Crossdresser Heaven » Learn How To Crossdress

How to Crossdress and Pass in Public

Vanessa Law — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 06:45:32 +0000

I recently wrote an article at Transgender Heaven for woman who are struggling with going full time because they don’t pass as well in public. The article is entitled ‘How to Go Full Time When You Don’t Pass‘.

Do you stand out when crossdressing?

Much of the advice is also valid for crossdressers who are fearful of going out dressed for the first time. Though if you’re not intent on transition I’d recommend you tread carefully when altering your body movements and voice. Too drastic a change could jeopardize your ability to lead a regular life when you’re not en femme. You need to make sure you’re okay with that.

For crossdressers, I think there are two other vital areas to be aware of if you’d like to improve your ability to pass in public.

Clothes – Wear what flatters

Now, honestly I’m the last person who should be telling you what to wear. Already your fashion proclivities are recalcitrant just by crossdressing. And you’re free to wear what makes you feel most comfortable. If you’d like to improve your odds of passing, however, I recommend paying attention to what woman your age and body shape are wearing. What looks good on them? What doesn’t? Use this as a basis to develop your own unique style, and do so with the confidence that you’re starting from a safe, well worn style path.

Makeup – Beware the Bozo

Your goal when putting on makeup is not to hide every imperfection, nor is it to create a dramatically different image, one other than what you see in the mirror. You should approach makeup with a light touch, intent on accentuating your best features and drawing attention away from those that aren’t as flattering. I recommend starting out light, with something like Bare Escentuals mineral makeup. But each person’s skin type is different, and it’s important to try different makeup until you find one that’s right for you. There are many different options for mineral makeup at SheerCover.com and other site – be sure to try as many as you need in order to make the best decision for your skin’s health. Pay more attention to the quality of your skin – moisturize often, wear sunscreen – if you’re able to get laser hair removal or electrolysis which will dramatically soften your skin. Take a look at a few more makeup tips for crossdressers here.

So go out and work your great looks, and don’t worry about what others think!

What else do you do to pass as a woman in public?

—
P.S. Follow me on Google+ for great discussion about transgender news and issues. If you don’t have an invite, you can get a free invite to Google+ here.

Photo courtesy of Megyarsh

How To Tell Someone You're Transgendered

Vanessa Law — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 17:16:00 +0000

I often get email asking me, “How do I tell my wife/mother/friend that I’m transgendered?” I find myself at a loss for what to say, because there is no recipe for sharing such a personal part of yourself. Yet I realize that my silence does no good – sharing my experience and insights may perhaps provide a starting point for someone else. There are two caveats I’d like to mention first. This is my experience and is based on what I’ve learnt sharing with my friends and family. Different people will react differently, and different situations will call for a different approach. Use your best judgment on how to tell someone. This advice may not be suitable for crossdressers who aren’t transitioning, or for those who are depend on someone else such as teenagers. Crossdressers should read How To Tell Your Wife You Crossdress, and teenagers should look at Teenage Crossdressers

My Experience Coming Out As A Transgender Woman

It’s easy to theorize on how one should disclose this, it’s much harder to actual share it in practice. One of the reasons I waited so long is because I felt like I had insufficient experience telling people. In a sense I still feel that way. Over the last few years I’ve told my wife, mom, dad, brothers, four close friends, hair dresser, both my electrologists, HR, my managers and a few colleagues. I haven’t told some less intimate friends and everyone at work yet.

Be certain about your message

When I told my mom I was only 95% certain that I wanted to transition. This was a big mistake. Even though she was supportive, this 5% doubt gave her room to suggest various cures that I should try – from spiritual exorcisms to therapeutic remedies. Even though it came from a place of love and concern for me it wasn’t helpful in my journey. Be certain about what you’re going to tell them. Even if you’re almost sure, take the time to get sure. Your certainty shouldn’t depend on someone else’s reaction anyway, so there is no need to rush.

Be Prepared

Once you know what you’re going to say, be prepared. At a minimum you should have read a transgender book and done some research on the Internet. Rehearse in your mind a few times what you want to say, but don’t stress about getting it exactly perfect – this isn’t speech class. Spend your mental energy on listening to the person you’re telling and taking notice of their non-verbal communication. Empathy and connection will get your further than polished prose.

Set Your Intention

In all likelihood you’re telling this person because they’re important to you. You care about them and trust them with the information you’re about to reveal. Think about what you’d like to happen. Perhaps you want to be yourself around them, and hope that your relationship will grow closer because of it. Whatever your goal is for telling them, keep it in mind. Your intention will come through in your tone of voice, body language and subtle cues. Make it a good intention.

Start with Someone Who Will Accept

Telling someone for the first time can be daunting. Who you tell is just as important as how and when. The first time you tell someone you are going to be nervous, you’re going to forget what you want to say and get asked a question you didn’t anticipate. If you tell someone who is likely to be accepting, they’re also likely to overlook any hiccups and will be flattered that you chose to share with them first. There are no guarantees that someone will accept your transgender revelation, but you probably have a few friends who are likely candidates.

Pick The Right Time, Choose The Right Moment

Timing is important. Ideally you can find a time that you’re alone together or in a relatively private and quiet setting such as a restaurant or coffee shop. I’d recommend a neutral place, so if things don’t go well they don’t feel threatened by your presence in their home (or vice versa). Wait for the moment in your conversation to appear, after the small talk is over and the drinks have arrived. If you told them before meeting that you have something to share they’ll help you create the moment by asking about it.

Don’t use jargon

Transgender, transition, m2f, ffs, hormone therapy – oh my! The person you’re telling likely won’t have a clue what you’re talking about if you pull out the gender jargon. Use concepts they can understand. I usually start off something like, “You’re a good friend, and I value our relationship. I’ve got something I want to share with you that has been part of my life for a long time. I believe I was meant to be a woman, and I’m starting the necessary medical therapy to change my gender.”

Expect a Reaction

And as a corollary, expect a reaction you didn’t expect. Shock, Anger, Concern, Curiosity and a desire to cure you are all common reactions. Don’t be surprised if they react negatively, or even if you get no reaction. They’re still processing the information, give them time. The most common reaction I’ve received is, “I wonder when you were going to tell me”, followed by acceptance. In this regard I’m fortunate, or perhaps fortunate that my subtle hints beforehand were well received.

Good luck sharing such a deeply personal part of yourself!

Comment and let me know about your experience telling others, and any advice you have for the ladies out there.

2 Crossdressing Mistakes We All Make

Vanessa Law — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 13:32:02 +0000

Two Crossdressing Mistakes We All Make

I gazed around the room. Every lady was well put together – to an individual her outfit was coordinated and appropriate to her build. Her makeup was subtly and carefully applied. Her hair styled with the love of a salon owner. These ladies had clearly learned how to crossdress, they had avoided the most common crossdressing mistakes and then some.

Yet as I looked at many of these lovely ladies I couldn’t help thinking “man in a dress”. That thought stunned me – these women could all be role models in the crossdressing community. They had cultivated their appearance and would be the envy of any just beginning their crossdressing journey. It also made me pensive – if that thought so quickly entered my mind, and I admired their appearance so, surely I’ll be read even more quickly? In fact, what hope is there for any of us to pass as a woman?

After mulling it over for a few days I finally figured it out – these ladies made 2 crossdressing mistakes. Mistakes we all make.

Crossdressing Deportment School?

Men are relaxed to the extreme. When they sit they spread out, taking as much space as they need to fully relax every body part. When they walk they take up space, and they slouch. Their shoulders stoop over as if finally bending to years carrying the heavy load of masculinity. Woman don’t slouch – woman sit and stand up straight. Watch woman next time you’re out shopping, and compare their posture with the men you see. If you can catch a multi-gendered checkout line the difference will be immediately obvious.

Now “stand up straight” might bring to mind a relative you know who is in the military. There’s nothing feminine about standing to attention as if preparing to salute the president. To get a more feminine posture you need to think “in and up”. Roll your shoulders back and gently drop them. Pull your elbows in and lift your torso up as if you’re a puppet on a string, with the string coming through the crown of your head. Lean slightly forward and then soften your posture. To make good posture a part of your daily routine I highly recommend taking up yoga – many of the poses will help undo years of bad habits that gives us all the inevitable slumping forward.

The first mistake these lovely ladies made was to slouch.

Life’s Not That Bad, Is It?

It was clear all the ladies were deep in concentration – learning the latest tips on how to present in a more feminine manner. Their brows were furrowed, their lips pressed together in a contemplative frown, and their face pulled down as if they were wrestling with the information presented. It was also clear that this look was working against their desires to pass as a woman. For most men their face “at rest” is in a slight frown, yet most woman have a more radiant, open and uplifted face. This can prove quite a challenge for transgender woman, since most of the time we don’t think about what our face is doing until we express an emotion.

What can we do about our propensity to frown? Find something joyful in every moment, and let your joy show. That’s much more effective than plastering a fake smile on your face – and as a bonus you’ll feel better too

Do you want to avoid other crossdressing mistakes?

If you want to hone your feminine presentation I highly recommend you purchase the ultimate crossdressing guide. And practice practice practice! You’ve spent years hiding your true self, and it will take time to break through all the masculine walls you’ve built around yourself.

With love and blessings,
Vanessa

Crossdressers In Pursuit of The Perfect Feminine Figure

Vanessa Law — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 13:28:22 +0000

It’s happened to all of us. We finally pluck up the courage to purchase an outfit of our very own and spend many days or weeks admiring our new femininity in the privacy of our home. The feelings of elation seem to touch to the core of our soul as we see the woman inside us come to life. Yet after a few weeks something happens.

We observe that the dress doesn’t hang right. The sexy blouse seems to gape in an unattractive way. Even in the dim light of evening we struggle to describe our hourglass form as such. The elation of those first tentative steps are replaced with a low grade despondency a frustration at how far our form is from the perfect feminine figure.

Enter Crossdresser Body Shapers

With some guidance from fellow crossdressers, or a few keystroke search over the Internet we find the answer to our feminine figure frustrations – body shapers. The most obvious starting place is, of course, breast forms. Of all the things missing from our bodies breasts are the first and most obvious we notice. Breast forms do the obvious – creating the appearance of real breasts, especially when carefully concealed behind a blouse or dress that masks their artificial nature. There are many places to purchase breast forms – in fact you’ll find a link to the Breastform store at the bottom of this page – but your figure firm ups don’t need to stop there.

As you know woman tend to have larger hips and curvier bottom than men. The balance between larger hips and smaller shoulders gives woman the desirable hourglass figure. As long as you don’t make the mistake of wearing a top with shoulder pads or copious gathers around your shoulders you’ve done about all you can do for your shoulder size. Your bottom half, however, presents an opportunity to further your feminine image. Hip pads and bottom pads are body shapers that many crossdressers use to balance out their wider shoulders, and give the appearance of a curvier, hourglass figure.

To take the illusion to the next level you can wear a corset, which makes your waist smaller through the painful application of a smothering force around your torso. Oftentimes you can take 2-4 inches off your waistline with a corset. Just be careful not to tie it too tight – it’s no good looking fabulous if you’re passed out on the floor!

Vanessa’s Body Shaping Routine

I must admit that I’ve found over time that I prefer fewer enhancements than more. Perhaps it’s just my desire to feel comfortable, or maybe I’m just fleeing from the struggle to keep those breast forms attached and happy. When I’m out with jeans and a tshirt or blouse I’ve found the lack of breast forms doesn’t make much difference as to whether I’m read or not. I’ve had less success going breastformless with dresses, or certain blouses that hung uncomfortably empty without them.

I generally don’t use hip or butt shapers – though if done right they can look fabulous. I haven’t worn a corset for a few years – for now I’m focusing on slimming my waist through diet and exercise. Once I’ve taken that as far as I can I’ll give the corset another try.

What about you? What’s your crossdresser body shaping routine?

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Finding The Perfect Pair of Woman's Shoes

Vanessa Law — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 22:38:21 +0000

For the crossdresser taking their first tentative steps out in the world so many questions swirl around them. Will anyone notice me? What will they think? What if I meet someone I know? Among all the questions perhaps the most important goes unasked: “Do these shoes go with my outfit?”

Unfortunately for many crossdressers the answer is usually no. Many crossdressers don’t spend enough time enjoying the true diversity of woman’s shoes available. Most of us are just happy if we can find a pair of high heels we can squeeze our overly large feet into. The time we do spend looking for shoes is usually results in a shoe collection that would make a stripper blush.

Now don’t get me wrong I love stilettos as much as the next girl, but it’s difficult to enjoy a day at the park in on 4″ heels. Today I’m going to share with you a few tips for finding the perfectly fitting shoe, as well as some other fun shoe styles to try. If you know all this, and just want to find some great places to buy larger woman’s shoes you can find all the details on the crossdressing high heels page.

Crossdressers – Choose Your Woman’s Shoe Size Wisely

When selecting a woman’s shoe you should pay attention to the two measures of size – length and width. The first of which is the length, indicated by numbers (8, 9, 10, etc.). If there is no width specified it normally means the shoe has a Medium width, which get proportionally larger as the shoe size increase.

The second measurement is width, which you’ll find expressed by letters. AA for Narrow all the way to EE for the widest width. Confusingly enough you’ll also see width expressed using a different set of letters: N, M, W and WW. They’re measuring the same thing, so a handy way to think about it is:

Narrow: N or A/AA
Medium: M or B
Wide:W or C/D [Equivalent to a Men's medium]
Extra Wide: WW or E/EE

To find your woman’s shoe size you need to add one size to your men’s dress shoe size (round up if you wear a half size), and take your men’s shoe size width and add one. So a men’s 10.5 medium would end up as a woman’s 12W.

You’ll find that shoe sizes vary by manufacturer, and it’s difficult to find the largest sizes in the store to try on. I recommend that you shop at an online store that gives you free shipping and free return shipping until you’ve figured out your size. Zappos and Endless are two great online shoe stores that do shipping both ways and have a good collection of large woman’s shoes, this page has a list with more stores selling large woman’s shoes.

Two Shoe Styles You’ll Love When Not In Stilettos

Now that you know how to find the right size shoe, I’m going to share two of my favorite shoe styles that are perfect for crossdressers. I know you all have at least one pair of pumps, so I won’t mention those again

Crossdresser High Heel Ankle Boot

High Heel Ankle Boot

The high heel ankle boot is perfect for crossdressers. You get the sexy feel of pumps with the extra support of the boot. The boot helps keep you steady if you’re just learning to walk in high heels, and the enclosed boot makes your feel look smaller. Be careful about boots with an overly pointed toe (the ones to the left are fine). If the boots end in a long thin point your feet will look longer than they actually are, because a few inches of the shoe are taken up just for show.

High Heel Wedge Sandals

High Heel Wedge Sandals

Another great and comfortable choice is a wedge. These high heel wedge sandals are perfect for wearing during spring and summer. The wedge is much easier to walk on than stiletto’s, while keeping you feeling sexy. Watch out for straps that are too tight. Not only will this be painful, it will make your foot look like a squashed sausage – a definite sexy fail.

Crossdresser Heaven » Learn How To Crossdress

How to Crossdress and Pass in Public

Clothes – Wear what flatters

Makeup – Beware the Bozo

Related Crossdressing Posts

How To Tell Someone You're Transgendered

Be certain about your message

Be Prepared

Set Your Intention

Start with Someone Who Will Accept

Pick The Right Time, Choose The Right Moment

Don’t use jargon

Expect a Reaction

Other Transgender Posts

2 Crossdressing Mistakes We All Make

Crossdressing Deportment School?

Life’s Not That Bad, Is It?

Do you want to avoid other crossdressing mistakes?

Other Transgender Posts

Crossdressers In Pursuit of The Perfect Feminine Figure

Enter Crossdresser Body Shapers

Vanessa’s Body Shaping Routine

Other Transgender Posts

Finding The Perfect Pair of Woman's Shoes

Crossdressers – Choose Your Woman’s Shoe Size Wisely

Two Shoe Styles You’ll Love When Not In Stilettos

Other Transgender Posts