You’re likely feeling a bit shocked – after all, this is unlikely to be something you expected when you entered the relationship. Your boyfriend was probably wracked with fear when you first found out, and it’s likely he didn’t tell you himself because he feared that you wouldn’t accept his crossdressing. He may be both nervous and eager to share more details with you. Don’t let him go faster than you feel comfortable with. After all, he has been dealing with this for years and you only just found out.
You shouldn’t fear that you’re in this alone – It is surprisingly common for men to crossdress, at least occasionally. Some estimates say that roughly 5% of men are transgendered. There are many organizations that help wives and girlfriends, I recommend Tri Ess as a great place to start. http://www.tri-ess.org/brdapprvdresrc.html#sosupport They offer a supportive environment in which you can share your situation with other woman who are going through the same thing.
It could also be that you’re thinking about this a bit too much – if you have fun together when he’s crossdressing, go with it. Don’t feel like you need to conform to an outdated set of societal norms!
A great resource is a book written by Peggy Rudd called ‘My Husband Wears My Clothes’. I’ve included a link below. This book was written by a woman who’s husband is a crossdresser. Peggy provides insight, comfort and support for any woman who finds out that her beloved is a crosdresser.
Hugs
Dear Vanessa,
I am a male and cross dressing secretly without anyone knowledge. I have a girlfriend and I am having difficulties in life thinking whether I should forced myself to stop this for the sake of my relationship. I had gave some indication to my girlfriend about my crossdressing interest but she hated the idea and not willing to accept it. I really wanted to continue my relationship but it is so difficult trying not to think about crossdressing. So far, 1 week is the longest I can stay away from my bras and panties… Please advice.. I need help badly..
thank you.
Elaine xxx
Dear Elaine,
I know I am not Vanessa and cannot give exactly the same advice as she would. However I do believe that if you are truly trying to conserve this relationship of yours you need to find some time to have a serious discussion about it. She may not go for it right off the bat and that has to be expected(we’re not exactly the majority here are we?). I am of the opinion that if you plan on taking a relationship anywhere that goes farther than a couple of dates you need to tell her. This is a big part of your life and there is simply no reason to give that up. Again I stress to break it to her lightly but be firm that this is who you are. I do not know the pain of having to go through hiding this as my girlfriend is actually the one to bring it up to me so I cannot say i know how you feel. I do know that i’ve tried to stop this before and i didn’t like it. If this is who you are tell her. If she doesn’t like it it’s her loss. You sound like a perfectly fine Crossdresser to me.
Wishing you the VERY best,
Ashley
Ashley – well said, this is good advice. Share with her, but be open to her not accepting right away. Be gentle, realize that this will be hard on her, but don’t commit to changing who you are just to be with her.
is it really true that by taking birthtaking pills one would grow breasts and turn looking a bit feminine style
Birthcontrol pills have female hormones in them, but taking hormones when not under a doctor’s care can be dangerous. If you or someone you love is considering hormones I highly recommend you consult a doctor. Apart from the desired effects (breast growth, female fat distribution), there are many other health risks that go along with hormones, such as an increased risk of stroke.
I would like to find another crossdresser in New Phila,Dover that I can talk too one on one. I told a lady of mine she was Ok as long as I didn’t borrow her stuff. Right now we no longer see each other so I have know one. My two X’s didn’t know a thing about me cross dressing #2 and I were married 24yrs.she never knew. It was hard on me not telling afew tines it came up for another person she stated if every she say me like that her and my kids were going. When I was little & did something wrong my mom would put my sister or her stuff on me.
I realy would like to find someone around here to talk to and may dress up for he could do the same.
Hey Randy, have you tried look at http://www.tri-ess.org They may have a chapter that meets near you.
I even dont know what to do:(I can’t accept that the man next to me is a crossdresser,I want to be a wife of a normal man.I found out two weeks ago that my lovely hubby is into men!!!What do I have to do???He tells me that he loves me,but i really think that he is more into my beauty and clothes.I feel so bad,cause i really loved him…….
Amely, I can only imagine how hard this is on you. Please know that you have the right to feel frustrated, angry or confused by all this. It sounds like he’s just landed a double whammy on you – that he is bisexual and a crossdresser.
My prayers are with you. The thing I recommend most of all is lots of good, open, honest communication. Share your thoughts and feelings while you listen to his. Don’t give up just yet dear.
I just found out a VDay that my boyfriend is a crossdresser and I don't know what to do because I really do love him. I feel your pain and I understand what you mean about him being more into your beauty and clother than you.
Don't know quite how to start this letter to you all.But I'll give It a shot ok?Well my Crossdressing started way back when I was around 6 or 7 year's old or so..My best rememberence was the first time I seen my Mother putting on her Pantyhose and Girdle & Bra.She worked In a nursing home.She wore those long white doctor like dress I believe.I just didn't know how to react to seeing my Mother dressing.I wasn't quite In school yet,This was on a week end I think?Well any way,when mom left for work,my Aunt's were living with us.They baby sitted for my Mom and father.I think I went Into my Mother's bedroom,without them seeing me.I went through my Mother's dresser drawer's.I found so many Intimat Item's.The most stuff that was In there,was her Pantyhose.I think that when I put them Into my hand's,the material,made me feel something I never felt before.I then sneaked back to my bedroom,and started to play with them.I then put them on my leg's,cause I knew how,cause I seen my Mother put them on her leg's so many time's.
he mustt be bi but if he says that he wants to be with u then ur the one he wants to be with.he decided to marry u and not someone else.
im in the same boat my boyfriend is a cross dresser i found out myself when i confronted him he told me everything he says he is straight and loves me can this be?? he sais he wants a future with me as man and wife is this possible in this situation??
Hi hon,
It is possible to live happily with a crossdresser as man and wife – I know many couples who have been together for many years where the husband is a crossdresser. You should go into this with your eyes open, there is going to be a lot of open communication and at times compromises that both of you need to make.
My advice is to take it slow, make sure that your boyfriend understands how far he wants to take crossdressing – if he were to become a woman that would create a whole different dynamic to your relationship that you may or may not appreciate – and keep the lines of communication open.
The fact that he has trusted you with a secret like this means that he cares for you very deeply dear.
Good luck!
Thank you, I needed that advice as well. My boyfriend told me that a while back and I was cool with it then, helping him buy clothes and things. I grew up in a town where you would see crossdressers all the time so I thought I was cool with it. Then he went to a dragshow while I was out of town and once I was home I was greeted with pics on facebook that made me feel uncomfortable, but I hurt him by telling him that. So I told him I would get over it, and now am educating myself and supporting himin everyway I can.
I love you hon
Erin, good for you hon. Education on this subject is an absolute must. Please learn all you can. That way, you will be able to make informed, rational decisions about where and how far you both want to go with his/her crossdressing. If you notice, there is a listing of books on this site. Look them over and choose the ones that most closly fit your situation and read them.
Most of all, love your crossdresser and be supportive of her as far as you can. Compromise is the key here for both of you. Talk about what each of you wants and try to come to an agreement about it. Most of all, love him and support him. this is a time of major adjustment for you both. Given time, I’m sure that both of you will make this work, and maybe even enjoy the time together as girls. You may find that her personality will change some while she is en femme. I know that mine does. I become softer, quieter and much calmer when I am Ragina, and my stress levels go way down as well.
Have fun discovering your SO’s femminine side and don’t forget that a compliment every once in a while goes a long way, too. Good fortune to you both and prayers are with you, too.