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Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. ! Corinthians 12: 4-6

The events in Haiti and some of the negative comments from certain religious and political figures here in the US and elsewhere certainly made me a little uncomfortable with sharing the label Christian. I’ll admit, at the beginning of this crisis, I tried to avoid the images. We’d just finished the season of Christmas and all of a sudden the sick stark reality of the world was trying to rumble back into my conscious. But Pat Robertson’s and Rush Limbaugh’s comments put me in a fighting mood and now I am riveted by the stories, and images emerging from the devastation. A local woman, Molly Hightower, a Catholic woman died in Haiti, trying to help a people already beset by poverty, disease, and suffering. Yet despite this and despite stories from people who have fled, they all seem united in one common thought. Let us catch our breath and then we are going back to help, to rebuild, and to affect lives in a loving and positive way. These people live the message of God. This morning I saw a news clip about how an Israeli rescue team had freed a man trapped since the quake nearly two weeks ago.  What The  rescuer said, when asked about the man’s condition was, “I don’t care, he’s alive.”

People from different walks of life, people with different talents and abilities, all are working to ease the hurt. That is God’s response, not one of turning His back, or rendering the destruction in the first place to punish an evil people and nation. So, where is the connection to this, and cross dressing life? Sisters, God gave us a gift. Though many may see it as sinful or an aberration, it is a gift that God gave and if we approach it that way, and live our lives that way, then the fruits of that gift can blossom with the aid of the Spirit. Those who look on us as sick or aberrant are missing the point that, for me at least, when I embrace my feminine side and let go of the macho mask I try to put up, my creative spirit, my empathetic spirit, my loving spirit is strengthened. But most importantly, I find myself actually coming closer to God. Rather than God turning from me because I like to express a feminine side of my personality, He seems to be celebrating with me that I have discovered He made me this way, and He has a plan to use me in the world.

At 54, I am still trying to discover exactly what God has in mind for me. But for the first time, I feel like I am finally on a path to discovering what it is. My heart aches for the people of Haiti right now, I want to do something other than sit with tears in my eyes as the images continue to play on my tv screen. A donation however small does not seem to be enough. Then I realize that perhaps it is enough, that there are talented people who DO belong at the side of the Haitian people. Their skills and spirit are well suited to the task at hand. Maybe it is enough to pray and do what little I can; God has something else in mind for me. God has something in mind for you too. God made you this way for a very good reason. Knowing that at this point may be enough, but be open to God’s call when it does come. And if it be in a skirt and blouse that He asks you to employ your talents, then know that it was always a part of His plan.

Other Transgender Posts

• Crossdressing in the New Year (10)
• I see T-People… (9)
• The Final Purge (13)
• Socially Acceptable Cross Dressing – will it ever be in style? (10)
• Isis – You've Done the Transgendered Proud! (2)

The new year hearkens a time when we look forward, where old things are reexamined and new things are planned. Vicki’s inspiration for this week invites us into the beauty that awaits in 2010. Remember, do you what you love, even if you love wearing woman’s clothing.

“For behold I create a new heavens and a new earth, and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind.” Isaiah 65:17

The New Year is to most of us a time to look ahead to the future and promise that in the coming year we will do better at whatever it is we decide we need to be better at. “Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot and Never Brought to Mind”, that sort of thing which is so accurately reflected in the verse from Isaiah. Too often though, the old habits, old ways of thinking keep pulling us back I am no different than the rest, but events during this last holiday season have put this verse at the front of my thinking for the coming year, and once again I make promises that I already know will be hard to keep, but armed with some new insight from Isaiah, perhaps I will be more successful than before.

One of the biggest things that hang over me, especially at this time of year is how far am I willing to go to put myself on the line as a TG person. Indeed, how committed am I to maintaining a more regular schedule in terms of just writing these inspirations. It’s not from a lack of real inspiration as much as it is old habits convincing me personally that even this is a trivial exercise and there is so much more to be gained by surfing the net for useless information that I’ll never need again. A year ago I came across Crossdresser Heaven and resolved that I would finally listen to what I think God had been saying to me and step out in a positive and visible way in order to be a spokesperson for the TG and the larger LGBTG community. Well, this column was a start, and I did finally venture out into public, but the goals I had set last year kept being pushed off to the distant future. Habits, ways of thinking, and fears kept cropping up and making “good” excuses for NOT doing a column, not attending a LGBTG event at a local church, even in drab, not following up on other opportunities that came my way,

The holidays played a part in this new awakening to me. My relationship with my mother and siblings had taken a hit when I divorced my first wife and settled in with my girlfriend Molly. Four years later things have not improved though in my mind I had hoped for a Christmas Miracle. It is painful to me that my Lutheran family seems so hard hearted to the woman I love so deeply and who makes me happier than anyone ever has done in my life. She is my soul mate and it is painful for me that my family, mother especially, cannot allow themselves to accept this “Jezebel” and see beyond the event to the heart she has inside. Unfortunately a pleasant post Christmas visit, (minus the love of my life), was spoiled by a simple comment by mom that pretty much shattered my hopes for a full reconciliation anytime soon.

I was stung, not from a sense of feeling guilt, for the comment mom made was sorely out of proportion and context to a perceived slight. I realized that forgiveness was not forthcoming, for Molly, and by extension, for me. I struggled a day or two with this information until the words from Isaiah crept up on my e-mail Tuesday morning. God promises a new way of looking and seeing the world. Perhaps my blood relations cannot see it yet, but there is hope. But for my part, I need to let go of that hurt first and move on into the next phase of God’s life plan for me.

I can already hear many of you saying; well what does this have to do with cross dressing for goodness sake? A couple things, first any illusion of coming out to my family any time soon , before I make certain other steps in this lifestyle is not going to happen. Imagine the fireworks over that one, not only did he divorce his wife, he runs around in Jezebel’s clothes. But it doesn’t matter. To hold onto the past restricts my step to the future. What was in my mind an excuse became a roadblock. Not that I will forget mom entirely, I am her son, but I cannot let her opinion of me and my desire to “make it right” prevent me from moving ahead in a life affirming, love filled way. There is the second part of the lesson for us as cross dressers. No matter where you find yourself on the journey, look to the words of Isaiah. Old ways of thinking and behaving are out, God has established a new heaven on earth and we are assured of that in Christ. To all my sisters then, a Happy New Year, one filled with positive steps ahead, be it in acceptance of yourself as God accepts you, or in steps out into the world, to find where that self fits in , but most importantly to find the work that God wants you to give as a full measure of that self that is wholly you..

Other Transgender Posts

• Mandy's Crossdressing Success Story – The Encouraging Crossdresser's Wife (3)
• A Treasure Trove Of Gender Identity Information (0)
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• Crossdressing Over The Holidays (5)
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Merry Christmas from Crossdresser Heaven

Merry Christmas to all the readers of Crossdresser Heaven. May your Christmas be filled with the joy of special moments and the love of special people.

With blessings to you and those you hold dear.

-Vanessa

Vicki has written some of her thoughts this Christmas, which I’d like to share with you as you celebrate the festive season.

Crossdressing, Christmas Time and God’s Love

Wow, what a year this has been. One year ago today, just home from work, snowbound on Christmas Eve, I chanced upon this wonderful little site called Crossdresser Heaven. It was just what I’d been looking for, a place to talk about Crossdressing, but also a place where one could find some good Christian support for this little hobby, or maybe better to say, lifestyle of ours. It may have been percolating in my mind a bit, but I still hadn’t figured out a way to get the thoughts and ideas I had about my feminine side and it’s relation to my spiritual side out and onto paper, though I knew I had to somehow. Finally a place to discuss it and perhaps rummage around in my “closet”, and a few other closets as well to figure out how it all fit together.

Little did I know that I’d be contributing, much less did I know that before the year has elapsed I’d be taking my first steps in the real world with our lovely and talented hostess Vanessa.

We are asked at this time of year though to step back a moment, and focus on the reason for Christmas. Trust me it sometimes is hard to find much of anything in Scripture about crossdressing, and in the one place it is mentioned it is regarded as an abomination in God’s eyes. Not much hope to go on there is it? But that tends to categorize us as somehow different, and though in society’s eyes we are, the story of the birth of Christ tells us that we are all a part of God’s fallen world, sinful, screwed up, dead in some ways to hope and promise. In God’s eyes there is no differentiation. God looks on the world and sees a place that needs His Saving Grace.

I have many favorite parts of the Christmas story, I love to sit in a hushed church on Christmas Eve and be reminded of the way Christ came into our world to be God among us, Immanuel. There is a special silence that seems to fall on this night that is different than any other. It may simply be that when I leave church, nothing is open and the rest of the world is inside. Not everyone of course, for there are still those that are homeless, in search of a place to lay their heads. And there it is, that part of the tale that connects us intimately with God, or rather connects God intimately with us. For on the night of His birth he too was “homeless”, weary from a long journey, showing up perhaps after everything was closed, they had no place to rest, no place for Mary to give birth but the stable. If God, King of Kings had wanted to establish His special place of birth, to place Himself above us in His Kingdom, he could have done much better. But He didn’t, He chose to be born into a place of squalor, with animals as His bedmates, in a hidden dark corner of a tiny village in the Middle East. He came in humble birth to announce that He is with us to live our experience, not to preach about how we should change who we are, but to say I love you and accept you because I’ve been there, and all I want is for you to love and be loved, by Me, but to also love each other as I have loved you first.

From that birth story we take this message, that God truly is Immanuel, God among us. He has been in the dark corner we have all been in, He has and still to this day experiences our pains as well as our joys. Having been exactly where each of us has been, His only response is to love us. How can He not, for to do so would be to not love Himself.

Peace to all on this Christmas 2009. May you all be Blessed and come to accept the Love God pours out to us all.

Vicki.

Related Crossdressing Posts

• A Gift For Your Crossdresser This Christmas (3)
• Merry Christmas! (4)

Crossdresser Don't Need Permission

A few weeks ago I attended church with Vicki and her wonderful family as Vanessa. It was the first time I’d gone to church as Vanessa, which was quite an experience itself. As much as I’d been yearning to worship God as Vanessa it took a few reassurances that I wouldn’t cause problems at the church, or make life difficult for Vicki and her family before I went. Despite what you may be thinking so far, this week’s post isn’t about going out dressed, or religion. It’ll make sense in a moment…

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the different denominations of Christianity (or religion itself) the traditions can vary quite widely. From casual music and a sermon all the way to a formal service with many scripted sections. The service I attended was more formal than I’d been to since college – which is neither a bad thing or a good thing. It did, however, get me thinking about authority.

Crossdressers Are Under Authority

Pretty much since we’re born we’re under authority. We have people telling us what we can and can’t do. Our parents, our teachers, our pastors. We’re trained to ask for permission before doing something as simple as using the bathroom. And woe to you if someone else has been granted permission just before you – there’s only so many hall passes to go around you know.

This system creates compliant drones ready to join the workforce and wait for a boss to tell them what to do and to set boundaries on what they can’t. This may be a fine way to manage society (though I have contrary views that are beyond the scope of a transgender column), but it is a terrible way to manage your emotions.

You Don’t Need Permission To Love Yourself!

As crossdressers we’re especially susceptible to the judgments of society. We look around waiting for someone to give us permission to be who we are. Perhaps it’s an understanding wife who lets you wear feminine undergarments at home, or a social organization, or a book you read. Yet for most of us, even with permission to crossdress we still feel ashamed of crossdressing.

Why is that? Why, even without the damnation of those closest to us, and the nearest liberal church do we still find it difficult to love ourselves? I think we’re waiting for permission. We’re waiting for someone to tell us that it’s okay to love ourselves. Just as we are. With all our failings and flaws that concealer can’t hide.

Stop Waiting!

You Don’t Need Permission To Love Yourself!

Decide today that you’re going to love yourself for who you are. Maybe you’re a crossdresser struggling to accept your feminine desires. Maybe you’re the wife of a crossdresser wondering where you failed? Maybe you’re too fat, or too poor, or have too few friends. None of that matters. Love yourself.

If you won’t do it without permission, then I give you permission to love yourself. Say it aloud now, ‘Vanessa gives me permission to love myself. I love myself for who I am.’.

Really. Say it. Your computer will contract a horrible virus and explode if you don’t say it loud enough so that I can hear you.

‘I love myself for who I am’

Did you check that your microphone was on? I could bare hear a mumbling from the other end. All I have are these words (and the ability to make your computer explode), so just say it. Do it because you’re afraid of the mess your computer will make if you don’t, or because you just want to move on to the next article, or because you have enough faith in yourself to know that only good can come from this.

‘I love myself for who I am’

You might just find that when you love yourself the world seems a bit brighter, and you have more love to share with others. You are beautiful just as you are. Thank you for joining me this week.

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P.S. I don’t really have the ability to make your computer explode. However, if it  does explode I recommend you contact the manufacturer immediately and get your fabulous clothes far from harms way. Melted skirt is not a good look for you….

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• What do you do to help your crossdressing? (16)

In the e-mail devotion I received today on this passage, the writer spoke of how summer had sped by, and the many projects she had planned were coming to naught. Boy could I relate. But she points us to remember that if we need to turn to God when the distractions get in the way of our everyday course of life, and even more so when the distractions crop up in our Christian walk. She points us to the cause of the distraction when she writes, “It seems there are many obstacles standing between us and a stronger faith. Satan has many tools to tear us from a closer walk with God.” I tend not to think too much about Satan being behind some of the little things that seem to get in the way on an almost daily basis, take this column for instance. But perhaps I need to.

We in the CD community should be constantly aware of Satan though. After all, we are constantly reminded, either to our face if we choose to live openly, or by the messages sent by society at large. Our urge to dress is nothing more than a temptation put before us by Satan as a part of his devious plan to keep God away from us, and us from God. It should be also noted this is also what our brothers and sisters in the Gay and Lesbian communities hear. It is what women and blacks heard in the past, it is what lepers and tax collectors heard in Jesus’ day. You are not one of us, you are not one of the Chosen, and God wants nothing to do with you because you are unclean, foreign, sub human. The truly sad part of this is most of us at some point in our lives have opted to believe that the “chosen” are correct in deciding who is fit for the kingdom and who is not.

One very common response is to hide that part of ourselves from others. We separate the gender ambiguous part of ourselves from church and ultimately God. The other common response is to reject a God who would deem us as unacceptable and to walk away from relationship with Him on any level. In either case, Satan has won. In the former sense it is certainly subtle, but by withholding part of ourselves, perhaps even convincing ourselves that we are hiding it from God, we prevent allowing that full relationship that God desires to have with us from coming to fruition. We never allow for the idea that perhaps it is the very gift that we hide is the gift God intends us to use the most. Where God is rejected outright, the party in hell begins, and while we may not even realize that is what has happened, Satan doesn’t care. One more soul prevented from realizing the relationship that God wants for all His creation, but that Satan was too jealous to share.

We tend always to think of distractions that loom up directly in our view, the roadblocks to our best laid plans. And we can usually strategize a mechanism for coping with the obvious. But it is the subtle distractions that tear us down; fear, self hatred, lack of confidence or lack of faith. It is an unwillingness to accept ourselves as a special creation of the Most High God. It happens to those outside our special little community, I suspect even amongst the “chosen” at times. The answer to this little, subtle distractions that Satan throws in our path, I think lie in the last verse of this passage from Philippians. “I can do all things through Him that strengthens me.” We must put our trust in a Loving, accepting, welcoming, and non-judgmental Christ, God Manifest. Then the distractions in the way of our relationship with God will melt away in the face of our strongest advocate to Him. Jesus Christ.

I pray that each of us, all God’s Children, no matter where we are on the journey, remember that when a distraction comes up, anything that will prevent us from experiencing a fuller and richer relationship with God, we look to our side, to see who walks with us. We give thanks to you God for the sacrifice in love poured out for us by your Son Jesus Christ.

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Vanessa here – thanks Vicki for you inspiration, and thank you to all the ladies who submitted a local transgender support group. The list of transgender support groups contains more than 100 local groups from ten countries! If you don’t see your group, or your favorite group there, please submit it!

Related Crossdressing Posts

• Vicki’s Inspirations for Crossdressing Christians: Transgender and the Eunuch (7)
• Vicki’s Inspirations for Crossdressing Christians: In The Beginning (4)
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• God Cannot Save the Crossdresser (14)
• Sometimes the 'men of God' make me ashamed to be a Christian (17)