The smell of burning hair, is a strangely disgusting smell that I’ve come to appreciate (‘yes, got another one!’) I would think to myself.

Ah yes, epilators – thanks for bringing back that painful memory. I think this was the first ‘permanent hair removal’ technique I tried, and I must’ve blocked the rememberance of it. I found it more painful than laser (MUCH more painful), and largely ineffective. If laser is flicks on an elastic band, an epilator is like having each hair pulled out one by one.

I guess the phrase ‘no pain, no gain’ is apt…

How true that is. I once heard someone (I think it may have been Desmond Morris) describe Homo Sapiens as a “naked, hairless ape”, and almost fell over with laughter at the naivety of that comment.

We’ve got hair on our faces, our arms, our legs. Hair can grow on our back, our hands and out our ears.

Yeah, and the sickening irony is that, for far too many men, the same hormones that cause them to sprout hair in all manner of unspeakable places also cause them to lose it on the one place I’m sure everyone – male or female – wants it: the head!

Anyway, I found this post interesting because it reminded me of my own many adventures into the fascinating world of hair removal. I’ve often wondered why I’ve had to invest so much time, energy and money into this sort of thing myself over the years, because if you glanced at me in the street, you probably wouldn’t think I’d be a terribly hairy person – I’m fairly skinny, have a rather feminine-looking baby face (yay, lucky me!), and, in many other respects, don’t look as if I’d have huge amounts of testosterone coursing through me. Indeed, on some parts of my body (eg my chest), my hair growth tends to be relatively sparse. On others, though, I’ve been cursed with considerable hirsuteness. Anyway, for your amusement, here are my experiences with the various types of hair removal you’ve discussed (the only one I haven’t done is electrolysis).

Shaving – yes, this one is certainly a pain, often literally! For me, it didn’t help that my skin tended to be easily damaged, and was also prone to shaving rash. I got around the above two problems to a large extent by using an electric razor instead of a conventional one, but the downside of this was that it didn’t produce as close a shave as the other type of razor did (indeed, I’d have days where I’d shave in the morning, only to have my mother ask me in the afternoon if I was growing a moustache, so ineffectual a job had the electric razor done). I also used to shave my legs and various other body bits, which could get messy, particularly if I was using shaving foam. It was also quite time-consuming, which only added to the annoyance of it all – there’s nothing like sitting in a lukewarm bath with frothy bits of shaving foam and countless hairs floating all around you. Ewww… The best time, though, was when I first shaved my legs, which, at the time, weren’t so much hairy as positively woolly. So thick was the hair (fleece?) on them that it took me a whole evening to shave just one, and by the time I’d finished, the bathwater was quite bloody.

Depilatory creams: These are something I do not have good memories of. I think Nair was the only one I ever tried, and aside from the fact that the smell of it made me want to vomit (a rotting pineapple is probably the best thing I could liken it to), I found it didn’t work very well for me; after leaving it on for the recommended amount of time (and trying not to pass out from the stench of it), I’d wipe the treated areas, as directed, only to find only half the hairs coming off. I was also very annoyed by the fact that it could only be used on certain parts of the body. For me, the main attraction of something like that was the thought that (in theory at least) it could be used on all those fiddly little parts of the body that it’s hard to drag a razor over without risking massive blood loss, but of course, all those parts were far too sensitive to use it on, weren’t they?! (Looking back on it, I’m astounded to think that I actually had a long – rather um… graphic – conversation with a pharmacy sales assistant concerning which parts of the body I could use it on. Eg “Can I use it on my scrotum? What about the perianal area?” etc.) And, like you discovered, if you put it somewhere it’s not supposed to go, you learn about it pretty quickly (if you think putting it on your face is bad, try your scrotum!)!) I also made the mistake of wearing silver jewellery while using it the first time, and found that it reacted quite badly with this, causing some rather nasty tarnishing (thankfully, though, I was able to remove this with silver polish).

Waxing: This is my main method of hair removal right now, and you’re certainly right that it requires courage. Indeed, I laugh at all those idiots who claim that it’s something only cissy little girly-boys engage in, because, in my experience at least, IT BLOODY KILLS! It also has its own share of drawbacks, not least the fact that you have to endure several weeks of (increasingly more unsightly) regrowth before you can get it done again (for this reason, in summer, I’ll often just shave my legs instead), as well as the fact that even the most attentive beautician isn’t going to get absolutely everything (I used to get myself quite worked up after appointments by going over my legs and other body parts, to see just how many hairs had been missed). Unfortunately, even after having had it done for about a decade now, I’ve found that my rate of regrowth is pretty much the same as it always was – in a lot of ways, I think, I’m still having the procedure done simply out of habit. Other pitfalls to be wary of when contemplating this form of hair removal, I’ve found, are squeamish beauticians who won’t touch certain parts of your body if you’re a guy (I once politely told a woman to get rooted after I enquired about having some waxing done by her and discovered she wouldn’t do my bikini area or buttocks, simply because I was male); and establishments that want to charge you extortionate amounts for their services, again simply because you’re a guy. (One place I approached for quotes wanted to charge me sixty dollars just to do my legs (and this was ten years ago too)! A rip-off in more ways than one!)

Laser Hair Removal: I’ve had this done on my face, which, like my legs, was one of those parts of my body cursed with profuse hair growth. At the time I started getting it done (nearly a decade away), I don’t think I was even concerned with looking more feminine; I was just sick of having heavy five o’clock shadow that often made me look as though I hadn’t shaved even when I had, and which always seemed to show up in photos (as well as the mirror) as this great, dirty-looking smudge on my face. Yuck! Despite this, I found the prospect of getting hair permanently removed more than a little daunting, but after much thought, realized I probably wouldn’t ever want to grow a beard or moustache, so decided to go ahead with the idea. As you say, this method of hair removal is painful (I’ve heard it likened to being flicked repeatedly with an elastic band, and found that a pretty apt description in my own case), the most painful parts for me being around my lips (which, of course, were also those parts of my face most resistant to treatment!). There’s also the wonderful stench of burning hair that fills your nostrils when you’re having it done, as well as the fact that, even with dark glasses on and your eyes screwed shut, you still have the light of a thousand suns burning into your retinas every time a pulse of laser light is sent into your skin (leading you to wonder if, despite all reassurances to the contrary, you’re really risking some sort of permanent eye damage with this newfangled method of hair removal). Despite all this, I’m generally pleased with the results. Although I eventually gave up on removing the hair on my chin and around my lips via this method (since most of it stubbornly refused to budge), most of the hair on my cheeks and throat has gone (and stayed gone). I find I now only have to shave every other day, and when I do, my skin has a softness and smoothness to it that it never seemed to before.

Still, bearable on the chest area, but I don’t think I’d want to go near more sensitive areas.

Shaving is a bit of a pain, but I guess it depends on how regularly you dress and for how long too.

Given the cost of razor blades over a lifetime, laser sounds a good idea!