The Ma'am Shock
I’ve been meaning to write about this for months now. Ever since that day waiting in line to mail some return some Christmas gifts we bought for ourselves that didn’t quite fit (I told you it’s been a while…).
It was a crisp Seattle December morning, and I was waiting in line at the local UPS store. I don’t recall exactly what I was wearing, but it was decidedly feminine – complete with makeup and accessories. Naturally, being a few weeks before Christmas it was packed, so while waiting patiently I played with something on my phone. I left myself just enough attention to move along in line as I wound my way to the counter. Lost in thought I heard someone say, “I can help you here ma’am”. I prepared myself to move along in line as the cashier helped the woman in front of me. Except – there was no woman in front of me. He was talking to me.
I had been so lost in thought that my reptilian brain had reverted back to the many years of conditioning as a man. While distracted, with only an inkling of awareness I wasn’t expecting someone to refer to me as “ma’am”. Usually when I’m treated as a woman I feel a warm glow of validation – my soul vibrates in time with the universe. That day I felt … shock.
I had been shocked out of my masculine mask by one short phrase – “I can help you here ma’am”. For a long time afterwards I was pensive. I kept wondering, “What does this mean? Is it a sign I’m not meant to be a woman? Is it a window into my true nature?”. I’ve since come to the conclusion that this was a demonstration of the power of habit – I have been conditioned my whole life to respond to “sir”. It’s not an indication of my inherent femininity. In the same way that we’re trained to hear the softest mention of our name across a crowded, noisy room we’re trained to watch for familiar indications of attention.
Our senses light up when we hear a greeting, “Hello!”, or a call for notice, “Excuse Me!” or a cry for help, “Help!”. We’re not as attuned to random fragments of speech – I don’t turn my head when someone says “peccadillo”, or “peanut butter” – though my ears might perk up if I hear “crossdresser” – even when I’m not dressed – since this is something at the forefront of my consciousness.
Have you had a Ma’am Shock? What was it like for you?
Since my city isn't frindly, I went to a larger near by city that is reasoably friendly. I was walking through a park. dressed for the area that I was in and a woman walked up behind me and addressed me, excuss me ma'am.
Are you serious about all this. Stop complaining and save up your money and go ahead and get the freaking operation already. It sounds like you've made up your mind since you've been a kid. Who cares what your wife, family or even what your kids might think, if you want to turn your penis inside out and turn for the other loop then go for it. Stop making excuses and talking how you feel so feminine. You're never going to see what it's like to be a woman until it's over with. So are you going to continue the complaining on a weekly bases or are you going to get the operation already. The crazy thing about getting the operation is you want have a monthly period and when you sleep with a guy you can tighten your abs as your having sex to make it more interesting So girl are you going to get the surgery are not? And if you want to you can go the lesbian route. It would make your marriage interesting.
are you seriouse this is her journy not yours so behave yourself and help her and the other Ladies along on there journey to be who they are at their own pace!!! Love Michelle
I too ventured out to my local Walmart not in a dress or stockings but in my strech jeans and a womens tee shirt. My worry was to get past the greeter but once in I had to get back out, she just smiled and said "that was way to quick, Babydoll" my heart melted and I had the biggest smile that night!
Vickie
I went into my local state liquor store dressed in shorts and light jacket over my blouse. I had my nails done up in a nice vibrant blue-green and my jacket was fully open.. The clerk asked may I help you find something madam .. very nice indeed
Wonderful sweetie!
My first experience of being recognized as a femme presentation of myself was subtler than that and didn’t involve the word ma’am. It was having a door held open for me and a decidedly masculine protective gesture toward a woman by a man placing his hand at my elbow and guiding me through the entrance.
My first “ma’am” shock was on a bus when a polite young girl offered me her seat. I think at the time I was more shocked at finding myself of a sudden at an age where I could be addressed as ma’am — rather than by the shock of the gender association. Retrospect was a giggle, in either case.
Delightful dear, thanks for sharing your experience! It must’ve felt like quite a turn about to have a young lady offer you her seat