Transgender Rights

Crossdressing – It’s a Republican Thing

By Vanessa Law | Published August 11, 2009 | 6 Comments

 Crossdressing - It's all about the money The battle for transgender acceptance is like walking uphill in high heels – a tough slog. As transgendered woman we constantly run afoul of social norms and religious ideology. We’ve valiantly tried to tie transgender rights to civil rights, using the law as a tool to drive equality. The transgender law center is one organization that does great work in this area.

Many have advocated for a dual pronged approach – seeking to change not only the law, but also the hearts and minds of it’s citizens. I agree with them – I think it’s vitally important to express yourself to others in a positive way. Each interaction will break down their prejudices as they see that we are more alike than different.

We have a third arrow in our quiver as we fight for acceptance and equal rights.

Crossdressers – Show Me The Money!

For those outside the US my reference to Republicans may seem confusing. In the US there are two dominant political parties. I’m over simplifying: The Democrats (Obama’s party) typically advocate a more liberal agenda – both socially (e.g. gay marriage) and as it affects business (workers rights, consumer rights). The Republicans (Bush’s party) typically advocate a more conservative agenda – both socially (conservative Christian morals, anti-abortion) and as it relates to business (more business friendly, lower corporate taxes, etc.).

There are few social forces more powerful than the free market economy. Over the last century it has presided over America’s path to becoming a super power, and this century is ushering in China’s resurgence as a global player. It has given us better cars, cheaper clothes and faster computers. The more cynical among you may lament that greed has been the predominant force of the last 150 years. Even after the last two years, making money is still an important part of our society. And one that we need to recognize as we work towards transgender acceptance.

Transgender Capitalism – It Starts With a Blessing

A few weeks ago I raved about the experience I had at a local Lucy’s Activewear store. I also sent an email to their customer service department:

Hi There,
I wanted to share with you a wonderful experience I had recently at your Bellevue, WA store.

As a transgendered woman there are many times I receive questionable service when out shopping. This last weekend I was looking for some hot yoga pants in Lucy’s. The staff was courteous and helpful. They offered suggestions on what would is the most comfortable, what most flatters my figure and let me know which new styles were coming for fall.

I must admit that I was somewhat blown away by the level of service I received, and wanted to say thank you!

I run a reasonably popular blog and many of my readers are interested in woman’s apparel. I thought I would share my wonderful experience with them – you can read what I wrote at http://www.crossdresserheaven.com/every-crossdresser-should-shop-here-at-least-once/

<snip>

I hope many of them go on to become loyal customers of Lucy, just like I am!

Thank you again for your wonderful clothes, your stellar service and for being transgender friendly!
Hugs,
Vanessa

The next day I received an encouraging and heart warming response:

Dear Vanessa,

You just made our day.  We’re so happy that you had such a great experience shopping lucy at Bellevue!  We love the great blog review, and we have forwarded the link to our PR rep.  I will also be forwarding your compliments to our Bellevue store.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing your great lucy experience with us.
Sincerely,

In some small way I rewarded Lucy for being transgender friendly. It took 10 minutes of my time, didn’t require me to ‘out’ myself and reinforced transgender customers as a market opportunity. As part of doing that I hope I also imparted a small measure of our shared humanity to the people who received my email.

Business Cannot Justify Transgender Bias

The most successful businesses are driven to create value – for customers and shareholders. Very few let ideology get in the way of profits. The reason more businesses aren’t transgender friendly is because they don’t know we’re a market for their products. Or if they do know, they underestimate our collective purchasing power.

Changing The Hearts And Minds of Businesses In 3 Simple Steps

You can do 3 simple things to ensure transgender acceptance among the business community:

  1. When you have a great experience let them know! Most companies allow you to contact customer service through their website. It’s quick, and you don’t need to disclose your male identity. Let them know about a great experience you had, no matter whether you shopped en femme or bought feminine things as a man. Be sincere – everyone loves praise!
  2. Share your wonderful experience with the world! If you have a blog, or belong to a forum – let others know about your experience. Reward the business for being transgender friendly.
  3. Highlight a transgender friendly business on Crossdresser Heaven! Email me at vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com. Share your story with me, the name and website of the business and I’ll post it to Crossdresser Heaven.

I also recommend letting them know when you share your experience on your website (or when it appears on Crossdresser Heaven) – it’s a powerful motivator for them to know that your experience touches many others as well.

6 Comments | Posted in Transgender Friendly Stores, Transgender Outreach | Also tagged , , , , Trackback URL.

Have You Experienced Hate and Intolerance Yet?

By Vanessa Law | Published February 24, 2009 | 13 Comments

The Transgender Discrimination Dilemma

I’ve been blessed that a vast majority of the comments and email replies I’ve received for running Crossdresser Heaven have been positive. It’s been so overwhelmingly skewed that I could almost lull myself into believing that the comments on this site represent in some way the attitudes of folks out ‘in the real world’.

Very quickly the scientific part of my brain would kick in and bring up phrases like ’self-selection’, since you’ll get very few transgender haters surfing the Internet looking for crossdressing websites. The few that do don’t have the best intentions at heart – As a quick word of warning to sisters who run a website, never NEVER publish your address or phone number on your website. This is usually a recipe for disaster.

Sometimes logic and reason isn’t enough to persuade us and we require the passionately hot prodding of an emotional attack to wake us from our fantasy land. This happened for me the other day when I received a comment from a user named psychosausage on my post ‘America’s Top Transgender Model‘. It went like this:

sick. you think its acceptable for our children to grow up thinking this is normal and that freaks should be paraded out on national tv. i hope a bunch of redneck hillbilles catch hold of it and drag it behind a pick up for a few miles…

As you can probably tell this comment isn’t overflowing with love and support. Yet I’ve left it up for a few reasons. First, I’m a strong believer in the a discussion that includes all points of view. Even though we may not agree with the other person they deserve our respect as a fellow human being. I wrote a bit more about this earlier – what does Namaste mean for the crossdresser?

Secondly, I think it’s important that we don’t get lulled into a sense of complacency. I’m passionate that my small piece of the Internet world provides all people in the transgender community support, love and encouragement. An important part of this is the realization that there are those who practice discrimination against the transgendered, and it would be naive to assume otherwise.

Finally, I believe that one cannot defeat hate and intolerance with more hate and intolerance. Hiding the hate under a rug might calm it for a little while, but many times it continues to mutate and thrive like a fungus rejoicing in darkness, far from the light.

To my reader’s comment now. Thank you for giving me the honor of your attention, for taking the time to share your thoughts with your fellow human being. I’m disappointed with the viciousness in your violent proposal. I do think that it is interesting to consider the affect that societal acceptance of those in the LGBT community will have.

Collectively as a society this poses good questions, and I can appreciate the fear that children who would otherwise have grown into “normal” heterosexual cisgendered people become something they are not because the option is available to them. It is also interesting to ponder the affect that this choice has on the individual so eloquently described by Barry Schwartz in his talk The Paradox of Choice. If we can truly be whoever we want, the choice of figuring out who we are becomes much more difficult. I’ve spent a significant portion of my life grappling with my transgendered nature, trying to define (or discover?) who I am. It would be easier intellectually, though more painful emotionally, to hold fast to the belief that any deviation from the normal is a sin and something to repent from.

What do you think of transgender discrimination? Do you think the fears I mention are well founded, or just another tool of intolerance meant to subjegate our lives to another’s limited scope of acceptance?

13 Comments | Posted in Transgender Outreach | Also tagged , , , Trackback URL.

When Hate Has Been Said And Done, Let Love Remain

By Vanessa Law | Published December 7, 2008 | 5 Comments

Julie Nemecek wrote a moving article a few weeks back on her website, that I believe is a transcript of the speech she gave at the MSU rally protesting proposition 8. Within it are words of wisdom for those fighting injustice, as many in the transgender community are passionately doing.

She starts strong, saying:

We are here today to celebrate the beginning of the end of the political power of the extreme right. They have lost their self-proclaimed moral authority and we have now claimed the moral high ground.

Indeed, I have felt for a long time that those on the far right claim to be followers of Jesus, but look more like those Jesus spoke out against. The higher moral authority comes from those who do as Jesus commanded – to Love others as you love yourself. To love your enemies as your friends.

Julie continues with the wisdom of how to fight prejudice, and is Martin Luther King-esque in the admonition to maintain the moral high ground. To speak with dreams of a better future, not out of hate and hurt but channeling our righteous anger into peaceful change this world needs.

We are angry today. It is a righteous and just anger but we must avoid words and deeds of violence or hate and harness that anger into positive expressions of the dreams we have. We are angry at some religious leaders, but we must not forget that many religious leaders, and true religious expression, are on our side.

Yet in this time we shouldn’t remain quiet – there are those who want to take away the gains we’ve made – to de-legitimize our claim to the fundamental rights every person should have.

Keith Olbermann’s comments on proposition 8 nearly brought me to tears, and are well worth watching:

Transgender Rights / Transgender Discrimination

I believe that despite all the challenges we face in the transgender community – despite the challenges that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters face – that the United States was founded with a declaration that promises a bright future for all. I’ll end this post with Julie’s words of hope, because when all the hate has been said and done, love will remain.

230 years ago our country – our country! – issued a bold declaration proclaiming ALL are created with the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It took awhile before ALL included blacks, but we got there. It took awhile until ALL included women, but we got there. “ALL” still does not include lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgender people, but we will get there!

5 Comments | Posted in Transgender Rights | Also tagged Trackback URL.

End Transgender Discrimination – Take This Transgender Survey

By Vanessa Law | Published October 11, 2008 | 4 Comments

This is important enough that I’ll make do without literary decorations – Take this transgender survey [update, survey has now been taken down] to help end transgender discrimination before you continue reading.

….
Right, now you’re back from the transgender survey [update, survey has now been taken down] you took. You did take the survey, right?
….

When we are divided we are powerless. A lone transgendered voice is soon silenced, her bruised and beaten body left untended on the side of the road. For years we have experienced transgender discrimination – whether we are part time crossdressers or post-op transsexuals we have all felt the burden when our gender identity does not meet societies expectations.

This treatment is reserved for the lucky ones who are brave enough to live their life with freedom from their own judgement. Yet it is as we take the first steps to self acceptance that we collide with the intolerance and hate in society. For many of you the intolerance is not just a drunk heckling at the bar, it’s your employer firing you. It’s not just nasty comments from a teenager in the mall, it’s your landlord evicting you.

This is unacceptable in a free society.

And for some about to begin their journey of self discovery, the threat of being left desolate keeps you from finding who you really are. Your life is lead in a half-chorus. Singing stoically along, but never rising to the hallelujah’s. Clapping out of tune, and too ashamed to dance.

This is unacceptable in a free society.

There is a historic survey of the transgendered community, sponsored by NCTE and NGLTF. By understanding your experience they can work to end transgender discrimination. Please, if you have a few minutes take this survey and stand up for transgender rights [update, survey has now been taken down].

Should crossdressers care about transgender rights?

I recently wrote about crossdressing action that encourages crossdressers to stand strong with their transsexual and transgendered brothers and sisters. If you are a crossdresser who has never thought about transgendered rights please read this.You may not be willing to risk being outed, or have the financial means to support a transgender organization, but surely you can spare five minutes to make your voice heard online?

4 Comments | Posted in Transgender News and Issues, Transgender Rights | Also tagged , , Trackback URL.

A Call to Crossdressing Action – it’s Not Just the Transgendered Who Suffer

By Vanessa Law | Published June 17, 2008 | 6 Comments

In Normal, a book written by Amy Bloom about transsexuals, crossdressers and the intersexed, an insightful comment about gender expression is given.

Not only is our society distressed by masculine women, feminine men, and the androgynous; even the big man who embroiders, or the wife and mother of three who has a black belt in tae kwon do, a buzz cut and no makeup in her gym bag, stirs a frisson of discomfort. Gender theorists love the gender nonconforming as examples of all sorts of things, fundamentalists fear and despise them, and whether they avoid our gaze or deliberately seek to disturb, they are the handy punch line for every fading sitcom.

I sometimes think that our culture is like the Church in the days of Galileo. We will not see, and we will silence and mock, even banish and punish, those who say that what is, is.

The insight isn’t that the transgendered struggle to be accepted by society needs to continue for a while. The insight is that the transgendered struggle is the struggle of all people who don’t fit into the classical model of gender. The transgendered are just those who happen to experience this “frisson of discomfort” most vividly.

I think this applies for crossdressers as well. The typical heterosexual part time crossdresser can go undetected and undiscovered by society. Her livelihood isn’t impacted by transitioning, her finances aren’t devastated by expensive surgeries (no girls, buy that expensive dress doesn’t count…) and her health isn’t jeopardized by a cocktail of hormones.

Largely, the impact of societies displeasure with gender non-conformance is limited to those few times the crossdresser ventures outdoors. She goes as undetected as the slightly feminine man, or slightly masculine woman. And she will benefit from the work of transsexuals and transgendered to bring acceptance to gender diversity.

My call to crossdressers action

If you’re a crossdresser, my call to action is to support the transgender community who is at the forefront of the struggle. Either through your time or financial support. A good organization to start with is the National Center for Transgender Equality.

Dear reader, please let me know if there are other organizations that are doing good work for the transgender community. I’d like to post a more complete list of transgender advocate organizations in the future.

—
P.S. Look fabulous while making a difference for the transgender community with great advice from the World’s Best Crossdresser Guide

6 Comments | Posted in Transgender News and Issues | Also tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , Trackback URL.

Cross dressers – don’t apologize for who you are

By vanessa | Published April 13, 2008 | 4 Comments

“I can understand why they would think I’m a freak. After all, I look like a man in a dress.”
Does this sound familiar? Or perhaps you’ve said it to yourself in a different variation that involves condoning snide remarks, not letting you in to a bar or even calling the cops. After all, you’re a man in a dress and society has a right to be outraged, don’t they?

The answer is no. No human being should ever have to apologize for who they are. No one should be forced to hide the light of their soul to satisfy the norms of society.

Susan does a great job addressing what is essentially ‘blaming the victim’ in a podcast from two weeks ago. She argues strongly that in order to make any progress with civil rights for the transgendered we cannot continue to blame the victim – in this case the transgendered – for being who they are. It’s not acceptable to condone violence and hate because someone is different, any more than it is acceptable to rape a woman just because she is wearing a short skirt in a bad neighborhood.

Now, I’m not advocating that you throw caution to the wind, don your 5″ heels and strut self-righteously to the nearest tavern. You’re likely to leave with a bruised ego, or possibly worse. The object isn’t to try and make a fool of yourself. Next time you put in the effort to look like a natural woman, I am asking you to silence the voice inside your head that tells you ‘I deserve to be stared at’, ‘I deserve to be treated as a freak’.

What you deserve is to be treated with dignity and respect, just as you would treat anyone else – regardless of their race, religion, sexual preference or gender identity. You see, the first step to equality starts inside our own mind. Only once we believe we are worthy are we able to stand up sincerely to defend our worth.

Ladies, I would love to hear about your story of how you stood up for your self worth, even if it was just in your thoughts, refusing to let your identity be determined by someone else. Comment and let me know.

Hugs,
Vanessa

P.S.

I found this pair of size C/D breastforms on Ebay. They normally cost $300, bidding starts at only $99.

4 Comments | Posted in Transgender News and Issues | Also tagged , , , Trackback URL.