T-Dar is an uncanny sixth sense we transgender seem to inherit when we embrace our trans-ness. It allows us to spot a potential sister hunting for a perfect skirt in the sale rack. Or an unusually tall woman from across the parking lot, or the otherwise perfect lady whose hands are just a bit large. With a few quick glances to confirm our suspicions (the adams apple and hands are usually the easiest places to tell), we feel a warm – if unspoken – bonding of community. Perhaps even a spark of inspiration at seeing a sister so confidently walking among us.
Staci writes an enjoyable blog called Femulate and recently she asked ‘Got T-Dar‘? Sharing the pitfalls of a T-Dar false positive, and the inherent inspiration. After all, if the six foot tall blond “woman” is actually a woman, doesn’t that give us more hope that we can maneuver our six foot selves around society without always causing a stir?
Over the last few years I’ve found myself getting more and more sensitive. It seems as if every time I visit Nordstrom Rack there are one or two ladies who get my T-Dar ringing. I’m torn between approaching them out of a sense of community, watching them for some tips, or quickly moving on so as not to draw unnecessary attention to them. After all, I imagine that I wouldn’t enjoy a similar amount of attention. I may perhaps even become a bit more disillusioned with any hope of passing in my momentary lapse, forgetting that the transgendered have this uncanny ability.
I can’t say that there is any one thing that sets off my T-dar. Height is an obvious factor, but I’ve been wrong more often than not relying just on this. I would say that after height, voice and body movement are the things I notice next. It usually starts as a subtle sense that something is amiss, that makes me pay attention.
Have you seen a transgender sister out and about? Have you approached them, or wish you’d approached them? Have you been approached by a sister while out and about?
Look fabulous!
Going down the escalator in Macy’s (34th St), awhile back. The walk was pure “male” and the skewed clothing demonstrated a lack of awareness.
And at Nordstrom Rack on Long Island.
I didn’t approach them because (in Macy’s) it would have been difficult, the crowd was considerable. And in Nordstrom, the attitude (body language, mainly) seemed to be “stay away!” So I did.
I think it was in a Barnes & Noble in Omaha: the barrista was definitely playing with gender; young, hip, thoroughly inked and very polite. The gender was vague, at best, but he or she looked great! It was quite refreshing to see someone so comfortable in themselves. I also spotted a barrista at a Borders’ somewhere in either Virginia, or Maryland who was trying, very hard, to be feminine. I didn’t talk to them beyond “medium coffee, please” because it’s not polite to distract people, or call attention to them – especially when they’re working behind the coffee counter!
Aside of that, a few times I’ve seen people I’ve suspected of being transgendered, but I’ve not been interested enough to try and confirm or deny my suspicions.
I’ve never been approached (although once upon a time, I was looking at a pair of heels, and a woman told me I’d look great in them…
)
Carolyn Ann
Carolyn Ann – it’s funny how those more subtle things are noticed so easily by those of us trying to emulate woman
I was going to write about how surprising it is that one would go out without more focus on appearance, but then I realized that perhaps this is an overwhelmingly positive sign of self-acceptance. The confidence that despite their imperfections they’re able to go out in public. Though it does make it easier to spot others like us 
I’ve noticed that in the last few years more people who have ambiguous gender expression. I find this fascinating, and perhaps liberating for society that the youth (gosh, I must be getting old to use that word…) are comfortable expressing themselves across the gender spectrum, not feeling as if their identity is dependent on the clothes they wear.
About six months ago, I was in the local Target Store shopping for bras. I was in drab, and assumed people would think I was shopping for my wife/girlfriend. I was looking at A cup bras, and an elderly lady – I am 64 and she was about ten years my elder – very quietly and discretely said to me, “Oh no, Dear. You are going to need a B cup, not an A.” I stammered some nonsense about having orders from home, but she just looked me right in the eye and said, “It’s OK. My husband shops here also.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. I said, “Thank you.” “You’re welcome,” she replied, and turned and walked away.
It was scarey, but at the same time made me very happy to know that I am not alone. But I have wondered ever since that day – How did she know? Ihave gone over and over that scene in my memory, and I am almost certain she was a genetic female. So how could she tell? I keep conming back to that.
Lizzie – wow
I guess woman can tell the difference between a casual, confused glance and the more intimate shopping experience. At least for me I know when I’m ‘engrossed’ in shopping and I’ll bet my body language is different than when I’m just looking for some socks.
I was shopping at Macy’s at the Benefit cosmetics counter in drab. I asked the SA that was a little taller than average if an eyebrow makeup would work with my complexion. She asked me if I dressed. I said yes. She introduced herself as a TS. We developed a bond and I visit her anytime I’m in Macy’s.
I was shopping at Macy’s at the Benefit cosmetics counter in drab. I asked the SA that was a little taller than average if an eyebrow makeup would work with my complexion. She asked me if I dressed. I said yes. She introduced herself as a TS. We developed a bond and I visit her anytime I’m in Macy’s.
I was shopping at Macy’s at the Benefit cosmetics counter in drab. I asked the SA that was a little taller than average if an eyebrow makeup would work with my complexion. She asked me if I dressed. I said yes. She introduced herself as a TS. We developed a bond and I visit her anytime I’m in Macy’s.
I’ve suspected it on a couple of occasions, but recently I met a girl who may be trans in a GLBT meeting (probable right?) But I don’t know if it would be rude or not to just ask someone who’s obviously trying to be as woman as possible if they are trans or dressing because I noticed something was off. I have recently been exploring my feelings of dressing, and put on makeup for the first time yesterday. What’s an appropriate way to breach that type of conversation with someone? It seems tricky to me without hurting someone’s feelings. If someone noticed with me, I’d start feeling really insecure that what I was wearing, or how I sound wasn’t convincing enough.
Yes, I’d definitely not walk up to them and out them. At best it’ll make them feel awkward and inadequate. If it’s a specific lgtb event, perhaps try engaging them in small talk, and maybe they’ll feel comfortable sharing more about themselves with you.