able to be your true self is ruining your life.
Also, let them know that no matter if you are in a suit or in a dress, that you are still the same person that they know and love. It is only the physical appearance that changes. And most people who stand by and support their mates often say that they love them even more once they come out and are comfortable being themselves.
We should not feel ashamed for being ourselves and doing what makes us happy as long as it is not hurting anyone else. We should not feel ashamed for being transgendered, yet society should be ashamed for judging something that they do not understand, especially when many people will not even try to understand. It is wrong to reject or scorn anyone when you haven’t even given them a chance to be heard, understood and accepted.
So do not be ashamed of crossdressing, but feel sorry for those who lack the heart to know you before they judge you. They are the ones that are wrong and whose behavior is unacceptable, not ours.
Dress up and be proud! and if the people around you do not support you, then find and surropund yourself with people who will.
Racquel, thanks so much for your encouraging and uplifting comments to our sisters. Your words are a blessing to many.
hugs,
Vanessa
Dear Vanessa and all, I’d like to add a coment to the subject of being ashamer of crossdressing. I personally am not ashamed of being a crossdresser, in fact, I love it. I have been dressing for a very long time and have come to terms with it all. It took my wife a little while before she was totally comfortable with me in feminine clothing, but she is now enjoying the “other woman” in the house. I don’t always have to be in full dress to indulge the woman within, most often a pair of panties and a touch of lip gloss will do just fine. When I do go all out and get completly dressed up, often it will be my wife who will do my make-up and help style my hair. It’s just one of the things that she loves to do and I feel that it helps to keep our relationship balanced in regards to the feminine side of me. We don’t have to go out as two ladies for me to enjoy being all dressed up. Just to be able to dress and not feel at all guilty about it is a wonderful thing, and I really wish that more women would get over the stereotype that any man that would want to wear womens clothes can’t be all man. We CAN be all man, but we can also be women when we want to be.
Thanks Ragina,
It takes most of us a long time to come to terms with this, and perhaps just as long for our loved ones to accept us. It’s a blessing when we can gain the acceptance from within and those who love us.
I realised that I wanted to cross dress during my marriage , it was watching my wife dress I wanted to join in because it looked fun but I didnt pursue it coz I didnt think she would go for it but then the marriage ended so I tried it & loved it but felt bad so threw away the stuff I had bought & didnt do anything for a couple of years but then I saw a little red dress in a shop window & thought I have to have that so I
bought it & its grown from there , I have quite a wardrobe now & my own ‘frilly’ drawer that I love , I dont think I will ever fully pass as a woman but I am happy and I am not harming anyone so ashamed no Im not
I know this comment might be slightly different but I felt the need to share my thoughts. I am not a cross dresser I am a straight woman. Recently I met my first cross dresser face to face. It was a business meeting and I had no idea I was going to meet a cross dresser. I met her and new instantly she was a he. I thought to myself I am a pretty open person so who am I to judge. Long story short she has become one of my best friends. We share advice on girls clothes, make up, and even glasses. No one should ever feel ashamed of who they are EVER. God made us all different and no one should question it. I would rather be friends with 100 cross dressers then 1 bigot. Good luck to all of you and be proud of who you are and never let anyone take that away from you.
Tracey
Thank you Tracy. The world would be a much better place if we had more people like you!
As Raquel said. Thanks. That was a really nice post to read early in the morning – if only there were more people like you in the world..
Tracey, thank you for sharing you experience. It’s a blessing to have people like you in the world. *HUGS*
Hi all, Just stumbled over Vanessa’s website today and I must say its great, thanks for the wonderful information here.
As the for the question of the day? As a life long CD (ok since I was about 5) and until the last year completly closet, I have bounced the entire spectrum of emotion from embaressment to great personal fullfillment.
AS the Manely man, hunter, fisherman, handyman, cub scout leader, etc… I am happy and content with myself and enjoy my masculinity. But I also enjoy the feminine side too. I have always been told by others that I have this wonderful side to me, the cook, the snuggler, the listener, jewerly maker, and can wrap xmas packages with the most incredible bows most have ever seen. There is no remorse or shame for my feminine traits and cross dressing is simply an extension of those traits. My wife married me because of these and until last year (10 years later) had no idea of my desires to let Tabitha come out and play. She has accepted parts of it and we are still working on the others. But as I said to her when she first found out,”you married me and love me not only for the man I am but for the female charactaristics that you admititedly love and cherish.
Taby has never been out in public and I don’t know if she ever will. Perhaps if i ever get up the nerve to attend Esprit or something but I dont feel the need to go out, I am perfectly content enjoying Taby at home. I do however shop for all my own clothing, shoes and makeup and have no problem making in known that it is for me.
So Ashamed? No way! As my wife says as I am crawling into bed in sexy lingerie (every night) or putting on my lace panties and camis (every morning), “its just clothing” I just wish that the rest of society could say the same thing.
Thanks Taby,
It’s true that there is so much unique goodness when we express our feminine selves. Many woman are attracted to this, even before they can give it a name.
‘Ashamed? No Way’ – You go girl!!
Am I ashamed of being a crossdresser? That is a question I ask myself everyday. They say the average person thinks about sex multiple times a day, I think about who I am, what I like and how i dont fit into society norms (if there is such a thing).
A little about me. I have been crossdressing since I was very little when my sisters started playing dress up with me. ( which I found made me fell whole). Over the years I have followed typical path of denials and purges. Even though I have never gone out in public dressed. Although I would wear panties to school every so often from about the 7 grade on. I would do alot of baby sitting during high school. and working in a restraunt only male that worked there. I did a stint in the navy and hid in the closet the entire time. I still did baby sitting during and after it. I really think people new more about me than i did. For example once some people i knew were going out of town and asked me to watch their kids. When others asked arnt you afraid of leaving your kids especially your 5 yr old daughter with a man for so long ( 2 weeks) they would reply we arnt leaving them with a guy we are leaving them with (insert my name here). I have always been told I have more female/motherly instinct than most genetic females.
When my wife who was still active duty asked me to quit work and become a house dad/wife after the birth of our 3rd son I agreed. I have more patience than she did and was triing to support her decisions. Did she know about my interest? I had play dressed for her but not to often as I thought my feelings were wrong, ( society growing up rules). I had always done more to take care of the children so to me it was natural. Life was going good at least i though. After I found out she was sleeping around and had gotten pregnant by another guy. Only thing i could do was withdraw into my self meaning, I hate to put it this way, was to let Jessica come to the surface. I have always found in time of conflict she is a temper nutrilizer. For example when i was told she was pregnant by another my thoughts were to kill her and him or just leave and disappear ( which i could never do to my kids). So i told her about me and allowed my feminine temperment take over. After she terminated the pregnancy which i had to take her to do, i caught her talking to the guy again and was told that she and him had made up and had a special relationship that would never be broken. She was accepting me as Jessica and said she had always had an idea about me. Her behavior hasnt changed and she is still out sleeping around and has completely ignored me and the kids now for a couple of years. She has been pushing the divorce back till she retires in feb of 2010. The kids are now school age I have been a homemaker for 8 years. She is living with 2 guys and hasnt touched me in 2 years and expects me to believe nothing is going on. ( I must have dumb blonde tatooed on my forhead).
But Ive gotten way of topic. Am I ashamed of being a crossdresser.
Yes, as i feel that it had alot to do with the down fall of my marriage. Wether it is because I think she has felt threatened by my feminity as she has never been the motherly type, even when i tried to get her to try for her kids. Or wether its because after I told her and would dress (when kids wernt around) and she really saw me as Jessica. I really felt the jealousy from her because she would comment on how good I looked, and then complain how it was wrong that i looked better in a dress we would both try on. Even when i tried to help her dress for her body type. I also hate the lonelyness i feel as I live in Wv and havent really made any friends with like mindedness, it seams all i meat online are just after cyber sex fantasies and thats just not me.
No. I love the way I feel emotionaly and physicaly when dressed. I love the fact that I am closer to my kids than most genetic males or even my wife will ever be. I think that phycologicaly im a stronger person than most as I am in touch with both sexs. Im a Jack/Jessica of all trades as i can fix a car or build a house, sew a dress and be a mother and father to my kids who are the center of my life.
Jessica,
I went through basically what you are going through, except my ex kept our child.
I totally empathize with you and my heartfelt prayers are with you as you struggle through all of this.
It’s a tough road, one that we would not have chosen for ourselves. Something that people just do not understand about us is that we’re still human, still have feelings and emotions, that we aren’t just throw-away boyfriends/girlfriends that on a whim we can just up and change the very fiber of our being down the very core of who and what we are. We’re more accepting of people, more receptive to their needs and wants, and most definitely more caring.
Sadly, we are just seen as freaks and something to mock and laugh at. We have been bullied by societal normalistists and thinking they have something over on us when they actually do not. We tend to be more nuturing and even tend to have a bit higher IQ’s than our genetic counterparts. But, where we lack is mostly the ability to cope with the pressures of who we are brought on by society’s normalacy and the incongruity in our psyche that tends to move many of us to suicidal tendencies.
We tend to seek out that loneliness and fill it with what we honestly “think” is love when in fact it’s just a fantasized love that we’re leaning on.
With children in the mix, it is our first duty to protect and love them. That much is true love, and without a doubt that nurturing side totally takes over. But, when it comes to our mate, the one we really want to spend the rest of our life with? In the end, unless it is quite miraculous and dynamic relationship between two people that is totally uncommon, it usually does end up in divorce.
For many years, I even vowed I would not get married again out of the pain that I went through in my first marriage, now being married for almost 2 years to a wonderful person.
As much as it pains you, Jessica, you need to let your wife go. It is honestly the best thing. I’m telling you this from personal experience. Move on so you can meet the right person that fits you. If your wife doesn’t want to be part of your life, the children’s live, then you need to focus in on the children and do what you must to protect and love them because they are seriously needing it. And when the time is right, you will know. You will know and meet that person who fits with you like a glove and a hand that fits the glove. Trust me, I know.
Again, my prayers are with you as you struggle through this. Many hugs!
Patti
Patti is right, Jessica. No one deserves to have someone who cheats on them. You should not be ashamed of Creossdressing at all. That is no excuse for your wife to cheat. A cheater is a cheater and she would have cheated even if you were not a crossdresser. She just has very little character. Do not let her use you just to make it to retirement. If that is all she wants you for then let her support herself till then. If that is all you are to her, and she is not at all concerned about your life and what’s important to you, then why waste your time helping her along?
Find someone who will work with you as a team, as it should be, that you help eachother with life goals instead of being a stepping stone under her feat at the cost of your own happiness.
You deserve to move on and find someone who loves, cares for and respects you. There are many women out there who are very accepting and supporting of crossdressers. My ex-wife was very accepting of me and had no problem with being with me in public dressed as female. When we did divorce (over money problems), I was depressed and scared that I would never find someone so accepting, but I soon learned that I really had nothing to fear. Most women I have dated since my divorce have been great about it and even loved being with me as the real me.
I actually found that when I am dressed female, I have alot of women wanting to go out with me and give me their number and they approach me. I don’t have to approach them. When I am dressed male, I only occasionally will have a woman approach me to want to go out with me.
I even had one girl that I talked to for a while where I worked at. She was a customer. I liked her alot, we talked as friends and got to be pretty close. One day she came in and said “Boys always treat me bad”. I told her “Girls always treat me bad”. She looked at me like she was shocked and said “You like girls? I thought you liked guys?!?!” I told her that I was not gay (unless you considered me Lesbian) and that I am not attracted to men, and yes I do very much love women. She immediately said “Well, in that case I need to give you my number!”
You can find someone that treats you well and will not cheat.
You need to respect yourself first. That means not letting your current wife disrespect you and walk all over you. The problem is not your crossdressing. The problem is your wifes low moral character. Do not blame yourself for the terrible way she treats you. If it were not crossdressing, she would find some other reason to use as an excuse.
Love yourself and respect yourself and then find someone who will also love and respect you. And teach those beautiful children of yours to do the same and lead by example. Yuo don’t want them growing up having to hide what makes them happy and thinking it is alright for either them to treat someone that way or worse that they would think it is okay for some one else to treat them as your wife has treated you. And kids do pick up on alot of things like this that you may not realize.
You are a wonderful parent and the happier you are, the happier your kids will be throughout life. Don’t feel like you are being selfish to be yourself and to follow your own happiness. You can have your happiness without ignoring the happiness of your children as your wife has done. She is selfish.
Shine brightly!
Jessica dear – Patti and Racquel are right. Noone deserves to be cheated on – you shouldn’t blame yourself for your wife’s mistakes. In any marriage both people have a hand it’s happiness or lack thereof, but from your story it sounds like you’ve stood by her while she’s treated you badly. Don’t blame your transgendered nature love – I know many crossdressers who are happily married. And don’t let her make you feel less than a person because of who you are.
I pray that your family will be blessed in abundance. Hugs
Vanessa
Ashamed? Nope… Last night my wife and I went to the Holy Grail of Femininity with me dressed as Patti to Victoria’s Secret to look for bras for both of us. Unfortunately, they did not have something in my size at VS, so we went to the second Holy Grail of Femininity… Frederick’s of Hollywood to buy me 2 brand new Extreme Cleavage Bras.
The girls at either place did not even remotely suspect or if they did, they were EXTREMELY professional about it.
A little trick I have for vickys bras. As im a 40b and they dont carry sizes like that is i get a 38 b and use a bra extender i usually cut down and die to a similar color. Works really well with wonder bra too, only back close though.
I only wish I had a fredricks close enough to go to.
Hugs
Bravo Patti!
I love both Victoria’s Secret and Frederic’s. Wish I had the budget to go there more often. We had a great Frederic’s here in one mall, and Vcitoria’s in all the other malls for years. Then, out of the blue, Victoria’s opened up in the mall that Frederic’s was in right next door to them. That Frederic’s closed down a couple of years later. I had a really good friend that worked there who lost her job in the process, although she got a really good job offer for upper management at some other major clothing store in the mall after the closing was announced.
I miss the Frederic’s.
I also miss Goldies Shoe Store. It was the only place in town that would order, and sometimes even carry heals in my size (14W). But a friends told me about sexyshoes.com they have an even better selection and alot of their styles are available in larger sizes. The prices aren’t too bad, some are a little high, and you do have to pay shipping and wait for delivery, but it’s a great site for shoes. They even have some that come as big as 16.
oh thats a nice site and the shoes aren’t too expensive either…. I can see where my next few months of clothes/shoe budget will go
I would like to bring up a touchy subject though and it falls inline with this topic. It’s not so much that we’re embarrassed with ourselves as others are embarrassed plenty for us when it comes to employment.
GG’s are uncomfortable due to the restroom issues and men are men and feeling their masculinity threatened.
I was told that I had to use the unisex bathroom, even though while living as a woman. It’s a bit humiliating to be told by the boss that you can’t use the restroom. But, state law states that they must provide all employees restrooms. Where I worked, the bathroom was roughly a quarter mile away from where I was working, while GG’s got the use the one that was about 100-feet away.
Not only is that an issue for employers, but they also do not want to be seen as a “freak” shop either. I apologize now for this next statement… However, there are quite a few of us who, no matter how hard we try, just do not even remotely pass as a GG and being quite obvious. Employers read every line of an application, including the one that asks about which sex you are, which I believe in and of itself is discriminatory, and then seeing a female in front of them when they interview makes them feel very uncomfortable and also not sure what to ask.
I lived as a woman for about 3-years, and in that time, trying to find employment is VERY difficult.
The problem is that we are stigmatized by society into believing that we are freaks of nature. No amount of sensitivity training, sexual harassment training or any other kind of training can change the mind of the mob mentality we’re faced with. They have no problems with gays, lesbians or bisexuals, but when it comes to questioning which sex someone is or isn’t, they literally crap their pants because they are not equipped to face and/or cope with the reality of what is sitting in front of them.
Gender Friendly is a term mainly used for homosexuals, lesbians and bisexuals, which does not include transgenderism (aka, GID (Gender Identity Disorder) or Gender Dysphoria). It also does not include CD’s either.
We’ve been placed into this stereotype by society from their lack of knowledge and propoganda by media services.
We truly need more TRUE gender friendly businesses out there.
Yikes Patti! That’s terrible treatment (though on the bright side I’m sure it helped you get a bit fitter with a half mile to the bathroom and back
.
I think there are two things going on – at least in my limited second hand experience of this. Firstly, employers have a legitimate concern about how transgender employees will impact the rest of the workplace and their clientèle. In my opinion this is similar to how people with disabilities or minorities have had to fight for equal rights. When you’re climbing up the mountain it looks steep and rugged, but enough time, persistence and legal transformation can put this on a more positive footing. It won’t be easy. Woman’s lib was decades ago, yet woman are still paid less than men for doing a comparable job. Many people think that racism is a thing of the past, but as our president so eloquently spoke on this issue – it’s still a very real concern that many minorities face today. Corporations are driven by laws that help them work in the best interests of the people. They’re also eager to find the best talent available. At least in some industries (such as high tech), absent laws which force equal rights, many companies have adopted very tolerant and affirming policies. Not because they’re nice, but because if they don’t the highly skilled transgendered woman will go across the street to their competitor. It’s easier said than done, but I think the answer to the first problem is legal advocacy and building our skills so we become indispensable in the workplace.
The second issue is one of perception. The transgendered have been given a terrible rap by the media, and it doesn’t help that many of our number live hidden and ashamed. These days everyone has a gay friend or family member, but I’ll bet very few people know any crossdressers. It’s not that their friends aren’t crossdressers, it’s just that they’ve never come out – even to strangers in everyday life. The barista who makes your coffee, or grocery checkout clerk probably don’t get an opportunity to see the transgendered being normal – being what most of us are. The only experience they have to go on is the media. The way to change the hearts and minds of people is to proudly go out as who we are. Not just at rallies or protests, but in our day to day lives. I’m also talking to the transsexual who moves on and blends into society – you’re doing your transgendered brothers and sisters a disservice by too easily passing into the crowd – making it more difficult for the next person to have the same rights you enjoyed when you transitioned. I guess my call on the second issue is for all of us – transsexuals, transgendered, crossdressers, whatever – to go about our normal lives as our alter ego. Just once in a while, to show others that we’re good, regular folk to.
I definitely agree that we need to change the perception of who and what we are from being deviant behavior to us being our natural selves like the rest of the population.
The road is long and arduous, and legislation still has a very long, long way to go to afford us the same equal opportunities that are afforded to others.
It took me having to dress and act male for me to gain employment. While they look at the application, there sentiment is that they hired a certain gender to fulfill the position. I have ran into this countless times through various employers. I had one even tell me to quit signing my female name because they hired a “male”, not a female.
While I am not ashamed of who and what I am, I know that I was being discriminated against. They didn’t hire a gender, they hired someone to perform the job and the assigned duties of that position. Yet, this is what companies see. They see gender assignments for employment.
We definitely need more advocacy for employment of transgenders, transsexuals and crossdressers. We need for society to see us as we present our abilities, skills and talents, not what gender or gender variant we claim to be.
The problem for us is that we have no real leadership for people like ourselves to lobby for corrective action of employment equality. We aren’t seen as women, we aren’t seen as men and companies haven’t a clue as to truly handle people such as ourselves. There is very little information and no training available to employers for the situations we bring. That, and it costs the employers more money to get trained and educated on people like us that they do not want the extra expenditures of accommodating people such as ourselves.
Whether or not we will be an asset to the company is outweighed by the cost of proper training and education.
I have met many others like myself and the people who visit here, and I mean absolutely no disrespect towards our kind, but a lot of employers also see us as highly flaky, not to say we are, but they are questioning the fact that we are confused and how can a confused person about their sexual gender perform up to their expectations. But, how can we perform up to expectations when we aren’t truly given the chance to truly prove ourselves.
Many like us then choose the best means to support ourselves through starting our own companies, walking the street, taking/selling drugs and other very destructive behavior because a lot do not know any other way to support themselves. Many even end up committing suicide before the age of 30 compared to the other sexualities. Actually, the number is quite staggering of those that have identified as trans. Many, many more have not been identified (or come out of the closet so to speak).
Our population is roughly near 50,000 for the whole US of those who actually have identified, and at least 3-5 times more that have not.
With so few individuals who have identified as being trans, there is limited amount of information to be gathered in comparison. Another reason that it is not cost effective for employers to hire is that trans remains the smallest of minority compared to race, homosexuals and lesbians.
The bottom line is that employers are not trained and are not educated, plus adding in the facts that we’re in the smallest of minority, it just does not pay enough to hire some such as ourselves. Lastly, it’s also they do not have the coping skills to handle situations that come up surrounding us. Not to say that the situations surrounding us are any different than anyone else, but how they see it is their own confusions and inabilities to properly handle situations, even when they are the same as anyone else’s. Bathrooms are their number one concern on top of possible insurance problems and legal action if they do something that will impose upon them to actually do something.
This is a very deep well that we’re stepping into, and I know for many of us we would not have chosen this for ourselves (yet they like to believe it is in fact a choice).
As Vanessa stated, and Patti also touches on a bit, the fight that women had for equality, the fight that people had for racial equality and also equality for the disabled are the same kind of fight we are struggling through except for one thing. We have an extra element against us. That is the perception that people have that our gender identity is a choice. Most people have the attitude that you can’t help what color skin you are born with, if you were born with a disability or cannot help your disability from an accident or disease that you did not ask for, and you cannot help that you were born male or female.
But they do think that you can help what sex you dress as or identify as. Even some homophobic people learn to accept working with gay and lesbian people on the job once they realise that they are not there to have sex on the job. But a major misconception about crossdressers and other transgendered individuals is that it is a perversion and that we all dress up for no other reason that to be turned on and get our sexual thrills. When you are in the work place dressed as the opposite sex, some will view that as bringing your sex life to work for an extra thrill to get your jollies.
People need to be educated on the fact that yes, there are people who dress up for no other reason that to get off on it sexually, but there are many others who have many other reasons for dressing as the opposite gender. They need to know that not everyone does it for the sexual thrill, but because that is just a part of who they are inside. A part of them that was born into them that is no more a choice than the color of anyones skin, disability or biological sex. People understand you cannot change the color of your skin, or fix all disabilities, etc., But people expect that you can put aside dressing up, even if they agree that you do not have a choice of who you feel you are on the inside, that it is still your choice of how you present yourself on the outside.
While it is partly true that we could choose not to dress as the gender in which we truely identify as, why should we be made to feel that we have to deny the person we truely are? Especially when living with that denial is so much more damaging in the longrun, not only to ourselves, but also to many of those closest to us?
The question is, how do we change the mindset and perceptions of those who are totally clueless? Through leadership, creating a known organization who will legislate and lobby for the transgendered/crossdressing communities across the US. We need more education and more training, we need more studies done and much more. In a sense, we need to become lab rats as bad as that sounds, but that is the only way to gather more information.
On the other hand, we have people like Stu Rasmussen of Silverton, Oregon who gives the rest of us a bad reputation. We have the media portraying us as – sorry to say- freaks. We need honest to goodness people in our community to standup and state things like they truly are and not some preconception by people who choose to base their opinions on what they believe to be the preconceived truth of the matter.
For a long time I have been a proponent of equality for anyone, but we are at an age now that we have more open-minded people. We still have a long way to go to change the perception that people have.
Granted, there are those of us in our community who do it for the sexual thrill, but there are many more of us who just wish to live our lives as happy as we humanly can.
Perception leads to beliefs, so the thing we must do is to change the perception in order to instill belief changes.
I dont go all the way in dressing. I am what you would call a underdresser. (mostly because if my wife found out I was still wearing womens clothing, even underwear, it more than likely would be ‘curtains for my marriage) so thats one reason I just underdress and then only while at work. But I also enjoy wearing just lingerie under my outerwear. While I have on rare occassion put on dresses and/or a skirt, it is rare, again, given the condition mentioned above. No, I am not ashamed of my crossdressing. I find it relaxing and quite comfortable, even as an underdresser. My feeling is as long as no one is hurt by it, as long as it dosent bother your feelings or beliefs(I am a christian) then I dont feel any shame toward my crossdressing. did the good Lord make me like this? I do not know. But I do know it feels somewhat natural for me.
Yvonne, I think it is a shame that you are not able to at least share this openly with your wife in private at home, she doesn’t know of the closeness she is missing out on, but I understand different situations. It sounds like you are at least somewhat satisfiedand content with underdressing.
I also am a Christian. I also believe that I should have been born female and am working toward having what I call “Corrective Surgery”.
I spent alot of time conflicted with religion and my crossdressing/transsexualism. It came down to the fact that I had to stop listening to humans and start listening to the Lord himself.
That is when I started realizing that I was born physically as a male, but knowing that I would eventually become female. I knew since very early in life (as early as age 2 or 3). I have always heard the question that people ask about Transsexuals that pursue surgery “Don’t you think that God knew what he was doing when he made you?” . That question did weigh heavily on my mind for a long time until I Sought Gods answer to it. Then it became clear and God gave me lots of other answers as well. I have had people ask me this question as well since I have come out about my gender idnentity. Here is the answer God gave to me.
Of course God knew what he was doing when he made me and put me in the wrong body with the wrong physical sex. Just like God knew what he was doing when he created Hermaphrodites who are born both sexes. And if he creates people with both sexes, then why is it imposible to be born the wrong sex?
But still, God did know what he was doing when he created me as a physical male with a female soul. Because there are things that he wanted to bless me with, experiences that he wanted me to have as a male that I would not have otherwise been able to or allowed to experience had I been born in a female body, but that I would be able to keep these blessings and experiences with me and take them with me in my journey to correct the physical body to match the soul that God gave to me.
I am not saying that everyone that crossdresses or wants a sex change is doing it out of a plan created by God, but in my case, I believe that it is. I believe that it is Gods plan for me to become female. Of course the mainstream Christianity folks will say that I am only making up my beliefs to suit my lifestyle, or that I am demon possessed, or that I did not get my answers from God, but that I am believing the lies of the devil, but I know in my heart and I have been at peace for many years, both in my crossdressing, my pursuit of SRS and mostly in my walk with God. I do not care if the fools who are spoon fed their religion by man agree with me or not. I know what I have going on between me and God, so what they believe is insignificant.
And one really cool thing that happened…. At my brothers church, I think they believe I am gay, although I do not have any attraction to men at all, but I am a very outspoken supporter of Gay/Lesbian/Bi/trans equal rights. Also, although I have never went to that particular church dressed completely as female, I have sort of crossdressed in that I sometimes wear clothing that is womens clothing, but is borderline feminine and rock star. lol
I have also had permanent make-up, so I always have lipstick and eyeliner on no matter what. (they think if you crossdress you are automatically gay. lol So what? If I could just be gay instead of transsexual, then life would have been alot simpler!)
So anyway, my brothers church, although they welcome me, many of them, including the pastor, are very homophobic. And Occasionally, in the sermons, I will hear a few things that I believe are being directed toward me. I, of course, forgive them for they know not what they talk about.
But one day in particular, I got a bit of a shocking, yet pleasant surprise.
During the pastors sermon, he was bringing up crossdressing. He was talking about people coming to him with different things that they freak out about that they shouldn’t worry so much about and one of the things was (Again, got a feeling they were talkking about me) about some people running up and telling him about some guy in church that was wearing make-up and what should they do, etc.
He said to welcome them. And then he started talking about the verse in the bible that talked about “It is a shame for a man to wear the clothing of a woman or for a woman to wear the clothing of a man”. I have heard that one before and was thinking to myself “oh boy, here we go again!” but then he told everyone to read that real closely.
He pointed out that it said it is a “Shame” and that it does not say it is a “Sin”.
I was wondering if this guy actually was standing up for me in some small way. I still do not believe that my dressing as a female is a sin or a shame. I believe that I am dressing in the appropriate clothing to match my soul. I feel I am crossdressing and being dishonest and decieptful when I am dressed as a male.
So, while I may still not totally agree with what he said, I’ll take it the way he said it! lol Not very often a deeply old school religious homophobic preacher will even give you that much.
I was seriously getting ready to walk out because I thought I was going to be hearing alot of the same old stuff by people that are not smart enough to educate themselves on a subject before speaking on it.
I am glad I bit my tongue long enough to hear all of what he had to say.
So, I am not sure what answers you will find, but for me, the answer is YES, the Good Lord did make me this way, but he also is making the way for me to change according to his plan.
I underdress as its the most secretive way to crossdress around work and my family. As I have mentioned before , my wife has a big dislike of crossdressing, specialy by me. I did about a week ago make a mistake. Somehow a receipt from a goodwill stor was found on my living room floor. she dosent shop at goodwill, but sometimes I do and she knows this, she also knows that at times I have bought womens clothing there, well later that day she confronted me with it. I was honest with her, I told her it was a receipt for a half slip, but that I got rid of it, which I did, (it didnt fit). She was upset for awhile, but now is coming back down to earth. I think that she thinks that I still dress but cant find anything substantial such as finding a bra or slip laying around or on me, so while she gets upset at incidents such as the receit she found, she didnt go ballistic. She figures I keep what ever I have at work and has made a comment to that fact but can’t confirm it. I kind of got off tangent here. What I reallywanted to say was “I enjoy underdressing since I cant dress outwardly. I feel good and calm when wearing slips, panties and so forth and It feels nice and feels like they’re the most natural things to wear. I really would like to be able to wear a dress or skirt and blouse from time to time but right now, thats not possible and stay married. Anyway. I love my undies.
I am honestly, ashamed. I keep it a secret from my family. I’m a teenager, a young one at that and for whatever reason when I am in a skirt or panties, I feel…more comftable. I would never wear this is in public (I don’t discriminate, I just wouldn’t want people to know of my “habit”) I am glad to get this off my chest.
The most I’ve ever worn was a bra and panties, and I do it when no one is home and I am in the bathroom and the door is locked. Thanks for listening, sisters.
~Samantha
Wow! The exchanges here show how diverse our experiences are living with a common need to be cross dressers and all the other words used to defne trannies.
I would be a fool not to see the difficulties and hate the bravado some use to diminish the situations so many of us live in. Particularly with the women we’re married to who so often suffer with their perception of what a man should or should not do. So much is of couse determined by what others will think of her if they knew her husband or boyfriend wore femme clothes. I don’t think we touched on that aspect too much in the letterws here. She has to conform and she feels shame when she doesn’t is a large factor. For the women that hold it over us shame on them and that controllying need goes along with other controls we inflict on others in our relationships.
One aspect that was mentioned was the joy of having someone or someones in our lives who accepts and enjoys us fully. Going shopping with a girl is a blast. To hear: “Sweetie, never. P:ut that skirt down, Here’s what we’re lookign for your girl!” and the fun girls have shopping together is so happy a thing and such a joy.
Until we actively seek and norish women who enjoy us and play with us and live with us who know how to live we will always live in a society that will make us wallow in uneasiness to some degree or another. It’s scarey for all of us in the beginning certainly was fo rme, but finding ways to have fun with dressing is well worth it. No matter if it is sexual or fashion or a mixure of a lot of things, it’s a joy to have fun dressing if it’s something in your personality. To deny it is a pity.
Oh, one word about passing. You cannot meet a woman who doesn’t have similar response. No woman is complettly satisfied about how she is put together. We are similar in that. Having your man show through your outfit and make up is just who you are when your expressing yourself. Look around. Most women today cross dress wearing boy’s stuff. I joke that hte easiest way to spot a cross dresser is that he is wearing a skirt. So few women do noadays. Dressing up is ffor ladies and us as well. Women rip off that bra as soon as they get home the same as we do to feel comfortable And what do we do to get comfortable ….We put on gur’’s clothes.!!!!!
Dressing up is fun. Women are accepted in doing that. Men simply aren’t. I concluse that if you could have women in your life to shop with the fnn increases and permits you to enjoy your dressing up times.
Those sisterw that wish to live 24/7 have the same outlook that all women have. They all dress up and they all dress down.
For the rest of us enjoy those times you need to dress up and get some people in our lives to enjoy us and allow us to enjoy them more.
Starting by picking you spots on who you engage is how you gather girlfriends to have fun with your dressing up.
I knoow how hard it is to get to this point trust me. Always know that denial of yourself is an awful price to pay in our short lives.
So true, Molly! I was blessed to have had such a wonderful and accepting wife when I came out. My ex accepted me completely and was very proud of me. She had no problem with her friends knowing about me. None of it embarrassed her. She knew before we were married and we lasted close to 10 years. We’d go shopping together, sometimes I would be crossdressed and sometimes not, but we always had so much fun shopping together for clothes or anything else. Since the divorce, I have dated a few girls and they have all known and most supported me and were not ashamed or embarrased for their friends and family to know. There were a couple of exceptions. If my ex-wife was at work or something, sometimes one of her friends would want me to go shopping with them. I have girlfriends (just friends) as well as girls I have dated that all loved to shop with me. I am not dating right now, but I do still have girls that I go shopping with. It’s wonderful to have so many friends that support you and I have so much more fun in life hanging out and being myself with them. It does make all the difference in the world. Life is too short to worry what others think about your happiness! Just as it is too short for them to be worrying about what you do in the first place.
Am I ashamed of being a crossdresser? That is a GREAT question, and one that I ask myself over and over again.
The answer is, it depends.
Depends? On what?
It depends on what my mood is that day. It depends on whether my wife and I have had a fight that day, so I’m using crossdressing as an escape from the world for a little bit. It depends on whether I’m feeling stressed out, so dress to forget the stresses of life. It depends on if I’m feeling particularly feminine that day, so dress to express that part of me. It depends on if I wake up and want to feel as womanly as possible that day.
In other words, it depends on the day/time/place/situation/emotions/etc….
Society tells us that “real men” don’t wear dresses. But it’s okay for a woman to wear pants and suits, as well as heels and hose.
Society tells us that a man has to “provide for his family”, “be strict”, “be the disciplinarian”, “be the father figure”, “be the role model”, etc. Male children are also taught not to show emotions, to “suck it up”, to “man up”, that “boys don’t cry”, that boys “don’t wear pink”, etc. So the stereotypical role model of the male in society is basically the big John Wayne tough guy.
Those of us who do those other types of things, or exhibit those other types of characteristics though, are then labeled as “different”, “queer”, “gay”, “one of them” (whatever THAT means!), etc. We’re raised that way! So even if we have these desires and urges that we don’t understand (I don’t, do any of you really?), we can’t express them or exhibit them, because they go so strongly against the cultural norms and mores.
Is it any wonder that a bunch of us are conflicted? Is it any wonder that we feel guilt when we dress as women?
Even if we do it only for ourselves and don’t share it with anyone (a wife, girlfriend, friend), we still have the years and years of cultural conditioning that have shaped and molded our thoughts and behaviors. Whether we realize it or not, we’re a product of our environment to a large degree, so these thoughts will come unbidden to us.
So the only answer I can truly give is “it depends”. There are times when I dress and I feel wonderful. I feel that I am only a little bit away from that elusive womanly ideal I carry around in my head. The woman that I sometimes long to completely be. I dress and go out in public as a woman, proud in my ability to dress and pass as a woman in public. Not being read, but just being accepted and treated as a woman. I don’t feel guilty then.
But there are other times when I feel secretive and shy, when I think that no matter what I do or wear, that others are looking at me and know that underneath the dress and makeup, underneath the hair and hose, there is a man. And what “real man” would want to dress and make himself up to look like a woman? And then go out in public??? What kind of man would do that!?! On those days, yes, I feel guilty.
All of us are complex beings. We all have numerous reasons why we crossdress. And realistically, we probably don’t even understand why we do this (I know that I don’t), but know that this is just a part of who we are, just like having black hair or green eyes. It’s not something we can change (although we try, through purging, through going “cold turkey”, through embracing faith, through 12-step programs, and much, much more). So we are going to feel guilty at times, we’re not going to feel guilty at other times, and sometimes we’re just not going to care…
We’re men who want to dress like and be seen and treated as women. Is it weird? Yes. Is it “normal”? Who knows? Do I care? At times, yes, at other times, no. Will I change or quit? Probably not.
I’m a crossdresser. A transvestite. A tranny. A ladyboy. A fairy, a faggot, a queer, and as many other labels as you want to assign to me. But it’s who I am, and I’m proud of myself and I like myself and just wish that I could do this without all of the societal pressure and judgment, just like real women can.
Real, natural-born, genetic women don’t have to worry about what they wear each day, they just choose their outfit based on what they’re going to do, or where they’re going, or who they’re going with, or what they feel like, or what color happens to strike their fancy that day, or whether they have a new outfit they want to try, or a new pair of shoes they want to wear, or…
I just want the same freedom and acceptance. I want to be able to decide that today I feel soft, so want to wear a skirt and blouse, and tomorrow I’m working on my car, so will wear jeans. If I want to wear a garter and stockings under my pants and a bra under my shirt because it makes me feel good, I should be able to do so, and not have to worry about what others feel I “should” wear. Or what they think it says about me if I do so.
I don’t want to have to worry about feeling guilty or not because I crossdress, I just want the freedom and acceptance to do so without judgment.
AMEN HOLLY! You could not have said it any better!
The question of whether or not cross dressers are ashamed is a very good one, and one that doesn’t yields easy answers.
A couple of points:
MTF cross dressing is still unacceptable to very large segments of society.
As women gain more and more economic and social clout this resistance could very well lessen as it could be seen more as a natural imitation of power, and not classified as a perversion, a fetish, or down right silly in much the same manner FTM cross dressing is seen today. In fact, although somewhat exaggerated, over time it’s easy to imagine MTF cross dressing becoming more acceptable than FTM cross dressing.
MTF cross dressing engenders a stew of emotions, with fear, humiliation, joy, and pride among others boiling just below the surface. Add to this mix a strongly erotic component, and what floats to the surface, depending on the the current environment, can be at times very appetizing, but at other times quite over cooked.
In short the shame felt by cross dressers, at least by me, is for the most part fleeting, quickly replaced by joy, pride, and a various assortment of other, sometimes conflicting, emotions, but always accompanied by an overlay of eroticism.
Hi!
I’ve been crossdressing since I was 8 years old, I’m 55 next month.
I”m married and have 3 wonderful children. I think my wife knows I crossdress, it’s hard not to notice her husband likes to wear short shorts made for women and has shaven legs. I have been seen dressed in short skirts and shorts in my home town and have never been ridiclued, I’d like to believe I can pass as a women (since no real man would be caught with smooth legs) right?
How I hated winter since I couldn’t go out dressed and was too cold for me, but then as my female boss at work said “I had a EURIKA” moment, I don’t have to wear skirts or shorts, I can dress in jeans and shirts for women and wear my nice lingerie under it all!
I don’t know why i never had tried this before and now I spend my winter strolling in the mall looking at all the nice jewlry and ear rings. No one notices my makeup or my mascara, my new watch…I feel so alive, I wish i could tell my wife, she might even enjoy walking together with her husband.
Oh how I wish she would one day just come up to me and say “let’s go to the mall and get you some nice shoes or just go out as Vickie”
Someday…maybe…before it’s too late…for both of us…
2 Trackbacks
[...] you feel ashamed of being a Crossdresser? Go and take a look at this article. There is a LOT of good advice in [...]
[...] As crossdressers we’re especially susceptible to the judgments of society. We look around waiting for someone to give us permission to be who we are. Perhaps it’s an understanding wife who lets you wear feminine undergarments at home, or a social organization, or a book you read. Yet for most of us, even with permission to crossdress we still feel ashamed of crossdressing. [...]