Crossdresser Heaven

Fashion, makeup and body movement tips for crossdressers who want to look and feel more feminine

Categories: Christianity and Crossdressing

Merry Christmas

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Christianity and Crossdressing

Tags: Crossdresser Christmas

Comments: 14 Comments

Published on: December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas from Crossdresser Heaven

Merry Christmas to all the readers of Crossdresser Heaven. May your Christmas be filled with the joy of special moments and the love of special people.

With blessings to you and those you hold dear.

-Vanessa

Vicki has written some of her thoughts this Christmas, which I’d like to share with you as you celebrate the festive season.

Crossdressing, Christmas Time and God’s Love

Wow, what a year this has been. One year ago today, just home from work, snowbound on Christmas Eve, I chanced upon this wonderful little site called Crossdresser Heaven. It was just what I’d been looking for, a place to talk about Crossdressing, but also a place where one could find some good Christian support for this little hobby, or maybe better to say, lifestyle of ours. It may have been percolating in my mind a bit, but I still hadn’t figured out a way to get the thoughts and ideas I had about my feminine side and it’s relation to my spiritual side out and onto paper, though I knew I had to somehow. Finally a place to discuss it and perhaps rummage around in my “closet”, and a few other closets as well to figure out how it all fit together.

Little did I know that I’d be contributing, much less did I know that before the year has elapsed I’d be taking my first steps in the real world with our lovely and talented hostess Vanessa.

We are asked at this time of year though to step back a moment, and focus on the reason for Christmas. Trust me it sometimes is hard to find much of anything in Scripture about crossdressing, and in the one place it is mentioned it is regarded as an abomination in God’s eyes. Not much hope to go on there is it? But that tends to categorize us as somehow different, and though in society’s eyes we are, the story of the birth of Christ tells us that we are all a part of God’s fallen world, sinful, screwed up, dead in some ways to hope and promise. In God’s eyes there is no differentiation. God looks on the world and sees a place that needs His Saving Grace.

I have many favorite parts of the Christmas story, I love to sit in a hushed church on Christmas Eve and be reminded of the way Christ came into our world to be God among us, Immanuel. There is a special silence that seems to fall on this night that is different than any other. It may simply be that when I leave church, nothing is open and the rest of the world is inside. Not everyone of course, for there are still those that are homeless, in search of a place to lay their heads. And there it is, that part of the tale that connects us intimately with God, or rather connects God intimately with us. For on the night of His birth he too was “homeless”, weary from a long journey, showing up perhaps after everything was closed, they had no place to rest, no place for Mary to give birth but the stable. If God, King of Kings had wanted to establish His special place of birth, to place Himself above us in His Kingdom, he could have done much better. But He didn’t, He chose to be born into a place of squalor, with animals as His bedmates, in a hidden dark corner of a tiny village in the Middle East. He came in humble birth to announce that He is with us to live our experience, not to preach about how we should change who we are, but to say I love you and accept you because I’ve been there, and all I want is for you to love and be loved, by Me, but to also love each other as I have loved you first.

From that birth story we take this message, that God truly is Immanuel, God among us. He has been in the dark corner we have all been in, He has and still to this day experiences our pains as well as our joys. Having been exactly where each of us has been, His only response is to love us. How can He not, for to do so would be to not love Himself.

Peace to all on this Christmas 2009. May you all be Blessed and come to accept the Love God pours out to us all.

Vicki.

You Don’t Need Permission…

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Christianity and Crossdressing, Crossdresser Support

Tags: Christian crossdresser help, crossdresser emotional support, crossdressing grief, crossdressing help

Comments: 8 Comments

Published on: September 22, 2009

Crossdresser Don't Need Permission

A few weeks ago I attended church with Vicki and her wonderful family as Vanessa. It was the first time I’d gone to church as Vanessa, which was quite an experience itself. As much as I’d been yearning to worship God as Vanessa it took a few reassurances that I wouldn’t cause problems at the church, or make life difficult for Vicki and her family before I went. Despite what you may be thinking so far, this week’s post isn’t about going out dressed, or religion. It’ll make sense in a moment…

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the different denominations of Christianity (or religion itself) the traditions can vary quite widely. From casual music and a sermon all the way to a formal service with many scripted sections. The service I attended was more formal than I’d been to since college – which is neither a bad thing or a good thing. It did, however, get me thinking about authority.

Crossdressers Are Under Authority

Pretty much since we’re born we’re under authority. We have people telling us what we can and can’t do. Our parents, our teachers, our pastors. We’re trained to ask for permission before doing something as simple as using the bathroom. And woe to you if someone else has been granted permission just before you – there’s only so many hall passes to go around you know.

This system creates compliant drones ready to join the workforce and wait for a boss to tell them what to do and to set boundaries on what they can’t. This may be a fine way to manage society (though I have contrary views that are beyond the scope of a transgender column), but it is a terrible way to manage your emotions.

You Don’t Need Permission To Love Yourself!

As crossdressers we’re especially susceptible to the judgments of society. We look around waiting for someone to give us permission to be who we are. Perhaps it’s an understanding wife who lets you wear feminine undergarments at home, or a social organization, or a book you read. Yet for most of us, even with permission to crossdress we still feel ashamed of crossdressing.

Why is that? Why, even without the damnation of those closest to us, and the nearest liberal church do we still find it difficult to love ourselves? I think we’re waiting for permission. We’re waiting for someone to tell us that it’s okay to love ourselves. Just as we are. With all our failings and flaws that concealer can’t hide.

Stop Waiting!

You Don’t Need Permission To Love Yourself!

Decide today that you’re going to love yourself for who you are. Maybe you’re a crossdresser struggling to accept your feminine desires. Maybe you’re the wife of a crossdresser wondering where you failed? Maybe you’re too fat, or too poor, or have too few friends. None of that matters. Love yourself.

If you won’t do it without permission, then I give you permission to love yourself. Say it aloud now, ‘Vanessa gives me permission to love myself. I love myself for who I am.’.

Really. Say it. Your computer will contract a horrible virus and explode if you don’t say it loud enough so that I can hear you.

‘I love myself for who I am’

Did you check that your microphone was on? I could bare hear a mumbling from the other end. All I have are these words (and the ability to make your computer explode), so just say it. Do it because you’re afraid of the mess your computer will make if you don’t, or because you just want to move on to the next article, or because you have enough faith in yourself to know that only good can come from this.

‘I love myself for who I am’

You might just find that when you love yourself the world seems a bit brighter, and you have more love to share with others. You are beautiful just as you are. Thank you for joining me this week.

—
P.S. I don’t really have the ability to make your computer explode. However, if it does explode I recommend you contact the manufacturer immediately and get your fabulous clothes far from harms way. Melted skirt is not a good look for you….

I Know How To Be Brought Low

by Vicki Stevens

Categories: Christianity and Crossdressing, Vicki's Inspirations for Crossdressing Christians

Tags: Christian Crossdresser

Comments: 2 Comments

Published on: August 23, 2009

“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:12-13

In the e-mail devotion I received today on this passage, the writer spoke of how summer had sped by, and the many projects she had planned were coming to naught. Boy could I relate. But she points us to remember that if we need to turn to God when the distractions get in the way of our everyday course of life, and even more so when the distractions crop up in our Christian walk. She points us to the cause of the distraction when she writes, “It seems there are many obstacles standing between us and a stronger faith. Satan has many tools to tear us from a closer walk with God.” I tend not to think too much about Satan being behind some of the little things that seem to get in the way on an almost daily basis, take this column for instance. But perhaps I need to.

We in the CD community should be constantly aware of Satan though. After all, we are constantly reminded, either to our face if we choose to live openly, or by the messages sent by society at large. Our urge to dress is nothing more than a temptation put before us by Satan as a part of his devious plan to keep God away from us, and us from God. It should be also noted this is also what our brothers and sisters in the Gay and Lesbian communities hear. It is what women and blacks heard in the past, it is what lepers and tax collectors heard in Jesus’ day. You are not one of us, you are not one of the Chosen, and God wants nothing to do with you because you are unclean, foreign, sub human. The truly sad part of this is most of us at some point in our lives have opted to believe that the “chosen” are correct in deciding who is fit for the kingdom and who is not.

One very common response is to hide that part of ourselves from others. We separate the gender ambiguous part of ourselves from church and ultimately God. The other common response is to reject a God who would deem us as unacceptable and to walk away from relationship with Him on any level. In either case, Satan has won. In the former sense it is certainly subtle, but by withholding part of ourselves, perhaps even convincing ourselves that we are hiding it from God, we prevent allowing that full relationship that God desires to have with us from coming to fruition. We never allow for the idea that perhaps it is the very gift that we hide is the gift God intends us to use the most. Where God is rejected outright, the party in hell begins, and while we may not even realize that is what has happened, Satan doesn’t care. One more soul prevented from realizing the relationship that God wants for all His creation, but that Satan was too jealous to share.

We tend always to think of distractions that loom up directly in our view, the roadblocks to our best laid plans. And we can usually strategize a mechanism for coping with the obvious. But it is the subtle distractions that tear us down; fear, self hatred, lack of confidence or lack of faith. It is an unwillingness to accept ourselves as a special creation of the Most High God. It happens to those outside our special little community, I suspect even amongst the “chosen” at times. The answer to this little, subtle distractions that Satan throws in our path, I think lie in the last verse of this passage from Philippians. “I can do all things through Him that strengthens me.” We must put our trust in a Loving, accepting, welcoming, and non-judgmental Christ, God Manifest. Then the distractions in the way of our relationship with God will melt away in the face of our strongest advocate to Him. Jesus Christ.

I pray that each of us, all God’s Children, no matter where we are on the journey, remember that when a distraction comes up, anything that will prevent us from experiencing a fuller and richer relationship with God, we look to our side, to see who walks with us. We give thanks to you God for the sacrifice in love poured out for us by your Son Jesus Christ.

—
Vanessa here – thanks Vicki for you inspiration, and thank you to all the ladies who submitted a local transgender support group. The list of transgender support groups contains more than 100 local groups from ten countries! If you don’t see your group, or your favorite group there, please submit it!

Vicki’s Inspirations for Crossdressing Christians – Let Go of Your Doubt

by Vicki Stevens

Categories: Christianity and Crossdressing, Vicki's Inspirations for Crossdressing Christians

Tags: Christianity and Crossdressing, Crossdressing Christian

Comments: 5 Comments

Published on: May 31, 2009

John 15 1, 7-8: (Jesus said): I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower.7. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.”

(Vanessa had asked that I divide this inspiration into two pieces for ease of reading and thinking on. This is the continuation of the inspiration that started with the story of the Eunuch in Acts. To recap, both of these lessons, the story of the Eunuchin Acts, and the parable of the vine and the vinegrower were read in church on Mother’s Day and were the source for the entire Inspiration.-Vicki)

It seems appropriate then that the image of the vine that Jesus uses in the Gospel followed the lesson of this hungering soul, the eunuch of Acts. Jesus compares himself to a vine, and the Father to the vinegrower. He compares us to offshoots from that vine, and that those who bear fruit, are cared for, pruned and allowed to flourish under the Father’s care and constantly fed by the main vine which is Christ. We cannot live or exist in Christ apart from his sustenance. “Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, but apart from me you can do nothing.” I listened to the verse, understanding again the lesson that in Christ lays the answers we all look for and yet hearing these words as if for the first time and with new understanding. The minister in his sermon used many present day examples to drive the point home, and then asked this question, attempting to tie the two stories together. He allowed that angels, still work in this world, though we probably shouldn’t expect magnificent winged creatures blazing with light to guide us. But, he said, be attentive to the little things and then look inside to test it. He pointed more than once to an area on his torso, between the heart and stomach and peered at the congregation, how do we know it is the Spirit he asked, tapping that region on him self. He didn’t need to provide the answer, for we know where God resides. It is there in our heart that we find not only God abiding in us, but us abiding in God. The lesson was very clear, but my hungering Spirit wanted more.

When one goes out on a journey that might be on a path that would seem new; perhaps by the “experts” of our day to be…forbidden; one wants to be sure that their chosen path is correct. I want to believe that this ministry call I feel so strongly is true. I found myself as the Pastor tapped his heart wanting to shout out, how can we know and trust that “gut” feeling. I am a seeker filled with too many doubts at times, still wanting to believe that it doesn’t matter what I choose to wear, or who I find fulfillment in love with, or even that the body I was given does not match the person that I am. I want to believe that God is not judging us on that. Still the path I am on, the people I seek to reach out to and be reached back to by, are seen by so many as unworthy of God’s love and acceptance. I know many in this community struggle daily with this side of themselves and reject God, because they feel God has rejected them. So I wonder if I might just be wrong and that “they” are right. I formulate the words and want to ask, How can I be sure this is God and not my own selfishness, or my own agenda. It seems even as the words are hanging in the air, “those who abide in me” I am forgetting them. Even as the pastor taps his chest, I am questioning my own heart.

Yet, the words stay, the words hang until they can penetrate and take root. I let go of the doubt, look to Jesus, and allow myself to abide in Him, and the fruit begins to flourish. I give up my own agenda, I allow the vinegrower to prune as necessary, and wait for the fruit to appear. God is wise enough to know, if I saw the perils of the journey, I would likely just stay at home. If we knew what lay ahead, joys and sorrow, trials and triumphs, most of us would likely just decide it wasn’t worth it, and choose to live the way we are expected to. But He provides us with the assurance we need. The fruits of our labors would be proof enough. In these first weeks, I’ve found so many of you willing to share your thoughts back to me, to encourage me in small yet important ways. I hesitate to use the term, loaded in our present day world with such negative connotation for people like us. But there it is, you are my fruits, the assurance that Jesus abides in me, and that I am finally beginning to abide in Him. Maybe better to say, you all are my angels, visiting me and pointing me to new paths, all the while giving me that sense of peace that I am on the right path for me. I give thanks to you and I give thanks to God for you all dear readers, and will stay on this path, even though doubt assails me at times. I will strive to remember in Him, we have our strength and purpose and it is in Him only we need seek approval.

Transgender Eunuchs – The Narrow Minded Church

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Christianity and Crossdressing

Tags: Christian crossdressers, transgender Christian, transgender eunuch

Comments: 4 Comments

Published on: May 25, 2009

Vicki’s Inspiration that mentioned the eunuch and transgender reminded me of a conversation I had with my pastor a few years ago. This was the same pastor I never heard from again after he told me he “loved” me. But I digress.

At the time I was struggling to come to terms with the fact that I was transgendered. I had just recently begun to grow in acceptance of who I was, and met many lovely ladies at Tri-ESS. I was trying hard to reconcile the church’s teachings with what I knew in my heart, and what I read in the Bible.

In particular the story about the eunuch that Vicki mentioned. Some have argued that the eunuch may have been an early way of referring to the transgendered. At the very least the eunuch was neither fully man nor fully woman.

I mentioned this to my pastor, trying to understand what I saw as an inconsistency in the church’s teachings. How could eunuch’s play such an important role in the Bible, while the transgendered are vile sinners? His reply, with much conviction, was:

That is a eunuch, not a transgendered person

At the time I was confused, struggling, and perhaps overly emotional, so I accepted his response. Of course, eunuch’s are accepted by God, but not transgendered people. That makes sense, it’s in the Bible.

It took me until yesterday, almost six years later, before I realized how inane and narrow minded his reply really was. If you accept that eunuch’s and transgendered people have nothing to do with each other (a debate for another time), it still makes you wonder.

The church, with all their rules and regulations, all their defined gender roles so easily accept something (a eunuch) because it is mentioned in the Bible. Yet if you describe a eunuch today without using that word they recoil in revulsion. A man without the appropriate genitals. Someone not wholly a man or a woman. They must be an abomination to God.

The narrow mindedness of the church is laid bare in this contradiction. The acceptance of the concept of eunuchs, and the revulsion at the actuality of the same. Just as we sing so often about loving others, yet lose all mercy and compassion before we’ve even left the church parking lot.

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