Crossdresser Heaven

End Transgender Discrimination - Take This Transgender Survey

This is important enough that I’ll make do without literary decorations - Take this transgender survey to help end transgender discrimination before you continue reading.

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Right, now you’re back from the transgender survey you took. You did take the survey, right?
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When we are divided we are powerless. A lone transgendered voice is soon silenced, her bruised and beaten body left untended on the side of the road. For years we have experienced transgender discrimination - whether we are part time crossdressers or post-op transsexuals we have all felt the burden when our gender identity does not meet societies expectations.

This treatment is reserved for the lucky ones who are brave enough to live their life with freedom from their own judgement. Yet it is as we take the first steps to self acceptance that we collide with the intolerance and hate in society. For many of you the intolerance is not just a drunk heckling at the bar, it’s your employer firing you. It’s not just nasty comments from a teenager in the mall, it’s your landlord evicting you.

This is unacceptable in a free society.

And for some about to begin their journey of self discovery, the threat of being left desolate keeps you from finding who you really are. Your life is lead in a half-chorus. Singing stoically along, but never rising to the hallelujah’s. Clapping out of tune, and too ashamed to dance.

This is unacceptable in a free society.

There is a historic survey of the transgendered community, sponsored by NCTE and NGLTF. By understanding your experience they can work to end transgender discrimination. Please, if you have a few minutes take this survey and stand up for transgender rights.

Should crossdressers care about transgender rights?

I recently wrote about crossdressing action that encourages crossdressers to stand strong with their transsexual and transgendered brothers and sisters. If you are a crossdresser who has never thought about transgendered rights please read this.You may not be willing to risk being outed, or have the financial means to support a transgender organization, but surely you can spare five minutes to make your voice heard online?

Isis - You’ve Done the Transgendered Proud!

Isis does the transgender community proud

Isis has left America’s Next Top Model. In the last episode Isis, the first transgendered contestant on America’s Next Top Model was voted off. Isis, you have done the transgendered proud! Thank you for your courage, your beauty and for representing the transgender community at a national level.

Isis made it through three rounds as a transgender model on AMNT, and shared some of her transgender secrets with eonline. I am extremely happy to see Isis make it this far and I share some of the same feelings as others in the community. Isis - you handled the questions and inappropriate remarks with dignity, and you competed with heart.

From watching Isis, I learnt a few things about crossdressing and being who I am as a transgendered person. Most importantly about confidence - be confident, don’t let spiteful remarks from others throw you off. Confidence is sexy, confidence is appealing. Isis’ godfather said it best, “It’s not what you are, it’s who you are. It’s not what they think you are, it’s who you know you are inside… Unless you believe it, they’re not going to see it.”

I’m sure we’ll hear more from Isis in the future. You can see the last few minutes of the episode below, and hear some parting words from Isis.

A Crossdressing Lesson from Isis – America’s Next Top Transgender Model

As many of you know Isis is a transgender model competing in America’s next top model. She has already done incredibly well, passing through the first two rounds of the competition, despite being perilously close to being eliminated last week. (For those counting, I may be a week behind thanks to the wonders of Tivo – I’ll try and keep up with the episodes in the future).

Isis has two valuable crossdressing lessons for us from last week’s episode. The first has to do with handling yourself in the face of intolerance. One of the other girls in America’s next top model was clearly uncomfortable with Isis being transgendered. Even pushing her away during an evening when the girl’s where partying and hanging out. I was very impressed with how Isis responded – she didn’t get angry or upset, and pretty much just ignored it. Therein lies a valuable crossdressing lesson for all of us. As crossdressers and the transgendered there will be people in our lives who show us disrespect, disgust and discrimination. In many situations the best answer is to treat the other person with respect, ignore the insult and carry on with your life.

The next valuable lesson was more akin to a crossdresser beauty lesson. When doing modeling shoots, Isis struggled with her face – she would often forget to use the full range of expression, most often ending up in a stony look. One more suited to chopping wood in the forest than modeling in a beauty contest. The lesson for crossdressers and the transgendered is to watch your face! If you notice women they are often smiling. A scowl, frown or stony look is the first sign that something is amiss. Don’t let your face give you away. Smile – it’ll make you feel better, and help you to pass!

Here’s a brief video about Isis, for those who aren’t yet familiar with her.

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P.S. Take the next step in your crossdressing career and read these crossdressing beauty lessons!

Transgender Discrimination Is Deemed Illegal

Just recently a transsexual person won a lawsuit against the Library of Congress. Former Army commander Diane Schroer won her lawsuit after a judge determined that her upcoming transition was the primary reason why she was denied a job. Many in the transgender community have been impacted by the threat of transgender discrimination at the workplace. Even as society has made progress against sexual orientation discrimination many transgendered people still live in fear of losing their livelihoods.

I spoke about the financial plight of the transgendered a few months ago, urging financial help for the transgendered - and that we take our financial health into our own hands. While I believe those who are able should take their financial future into their hand, it is also important to end harassment and discrimination in the workplace.

Cheryl posted a good summary on her blog about the implications for transsexuals.

“I don’t think this will make a huge difference to actual employment rights for transgender people. To start with, if I am reading Dr. Weiss correctly, all companies have to do is have a policy of “we don’t employ transsexuals” and they are automatically covered by existing precedent - they don’t have to say anything else and risk getting into a mess like the Library of Congress did. In any case, refusing to hire someone because they are transgender, or firing them when you find out that they are, is ridiculously easy for a competent HR department. Even in the San Francisco Bay Area, 75% of the transgender population does not have full time employment. Furthermore, it takes someone with the sort of bravery and determination that Diane Schroer has shown to fight a case like this. Nevertheless, this is a landmark ruling, and one that will send shock waves through HR departments all over the USA. It will also act as a welcome kick in the pants for the Democrats in Congress, many of whom still believe that transgender rights are an issue that they dare not touch.”

You can also find some insightful commentary from the Bilerico Project, such as the below:

The most important aspect of the decision is the ruling that discrimination based on gender identity is literally discrimination based on sex. Schorer’s lawyers argued, and the judge agreed, that gender identity is a component of sex, and therefore discrimination based on gender identity is sex discrimination. This might sound like a simple proposition, but previous federal courts have “carved [transgender] persons out of the statute by concluding that ‘transsexuality’ is unprotected by Title VII.”

Personally I believe that any victory in the courts is good news for the transgender community. It is unacceptable to see people with twenty five years of service to their country discriminated against. I believe that many reasonably minded people will also find it unacceptable. By shining a light on this transgender discrimination and prejudice we build up awareness and support of others in this great country.

Diane’s words after the trial seem to sum it up best:

“I knew all along that the 25 years of experience I gained defending our country didn’t disappear when I transitioned, so it was hard to understand why I was being turned down for a job doing what I do best just because I’m transgender. It is tremendously gratifying to have your faith in this country, and what is fundamentally right and fair, be reaffirmed.”

Transsexual Lesbians - Crossdressers still make the news

Even for the most mundane of things, a man in a dress still seems to make the news. In this case two men have decided to live together as woman. They would probably best be described as non-op transsexuals, as neither of them wants to have a sex change. Though naturally to add some spice and sizzle the paper terms than as “transsexual lesbians”.

The thing that strikes me is that if this were any other couple it would barely make the news if you paid the paper to print it. Though This shouldn’t in any way be taken as a complaint. The transgender community can do far worse than two people deeply in love deciding to live out their remaining years together.

It is touching though, that between them the “lesbian fathers” have five kids between them, and waited so long to express their true selves. If you ask most crossdressers you’ll hear a similar story. Fearing that they would hurt their loved ones, the transgendered soul tortures itself into conformity. Hiding it’s light so deep that the rest of the world cannot see it. The message that Jenny-Anne and Elen send us is clear and poignant - do what you love, even if it is wearing women’s clothes. Even if it means living with someone else who enjoy’s wearing women’s clothes.

Jenny-Anne sums it up nicely:

“Life was one big act for me,” said Jenny-Anne, who used to work as a chemist. “From the age of four I always knew I should have been a girl.

Despite some of the nasty comments here, there was more than enough even handed coverage in the news about the “lesbian fathers” on other websites.

Before you move on and surf to another web page, take a moment. What are you willing to do to live as who you are? Are you willing to risk the scorn of society to express your innermost being?

Do you want to help our transgendered sisters

Do you want to raise awareness of crossdressing?
Do you wish for a day when the transgendered could step out of the shadows?

I do. I long for the day when we would be treated as equals in society. As valuable human beings who get to share in all the joy that life brings - openly and without fear.

Through Crossdresser Heaven I have tried to paint a picture of the transgendered as human beings - in all their wisdom and humor, failings and folly. Through my writing I hope to shine a path for us out of the shadows and into acceptance.

But I can’t do it alone.

I need your help.
Right now you have a tremendous opportunity to help the transgender community. You can do it from the privacy of your own home, and it won’t take more than a few seconds.

If you want to help those in the transgendered community - please read on!

Yahoo has just released a tool that allows you to vote on articles you think others should read. It’s called "Buzz Up!". All you need to do is click the "Buzz Up!" button next to an article you would like to share, follow the short steps that Yahoo gives you and you’ve helped to share the transgender lifestyle with millions of others who may never be exposed to it.

Thanks for your help and support - together our community can stand strong!

America’s Top Transgender Model

It has final happened! America’s Top Model has admitted that one of their top girls may be a transgender model. This has already provoked great interest from the main stream media and blogs across the Internet. A transgender modeling competition is nothing new, in fact tgirl models have had their own competition for many years, with the Miss International Queen beauty pageant hosting an international competition for transvestite models from around the world.

At least this time around, most media outlets are looking forward in anticipation to see how Isis fairs in the competition. The move by America’s top model has also drawn praise from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Isis, who looks like an Egyptian goddess has a good chance of taking the modeling world by storm. At least, if her current ability to strut her stuff (in the video below) is any indication.

Isis Tsunamia - America’s next transgender model

No transgender model would be complete

Without some fox bashing. Predictably, Fox news has already derided Isis with their venom filled and ignorant coverage, using inappropriate pronouns and offensive references to her anatomy.

I wish Isis the best of luck. She has taken a courageous step, and has an opportunity to represent the transgender community in a positive light to millions of viewers.

Should Gays Be Allowed To Marry (and other interesting questions)

Surely people who oppose gay marriage are religious radicals. Those who think we should increase military spending are warmongering knuckleheads. And anyone who questions whether we should end our dependence on foreign oil either works for Exxon-Mobile or likes to shoot at their friends on weekend hunting trips.

The truth is actually a bit more complicated than that. It’s often easy to see those with a contrary point of view as bigoted, radical, self-serving or any number of unflattering adjectives. It’s a lot harder to consider that they have valid, rational, well thought out point of view.

You Decide, created by KQED has made it easy to see the other’s perspective and weigh opinions contrary to your own in a very approachable, non-threatening way. Every two weeks they’ll ask a new question that is controversial and give you an opportunity to learn why others have a different opinion.

Socrates said that “The unexamined life is not worth living.” I think “The unexamined opinion is not worth having.” Go to You Decide, answer a question. Make sure your opinion is worth having.

If you would like to see a future question about crossdressing or the transgendered experience on You Decide, email ednet@kqed.org. Let them know your thoughts, and ask them to include a question related to the transgendered in the future.

Transgendered Bathrooms Hit Thailand Schools

Schools in Thailand have the right idea. According to a recent story from the BBC, a provincial school in Thailand is offering transgendered children their own toilet!

This compromise was reached since the students who identified themselves as transgendered were teased and belittled for using the boy’s bathroom. The girl’s were uncomfortable with them using their bathroom, since the transgendered children weren’t presenting as girls.

I found it interesting that the school was willing to accommodate their students with a third bathroom, yet still require they wear male clothes, and not allow them to wear makeup.

I think it’s a tremendous step forward, in a country where 10%-15% of children identify as transgendered. Yet I can’t help wondering whether this is another form of half acceptance. “At least they’re not wearing makeup”, sounds awfully like many a crossdressers claim that “at least I’m not gay”.

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P.S. Even though the children in Thailand can’t look dress as girls, you can look like the fabulous woman you are - learn how to crossdress and pass as a genetic girl!

Crossdressers - Is Tri-ESS Wrong?

I recently read Amy Bloom’s book Normal, as well as Helen Boyd’s book My Husband Betty. (find my crossdressing book reviews here). Apart from all the other great information in these books, one theme was quite evident. A general disdain for the policies and principles of Tri-ESS.

Do all transgendered know about Tri-ESS?

For those of you who don’t know, Tri-ESS describes themselves on their website as:

“An educational, social and support group for heterosexual crossdressers, their partners, the spouses of married crossdressers and their families. We believe that we are blessed with an additional facet to our personalities. If we accept our crossgendered side, and explore it, we will find a broadening of the entire personality, which can be very fulfilling. We dress in emulation, rather than in mockery, of femininity.”

The Tri-Ess philosophy can be expressed in the acronym FIBER:

F - Full personality expression in both its masculine and its feminine aspects. We do not wish to destroy our masculinity, but to soften its harsher aspects, and be all we can be.

I - Integration of masculinity and femininity to create a happier whole person.

B - Balance between masculinity and femininity.

E - Education or crossdressers and their families toward self-acceptance; education of society toward accepting crossdressing people.

R - Relationship-building in the context of crossdressing.

So what’s the problem with Tri-ESS?

Helen seems taken aback by the exclusivity and intolerance of Tri-ESS. Pointing in particular to their narrow charter of catering to heterosexual crossdressers. Tri-ESS excludes homosexuals and bisexuals. They also discourage participation by others in the transgendered community, in particular transsexuals, who aren’t granted full membership rights.

I think more than the exclusivity, Helen sees the principles of Tri-ESS as containing half-truths. In particular the vehement denial that cross-dressing has a sexual component. As you’ve seen me share in recent posts on why men crossdress, and the feedback you provided in the follow up to why men cross-dress, cross-dressing cannot be described as a “non-sexual” interest for many men. Helen draws interesting conclusions about why Tri-ESS shys away from the sexual nature of cross-dressing. It could be the desire for crossdressing men to be perceived as otherwise normal, and that the taboo of a sexual fetish is abhorrent to your typical “Christian, Republican family man who happens to wear dresses on the weekend”.

I find the notion of a conservative cross-dresser somewhat amusing though - if anything my transgendered nature has forced me to become more tolerant and accepting of the differences in others.

Many of these thoughts are echo’d by Amy in her book Normal.

Tri-ESS has helped thousands of cross-dressers

For all it’s failings, Tri-ESS has helped tens of thousands of cross dressers find peace and acceptance. It has given men a framework for talking about their transgendered nature with their wives and wives to be and shone a light of understanding where before there was only the darkness of prejudice.

While I am no longer a member of Tri-ESS, it has helped me immensely in my self esteem, self discovery and relationship with my wife. The people I’ve met at Tri-ESS have been among the most loving, caring and supportive. As an anecdote, one of the founders of our local chapter drove 200 miles to meet with me over lunch to discuss cross-dressing and introduce me to Tri-ESS. This is in sharp contrast to my pastor at that time, who told me “crossdressing is a sin”, pointed me at this web page, told me he “loved me” and then never contacted me again. I still occasionally hear from my sisters in Tri-ESS, yet when I ran into my former pastor a few months ago he didn’t even know who I was.

Tri-ESS gave me the tools and information to communicate with my wife. The advice to tell my wife before we got married is a blessing I am eternally thankful for. While the environment is very narrowly focused, I am sure my wife would have felt a great deal of discomfort attending meetings where sex reassignment surgery was openly discussed as an option. By limiting the meetings to deal with “one social taboo” at a time,Tri-ESS prevented my wife from being totally and completely overwhelmed. (She was still overwhelmed - as any spouse would be - just not totally and completely )

Transgendered or Cross-dresser?

Personally I don’t think I fit into the narrow category defined by Tri-ESS. I think I’m more to the middle of the transgender spectrum. I am very grateful to them. Anyone who is lonely, uncertain and tormented by their crossdressing -  I strongly encourage you to join Tri-ESS. You’ll find acceptance, love and support. If you find there’s more for you than just wearing a dress or makeup, find other transgendered sisters to share your experience with as well.