You’re likely feeling a bit shocked – after all, this is unlikely to be something you expected when you entered the relationship. Your boyfriend was probably wracked with fear when you first found out, and it’s likely he didn’t tell you himself because he feared that you wouldn’t accept his crossdressing. He may be both nervous and eager to share more details with you. Don’t let him go faster than you feel comfortable with. After all, he has been dealing with this for years and you only just found out.
You shouldn’t fear that you’re in this alone – It is surprisingly common for men to crossdress, at least occasionally. Some estimates say that roughly 5% of men are transgendered. There are many organizations that help wives and girlfriends, I recommend Tri Ess as a great place to start. http://www.tri-ess.org/brdapprvdresrc.html#sosupport They offer a supportive environment in which you can share your situation with other woman who are going through the same thing.
It could also be that you’re thinking about this a bit too much – if you have fun together when he’s crossdressing, go with it. Don’t feel like you need to conform to an outdated set of societal norms!
A great resource is a book written by Peggy Rudd called ‘My Husband Wears My Clothes’. I’ve included a link below. This book was written by a woman who’s husband is a crossdresser. Peggy provides insight, comfort and support for any woman who finds out that her beloved is a crosdresser.
Hugs
O wow, I don’t even know where to begin:( I’ve been reading through some of the posts, and I can honestly say just as the other women on here, I want to be as supportive as I possibly can, but yet I don’t know. I’m scared. The sad thing is, my BF, of almost 2 years doesn’t even know that I know right now. And I don’t know whether to approach him about it or not and just let it go. He’s not a very ‘open’ individual as far as his feelings and thoughts are. When he has something to say, he will. And I’m not sure what his reaction would be to be quiite honest! And I really don’t feel that the response will be very pretty….. When we fisrt started dating it was great! The ‘intamacy’, was always spontaneous and ‘hot’, I then got very sick, unfortunately, it took a while before I was feeling better. There were a few other contributing factors in our lives that also stopped the ‘initmacy’ for awhile. Work, family, what have you. then after that it just seemed that ‘intimacy’ was always on his terms, and seemed to be about a once a month thing. We talked and brought it up, but there was never really any resolution. But I will have to admit, with in the last week and a half for about 2-3 days, things changed….it was about 2-3 times a day… but…. exactly that, ‘BUTT’…. IF you get my meaning…. this has set him off and has turned him ‘on’….. I am OK with this!!!! Can’t get in to too much detail right now u will know why in a minute…. . He also just seemed oblivious when I would flirt with him, put on new lingrie myself or really go out and make myself look really ‘hot’ when we would go out, I get no compliments whatsoever from him. I would do eveything I could to make him feel proud to have me on his arm… I would get compliements and ‘omg jaw drops from other’s…. I have sent ‘naughty’ pics, and still no response. All I get is ‘NICE HONEY’, I would even try initiating ‘intimacy’… and no response…. We talked about this… things have changed a little…I thought for awhile he was cheating on me, than I just started having DOUBTS…. not that he was cheating…, as we don’t live together, but he is here at my home about 90% of the time. But yet i work a regular M-F 8-5 job… he works a 48 shift every four days…I know he love’s me, he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t, he wouldn’t do things he does for me if he didn’t and does show me to a certain degree. But it has always been in the back in my mind that there is STILL something just not quite right. Call it ‘woman’s intuition’. I admit it, I snooped for the first time ever!!!!! And I know, KARMA WILL come back to bite me in the ass! And probably really hard!!!! And I WON’T enjoy it… no ‘pun’ intended… I will have to admit that the ummm, computer history, actually even brought up this website! And when I typed in ‘help my BF is a cross dresser’, this website came up! I tried to let it go, there’s so many pop ups now days that even they will make it look at though you’ve been on the site. Anyway, it kept eating at me, and it got the best of me. I snooped again! I know, I feel like such a ‘$$!&’ head and feel so bad, but to know what’s going on on this end, I honestly think you would understand, however, this is not my nature, I have been so extremely frustrated and stressed trying to figure out what is going on! So frustrated to the point that I am actually drinking more and have put on a few pounds… this I AM NOT PROUD of!!!!!! I first found an empty shoe box. Not a ‘normal’ woman’s size. I first started thinking, ok, he’s been to Halloween parties before he and I, maybe these are just part of an old costume. This justification still wasn’t working for me. I have now found his ‘stash of lingerie, along with the shoes that were missing from the shoe box….., as well as ‘various’ toys. My first thought was holy ‘F’! These are bigger than mine.! WTF!!!!!! ARE YOU DOING!!!!! Yes, we do bring ‘bob’ into the picture every once and a while and I have never denied to him about using it! And we both enjoy the ‘moment ‘ from time to time when we bring ‘bob’ into into the ‘moment’…. I am so ‘shell shocked’ right now, I don’t know what to do, how to react, what to feel, what to think or who to talk to. I love him sooooooo much, and I don’t want to lose him, he’s sooo good to me…I just don’t know what to do. I really do want to be open minded about this. I just don’t know what the next step is… if there is another step or how to bring this out… I DON’T want to confront him… I NEED him to come to me about it… and I don’t know how to do this…… Please, any advice… any thoughts…any suggestions……I really truely honestly feel that I CAN handle the ‘extra toy’s'…. I have ALWAYS told him… I AM WILLING to do anything at least once or twice to give it a ‘shot’…I do love you baby! I really truely do love you baby! I’m just so scared and sooooooooooooooooooooooo confused
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O wow, I don’t even know where to begin:( I’ve been reading through some of the posts, and I can honestly say just as the other women on here, I want to be as supportive as I possibly can, but yet I don’t know. I’m scared. The sad thing is, my BF, of almost 2 years doesn’t even know that I know right now. And I don’t know whether to approach him about it or not and just let it go. He’s not a very ‘open’ individual as far as his feelings and thoughts are. When he has something to say, he will. And I’m not sure what his reaction would be to be quiite honest! And I really don’t feel that the response will be very pretty….. When we fisrt started dating it was great! The ‘intamacy’, was always spontaneous and ‘hot’, I then got very sick, unfortunately, it took a while before I was feeling better. There were a few other contributing factors in our lives that also stopped the ‘initmacy’ for awhile. Work, family, what have you. then after that it just seemed that ‘intimacy’ was always on his terms, and seemed to be about a once a month thing. We talked and brought it up, but there was never really any resolution. But I will have to admit, with in the last week and a half for about 2-3 days, things changed….it was about 2-3 times a day… but…. exactly that, ‘BUTT’…. IF you get my meaning…. this has set him off and has turned him ‘on’….. I am OK with this!!!! Can’t get in to too much detail right now u will know why in a minute…. . He also just seemed oblivious when I would flirt with him, put on new lingrie myself or really go out and make myself look really ‘hot’ when we would go out, I get no compliments whatsoever from him. I would do eveything I could to make him feel proud to have me on his arm… I would get compliements and ‘omg jaw drops from other’s…. I have sent ‘naughty’ pics, and still no response. All I get is ‘NICE HONEY’, I would even try initiating ‘intimacy’… and no response…. We talked about this… things have changed a little…I thought for awhile he was cheating on me, than I just started having DOUBTS…. not that he was cheating…, as we don’t live together, but he is here at my home about 90% of the time. But yet i work a regular M-F 8-5 job… he works a 48 shift every four days…I know he love’s me, he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t, he wouldn’t do things he does for me if he didn’t and does show me to a certain degree. But it has always been in the back in my mind that there is STILL something just not quite right. Call it ‘woman’s intuition’. I admit it, I snooped for the first time ever!!!!! And I know, KARMA WILL come back to bite me in the ass! And probably really hard!!!! And I WON’T enjoy it… no ‘pun’ intended… I will have to admit that the ummm, computer history, actually even brought up this website! And when I typed in ‘help my BF is a cross dresser’, this website came up! I tried to let it go, there’s so many pop ups now days that even they will make it look at though you’ve been on the site. Anyway, it kept eating at me, and it got the best of me. I snooped again! I know, I feel like such a ‘$$!&’ head and feel so bad, but to know what’s going on on this end, I honestly think you would understand, however, this is not my nature, I have been so extremely frustrated and stressed trying to figure out what is going on! So frustrated to the point that I am actually drinking more and have put on a few pounds… this I AM NOT PROUD of!!!!!! I first found an empty shoe box. Not a ‘normal’ woman’s size. I first started thinking, ok, he’s been to Halloween parties before he and I, maybe these are just part of an old costume. This justification still wasn’t working for me. I have now found his ‘stash of lingerie, along with the shoes that were missing from the shoe box….., as well as ‘various’ toys. My first thought was holy ‘F’! These are bigger than mine.! WTF!!!!!! ARE YOU DOING!!!!! Yes, we do bring ‘bob’ into the picture every once and a while and I have never denied to him about using it! And we both enjoy the ‘moment ‘ from time to time when we bring ‘bob’ into into the ‘moment’…. I am so ‘shell shocked’ right now, I don’t know what to do, how to react, what to feel, what to think or who to talk to. I love him sooooooo much, and I don’t want to lose him, he’s sooo good to me…I just don’t know what to do. I really do want to be open minded about this. I just don’t know what the next step is… if there is another step or how to bring this out… I DON’T want to confront him… I NEED him to come to me about it… and I don’t know how to do this…… Please, any advice… any thoughts…any suggestions……I really truely honestly feel that I CAN handle the ‘extra toy’s'…. I have ALWAYS told him… I AM WILLING to do anything at least once or twice to give it a ‘shot’…I do love you baby! I really truely do love you baby! I’m just so scared and sooooooooooooooooooooooo confused
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[...] some words of encouragement and advice to soothe the emotional wounds from hearing that your boyfriend is a crossdresser LD_AddCustomAttr("AdOpt", "1"); LD_AddCustomAttr("Origin", "other"); [...]
What I don’t understand, especially in today’s world and society, why woman just can’t accept a partner who is a CD. And while some of us are bi (and there are plenty of women who are bi but that seems ok for society), what does that have to do with the love and caring for the woman? Nothing. I can be either a man or a CD, be with a woman partner and still have urges and desires to be with a man on occasion, and STILL want to be with the woman partner (much more so than being in a relationship with a man or else I’d be in one).
Basically, if I am with a woman, and dress and sometimes want to play with a man (either alone or maybe even with her), why and how does that change the fact that I am, and want to be, with the woman? It doesn’t. Denial of either basic human urges or hidden desires only causes tension and eventual heartbreak. If people (whatever gender) could just accept their partner/spouse and their love, the world would be far better off.
I know I would.
I too am a woman suffering with how to deal with the man I love being a cross dresser. We were high school sweethearts and fell madly in love 8 years ago. I thought I found my soul mate and had no idea he was hiding such a big secret from me. I’ve known he was doing this behind my back but even despite catching him in the act he would deny it and kept it from me up until recently when he admitted it was a part of his life he could and would not change. The issues I am dealing with is how do you learn to deal and accept it and how do you get over the anger of him keeping such a hurtful thing from you. I know it’s not like they can say it on a first date but why did he make me fall for him and then put me through all of this. I know it isn’t easy for him but I too am having a very hard time and would like some support with how to deal with this if there was any. Thank you very much for your time.
Hi Ashley,
Thank you for your kind words. In fact, each time i think of talking to my girlfriend seriously, I felt embarassed. I don’t know why I feel such way. She always sees me as a tough guy. Maybe it’s becouse in my country, the people here are not really that open. I do agree with you. I will do my best and discuss this over with her seriously. Thank you for your encouragement.
Regards,
Elaine..
Elaine, I would caution against trying to change who you are for her sake. It may work for a few weeks, or a few months, but I’ve heard of very few crossdressers who have “cured”. I would encourage you to find others in the crossdressing community you can share your experiences with, and to try to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend. I know that this may be difficult for her to accept, but life will throw even more challenging things at us, that will try the love and care we have for each other.
I had the same problem when thinking about telling my future wife at the time. It started when I was about five years old.I have always felt as though I was indeed a female ,so I started to dress the part.When I reached my thirties,I met a woman and I ended up engaged to her. She started me on pills that were supposed to stop male pattern baldness. It did work ,but it had more side effects that I wasn’t going to find out avbout tilll later on down the road.I found out later that the pills shre had been giving me were birth control pills. When I started growing breasts is when I confronted her and she told me the truth. She told me that she wanted the rest of my body to match my long slender legs. Sher got her wish ! I went from being 38-32-38 ,to a feminine 42-30-41 figure. I love the new me,I just wish it could have happened 20+ years ago !
AngelaMarie – I’m happy it turned out well. Sometimes I wish my wife were as supportive about me taking hormones. I would encourage you to see a doctor though, hormones can have other health risks, apart from the more pleasant side effects, such as larger breasts.
Hugs,
Vanessa