You’re likely feeling a bit shocked – after all, this is unlikely to be something you expected when you entered the relationship. Your boyfriend was probably wracked with fear when you first found out, and it’s likely he didn’t tell you himself because he feared that you wouldn’t accept his crossdressing. He may be both nervous and eager to share more details with you. Don’t let him go faster than you feel comfortable with. After all, he has been dealing with this for years and you only just found out.
You shouldn’t fear that you’re in this alone – It is surprisingly common for men to crossdress, at least occasionally. Some estimates say that roughly 5% of men are transgendered. There are many organizations that help wives and girlfriends, I recommend Tri Ess as a great place to start. http://www.tri-ess.org/brdapprvdresrc.html#sosupport They offer a supportive environment in which you can share your situation with other woman who are going through the same thing.
It could also be that you’re thinking about this a bit too much – if you have fun together when he’s crossdressing, go with it. Don’t feel like you need to conform to an outdated set of societal norms!
A great resource is a book written by Peggy Rudd called ‘My Husband Wears My Clothes’. I’ve included a link below. This book was written by a woman who’s husband is a crossdresser. Peggy provides insight, comfort and support for any woman who finds out that her beloved is a crosdresser.
Hugs
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Vanessa is a happily married 30 year old transgendered woman from Seattle. It's been a long road to acceptance for her, despite the fact that she has been crossdressing for more than 25 years. Sometimes, when she looks in the mirror she longs to see the girl that lives
within her. 
15 Comments
Dear Vanessa,
I am a male and cross dressing secretly without anyone knowledge. I have a girlfriend and I am having difficulties in life thinking whether I should forced myself to stop this for the sake of my relationship. I had gave some indication to my girlfriend about my crossdressing interest but she hated the idea and not willing to accept it. I really wanted to continue my relationship but it is so difficult trying not to think about crossdressing. So far, 1 week is the longest I can stay away from my bras and panties… Please advice.. I need help badly..
thank you.
Elaine xxx
Dear Elaine,
I know I am not Vanessa and cannot give exactly the same advice as she would. However I do believe that if you are truly trying to conserve this relationship of yours you need to find some time to have a serious discussion about it. She may not go for it right off the bat and that has to be expected(we’re not exactly the majority here are we?). I am of the opinion that if you plan on taking a relationship anywhere that goes farther than a couple of dates you need to tell her. This is a big part of your life and there is simply no reason to give that up. Again I stress to break it to her lightly but be firm that this is who you are. I do not know the pain of having to go through hiding this as my girlfriend is actually the one to bring it up to me so I cannot say i know how you feel. I do know that i’ve tried to stop this before and i didn’t like it. If this is who you are tell her. If she doesn’t like it it’s her loss. You sound like a perfectly fine Crossdresser to me.
Wishing you the VERY best,
Ashley
Ashley – well said, this is good advice. Share with her, but be open to her not accepting right away. Be gentle, realize that this will be hard on her, but don’t commit to changing who you are just to be with her.
Hi Ashley,
Thank you for your kind words. In fact, each time i think of talking to my girlfriend seriously, I felt embarassed. I don’t know why I feel such way. She always sees me as a tough guy. Maybe it’s becouse in my country, the people here are not really that open. I do agree with you. I will do my best and discuss this over with her seriously. Thank you for your encouragement.
Regards,
Elaine..
Elaine, I would caution against trying to change who you are for her sake. It may work for a few weeks, or a few months, but I’ve heard of very few crossdressers who have “cured”. I would encourage you to find others in the crossdressing community you can share your experiences with, and to try to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend. I know that this may be difficult for her to accept, but life will throw even more challenging things at us, that will try the love and care we have for each other.
I had the same problem when thinking about telling my future wife at the time. It started when I was about five years old.I have always felt as though I was indeed a female ,so I started to dress the part.When I reached my thirties,I met a woman and I ended up engaged to her. She started me on pills that were supposed to stop male pattern baldness. It did work ,but it had more side effects that I wasn’t going to find out avbout tilll later on down the road.I found out later that the pills shre had been giving me were birth control pills. When I started growing breasts is when I confronted her and she told me the truth. She told me that she wanted the rest of my body to match my long slender legs. Sher got her wish ! I went from being 38-32-38 ,to a feminine 42-30-41 figure. I love the new me,I just wish it could have happened 20+ years ago !
AngelaMarie – I’m happy it turned out well. Sometimes I wish my wife were as supportive about me taking hormones. I would encourage you to see a doctor though, hormones can have other health risks, apart from the more pleasant side effects, such as larger breasts.
Hugs,
Vanessa
is it really true that by taking birthtaking pills one would grow breasts and turn looking a bit feminine style
Birthcontrol pills have female hormones in them, but taking hormones when not under a doctor’s care can be dangerous. If you or someone you love is considering hormones I highly recommend you consult a doctor. Apart from the desired effects (breast growth, female fat distribution), there are many other health risks that go along with hormones, such as an increased risk of stroke.
I would like to find another crossdresser in New Phila,Dover that I can talk too one on one. I told a lady of mine she was Ok as long as I didn’t borrow her stuff. Right now we no longer see each other so I have know one. My two X’s didn’t know a thing about me cross dressing #2 and I were married 24yrs.she never knew. It was hard on me not telling afew tines it came up for another person she stated if every she say me like that her and my kids were going. When I was little & did something wrong my mom would put my sister or her stuff on me.
I realy would like to find someone around here to talk to and may dress up for he could do the same.
Hey Randy, have you tried look at http://www.tri-ess.org They may have a chapter that meets near you.
I even dont know what to do:(I can’t accept that the man next to me is a crossdresser,I want to be a wife of a normal man.I found out two weeks ago that my lovely hubby is into men!!!What do I have to do???He tells me that he loves me,but i really think that he is more into my beauty and clothes.I feel so bad,cause i really loved him…….
Amely, I can only imagine how hard this is on you. Please know that you have the right to feel frustrated, angry or confused by all this. It sounds like he’s just landed a double whammy on you – that he is bisexual and a crossdresser.
My prayers are with you. The thing I recommend most of all is lots of good, open, honest communication. Share your thoughts and feelings while you listen to his. Don’t give up just yet dear.
im in the same boat my boyfriend is a cross dresser i found out myself when i confronted him he told me everything he says he is straight and loves me can this be?? he sais he wants a future with me as man and wife is this possible in this situation??
Hi hon,
It is possible to live happily with a crossdresser as man and wife – I know many couples who have been together for many years where the husband is a crossdresser. You should go into this with your eyes open, there is going to be a lot of open communication and at times compromises that both of you need to make.
My advice is to take it slow, make sure that your boyfriend understands how far he wants to take crossdressing – if he were to become a woman that would create a whole different dynamic to your relationship that you may or may not appreciate – and keep the lines of communication open.
The fact that he has trusted you with a secret like this means that he cares for you very deeply dear.
Good luck!