Crossdresser Heaven

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Tags: cross-dressing

Joanna's Cross Dresser Success Story – Celebrating the Woman Inside You

Categories: Crossdressing Success Stories

Tags: cross dresser success story, cross-dressing, crossdressing success story

Published on: February 27, 2009

This week our cross dresser success story takes us all the way north to Quebec Canada, where we join Joanna on her journey through hardship to celebrate the woman inside. As regular readers know by now, cross dresser success stories are real life stories from wonderful transgendered woman all over the world. These ladies have conquered self-doubt, bad hair days and all manner of malady’s to achieve success in some aspect of their crossdressing.

Please share your own cross dresser success story . It can be funny, scary, dramatic, emotional or described by some other adjective completely. A small slice of your cross dressing journey will shine a light for those who still travel this road in darkness.

Meet Joanna

My name is Joanna and I live in Montreal Quebec Canada. I have been a crossdresser since a very young age. Now divorced and looking to start the next phase of my life. I am 45 years old.

Joanna’s Cross Dresser Success Story – Celebrating the Woman Inside You

Joanna Shares Her Cross Dressing Success Story

My story begins at age 5 or so when I was playing dress up with my 2 younger sisters. I remember donning a pair of mom’s pumps and putting a rag on my head to serve as long hair.

My mom sent me a strong message that day to never to repeat this (although she does not remember doing so) and things went underground from there. I continued to dress in my room and when there was no one home. I would go into mom’s closet and wear her dresses, heels and makeup.

As puberty hit and the dreaded orgasm appeared I started to feel the guilt around my dressing and began the dreaded purge cycle for quite a number of years. You see I was raised in a very religious household and this was an aberration. I remember one time as a teenager crying in the shower praying that the urge would go away. Of course it never did.
I married shortly after my father’s death from cancer (in retrospect a mistake) and tried hard to suppress my desires for as long as a year at a time. I would buy clothes and after having masturbated in them after an outing as Joanna promptly threw them out always promising myself to never do it again.

Then after 12 years of marriage I told my wife about my secret in a letter to her which she actually found before I could give it to her. At first there seemed to be nothing but understanding and compassion around this issue and it was great. I entered a gender therapy program at the hospital to try and figure out where I was going with all this. My wife even went out with me a few times with me dressed as a woman. Then some months later she turned on the whole thing and said she wanted a divorce.

Our marriage had never been the strongest from the start and now this was the camel that broke the camel’s back for her. I was not happy either and after having had a health crisis in late 2007 (as it turned out a small stroke) things started to really go downhill for the marriage. In fact during my 10 day stay at the hospital she came for a one hour visit.
I am now divorced and things seem to be going better. I am feeling more relaxed, my children are adjusting well and my ex and I are able to communicate better. We are co-parenting our children and focusing on them. The therapy helped me to accept myself as I am and to realize that I am this way for a reason. God loves me exactly as I am and there need for guilt or shame regarding this activity. My mother and siblings now know about Joanna and have tried to be very understanding – so while they may not relate to what I am doing they take my word that it is something very deep and trust that I need to express it. God love them for it.
I now celebrate the woman in me by regularly going out and doing the little things as Joanna. I grocery shop or go downtown for a coffee. I get tremendous peace from this and treasure this part of myself. I am currently living with my mother until I get a new place and she faithfully washes my boy and girl clothes. I know I really have a good thing there.
Although I am now alone and would welcome an understanding woman in my life, I will never again suppress this part of myself to please another. I have learnt that we all need to be ourselves and in so doing be a better person towards other people even if society rejects us for who we are.
Peace,
Joanna

Socially Acceptable Cross Dressing – will it ever be in style?

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Fashion, Clothes and Shoes

Tags: cross-dress, cross-dressing, crossdress, crossdress style, crossdresser clothes, crossdressing fashion, crossdressing style, socially acceptable cross dressing

Comments: 10 Comments

Published on: June 2, 2008

Fashions are a funny thing, and crossdressers are perhaps more beholden to the whims of the fashion fairies than most men. When men dress in women’s clothes, there is something special about looking fabulous and beautiful.

The other day I was thinking – what if crossdressing was normal? You know, if you were just as likely to see a man in high heels and a skirt as a woman wearing a pantsuit. What is there was no masculine gender expression, no feminine gender expression. Would we still be crossdressers? In fact, would we still have the desire to crossdress?

Certainly there must be some part of the transgender experience which is about being unique, in our expression of who we are – the desire to be like woman, yet still knowing that we are a man.

Don’t tell crossdressers they’re normal

If you do, we just might agree. Many organizations, such as Tri-ESS, go to great lengths to remove the stigma from crossdressing. This stigma is entirely a social construct, created by our culture. There are theories as to why crossdressing is taboo – perhaps on a subconscious level it slows down the acquisition of a suitable mate with which to propagate the species?

Nevertheless, fashion will move forward. The brief rise of the metrosexual in the mid 2000′s was a definite step towards a more socially acceptable way for men to express their femininity. Even if all it really meant was that you wore nice clothes and bathed more than once a week.

Socially Acceptable Cross Dressing

I wonder if the next fashion wave will see crossdressing as desirable and trendy? I hope so, but I’m not going to leave my skirt hanging in the closet waiting for it to happen…

—
P.S. Don’t wait for crossdressing to come in style. Learn how to do your makeup like a professional and look fabulous!

I married a cross dresser

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Crossdressing Relationship Advice

Tags: cross-dressing, Crossdressing Relationship Advice, my husband is a crossdresser, transgendered wedding, why do men crossdress

Comments: 192 Comments

Published on: March 27, 2008

When you marry the man you love, you hope for a life of bliss – your own ‘happiness ever after’, but even the most optimistic of us will expect some challenges along this wonderful journey called marriage. You probably didn’t expect him to utter these fateful words, ‘Honey, I’m a Cross Dresser’.

A few weeks ago I wrote an article about what to do if your boyfriend is a cross dresser.

Today I’ll address some of the most common questions from wives who find out that their husband is a cross dresser. I highly recommend that you buy a copy of the book My Husband Wears My Clothes. It was written a few years ago by Peggy Rudd, a PhD and wife of a cross dresser. She provides loving insight into the how and why of cross dressing.

So what do you do when you find out for the first time? The most important thing to realize is that it is okay to feel shocked, uncertain and confused. It’s not every day that you meet a cross dresser, much less find out that your husband is one!

The next thing to realize, is that he is telling you this because he loves and trusts you deeply. He is probably just as scared as you are right now. You both need to be careful not to say anything that would hurt the other person.You’re both in a sensitive position. While you should respect that he it is difficult for him to share with you, you should also expect him to go as fast or as slow as you can handle.

The first thing to do is reassure him that you love him. This will be tough to do. You’re shocked and not in full control of your emotions, but even though you just discovered your husband is a cross dresser you need to show love.

So now you may be wondering:
He’s a cross dresser, is he gay? Probably not, most cross dressers are heterosexual

Why didn’t he tell me about his crossdressing sooner? This one is tricky, ideally he would have shared with you before you were married. Most likely he thought he could control it, he thought that being married would quell the urge to cross dress. That hardly ever (never) happens, and he probably put it off for so long because he was afraid of how you would react. Ironically, he has hid this secret from you for so long because he loves you so much!

Why does he cross dress? Phew, an even tougher but great question. I explored this in some detail in my article ‘why do men cross dress‘. The short answer is that no one knows for sure and many men have different reasons for why they cross dress, but most describe it as a need, an urge that won’t go away.

How can I make him stop cross dressing? You’re asking all the right questions love, but you probably won’t like the answer to this one. You can’t stop him from cross dressing. Sure, you’ll fight and he’ll promise not to cross dress, but a few months later you’ll find a pair of size 12 pink pumps in the wardrobe…

Does he want a sex change? Probably not. There are fewer transsexuals than cross dressers, so it is less likely that your husband has a desire to change his sex. Most cross dressers are happily married and only enjoy dressing part time.

So now what do I do? As I mentioned above, reassure him that you love him. Spend a lot of time in deep, open conversation with him about his desire to cross dress. Learn as much as you can about it (I know I sound like a used car salesman, but trust me buy this book!). Learn to compromise – let this grow you closer together rather than split you apart. Work with your husband to set limits that you are comfortable with as well. If you don’t want him to dress when your friends are around; let him know.

Tri-Ess has some great information and a Crossdressers wives bill of rights which makes for a great starting point as you and your husband come to a fair compromise about his cross dressing. There are many other good resources on the Internet. Also, take some time to explore Cross Dresser Heaven, I’ve gathered a number of resources that may be valuable for you.

Good luck, and please contact me if you need any support or advice!

Hugs,

Vanessa

P.S. Thanks to my lovely wife for reviewing this article before I posted it. As much as we listen, we need to be open to the precious woman in our lives – they are often trying to tell us more.

By this, shall all men know that you are my disciples

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Transgender News and Issues

Tags: cross-dressing, crossdresser church, transgender news, transgender religion

Comments: No Comments

Published on: March 20, 2008

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13:34-35

Just recently anti-LGBT activists in Montgomery County, MD filed a petition to overturn an anti-discrimination law that prohibits discrimination based on gender identity and expression. In particular it prohibits discrimination in housing, employment, public accommodation, cable television service and taxicab service on the basis of gender identity.

Equality Maryland is fighting against this hateful attempt by religious conservatives to deny people their basic human dignity, and they need your help. This group, called the ‘citizens for a responsible government’, comments on the anti-discrimination as follows on their website:

“Our opponents will claim that this is “just an anti-discrimination” bill which protects transgender people. Actually we have no problem with an anti-discrimination bill for transgenders. However, as our Montgomery County Bill 23-07 stands now, it discriminates against the 500,000 women and children in Montgomery County by asking them to sacrifice their privacy rights. Women and children should be able to expect that they ONLY people sharing their bathrooms and locker-rooms also share the same biological sex. Most of the other gender identity bills which have been passed across the US have recognized this issue and addressed it. Our county council did not.”

The fact is, that the issue of public bathrooms has already been resolved by a federal court:

The issue of access to public bathrooms has now been resolved by the federal courts. In the landmark case Cruzan v. Davis, a ruling was made in June 2002 by a federal appeals court in Minnesota that an employer is within its rights to instruct a transgendered employee to use the restroom matching their new presentation. The ruling states that if another employee complains, the company may offer the complaining employee an accommodation (such as the use of a different restroom for the complaining employee.)

To the concern that men would try and pass themselves off as transgendered to ‘hang out in woman’s bathrooms’, there is both very little evidence for this, or that incidents of harassment would increase.

“My answer is that, after a decade of work in this field, I have never heard of a situation where a person used a false claim of gender identity for that purpose. I have certainly heard of a few cases where a man dressed as a woman in order to commit a crime and escape detection (though of course, having heard of the cases, the attempts were obviously not successful). I have also heard about men committing crimes in women’s bathrooms. But these cases all involved an attempt to escape notice, not to call attention to false claims about gender identity. More significantly, those cases were not spurred by the passage of a gender identity non-discrimination law. Now what if, you think, what if some crafty male, spurred by this new law, were to come up with a lascivious plan to lurk in the women’s restroom and then, when confronted by the police about his harassing behavior, claim that he was entitled to commit harassment because of his gender identity? The answer is that harassing behavior is not permitted regardless of one’s gender. If I am standing in the women’s restroom and the woman next to me puts her hand on my thigh, that’s harassment, and it doesn’t matter if she claims gender identity issues or not.” – Jillian Weiss, Associate Professor of Law and Public Policy at Ramapo College of New Jersey

The issue is not about bathrooms – though this definitely makes for a good fear mongering headline. The issue is about the basic human rights that all people have to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The anti-discrimination bill gives the transgendered a better chance to live normal, productive lives. Yet there are some among us who are fearful of diversity and who are eager to impose their view of ‘how things should be’ on the whole country.

Thank You!

by Vanessa Law

Categories: Vanessa's Transgender Experience

Tags: cross dresser, cross-dressing, crossdressing blessing, transgender

Comments: 1 Comment

Published on: March 13, 2008

Thank you all for your supportive and encouraging comments. My heart is overflowing with warmth now. I realize the wonderful thing about cross dressing is that it brings the most wonderful, caring people into my life. Lisa Ann, Alicia, Lynn, April and Polly you have brought a smile to my face!

It seemed as if many of you feel the desire to be ‘femme’ – to dress and act like a woman, but still loving your male body. Lynn’s comment struck me – that she doesn’t feel split, but rather a whole, integrated person who sometimes dresses like a woman, and other times like a guy.

It seems so true that it is all about accepting yourself for who you are. There are no rules as to ‘how’ you should be transgender. Perhaps, for me, it is the ‘type A’ part of my personality that wants to do everything as well as I can. When I feel like dressing as a woman, well, I have to do it ‘all the way’.

Many times when I’m in ‘male mode’ (as it were), I find myself thinking and acting as a woman. For me, this feels comfortable and right. Yet it does make me wonder what it would feel like to be a woman every day.

Again, thank you all for your kind words. I have been giving them a lot of thought these past few days.

Hugs,

Vanessa

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