why do men crossdress

Why do men cross dress – A follow up

By vanessa | Published April 11, 2008 | 18 Comments

Two weeks ago I wrote an article entitled why do men cross dress? and I asked you to write and tell me – why do you cross dress?

Thank you to all who responded, both on my blog and to my question in other forums. The responses fell into a few different categories:

  1. I cross dress because it feels natural, “right”. When I crossdress I’m less cranky and feel stress relief. I feel complete, liberated, content.
  2. I cross dress because I enjoy wearing woman’s clothes, with no particular desire to look or present myself as a woman. It’s fun.
  3. Woman’s clothes are more exciting, prettier, more colorful.
  4. I cross dress because I enjoy feeling feminine – presenting myself as a woman, behaving like a woman.
  5. When I cross dress it’s sexually exciting – I get a thrill out of wearing woman’s clothes
  6. When I cross dress I’m sexually excited by what I look like wearing woman’s clothes
  7. I dress because I feel I really am a woman inside, and I’m just dressing in the clothes appropriate to my gender.

In writing this post, I felt compelled to express how different we all are – we each cross dress for different reasons, enjoy different types of clothing, and have different ‘end goals’ in mind. Imagine my surprise at a recent comment on my last crossdressing how to post, which said something to the effect of ‘Not everyone who cross dresses wants to pass as a woman’ and ‘it’s too bad your outlook on cross dressing is so narrowly focused’. Yikes!

As my regular readers know, I try hard to avoid being narrowly focused on any particular denomination of cross dressing. I apologize to my dear reader A if I came across otherwise.

I wonder if there is more behind this though. I recently received an email from a transsexual who said that there are regular flame wars on a forum she frequents between transsexuals and cross dressers. Yikes! again! Has the transgendered community become so diverse that we spend more time focusing on our differences than our similarities? I hope not. It’s only together that we will be able to change the hearts and minds of the world. Only united that we will usher in an age of tolerance and acceptance.

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P.S. Ashamed of crossdressing?

18 Comments | Posted in Transgender Info | Also tagged , , Trackback URL.

I married a cross dresser

By vanessa | Published March 27, 2008 | 62 Comments

When you marry the man you love, you hope for a life of bliss – your own ‘happiness ever after’, but even the most optimistic of us will expect some challenges along this wonderful journey called marriage. You probably didn’t expect him to utter these fateful words, ‘Honey, I’m a Cross Dresser’.

A few weeks ago I wrote an article about what to do if your boyfriend is a cross dresser.

Today I’ll address some of the most common questions from wives who find out that their husband is a cross dresser. I highly recommend that you buy a copy of the book My Husband Wears My Clothes. It was written a few years ago by Peggy Rudd, a PhD and wife of a cross dresser. She provides loving insight into the how and why of cross dressing.

My husband is a cross dresser

So what do you do when you find out for the first time? The most important thing to realize is that it is okay to feel shocked, uncertain and confused. It’s not every day that you meet a cross dresser, much less find out that your husband is one!

The next thing to realize, is that he is telling you this because he loves and trusts you deeply. He is probably just as scared as you are right now. You both need to be careful not to say anything that would hurt the other person.You’re both in a sensitive position. While you should respect that he it is difficult for him to share with you, you should also expect him to go as fast or as slow as you can handle.

The first thing to do is reassure him that you love him. This will be tough to do. You’re shocked and not in full control of your emotions, but even though you just discovered your husband is a cross dresser you need to show love.

So now you may be wondering:
He’s a cross dresser, is he gay? Probably not, most cross dressers are heterosexual

Why didn’t he tell me about his crossdressing sooner? This one is tricky, ideally he would have shared with you before you were married. Most likely he thought he could control it, he thought that being married would quell the urge to cross dress. That hardly ever (never) happens, and he probably put it off for so long because he was afraid of how you would react. Ironically, he has hid this secret from you for so long because he loves you so much!

Why does he cross dress? Phew, an even tougher but great question. I explored this in some detail in my article ‘why do men cross dress‘. The short answer is that no one knows for sure and many men have different reasons for why they cross dress, but most describe it as a need, an urge that won’t go away.

How can I make him stop cross dressing? You’re asking all the right questions love, but you probably won’t like the answer to this one. You can’t stop him from cross dressing. Sure, you’ll fight and he’ll promise not to cross dress, but a few months later you’ll find a pair of size 12 pink pumps in the wardrobe…

Does he want a sex change? Probably not. There are fewer transsexuals than cross dressers, so it is less likely that your husband has a desire to change his sex. Most cross dressers are happily married and only enjoy dressing part time.

So now what do I do? As I mentioned above, reassure him that you love him. Spend a lot of time in deep, open conversation with him about his desire to cross dress. Learn as much as you can about it (I know I sound like a used car salesman, but trust me buy this book!). Learn to compromise – let this grow you closer together rather than split you apart. Work with your husband to set limits that you are comfortable with as well. If you don’t want him to dress when your friends are around; let him know.

Tri-Ess has some great information and a Crossdressers wives bill of rights which makes for a great starting point as you and your husband come to a fair compromise about his cross dressing. There are many other good resources on the Internet. Also, take some time to explore Cross Dresser Heaven, I’ve gathered a number of resources that may be valuable for you.

Good luck, and please contact me if you need any support or advice!

Hugs,

Vanessa

P.S. Thanks to my lovely wife for reviewing this article before I posted it. As much as we listen, we need to be open to the precious woman in our lives – they are often trying to tell us more.

62 Comments | Posted in Crossdressing Relationship Advice | Also tagged , , , Trackback URL.

Why do men cross dress?

By vanessa | Published March 16, 2008 | 217 Comments

Girl friends and wives want to know.

Why do men cross dress?

Why does my husband cross dress?

How can I make him stop cross dressing?

The unfortunate truth, is that there is no simple, one line answer to these questions. If there were, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article, and the debates on this topic would be silent.

In my personal experience, the fascination with woman’s clothes started when I was very young. I must have been about four years old, and I remember going to great lengths to procure and then wear my mom’s nightie. My most vivid memory is as a teenager, nervously buying a pair of pantyhose from a local supermarket and then wearing them home under my pants.

I felt (and still feel) a need to wear woman’s clothes, and I can’t quite explain where it comes from. The media like to think of cross dressing as a sexual perversion, and so naturally they see the desire to cross dress and purely for sexual gratification. The problem with this theory is that when I (and many others) first felt the desire to cross dress I didn’t know what sex was.

Many cross dressers I’ve asked describe the need as ‘feeling more comfortable wearing woman’s clothes’. This is sometimes (but not always) coupled with the desire to be seen as a woman. To not just dress like a woman, but behave like one as well, to wear make-up and otherwise pass as a woman. There are others who cross dress for sexual excitement. The need to cross dress is indeed a spectrum.

That still doesn’t answer the question why do men cross dress?

Marcy proposes a few interesting answers to this questions.

One argument is that transvestism of cross-dressing is a way of offering a challenge to society’s preconceptions about gender. Some men cross-dress because they are unhappy at being men. Others didn’t mind the male state, but also like to put on women’s clothes occasionally. Some men cross-dress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women’s clothes gives them.

Yet the true reason why men cross dress remains somewhat of a mystery. It is intensely personal, often confusing and sometimes guilt ridden. I’m hopeful that as society grows more tolerant of diverse gender expression we will see more cross dressers and transgendered stepping forward to share their stories. Without the need to justify their behavior, and no longer shamed by society perhaps we will be better able to answer this baffling question.

Comment and let me know, I would love to hear- why do you cross dress?

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P.S. Do you want to crossdress and pass as a beautiful woman? Download the ultimate crossdressing guide today!

217 Comments | Posted in Crossdressing Cure, Transgender Info | Also tagged , , Trackback URL.