Crossdresser Heaven

Don’t you hate it when a show ends with ‘to be continued…’ and you have to wait a week for part 2? Joanna left us hanging on her last transgender success story, but she is back this week with the next part in the series.

Now since Joanna has already emailed me, I know that today’s story is not the end. Stay tuned, part 3 of Joanna’s story will be coming to you next week. Subscribe to Crossdresser Heaven to make sure you don’t miss it! As an added bonus you’ll also receive a regular serving of crossdressing advice.

Transgender Success Story – Of S.O.’s, Curve Balls and Space Time

Odd title I know but hopefully all will come clear as I continue and give you part two of Joanna’s Journey.

I had my last doctor’s appointment on June 12 and was expecting to get the prescriptions for my anti-androgen and estrogen at that time. I got to the appointment and we went over the blood work, most of which was normal, there was a slight elevation in one of the liver enzymes but it wasn’t enough to really scare my doctor. Just at the point in time where I expected my doctor to reach for her prescription pad, and give me what I actually went there for she tossed a curve ball at me. She did two things, one was reach for a lab request form to get more blood work done (to monitor the liver and check for Hepatitis and HIV); she then told me that they wanted me to do two months RLE (this is where you live and work as a woman) before they would consider hormones.

Since then I have been living as a woman about 95% of the time; it is a bit awkward being female at work because of some of some of the customers and some of the staffers; however I’m working on that too since there is going to come a time where I can’t hide it anymore. I have a follow up with my doctor on June 30 to check the blood work; hopefully all will be well. I will ask if we can begin the HRT then since I’ve been living fulltime and have attended one major statewide conference dressed gender appropriately. If anyone at that meeting figured out that there was more to me than how I presented they didn’t say anything.

Even though I don’t yet have my carry letter (the one which describes my gender disorder and that I have to dress as a female as part of the treatment) and haven’t yet started HRT (hormone replacement therapy) I manage to pass quite well about 90% of the time. I have figured out the secret to not being scrutinized too heavily if I need to use the bathroom. The secret is to simply walk in like you belong and have the same right to use it as any of the other women. Self-consciousness and nervousness will get you clocked (found out) and get you more scrutiny than you want, need or can handle.

As I mentioned in the last part of my story, my partner was not happy about my transgender status or the journey I found myself on. I did resolve to give her all the time and space she wanted, and thought she needed to get used to this turn of events. On one message service for transsexuals that I frequent I complained about how she was behaving only to be told that she is now going through the pain that I have had forty plus years to figure out how best to deal with. Not only that but it turns the entire relationship on its head, and makes a total mess of all promises made in the wedding vows. Chances are that you will face any or all of these statements “I’m not lesbo (lesbian)”, “I want a divorce”, “You’re being selfish, this is all about you”. There are several thousand others which you might face, all of which will hurt and many will feel like cold steel slicing your heart and soul.

If your partner doesn’t immediately chuck you out the door or leave herself you might decide to offer to move into a spare room or onto the couch so that she at least has some privacy and space to start figuring things out. I sleep on a wonderful airbed in the spare room; it has allowed us to figure things out without being in each other’s face all of the time. In many ways, despite the rhetoric, my partner has always been partially supportive. She has always been willing to go with me to buy clothing and things, however for the longest time she didn’t want to see me dressed. However she was with me when I was told that I had to do RLE before hormones, since then she has been wonderful about accepting my dress code and is (90% of the time) using my proper name and the right pronouns. Now as girlfriends it is really fun going shopping with her, she has a good sense of color and coordination, and that plays well with the one I have so we both get clothes which not only look good on us but also look good when we are out together.

Our relationship is slowly changing and improving, I don’t know if the marriage can be saved but we are no longer enemies (well on opposite ends of a family feud). There seems to be something else developing but I’m going to keep that one close to the chest since I don’t know if it will actually happen and don’t want to jinx the process by jumping the gun. Most gender female partners and spouses don’t initially handle this scenario well for reasons I will get into later.

OK that deals with S.O.’s and curve balls but how the heck does space time find its way into this discussion. More appropriately it should be space and time once you come out to people they have four choices:

• Accept you, your condition and the changes that will be happening
• Tell you that you are an abomination before God and to get out of their life and not come back (this reaction may be quite rare)
• Initially react with anger, hurt and pain but not immediately toss you out on your head
• Tell you to get out of the house or to leave themselves (unfortunately this reaction is all too common)

If you have one of those angels who accepts you and your changes and still wants to be with you, my friend you have indeed found a rare woman. I would advise that you do all you can to maintain and build this relationship since she will be most valuable to you when the insanity of HRT begins and emotionally you don’t know which way is up.

In many ways the second reaction is really the forth one with the addition of religion. There is little you can do to fight it so if either of the two happens to you, my deepest sympathies, but it is time to start trying to figure out where you are going to camp for the coming nights.

The more common reaction that of anger, hurt and pain gives you many more options since there is room for you to try and find ways of accommodating your need to be a woman and at the same time to be working on the new parameters of the relationship. Here is where the space time (space and time) comes in since you partner is going to need lots of both to figure out how she is going to deal with the new you.  For me it has taken the better part of three months for my partner to get to the place she is. There is still work for both of us to do but at least I don’t feel quite so much like a pariah.

Sister you are in this for the long haul, or at least I hope you are, you have plenty of space and time to allow others to seek their own peace with what you are doing. Society doesn’t want to understand us, and may just wish we would shrivel up and blow away. However that is not going to happen, keep your head up and know that you are doing what needs to be done to feel complete.

Best Regards and lot

s of love
Joanna M. Phipps

The journey into womanhood has no set beginning. For many this feminine path starts at an early age and ends when we accept the crossdresser within us. For others the journey starts later in life and the end is a complete transformation.

Transgender success stories have been rarer on Crossdresser Heaven. I think part of the reason is that many more people identify as crossdressers than as transgendered. If you are transgendered or transsexual I would welcome your success story. I think it’s inspirational for our readers to hear from those who have found success in more complete transformations into the feminine.

Send a quick email to me at vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com and include a brief introduction, your femme name, a short story (500-750 words) and a picture (optional). I hope to hear from you.

Joanna’s Transgender Success Story

Thank you for the invitation to share some of my story, I do so in the hopes that it may help some of the other women with issues they maybe having and to let them know that what they are feeling is alright. Not all of us find out the need to dress early, for some it comes later in life. In my case it was last year when I was 50, I had always known there was something different about me but didn’t know what or even where to look to find out. If I could have pinpointed it back in the ’70s there would have been no way I could have done anything about it since my father was out of the Edwardian mold and there is no way he would have allowed his first born son to have dressed and acted like a woman, not only that cross dressing and transgender were heavily stigmatized in those days and he did not want his social, or professional standing jeopardized by his son doing that.

The result of all of this is that I was never able to explore what it was that made me different, nor was I able to do anything about it until quite recently. I went through life doing what was expected of a male, working hard, having kids, and the rest of the lie, I always wondered why (since I was doing what was expected) was I so miserable, why I couldn’t hold a job or hold on to a relationship or much of anything else that seemed important at the time.  I am on my third marriage and this one, too, is going to end in the near future; there have been many issues in the relationship many of which may be directly or indirectly caused by my internal conflicts.

Some time ago I had an odd dream, it was one of me happy and content but in women’s clothing; I had no idea at the time that there was anything more to this than just one of those weird dreams that I’ve had on occasion.  I told my current partner about it, we both had a good laugh and I denied that there was anything to it; however it did open the door to me thinking about what was ‘wrong’ with me again. I mentioned to my partner some things that I would like to try she thought them odd but did oblige me. The more I think about this the more it was the watershed moment, she and I went and purchases some women’s clothes. Sounds good, partner is on board what could be better, well sad to say she wasn’t fully onboard with the idea. She would help me shop but then didn’t want to see me in the clothes we had purchased. I am wondering if her thought was, if I oblige him a little but keep the lid on him wearing them he will give up.

Well having the clothing and occasionally being able to wear it only opened the flood gate to the underlying issue. I had been seeing a psychiatrist and counselor for other matters and discussed this issue with them as well. Before I talked to them about my cross dressing and other feelings I had done plenty of research on the internet about cross dressing and any other related scenarios. It was during this research that I ran into several sites with information on Gender Identity Disorder (GID) and trans-sexuality. The more I read up on the condition the more I could identify with a lot of what was being presented in the line of depression, failures and stress caused by the persons brain map not being in alignment with what they were dealt by nature.

Here in begins the next big problem in my life, I told my partner but only after much cajoling, frustration and anger on her part. My reason for not opening up immediately was that although I wanted to be open I also didn’t want to start another fight since there had been lots of those already. Well needless to say when I did tell her, all hell broke loose, the accusations, things like I’m no Lesbo (her words not mine), what about me, how can you be so selfish and the ever popular I want a divorce. Let me tell you there is nothing quite so painful as sitting at one computer when your partner is on her laptop and watching as she prints out all the pages of a do-it-yourself divorce kit. We still share the same house but not as man and wife, the relationship has moved from that to housemates and sometime girlfriends. How do you handle your partner’s anger and confusion? As one sister told me, in your partner’s eyes you are the ultimate other woman who has stolen her man and he isn’t coming back. She still goes into fight mode to try and re-win what was hers but somewhere along the way realizes it is futile because he is finally becoming what he was supposed to be all along.

I am luckier than some since in the smallish city I live in there is a psychiatrist and counselor, and my family doctor feels comfortable in dispensing the hormones which will begin my eventual complete transition. I identify as Joanna and live that way as much as possible however I have several hurdles to overcome before I can live the way I should full time. For those reading this who think they might have a Gender Identity problem I would recommend that you find a gender knowledgeable counselor and start exploring the issue with them. The acceptance of your gender status and the official diagnosis are not the end of the road, they are the beginning; there is no one to tell you just how far you must walk down the transition trail except yourself. I think in the back of the mind of every new transman or transwoman is the idea of SRS/GRS (sex reassignment surgery/ genial reassignment surgery). The procedure is expensive and IS NOT covered by most private or employer medical insurances. Ok so you now have your official diagnosis and all is going to be rosey right, slow down sister all is not as it seems now you have to make several big and life changing decisions things like:

• How do I come out to my partner (if I’m in a relationship)
• How about my blood family, how many of them can I trust well enough to tell
• Same for my friends
• How do I tell my employer that this man who has been working for them is actually a woman and what will their reaction be. I suggest you get to know your state’s/province’s labor laws so you can at least tell them that if they decide to fire you because of this there will be a human rights and labor relations board challenge.
• Once you change your name you need to deal with things like utilities, landlords, drivers licenses, car titles, land titles, banks and a seemingly endless list of things which need to have names changed on.
• not to mention planning things like electrolysis to remove unwanted hair (if you are transitioning to female)
• this list is actually quite long and some would say endless, but I included these to give you an idea what lays ahead.

Since being diagnosed and beginning to live part time (in the house only for now) as a woman I am not only calmer but see things more clearly. For once in my life I know what lies ahead and know the trail I must walk to attain my goals. So what’s ahead on this road for Joanna, my roadmap looks something like this:

• April 2009 official diagnosis
• May 2009 baseline blood work (free testosterone, lipids, CBC[red cells], General Chem., and prolactin)
• June 2009
  • counseling, appointment with family doc (should get my hormone prescription at this time)
• July 2009 psychiatrist appointment (get carry letter at this time)
• that’s as far out as I want to look right now

Remember you may try to hide this condition, and for decades may have some what succeeded; however it is all bout to become very public very fast.

To be continued…
Love
Joanna