Taking the Plunge
When you look back on life changing decisions you can always point to the moment it tipped. Before that moment there was discussion, thoughtful contemplation and perhaps even some emotional bargaining. After that moment the path forward becomes clear. You’ve decided. You’ve cut yourself off from any other alternatives – you’re going to see it through for better or for worse.
Today was one of those moments for me. After many years of contemplation, investigation and thorough reading of more than a few wonderful resources on the Internet (such as tsroadmap) I’ve finally decided to take the plunge and go for transgender therapy. My aim is to validate that transitioning is the right thing for me, and to find a partner who will assist me on the next step of the journey – hormone replacement therapy.
As I’m writing this I’ve just completed my first session of therapy. I must admit that it felt good to share myself so completely with someone else. While I’ve been blessed with a loving spouse and tremendous friends, it’s a different feeling talking to a therapist. Not only is a therapist open, objective and non-judgmental, they also have many years or decades of experience working with people – asking the right questions, helping you to talk through and untangle feelings and thoughts.
I must admit though, the hardest part was decided how I should present myself to the therapist. On the one hand I could go as a man and spend the hour awkwardly unbottling my true self – slowly sifting my soul through the traitorous layer of my male facade. On the other hand I could go as a woman, and risk shock from the therapist and perhaps reinforce my preconceived notion of the end result. I finally decided that compromise was a good compromise, and aimed for a feminine leaning androgynous presentation. One where I have set aside my masculine mask, yet not quite fully decorated my feminine soul.
I ended up choosing a feminine pair of blue boot cut jeans, a low heeled pair of brown ankle boots and a green cami under a long sleeved collared shirt. Just enough to feel comfortable sharing my true self. After an hour with my therapist she welcomed my request to come as a woman to the next session. One dilemma solved.
While my therapist has experience working with people with gender identity issues, she isn’t able to recommend hormones herself. Though I’m quite pleased that she offered to find someone who can make the recommendation, perhaps it’s for the best that I’m not so relentlessly focused on getting hormones for the first few sessions. This will make it easier for me to explore my true feelings without worrying that saying the wrong thing could hinder my journey to womanhood.
I look forward to the path I now travel. I pray that I am able to enjoy each step I take, and relish the experience as much as the lofty ideal I carry in my heart – to live who I am with passion every moment of my life.
Vanessa,
Best of luck to you!! I also made that decision, got my letter of recommend, but was turned down for HRT last week… I am getting better, but the loss of the dream has been hard.
I wish you all the best!
May God bless you! Lauri
Sorry to hear Lauri, I guess sometimes obstacles are put in front of us to strengthen our resolve.
Hugs,
Vanessa
Lauri, dont give up hope. You can get great results with low hormone doses, and may be able to get your family doctor to prescribe them for you. Your body can only grow so fast, so dont rush things. Go do it. Making excuses, will get you nowhere, now you go see the doctor, and good luck. Carol
[...] as though I’ve started my journey to womanhood. As many of you may know I recently began my transgender therapy. My aim is to validate that transitioning is right for me, and to find a partner who will assist me [...]
Hi Vanessa
This is Darlene, a former member of Tri-ess Evergreen. I am so happy for you and I wish you all the best in your new journey. You are one of the kindest persons I have ever known.
Hugs,
Darlene
Thanks Darlene – good to hear from you hon! I was wondering where folks had ended up. Thank you so much for the kind words. Please send me an email (vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com) so we can catch up, I'd love to hear what you're up to these days.
Hugs,
Vanessa
Quote from the article
"My aim is to validate that transitioning is the right thing for me"
Can a gender or sex therapist really help with this?
And how many visits? The nearest to me is so far away i really lack the ability to go there very frequently.
Right now im 19 and I would really like to validate that it is right for me so that way I am done with my transitioning before Im 25!
That's a good question love. I think that the only person who really knows is you, but that the therapist will help guide you to discover the answer within you. Some people are able to get a pretty good sense by themselves, but I think all of us can use help from someone who can point out things to try, or things to think about that we may have missed.
And now in my old person voice – you're still young dear. I know how hard it is to take it slowly, but even at 25 you'll have your whole life ahead of you. I'd much rather you took the time to make sure it's right for you. That said, I don't see any reason it needs to take 6 years – that would be almost as slow as me
Thank you, ya im thinking im missing some stuff in my thought process, Ive already tried a psychologist. He was nice but he wasnt really to helpful, he kinda was all gun-ho for it. I really was hoping for some help of just weighing and balancing things to see if it was right for me.
I found one highly recomended in Sarasota but its a 2-3hour drive so it ll be hard to get out with out mom and dad getting suspicous.
So thanks again, I will definatley get in contact with that psychologist now. Thanks!
You're welcome – and good luck!