Transgender Outreach

Crossdressers – Be Careful Out There

By Vanessa Law | Published February 27, 2010 | 5 Comments

D Cup Breast Forms for saleBefore I get into this week’s article I wanted to let you know that I’m selling a pair of new D cup breastforms on Ebay.  I bought them from the Breastform store a while back, but realized I prefer smaller breast forms. The auction ends this Sunday, currently the price is only $28, which is quite a bargain compared with the $169 they’ll cost from the store :)

After that brief prelude, on to this week’s article:

Of all the blessings afforded the crossdresser, few can compare with the Internet. Barely twenty years ago there was a dearth of information on crossdressing. We were doomed to live afflicted with guilt wandering alone in the barren wilderness. We eyed ourselves in the mirror feeling isolated by the shame of our “perversion”. Many took their secret to the grave, never daring to tell another of the feminine inside of yearning to be free. Unable to bear their own judgment, a few unfortunate souls hastened their own journey from this world.

The Internet is changing this…

I’m old enough to have spent my teenage years without the Internet – to have endured my crossdressing alone, wrestling day and night with feelings of shame and the unceasing compulsion to wear woman’s clothes. I was torn – I needed to talk with someone – to try and understand myself – yet I knew, I KNEW that what I was doing was so shamefully wrong I could never reveal it to another soul.

Isolation drove me to absurd conclusions, and made the crazy seem rational. It’s not a coincidence that solitary confinement is among the worst punishments a prisoner can receive. We’re biologically wired to need companionship – to draw strength from a familiar face, and seek community among like minded souls. So we join the local church, or woman’s group, or Toastmaster’s club. We find others like us where we can fit in.

For crossdressers, the Internet is the ultimate club. A place where we can find companionship while still retaining our anonymity. Where we can learn about our unique nature without mumbling a lame excuse in response to the librarian’s questioning stare at the “Crossdressing for Dummies” book in our hand.

But The Internet is Not All Sunshine and Roses

Recently a reader of Crossdresser Heaven found this out the hard way. Lucy (as we’ll call her) had submitted a crossdressing success story along with a lovely photo of herself in her feminine attire. A few months later she had the misfortune to break up with her girlfriend – a girlfriend who both knew about Lucy’s crossdressing and her story on Crossdresser Heaven. A girlfriend with a vengeful streak, who decided to use the story to out Lucy to her friends and family. Soon afterwards I received an urgent email asking that the story be taking down – a request I hastily honored.

As I said above, the Internet is a wonderful thing for crossdressers, the friendship and self-validation you can find will nurture your soul. I only ask that you think carefully before “coming out on the Internet”. Photos are stories have a way of getting around.

Be careful out there.
Hugs,
Vanessa

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Your Chance At Crossdressing Fame

By Vanessa Law | Published January 11, 2010 | 7 Comments
Crossdressing-fame.jpg

Your chance at crossdressing fame

I’m excited to share this opportunity with the lovely ladies of Crossdresser Heaven. It’s your chance at crossdressing fame, but more importantly, you’ll be able to impact public perception of crossdressing in a positive way. (And you’ll get some fabulous professional photos too!)

Kate, a journalist for More! (A UK woman’s glossy magazine) contacted me last week. She is writing a feature on modern crossdressing, and is looking to interview a young couple who have overcome crossdressing. In her words:

I’m after the story of a woman in her twenties whose boyfriend or husband dresses in women’s clothes and they’re both fine with it. The feature would be insightful and positive, rather than sensationalist and would look at a young couple who have dealt with cross dressing in a loving and supportive way. There would be a full professional photo shoot involved and possibly a fee. If you can help in any way, that would be fantastic

If you’re interested, you can contact Kate at katebc76@yahoo.co.uk. It’s a great opportunity for ladies in the UK, but Kate tells me she has access to photographers in the US as well – so don’t let distance prevent you from volunteering.

As a quick note, I’m in no way affiliated with More!, please use your best judgement when meeting people in regards to safety, and before paying any fees.

Would You Share Your Crossdressing in a Magazine Story?

Even if you don’t qualify for Kate’s story, I’m interested:


Would You Share Your Crossdressing in a Magazine Article?

View Results

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Crossdressing – It’s a Republican Thing

By Vanessa Law | Published August 11, 2009 | 6 Comments

 Crossdressing - It's all about the money The battle for transgender acceptance is like walking uphill in high heels – a tough slog. As transgendered woman we constantly run afoul of social norms and religious ideology. We’ve valiantly tried to tie transgender rights to civil rights, using the law as a tool to drive equality. The transgender law center is one organization that does great work in this area.

Many have advocated for a dual pronged approach – seeking to change not only the law, but also the hearts and minds of it’s citizens. I agree with them – I think it’s vitally important to express yourself to others in a positive way. Each interaction will break down their prejudices as they see that we are more alike than different.

We have a third arrow in our quiver as we fight for acceptance and equal rights.

Crossdressers – Show Me The Money!

For those outside the US my reference to Republicans may seem confusing. In the US there are two dominant political parties. I’m over simplifying: The Democrats (Obama’s party) typically advocate a more liberal agenda – both socially (e.g. gay marriage) and as it affects business (workers rights, consumer rights). The Republicans (Bush’s party) typically advocate a more conservative agenda – both socially (conservative Christian morals, anti-abortion) and as it relates to business (more business friendly, lower corporate taxes, etc.).

There are few social forces more powerful than the free market economy. Over the last century it has presided over America’s path to becoming a super power, and this century is ushering in China’s resurgence as a global player. It has given us better cars, cheaper clothes and faster computers. The more cynical among you may lament that greed has been the predominant force of the last 150 years. Even after the last two years, making money is still an important part of our society. And one that we need to recognize as we work towards transgender acceptance.

Transgender Capitalism – It Starts With a Blessing

A few weeks ago I raved about the experience I had at a local Lucy’s Activewear store. I also sent an email to their customer service department:

Hi There,
I wanted to share with you a wonderful experience I had recently at your Bellevue, WA store.

As a transgendered woman there are many times I receive questionable service when out shopping. This last weekend I was looking for some hot yoga pants in Lucy’s. The staff was courteous and helpful. They offered suggestions on what would is the most comfortable, what most flatters my figure and let me know which new styles were coming for fall.

I must admit that I was somewhat blown away by the level of service I received, and wanted to say thank you!

I run a reasonably popular blog and many of my readers are interested in woman’s apparel. I thought I would share my wonderful experience with them – you can read what I wrote at http://www.crossdresserheaven.com/every-crossdresser-should-shop-here-at-least-once/

<snip>

I hope many of them go on to become loyal customers of Lucy, just like I am!

Thank you again for your wonderful clothes, your stellar service and for being transgender friendly!
Hugs,
Vanessa

The next day I received an encouraging and heart warming response:

Dear Vanessa,

You just made our day.  We’re so happy that you had such a great experience shopping lucy at Bellevue!  We love the great blog review, and we have forwarded the link to our PR rep.  I will also be forwarding your compliments to our Bellevue store.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing your great lucy experience with us.
Sincerely,

In some small way I rewarded Lucy for being transgender friendly. It took 10 minutes of my time, didn’t require me to ‘out’ myself and reinforced transgender customers as a market opportunity. As part of doing that I hope I also imparted a small measure of our shared humanity to the people who received my email.

Business Cannot Justify Transgender Bias

The most successful businesses are driven to create value – for customers and shareholders. Very few let ideology get in the way of profits. The reason more businesses aren’t transgender friendly is because they don’t know we’re a market for their products. Or if they do know, they underestimate our collective purchasing power.

Changing The Hearts And Minds of Businesses In 3 Simple Steps

You can do 3 simple things to ensure transgender acceptance among the business community:

  1. When you have a great experience let them know! Most companies allow you to contact customer service through their website. It’s quick, and you don’t need to disclose your male identity. Let them know about a great experience you had, no matter whether you shopped en femme or bought feminine things as a man. Be sincere – everyone loves praise!
  2. Share your wonderful experience with the world! If you have a blog, or belong to a forum – let others know about your experience. Reward the business for being transgender friendly.
  3. Highlight a transgender friendly business on Crossdresser Heaven! Email me at vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com. Share your story with me, the name and website of the business and I’ll post it to Crossdresser Heaven.

I also recommend letting them know when you share your experience on your website (or when it appears on Crossdresser Heaven) – it’s a powerful motivator for them to know that your experience touches many others as well.

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Help the Transgender Community – Take This Survey

By Vanessa Law | Published July 5, 2009 | Leave a comment

I’m a big supporter of research surveys that cover those in the transgender community. Research will not only bring an enhanced understanding of the transgender condition (for lack of a better term), but also bring more visibility to the transgender community. I’m under no illusion that science will discover a cause or cure for our transgenderedness. I do believe that shining a realistic light on the transgender experience will bring crossdressing acceptance to our communities. Most of the crossdressers I’ve met look more like regular people, struggling with regular problems, not side show freaks some in the media make us out to be.

Most of all, I hope that more data about the joys, hopes, struggles, strife and triumphs of those in the transgender community will provide impetus for political change.

Transgender Survey

So now that I’ve convinced you to spend a few minutes of your time for a good cause ;) Please take this transgender mental health survey. It won’t take much time, but will provide valuable data for those who seek to understand us better.

I hope you had a fabulous 4th July, and if you were lucky enough to have a long weekend, I hope it was a luxurious blessing!

—
P.S. If you are a researcher who would like to publicize a research survey within the transgender community, please contact me at vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com – I am more than happy to share your survey with readers of Crossdresser Heaven.

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What About Us? The Forgotten Transgendered

By Vanessa Law | Published May 19, 2009 | 3 Comments

Recently I received an email from a reader that gave me pause. It brought into stark contrast the duality of the transgender blessing and the transgender curse. I haven’t heard back from her giving me permission to share, so I won’t post her verbatim words.

But I think her story is one that many can identify with. Living in a small town with precious little transgender support, without the financial means to change her life. Wondering whether death is the only release from the torment of trapping the woman inside for so many years.

Before I comment, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for opening the dialog about a topic that is so important to many in the transgender community. Sometimes the transgender hardship is easy to forget for those of us in our 20s and 30s who live in a large west coast city. We’ve all felt the shame and confusion of being transgendered. Yet we may take for granted the plethora of transgender related resources at our fingertips, and our growing acceptance in society.

It can be even harder when you see other’s who fully express their inner selves while being unable to express yours. Whether it’s the town you live in, your financial means or social situation that prevents you from becoming who you are. Sometimes it may appear that death is the only way out. I can say with firm resolve that suicide is never the answer. You may feel trapped, you may feel that noone cares – but there is always a way out. Please seek help from a doctor if you’re contemplating suicide.

Hon, my heart breaks for you, for the situation you’re in. You have my empathy. Yet I guess there is still a male part in me dying to offer some suggestions and advice. I share it humbly, not knowing the full details of your situation, and not having lived a life as long or full as yours.

First, I encourage you to focus on what you can do. There may be no help where you live, but perhaps you can meet up for an evening with some girls from a nearby city, or attend a transgender event. You may not be able to present as a woman full time, but perhaps you can wear subtle makeup in guy mode, or woman’s jeans. You may not be able to become a woman, but perhaps you can work on improving your posture, movement and voice to better convey femininity.

Second, find a reason to hope, something to look forward to. Often the mountain before us looks insurmountable, yet each step along the path is well within our capabilities. The first step may be talking with other transgendered girls on the Internet for encouragement and support.

And finally, I believe that being transgendered is just one aspect of a person’s life. It has proved to be a crucial aspect of who I am, but it is not my sole endeavor. I have a career, hobbies, friends, family and God. While I would love to weave a transgender thread through all of these, I derive pleasure and satisfaction from each area of my life whether or not I engage in it as a woman.

My dear, I pray God’s richest blessings on you. That in your time of trial He will see you through, and what the world has meant for harm, may He turn to glorious good.

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Have You Experienced Hate and Intolerance Yet?

By Vanessa Law | Published February 24, 2009 | 13 Comments

The Transgender Discrimination Dilemma

I’ve been blessed that a vast majority of the comments and email replies I’ve received for running Crossdresser Heaven have been positive. It’s been so overwhelmingly skewed that I could almost lull myself into believing that the comments on this site represent in some way the attitudes of folks out ‘in the real world’.

Very quickly the scientific part of my brain would kick in and bring up phrases like ’self-selection’, since you’ll get very few transgender haters surfing the Internet looking for crossdressing websites. The few that do don’t have the best intentions at heart – As a quick word of warning to sisters who run a website, never NEVER publish your address or phone number on your website. This is usually a recipe for disaster.

Sometimes logic and reason isn’t enough to persuade us and we require the passionately hot prodding of an emotional attack to wake us from our fantasy land. This happened for me the other day when I received a comment from a user named psychosausage on my post ‘America’s Top Transgender Model‘. It went like this:

sick. you think its acceptable for our children to grow up thinking this is normal and that freaks should be paraded out on national tv. i hope a bunch of redneck hillbilles catch hold of it and drag it behind a pick up for a few miles…

As you can probably tell this comment isn’t overflowing with love and support. Yet I’ve left it up for a few reasons. First, I’m a strong believer in the a discussion that includes all points of view. Even though we may not agree with the other person they deserve our respect as a fellow human being. I wrote a bit more about this earlier – what does Namaste mean for the crossdresser?

Secondly, I think it’s important that we don’t get lulled into a sense of complacency. I’m passionate that my small piece of the Internet world provides all people in the transgender community support, love and encouragement. An important part of this is the realization that there are those who practice discrimination against the transgendered, and it would be naive to assume otherwise.

Finally, I believe that one cannot defeat hate and intolerance with more hate and intolerance. Hiding the hate under a rug might calm it for a little while, but many times it continues to mutate and thrive like a fungus rejoicing in darkness, far from the light.

To my reader’s comment now. Thank you for giving me the honor of your attention, for taking the time to share your thoughts with your fellow human being. I’m disappointed with the viciousness in your violent proposal. I do think that it is interesting to consider the affect that societal acceptance of those in the LGBT community will have.

Collectively as a society this poses good questions, and I can appreciate the fear that children who would otherwise have grown into “normal” heterosexual cisgendered people become something they are not because the option is available to them. It is also interesting to ponder the affect that this choice has on the individual so eloquently described by Barry Schwartz in his talk The Paradox of Choice. If we can truly be whoever we want, the choice of figuring out who we are becomes much more difficult. I’ve spent a significant portion of my life grappling with my transgendered nature, trying to define (or discover?) who I am. It would be easier intellectually, though more painful emotionally, to hold fast to the belief that any deviation from the normal is a sin and something to repent from.

What do you think of transgender discrimination? Do you think the fears I mention are well founded, or just another tool of intolerance meant to subjegate our lives to another’s limited scope of acceptance?

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Stay Connected To The Transgender Community

By Vanessa Law | Published November 13, 2008 | Leave a comment

The friends who have accompanied me on my transgender journey are one of the true blessings in my life. I’ve been fortunate to get to know so many beautiful people who are part of the transgendered community. Whether I’ve met you “in real life”, or online – thank you for being my friend.

One way to strengthen our community is for us to stay connected. It’s in unity that our voices are heard, and with one voice that the world can change. I know many of you have your own website or myspace pages where you share your joys and heartaches of your transgendered experience. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if one easy step could get you connected to an online transgender community and bring in new readers? Webrings are tried and true methods for generating website traffic, building friendships and strengthening communities

Transgender Webring

I have created a webring to link our websites together. All sites that are part of the webring will display a badge like the one below. If you are part of the webring, your website is accessible from everyone else’s website. Making it easier for people interested in crossdressing or transgender subjects to find your website. Join now to be part of the Ultimate Transgender Webring.

Actually joining a Crossdresser Webring

Okay Vanessa, that sounds simple enough, but what’s the catch?
It will take a few minutes to setup. This shouldn’t involve much more than copy/pasting a code snippet into your website, and I’d be happy to help you if you run into difficulties – just email me to let me know.

I hope that all of you will join the transgender webring – I’m looking forward to staying connected with my new transgender friends!

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