Tags: Gender Expression

I Am Not Gay!

Really. I promise. Cross my heart.

I know, I’m wearing a dress.
No, they’re not real.
Yes, that’s lipstick – Raspberry Rush actually.

*sigh*

Sexual Identity is a Tapestry of Color

Sexual Identity is a Tapestry of Color

The rest of the world is blessed in it’s ignorance. They get to lump all the “sexually deviant” folks into a single bucket of “them” (usually pronounced with a sneer). Sexuality, as with most things in life, is not so easily separated into black and white. Rather, it is a tapestry of colors that cover the gamut of sexual preference, gender identity and gender expression. With much of the common knowledge running aground as a transgender myth.

In my life being transgendered has forced me to confront my own sexuality. I identify, in part at least, as a woman and often seek to express this identity in the clothes I wear, the way I look and the activities I undertake.

In those moments when I identify as a man I’m quite confident in my heterosexuality. My wife’s movement, her body, her voice, her scent – they send my heart a flutter (among other things :) ).

When I am a woman, lets just say it gets more complicated. Though my lovely wife may not appreciate it, she still has a wondrous effect on me. I long for the feelings of protection, love, adoration, softness from one who is strong. Yet the thought of this being a man does not appeal to me. It’s as if I long to play the feminine part with a masculine partner who is not a man – Take that Freud!

My point in sharing is not to disclose details of my private life with you, or even to hold up myself as a prototypical example of all crossdressers, for surely this isn’t the case. I want to point out that the diversity of human sexuality is not confined to a few discrete points. It’s not possible to create a set of categories and use these to accurately define everyone, as is wonderfully captured by a poetic recounting of the third gender.

Live who you are. Love who you are. Define yourself by what is in your heart.

A Call to Crossdressing Action – it's Not Just the Transgendered Who Suffer

In Normal, a book written by Amy Bloom about transsexuals, crossdressers and the intersexed, an insightful comment about gender expression is given.

Not only is our society distressed by masculine women, feminine men, and the androgynous; even the big man who embroiders, or the wife and mother of three who has a black belt in tae kwon do, a buzz cut and no makeup in her gym bag, stirs a frisson of discomfort. Gender theorists love the gender nonconforming as examples of all sorts of things, fundamentalists fear and despise them, and whether they avoid our gaze or deliberately seek to disturb, they are the handy punch line for every fading sitcom.

I sometimes think that our culture is like the Church in the days of Galileo. We will not see, and we will silence and mock, even banish and punish, those who say that what is, is.

The insight isn’t that the transgendered struggle to be accepted by society needs to continue for a while. The insight is that the transgendered struggle is the struggle of all people who don’t fit into the classical model of gender. The transgendered are just those who happen to experience this “frisson of discomfort” most vividly.

I think this applies for crossdressers as well. The typical heterosexual part time crossdresser can go undetected and undiscovered by society. Her livelihood isn’t impacted by transitioning, her finances aren’t devastated by expensive surgeries (no girls, buy that expensive dress doesn’t count…) and her health isn’t jeopardized by a cocktail of hormones.

Largely, the impact of societies displeasure with gender non-conformance is limited to those few times the crossdresser ventures outdoors. She goes as undetected as the slightly feminine man, or slightly masculine woman. And she will benefit from the work of transsexuals and transgendered to bring acceptance to gender diversity.

My call to crossdressers action

If you’re a crossdresser, my call to action is to support the transgender community who is at the forefront of the struggle. Either through your time or financial support. A good organization to start with is the National Center for Transgender Equality.

Dear reader, please let me know if there are other organizations that are doing good work for the transgender community. I’d like to post a more complete list of transgender advocate organizations in the future.


P.S. Look fabulous while making a difference for the transgender community with great advice from the World’s Best Crossdresser Guide

Cross-dressing and the female privilege

A few weeks ago I wrote an article about crossdressing and ladies restrooms. As you may know, opponents of laws protecting gender identity and expression use the terrible threat of “men dressing up as woman to enter the ladies restroom and assault women” as a rallying cry. I can assure you that

Most cross-dressers just want to use the bathroom

Autumn recently posted a thoughtful article about gender expression as it relates to the fear of men using the ladies restroom. It is clear that over the last few centuries straight white males have enjoyed many privileges. As if somehow they were proto-humans, non-gay Caucasian men enjoy more job opportunities, better wages, less discrimination and favorable media coverage.

With all that privilege, though, women do enjoy at least one of their own in this day and age. As Autumn astutely observes – Women are not perceived to be predators.

I think the root of concern about protecting gender expression is intolerance – “you’re not like me”-ism. Yet this is far more difficult to sell to the public – we’re enlightened enough these days that hate and bigotry aren’t good ways of winning the majority to your cause. It is far easier to inflame the already existing fears that “men are predators” as a tactic to prevent free gender expression.

You don’t even need to look hard to come up with a credible sounding case. After all, if the men of God are caught molesting altar boys, surely the transgedered can’t be far behind?

I don’t have a solution for this deep seated fear. Perhaps if we spent more time cherishing all that is good in this world, in our society, we would embrace the unknown rather than running from it.

In that spirit, a dose of good news this morning. The UK has begun a program called

Living Libraries

Rather than a book, people can “borrow a stereotype”, and spend 30 mins with someone who is Muslim or gay or transgendered. The idea is that the best way to break down prejudice is to get to know someone. You can find some more details on transgendered in the living library and a good article here. If you’re in the UK, I encourage you to borrow someone who you may not understand and spend some time listening.

P.S. Feminize yourself through hypnosis. Become the woman inside today!

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