You’re likely feeling a bit shocked – after all, this is unlikely to be something you expected when you entered the relationship. Your boyfriend was probably wracked with fear when you first found out, and it’s likely he didn’t tell you himself because he feared that you wouldn’t accept his crossdressing. He may be both nervous and eager to share more details with you. Don’t let him go faster than you feel comfortable with. After all, he has been dealing with this for years and you only just found out.
You shouldn’t fear that you’re in this alone – It is surprisingly common for men to crossdress, at least occasionally. Some estimates say that roughly 5% of men are transgendered. There are many organizations that help wives and girlfriends, I recommend Tri Ess as a great place to start. http://www.tri-ess.org/brdapprvdresrc.html#sosupport They offer a supportive environment in which you can share your situation with other woman who are going through the same thing.
It could also be that you’re thinking about this a bit too much – if you have fun together when he’s crossdressing, go with it. Don’t feel like you need to conform to an outdated set of societal norms!
A great resource is a book written by Peggy Rudd called ‘My Husband Wears My Clothes’. I’ve included a link below. This book was written by a woman who’s husband is a crossdresser. Peggy provides insight, comfort and support for any woman who finds out that her beloved is a crosdresser.
Hugs
I posted this on another post on this site but thought I’d put it here too. Looking for advice.
Over the past 6 months I’ve noticed my boyfriend of almost 2 years wearing women’s panties and panty hose, thigh highs, etc. The first time I discovered it I had done laundry and was putting stuff away in his underwear drawer. My first inclination was not that he was wearing the thongs I saw, but rather that they belonged to another woman. Once I figured out they were in fact his, I was actually relieved but have since become confused. I want to understand for him but he doesn’t talk to me about it. He will wear the womens thongs and thigh highs, etc around me and to bed, but has never spoken to me about it. Then over this past weekend I was in the study cleaning and accidentally happened upon an entire cabinet filled with women’s clothing, high heels and lingerie. I came online looking for an explanation. I don’t know a lot about any of this and just was looking for some answers and hoping to find reassurance that he wasn’t gay and going to leave me, I didn’t want to overreact although I did have a minor panic attack. Reading this has helped me immensely. It also has shed some light on comments he’s made to me recently when we’ve been speaking about our future that I should not want to spend my life with him, but he “will wait a little longer to tell me why because he’s not ready for us to be over”
Now though, I need some advice on how to approach him about it. He doesn’t know that I’ve found everything. I want to be supportive and I really do want to understand (I am really trying for him), but I don’t know how to start the conversation without upsetting him. Any advice or thoughts? I love him very much and want it to be a constructive, non threatening and supportive conversation so he knows I’m there for him and not going to run away.
Thanks!
I think Blake’s advise is good – approach him subtly, give him a chance to come out to you, but let him know that it’s okay through your body language and your approach.
Best of luck sweetie!
i have a problem n dont know how to take it. i have known for a while my boyfriend likes crossdressing but just found out he has been going to meet a couple for 3somes as dresses as a crossdresser, he doent know i know and dont know whether to confront him about it or not, is he not happy with our sex lives he needs to go somewhere else.
its reallytough seeing a friendship dissolve just for that reason you are a real person and truly want to be honest but then they turn away and some wont even talk to you ….Is it because of their insecurities ??ya kno if the friend is a girl even tho your not intimate but the relationship fades or if its a guy .. Ithink guys feel threateaned to some extent altho they dont admit it Thing is you have been friends with them for a time sometimes for years ..THEN they find out a poof its gone Idont understand if you have a FRIENDSHIP no intemacy no touyching or flurting,,, just a good friend and all the sudden theyseem to view you as the plague BUT you ARE the same person go figure what’s up with that?? Hatred is not an option
hi my boyfriend is a cross dresser and has been for years, but i just found out about a year ago and i was shocked, hurt and embarrased. he only does it when he gets hi off of meth and then when he sobers up he always say he’s fighting demons and thats not him, so we need answers
Hey for all of you out there unlessyou have been there you just don’t know what it is like..
i was born with cromozone imbalance or 2 sexed once you have been given an idenity by your parents …(instead of them letting you decide what you want they decide for you)that is what I have been delt .Not that I hate my parents they are good people my mother died from althzhimers but my dads still here It is they just did not know how to deal with it as we do today knowing what we kno about genetic structure … and there seems to be a more at ease responce to the issue . Whether you just crossdress or have been delt what I have It is getting better through education and understanding ,,,… dont give up on yourself ,,I never did
Hi I`m Alicia I been cross dressing for a long time when I was 10 years old I started wearing my mom and sister bras and panties I stopped for a while but started again I spend a lot of money for clothes and women stuff then I say I am stopping I give it all away then I cant stop I start buying again with me I don’t feel I am male I feel female I don’t like getting dirty I sit to pee every time I was on hormones I been bisexual all my life but since I was on hormones I am turn on by men more then before my wife is ok with it she know I like men and lets me sleep with men when I want she is ok with it all she buys me clothes my panties its great well I was pretty lucky but I hope thing work out for you and wish you lots of luck Alicia
Hi Ashley,
Thank you for your kind words. In fact, each time i think of talking to my girlfriend seriously, I felt embarassed. I don’t know why I feel such way. She always sees me as a tough guy. Maybe it’s becouse in my country, the people here are not really that open. I do agree with you. I will do my best and discuss this over with her seriously. Thank you for your encouragement.
Regards,
Elaine..
Elaine, I would caution against trying to change who you are for her sake. It may work for a few weeks, or a few months, but I’ve heard of very few crossdressers who have “cured”. I would encourage you to find others in the crossdressing community you can share your experiences with, and to try to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend. I know that this may be difficult for her to accept, but life will throw even more challenging things at us, that will try the love and care we have for each other.
I had the same problem when thinking about telling my future wife at the time. It started when I was about five years old.I have always felt as though I was indeed a female ,so I started to dress the part.When I reached my thirties,I met a woman and I ended up engaged to her. She started me on pills that were supposed to stop male pattern baldness. It did work ,but it had more side effects that I wasn’t going to find out avbout tilll later on down the road.I found out later that the pills shre had been giving me were birth control pills. When I started growing breasts is when I confronted her and she told me the truth. She told me that she wanted the rest of my body to match my long slender legs. Sher got her wish ! I went from being 38-32-38 ,to a feminine 42-30-41 figure. I love the new me,I just wish it could have happened 20+ years ago !
AngelaMarie – I’m happy it turned out well. Sometimes I wish my wife were as supportive about me taking hormones. I would encourage you to see a doctor though, hormones can have other health risks, apart from the more pleasant side effects, such as larger breasts.
Hugs,
Vanessa