Gender Identity

I Am Not Gay!

By Vanessa Law | Published March 3, 2009 | 4 Comments

Really. I promise. Cross my heart.

I know, I’m wearing a dress.
No, they’re not real.
Yes, that’s lipstick – Raspberry Rush actually.

*sigh*

Sexual Identity is a Tapestry of Color

Sexual Identity is a Tapestry of Color

The rest of the world is blessed in it’s ignorance. They get to lump all the “sexually deviant” folks into a single bucket of “them” (usually pronounced with a sneer). Sexuality, as with most things in life, is not so easily separated into black and white. Rather, it is a tapestry of colors that cover the gamut of sexual preference, gender identity and gender expression. With much of the common knowledge running aground as a transgender myth.

In my life being transgendered has forced me to confront my own sexuality. I identify, in part at least, as a woman and often seek to express this identity in the clothes I wear, the way I look and the activities I undertake.

In those moments when I identify as a man I’m quite confident in my heterosexuality. My wife’s movement, her body, her voice, her scent – they send my heart a flutter (among other things :) ).

When I am a woman, lets just say it gets more complicated. Though my lovely wife may not appreciate it, she still has a wondrous effect on me. I long for the feelings of protection, love, adoration, softness from one who is strong. Yet the thought of this being a man does not appeal to me. It’s as if I long to play the feminine part with a masculine partner who is not a man – Take that Freud!

My point in sharing is not to disclose details of my private life with you, or even to hold up myself as a prototypical example of all crossdressers, for surely this isn’t the case. I want to point out that the diversity of human sexuality is not confined to a few discrete points. It’s not possible to create a set of categories and use these to accurately define everyone, as is wonderfully captured by a poetic recounting of the third gender.

Live who you are. Love who you are. Define yourself by what is in your heart.

4 Comments | Posted in Transgender Info, Vanessa's Transgender Experience | Also tagged , , , Trackback URL.

A Transgender Rose, by any other name

By Vanessa Law | Published December 28, 2008 | 5 Comments
A Transgender Rose By Any Other Name...

A Transgender Rose By Any Other Name...

A label is such a funny thing. It can provide an identity, lend legitimacy to who we are, and create a community . Whether you’re a fan of a sports team, from a certain university or enjoy a particular hobby you have a label. Along with that label you are also granted a set of characteristics common to that group. Even before someone meets you, they already “know” who you are – A skydiver is a daring thrill seeker and a librarian is a stern intellectual. You’re stereotyped, for good or ill, regardless of whether the stereotype is apt.

Given the power of a stereotype, I’m hesitant to categorize those within the transgender community. The gender spectrum is so varied that I would be naive to think that I could provide an adequate description for all points along the spectrum, or even that I had identified the most interesting points. Yet in spite of this, I know that an article attempting to describe the gender spectrum can be a godsend for those who are just beginning their journey in gender diversity. Often, as I was starting out, you feel confused and alone. You may not even be aware that you’re struggling with gender identity.

Am I alone in my love for women’s clothing? Does this mean I’ll get a sex change? Am I gay?

I can’t answer all your questions in one article, or even a full publication – two author’s have tried in excellent books I highly recommend (My Husband Wears My Clothes and My Husband Betty). My goal is to share a few of the terms we use within the transgender community to describe ourselves – and to hear from the veterans what they think and where I may have misspoken.

So with that in mind…

Defining Transgender

Wikipedia has a good article on the transgender definition, but unfortunately I’ve found many other suspect answers on the Internet so be careful who you listen to. There are also some transgender myths you should avoid.

Transgender: Myself (and others) use this term as a broad umbrella term to encompass all people who have feelings of gender dysphoria, from the part time crossdresser to someone who has transitioned. In recent literature on the topic the term “cisgender” has been coined to be the opposite of transgender – where the inner and outer gender identity are consistent.

Crossdresser: A crossdresser is someone who dresses in clothes of the opposite gender for pleasure. This may be sexual or a desire to appear as the other gender (see: why do men crossdress). Many crossdressers I’ve spoken with describe the feeling associated with wearing clothes of the opposite gender as natural and relaxing.

Transsexual: A person who lives as a gender opposite that of their birth gender. They may or may not have had “the operation” to alter their genitals. Pre-op (before the operation), Post-op (after the operation) and no-op (Opting not to have the operation). It is considered quite rude to refer to a transsexual by their birth gender – whether or not they “pass”.

Drag Queen/King: A performer who appears as the opposite gender, typically for theatrical effect, whether dramatic or comedic. It’s a myth that all drag queens are gay.

Intersexed: Someone who is born with ambiguous genitals. More often than not the “mistake of nature” is “fixed” shortly after birth when the doctor or parents choose a gender for the baby. This can result in a lifetime of struggle and shame (see the Intersex Society of North America for more details).

Genderqueer: Defying even the more liberal gender categorizations I’ve provided above, those who identify as gender queer typically break all stereotypes associated with gender and display the gender identity and gender expression they feel most suits them.

Have I missed anyone? Mischaracterized anyone? Let me know, I’m eager for your comments and feedback.

What’s your gender identity?


How do you refer to yourself?

View Results

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5 Comments | Posted in Transgender Info | Also tagged , , Trackback URL.

Transgender Discrimination Is Deemed Illegal

By Vanessa Law | Published September 21, 2008 | 2 Comments

Just recently a transsexual person won a lawsuit against the Library of Congress. Former Army commander Diane Schroer won her lawsuit after a judge determined that her upcoming transition was the primary reason why she was denied a job. Many in the transgender community have been impacted by the threat of transgender discrimination at the workplace. Even as society has made progress against sexual orientation discrimination many transgendered people still live in fear of losing their livelihoods.

I spoke about the financial plight of the transgendered a few months ago, urging financial help for the transgendered – and that we take our financial health into our own hands. While I believe those who are able should take their financial future into their hand, it is also important to end harassment and discrimination in the workplace.

Cheryl posted a good summary on her blog about the implications for transsexuals.

“I don’t think this will make a huge difference to actual employment rights for transgender people. To start with, if I am reading Dr. Weiss correctly, all companies have to do is have a policy of “we don’t employ transsexuals” and they are automatically covered by existing precedent – they don’t have to say anything else and risk getting into a mess like the Library of Congress did. In any case, refusing to hire someone because they are transgender, or firing them when you find out that they are, is ridiculously easy for a competent HR department. Even in the San Francisco Bay Area, 75% of the transgender population does not have full time employment. Furthermore, it takes someone with the sort of bravery and determination that Diane Schroer has shown to fight a case like this. Nevertheless, this is a landmark ruling, and one that will send shock waves through HR departments all over the USA. It will also act as a welcome kick in the pants for the Democrats in Congress, many of whom still believe that transgender rights are an issue that they dare not touch.”

You can also find some insightful commentary from the Bilerico Project, such as the below:

The most important aspect of the decision is the ruling that discrimination based on gender identity is literally discrimination based on sex. Schorer’s lawyers argued, and the judge agreed, that gender identity is a component of sex, and therefore discrimination based on gender identity is sex discrimination. This might sound like a simple proposition, but previous federal courts have “carved [transgender] persons out of the statute by concluding that ‘transsexuality’ is unprotected by Title VII.”

Personally I believe that any victory in the courts is good news for the transgender community. It is unacceptable to see people with twenty five years of service to their country discriminated against. I believe that many reasonably minded people will also find it unacceptable. By shining a light on this transgender discrimination and prejudice we build up awareness and support of others in this great country.

Diane’s words after the trial seem to sum it up best:

“I knew all along that the 25 years of experience I gained defending our country didn’t disappear when I transitioned, so it was hard to understand why I was being turned down for a job doing what I do best just because I’m transgender. It is tremendously gratifying to have your faith in this country, and what is fundamentally right and fair, be reaffirmed.”

2 Comments | Posted in Transgender News and Issues | Also tagged , , , Trackback URL.

The Third Gender

By Vanessa Law | Published September 18, 2008 | 6 Comments

Society likes clear boundaries. Black or white. Gay or straight. Male or female. The relentless desire of society to categorize and sort. Placing each of us into nice neat boxes. People struggle mightily with the concept of a third gender. The idea that someone is in between a man and a woman. Gender society does not like to think of the transgender. In spite of this new social gender constructs are created to categorize the third gender: you’re a crossdresser or a transsexual. Yet the categories strain still, so more must be constructed: pre-op transsexual, no-op transsexual, post-op transsexual.

And on it goes, until we realize that there is no third gender. Just like there is no third race, but a spectrum of diversity that scares the gender society in it’s breadth of difference.

In this wonderful video Kit reminds us that,

“There may be as many as a million genders – just floating around waiting for the right person to snatch them up, put them on and proudly parade around in their new skin. Unrestricted by layers and identity, or limitations of society or culture or social construction. See, this new gender is a function of inner desire and genuine understanding of self to be lived.”

My thought for you today is:

There is no third gender, only gender

A beautiful melody of human diversity

–
P.S. If you enjoyed this article please subscribe to Crossdresser Heaven to receive regular updates on things that matter to the transgendered community.

6 Comments | Posted in Gender Identity | Also tagged , , , Trackback URL.

What Sex is your brain?

By vanessa | Published March 30, 2008 | 6 Comments

I love taking the tests for gender. I’m fascinated with the prospect that someone can take seemingly basic things about my life and expression, and tell something more fundamental about who I am, that I may not even realize. Of course, with any such test there is part science, part art, and part make believe, and we should never let the results from a test determine who we are.

Some of you are probably familiar with the COGIATI test, which stands for the mouthful of ‘Combined Gender Identity and Transsexuality Inventory’ (phew). This test is targeted to Male-to-Female, Pre-Operative people, and should be used as a basis for self-examination, and to consider whether further investigation should be pursued with a qualified therapist.

At the end of the test you are categorized into one of five categories:

  1. Class 1 – Definite Male, typical of the sexual gratification-based, fetishitic transvestite
  2. Class 2 – Feminine Male, mostly sexual / fetishistic but slightly gender involved crossdresser
  3. Class 3 – Androgyne, the serious transgenderist
  4. Class 4 – Probably Transsexual, most common type of transsexual (well over 70%)
  5. Class 5 – Classic Transsexual, the rarest, early onset, ‘classic model of early research’ transsexual

Whenever I’ve taken this test, I either end up as:

  • Class 3 – Androgyne, or
  • Class 4 – Probably Transsexual

I think this shows two things: Firstly that our self perception varies over time, with our moods and our circumstances – something that is important to keep in mind for those who are contemplating a transition. Secondly, for me at least, cross dressing is more than just about feeling comfortable wearing woman’s clothes, but striving to be woman in mannerisms, behavior and thoughts. Whenever I have done this I get a sense of resonance, just as playing a chord on the piano perfectly matches two or three different notes to produce a harmonious sound.

For those who aren’t transgendered

The other day I found a great gender test on BBC, which is among one of the more scientific I’ve taken. They also allow everyone to play along, so you don’t need to be transgendered to take the test. My results are below, showing that my brain is slightly female. When my wife took the test she scored as the typical male (so perhaps we are equally yoked :) ).

What did you score? Did this match up with your expectations?

Is your brain a cross dresser or transsexual?

Before you rush off and make any big decisions based on a gender test, please heed these warnings. Have fun!

—

P.S. If you’re a woman inside,

6 Comments | Posted in Transgender Info, Vanessa's Transgender Experience | Also tagged , , , , , Trackback URL.

Counselors should be advocates for the transgendered

By vanessa | Published March 24, 2008 | Leave a comment

This is the conclusion of research done by two PhD students at the university of Oregon, who spent years studying transgender issues. They explored the issues of discrimination in the workplace and transphobia that many in the transgendered community experience. They also lament the lack of qualified counselors available for the transgendered.

I think it’s wonderful that more and more researchers are devoting time to transgendered studies. When more people examine and question pre-conceived notions they advance the state of the art in our understanding. I think this can only be a win for the transgender community, as the medical profession gains a better understanding of who we are, why we are transgendered and how best to ensure we live healthy fulfilled lives.

I poked around the Internet some, and found a few valuable resources. Naturally wikipedia has a great article, I even found an article by our local Seattle and King County health department addressing transgender health as well as this great site which covers many issues transsexuals face. If you’re confused about where on the gender spectrum you fall, this gender test is a good place to start. It will give you some thoughts, and hopefully encourage you to seek counseling if you struggle with your gender identity.

—

P.S. Don’t let your lack of self-confidence stop you from going out dressed.

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Sometimes the ‘men of God’ make me ashamed to be a Christian

By vanessa | Published March 3, 2008 | 13 Comments

In his quest to make ‘real men’ out of his parishioners Ken Hutcherson, pastor at the Antioch Bible Church in Kirkland, WA was quoted in a recent sermon saying:

“God hates soft men” and “God hates effeminate men.” He went on to say, “If I was in a drugstore and some guy opened the door for me, I’d rip his arm off and beat him with the wet end.”

Is that his answer to the question ‘What would Jesus Do?’

Perhaps king David was delusional when he said:

‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.’ – Psalms 139:13-14

Maybe the apostle John was misquoted in his old age when he said:

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 7-8

It seems ‘God is love’ only holds as long as you’re not a soft man. And by soft, could Hutcherson perhaps mean: ’sensitive, caring, kind and gentle’? Yes, that’s what I picture when I think of a soft man. It also sounds suspiciously like the fruits of the Holy spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22. I guess that makes me worthy to be ‘beaten with the wet end’ of my own arm.

Now, pastor Ken tries to pass this off as a joke. If we believe him, it’s one made in extremely poor taste. Joke or no, I think it points to something deeper – to the doctrine of hate being preached in so many churches across the country.

It is unfortunate that senior leadership among many Christian denominations has allowed themselves to be defined by what they hate. Anti-abortion and anti-gay. Against pre-marital sex and against gay marriage. Somewhere in all the rhetoric, the message of hope, faith and love Jesus Christ came to preach is lost. Along with that, we Christians are losing the ability to influence others for the kingdom of God. We are no longer seen as a refuge from the world, but rather a group of people who will heap on judgement and guilt until the fragile, broken person has been molded into our own version of Christian virtue and purity. We no longer love people as they are, but rather as we believe they should be. Those who don’t conform are quickly tossed aside. Demonized and alone.

In the word’s of Dr Seuss, the Christian church is quickly becoming those who ‘don’t matter’.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” -  Dr Seuss

P.S. I was looking at the Antioch Bible Church’s website, and my wife commented ‘uhoh, who designed that web page, that’s soft.’ Well, at least they’re ‘manly’ on the pulpit…

13 Comments | Posted in Christianity and Crossdressing | Also tagged , , , , , Trackback URL.