After that brief prelude, on to this week’s article:

Of all the blessings afforded the crossdresser, few can compare with the Internet. Barely twenty years ago there was a dearth of information on crossdressing. We were doomed to live afflicted with guilt wandering alone in the barren wilderness. We eyed ourselves in the mirror feeling isolated by the shame of our “perversion”. Many took their secret to the grave, never daring to tell another of the feminine inside of yearning to be free. Unable to bear their own judgment, a few unfortunate souls hastened their own journey from this world.

The Internet is changing this…

I’m old enough to have spent my teenage years without the Internet – to have endured my crossdressing alone, wrestling day and night with feelings of shame and the unceasing compulsion to wear woman’s clothes. I was torn – I needed to talk with someone – to try and understand myself – yet I knew, I KNEW that what I was doing was so shamefully wrong I could never reveal it to another soul.

Isolation drove me to absurd conclusions, and made the crazy seem rational. It’s not a coincidence that solitary confinement is among the worst punishments a prisoner can receive. We’re biologically wired to need companionship – to draw strength from a familiar face, and seek community among like minded souls. So we join the local church, or woman’s group, or Toastmaster’s club. We find others like us where we can fit in.

For crossdressers, the Internet is the ultimate club. A place where we can find companionship while still retaining our anonymity. Where we can learn about our unique nature without mumbling a lame excuse in response to the librarian’s questioning stare at the “Crossdressing for Dummies” book in our hand.

But The Internet is Not All Sunshine and Roses

Recently a reader of Crossdresser Heaven found this out the hard way. Lucy (as we’ll call her) had submitted a crossdressing success story along with a lovely photo of herself in her feminine attire. A few months later she had the misfortune to break up with her girlfriend – a girlfriend who both knew about Lucy’s crossdressing and her story on Crossdresser Heaven. A girlfriend with a vengeful streak, who decided to use the story to out Lucy to her friends and family. Soon afterwards I received an urgent email asking that the story be taking down – a request I hastily honored.

As I said above, the Internet is a wonderful thing for crossdressers, the friendship and self-validation you can find will nurture your soul. I only ask that you think carefully before “coming out on the Internet”. Photos are stories have a way of getting around.

Be careful out there.
Hugs,
Vanessa

Other Transgender Posts

• Am I Transsexual – The Terrible Teens (19)
• Have You Ever Been Outed On Halloween? (11)
• The Final Purge (13)
• A Passing Fancy (4)
• Transgender Women – Stand Up For Yourself (8)

Your chance at crossdressing fame

I’m excited to share this opportunity with the lovely ladies of Crossdresser Heaven. It’s your chance at crossdressing fame, but more importantly, you’ll be able to impact public perception of crossdressing in a positive way. (And you’ll get some fabulous professional photos too!)

Kate, a journalist for More! (A UK woman’s glossy magazine) contacted me last week. She is writing a feature on modern crossdressing, and is looking to interview a young couple who have overcome crossdressing. In her words:

I’m after the story of a woman in her twenties whose boyfriend or husband dresses in women’s clothes and they’re both fine with it. The feature would be insightful and positive, rather than sensationalist and would look at a young couple who have dealt with cross dressing in a loving and supportive way. There would be a full professional photo shoot involved and possibly a fee. If you can help in any way, that would be fantastic

If you’re interested, you can contact Kate at katebc76@yahoo.co.uk. It’s a great opportunity for ladies in the UK, but Kate tells me she has access to photographers in the US as well – so don’t let distance prevent you from volunteering.

As a quick note, I’m in no way affiliated with More!, please use your best judgement when meeting people in regards to safety, and before paying any fees.

Would You Share Your Crossdressing in a Magazine Story?

Even if you don’t qualify for Kate’s story, I’m interested:

[poll id="21"]

Other Transgender Posts

• Wherever you are, you are still you (0)
• How to Crossdress and Pass in Public (0)
• Step Softly, Walk Carefully – The Path Here Is Narrow and Untrodden (10)
• It’s Been Too Hot And A Crossdressing Forum (12)
• 3 Steps to Successfully Crossdressing in a Foreign City (1)

Many have advocated for a dual pronged approach – seeking to change not only the law, but also the hearts and minds of it’s citizens. I agree with them – I think it’s vitally important to express yourself to others in a positive way. Each interaction will break down their prejudices as they see that we are more alike than different.

We have a third arrow in our quiver as we fight for acceptance and equal rights.

Crossdressers – Show Me The Money!

For those outside the US my reference to Republicans may seem confusing. In the US there are two dominant political parties. I’m over simplifying: The Democrats (Obama’s party) typically advocate a more liberal agenda – both socially (e.g. gay marriage) and as it affects business (workers rights, consumer rights). The Republicans (Bush’s party) typically advocate a more conservative agenda – both socially (conservative Christian morals, anti-abortion) and as it relates to business (more business friendly, lower corporate taxes, etc.).

There are few social forces more powerful than the free market economy. Over the last century it has presided over America’s path to becoming a super power, and this century is ushering in China’s resurgence as a global player. It has given us better cars, cheaper clothes and faster computers. The more cynical among you may lament that greed has been the predominant force of the last 150 years. Even after the last two years, making money is still an important part of our society. And one that we need to recognize as we work towards transgender acceptance.

Transgender Capitalism – It Starts With a Blessing

A few weeks ago I raved about the experience I had at a local Lucy’s Activewear store. I also sent an email to their customer service department:

Hi There,
I wanted to share with you a wonderful experience I had recently at your Bellevue, WA store.

As a transgendered woman there are many times I receive questionable service when out shopping. This last weekend I was looking for some hot yoga pants in Lucy’s. The staff was courteous and helpful. They offered suggestions on what would is the most comfortable, what most flatters my figure and let me know which new styles were coming for fall.

I must admit that I was somewhat blown away by the level of service I received, and wanted to say thank you!

I run a reasonably popular blog and many of my readers are interested in woman’s apparel. I thought I would share my wonderful experience with them – you can read what I wrote at http://www.crossdresserheaven.com/every-crossdresser-should-shop-here-at-least-once/

<snip>

I hope many of them go on to become loyal customers of Lucy, just like I am!

Thank you again for your wonderful clothes, your stellar service and for being transgender friendly!
Hugs,
Vanessa

The next day I received an encouraging and heart warming response:

Dear Vanessa,

You just made our day.  We’re so happy that you had such a great experience shopping lucy at Bellevue!  We love the great blog review, and we have forwarded the link to our PR rep.  I will also be forwarding your compliments to our Bellevue store.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing your great lucy experience with us.
Sincerely,

In some small way I rewarded Lucy for being transgender friendly. It took 10 minutes of my time, didn’t require me to ‘out’ myself and reinforced transgender customers as a market opportunity. As part of doing that I hope I also imparted a small measure of our shared humanity to the people who received my email.

Business Cannot Justify Transgender Bias

The most successful businesses are driven to create value – for customers and shareholders. Very few let ideology get in the way of profits. The reason more businesses aren’t transgender friendly is because they don’t know we’re a market for their products. Or if they do know, they underestimate our collective purchasing power.

Changing The Hearts And Minds of Businesses In 3 Simple Steps

You can do 3 simple things to ensure transgender acceptance among the business community:

1. When you have a great experience let them know! Most companies allow you to contact customer service through their website. It’s quick, and you don’t need to disclose your male identity. Let them know about a great experience you had, no matter whether you shopped en femme or bought feminine things as a man. Be sincere – everyone loves praise!
2. Share your wonderful experience with the world! If you have a blog, or belong to a forum – let others know about your experience. Reward the business for being transgender friendly.
3. Highlight a transgender friendly business on Crossdresser Heaven! Email me at vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com. Share your story with me, the name and website of the business and I’ll post it to Crossdresser Heaven.

I also recommend letting them know when you share your experience on your website (or when it appears on Crossdresser Heaven) – it’s a powerful motivator for them to know that your experience touches many others as well.

Related Crossdressing Posts

• You’re Beautiful (1)
• Do You Want Men Dressed as Woman Teaching Your Kids? (19)
• Macy’s Loves Crossdressers (1)
• Have You Experienced Hate and Intolerance Yet? (14)
• When Hate Has Been Said And Done, Let Love Remain (5)

Most of all, I hope that more data about the joys, hopes, struggles, strife and triumphs of those in the transgender community will provide impetus for political change.

Transgender Survey

So now that I’ve convinced you to spend a few minutes of your time for a good cause Please take this transgender mental health survey. It won’t take much time, but will provide valuable data for those who seek to understand us better.

I hope you had a fabulous 4th July, and if you were lucky enough to have a long weekend, I hope it was a luxurious blessing!

—
P.S. If you are a researcher who would like to publicize a research survey within the transgender community, please contact me at vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com – I am more than happy to share your survey with readers of Crossdresser Heaven.

Related Crossdressing Posts

• Stay Connected To The Transgender Community (0)
• End Transgender Discrimination – Take This Transgender Survey (9)
• Do you want to help our transgendered sisters (2)

But I think her story is one that many can identify with. Living in a small town with precious little transgender support, without the financial means to change her life. Wondering whether death is the only release from the torment of trapping the woman inside for so many years.

Before I comment, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for opening the dialog about a topic that is so important to many in the transgender community. Sometimes the transgender hardship is easy to forget for those of us in our 20s and 30s who live in a large west coast city. We’ve all felt the shame and confusion of being transgendered. Yet we may take for granted the plethora of transgender related resources at our fingertips, and our growing acceptance in society.

It can be even harder when you see other’s who fully express their inner selves while being unable to express yours. Whether it’s the town you live in, your financial means or social situation that prevents you from becoming who you are. Sometimes it may appear that death is the only way out. I can say with firm resolve that suicide is never the answer. You may feel trapped, you may feel that noone cares – but there is always a way out. Please seek help from a doctor if you’re contemplating suicide.

Hon, my heart breaks for you, for the situation you’re in. You have my empathy. Yet I guess there is still a male part in me dying to offer some suggestions and advice. I share it humbly, not knowing the full details of your situation, and not having lived a life as long or full as yours.

First, I encourage you to focus on what you can do. There may be no help where you live, but perhaps you can meet up for an evening with some girls from a nearby city, or attend a transgender event. You may not be able to present as a woman full time, but perhaps you can wear subtle makeup in guy mode, or woman’s jeans. You may not be able to become a woman, but perhaps you can work on improving your posture, movement and voice to better convey femininity.

Second, find a reason to hope, something to look forward to. Often the mountain before us looks insurmountable, yet each step along the path is well within our capabilities. The first step may be talking with other transgendered girls on the Internet for encouragement and support.

And finally, I believe that being transgendered is just one aspect of a person’s life. It has proved to be a crucial aspect of who I am, but it is not my sole endeavor. I have a career, hobbies, friends, family and God. While I would love to weave a transgender thread through all of these, I derive pleasure and satisfaction from each area of my life whether or not I engage in it as a woman.

My dear, I pray God’s richest blessings on you. That in your time of trial He will see you through, and what the world has meant for harm, may He turn to glorious good.

Related Crossdressing Posts

• Where Do You Go For Crossdressing Support? (3)
• A Treasure Trove Of Gender Identity Information (0)
• Where do I Find Crossdressing Support? (23)