Why do men cross dress?

Girl friends and wives want to know.

Why do men cross dress?

Why does my husband cross dress?

How can I make him stop cross dressing?

The unfortunate truth, is that there is no simple, one line answer to these questions. If there were, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article, and the debates on this topic would be silent.

In my personal experience, the fascination with woman’s clothes started when I was very young. I must have been about four years old, and I remember going to great lengths to procure and then wear my mom’s nightie. My most vivid memory is as a teenager, nervously buying a pair of pantyhose from a local supermarket and then wearing them home under my pants.

I felt (and still feel) a need to wear woman’s clothes, and I can’t quite explain where it comes from. The media like to think of cross dressing as a sexual perversion, and so naturally they see the desire to cross dress and purely for sexual gratification. The problem with this theory is that when I (and many others) first felt the desire to cross dress I didn’t know what sex was.

Many cross dressers I’ve asked describe the need as ‘feeling more comfortable wearing woman’s clothes’. This is sometimes (but not always) coupled with the desire to be seen as a woman. To not just dress like a woman, but behave like one as well, to wear make-up and otherwise pass as a woman. There are others who cross dress for sexual excitement. The need to cross dress is indeed a spectrum.

That still doesn’t answer the question why do men cross dress?

Marcy proposes a few interesting answers to this questions.

One argument is that transvestism of cross-dressing is a way of offering a challenge to society’s preconceptions about gender. Some men cross-dress because they are unhappy at being men. Others didn’t mind the male state, but also like to put on women’s clothes occasionally. Some men cross-dress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women’s clothes gives them.

Yet the true reason why men cross dress remains somewhat of a mystery. It is intensely personal, often confusing and sometimes guilt ridden. I’m hopeful that as society grows more tolerant of diverse gender expression we will see more cross dressers and transgendered stepping forward to share their stories. Without the need to justify their behavior, and no longer shamed by society perhaps we will be better able to answer this baffling question.

Comment and let me know, I would love to hear- why do you cross dress?

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About the Author

A woman living in Seattle, enjoying the freedom to be who she is every moment of her life!

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  1. Mark says:

    I’m a 48 year old hetero male who has recently started crossdressing. It started with doing my toenails a couple of months ago and has progressed from there. I’m not in a relationship right now and it’s been a few months. I’ve thought a lot about this and I’ve come up with 3 theories… First, even tho I’m a very outwardly masculine male, I believe that due to my age, my testosterone levels are lowering and basically I guess I’m turning into a woman. LOL. Second, when I say crossdress, I mean mostly sleep items like comfy robes, big fuzzy slippers, and short sleep shorts. I can’t really see myself taking it any further than that, like actually wearing dresses or hosiery or whatever. But I have to say, as much as I hate shopping for clothes for myself, every purchase I’ve made of womens items has been a friggin’ hit! Perfect fit, and super comfortable as most womens clothes are. Probably because I’ve had to research womens sizing. And last, as weird as this may sound, it makes me feel not so alone. Part of having a girlfriend is getting to see all of that stuff. The way they smell, their soft clothes, their pretty toenails with the white tips… I guess it’s just a way to keep those aspects in my life. I’m pretty honest with myself and very introspective, and I know other men who do this have totally different motivations, but these really are mine and they don’t have anything to do with wanting to secretly be in a homosexual relationship or anything like that. And I will say that when I do find myself in another relationship, I wouldn’t have some need to keep dressing like that. So as soon as I can meet another woman who isn’t totally self medicating or drinking themselves to death, this hobby will be over!

    • Nayomi says:

      Ha ha ha ha! Stop kidding yourslef. Once you’ve crossed the line and find comfort in your “crossdressing” (wink), you are done. Much like any addiction, you will always think about it and you may talk yourself down but you will find it is not simply a hobby that is over. Most inportant thing to remeber here is that whatever the reason (or whatever you want convince yourself is the reason) there is nothing wrong with it. It is completely a social view and reaction that makes no sense. Girls can wear men’s whatever they want and no one blinks but a man in panties, pink slippers, or a skirt makes people faint.

      Forget your excuses and just do what feels good, enjoy, and have fun with it!

      • Mark says:

        Not really trying to kid myself… Was seriously just trying to figure out these feelings and offer my opinion. But thank you for your input (wink). I especially appreciate you letting me know what I will eventually be feeling and doing. Saves me a lot of time. You should start your own psychic hotline or something. I do agree however that while there is a huge stigma attached to men wearing womens clothing, there’s nothing really wrong with it. Although it would take an extraoridinarily understanding spouse or girlfriend to accept it… Thanks again.

        • nayomi2438 says:

          Good luck! Those extraordinary ladies are out there. My wife is my number one cheerleader as well the significant others of many of my friends. Stay positive and be honest with whomever you choose and it will develope.

      • Jeff says:

        Thats true , I cant stop it gets more intence and always makes me feel like a attrctive women , boobs is all I want for now.

    • very true the thrill of buying now your hooked

    • misscdlee says:

      Hello. my name is Bobby and I have been cding since 5yrs old and now in my early 60’s and I like you started out with just a few pieces of clothing, but over time I kept adding more to make thy experience more exciting. I am totally dressing as a girl everyday now. I am not gay and have never wanted to be with anyone except for females. Being gay doesn’t have anything to do with being a xdresser.
      And as far as meeting a girl and saying you will stop, it is harder to stop than you may think, It will always be in the back of your mind and even tho you will stop doing it for awhile and enjoy the new life with a girl, you will again someday begin doing it again.

  2. Flyboy says:

    Where to begin?

    • Nayomi says:

      Begin with joy! Do what makes you feel happy. Accept whatever your personnel truth is and just allow yourself time to be whisked away in happiness. Whether your crossdressing is stealth panties under your work clothing or complete transformation, allow joy into your life.

  3. gary bock says:

    I am 60 yo. and have been crossdressing since my wife died 8 years ago but have as far as I can remember always had a pantie fetish. I have met a 62 yo lady that cleans my house and found my secret but never let on. I came out to her the other day and told her I was a crossdresser, but loved women and their bodies. She is completly ok with it. I dont go out in public dressed and want to keep my dressing private. She KNOWS that I am a BI male, that makes a woman feel like a woman in bed, and can sit and talk to her as a woman, but do all the manly things that she needs done.. My wife would have never have understood my wanting to dress, but this lady sees no harm in it.

  4. Chasity says:

    I am a crossdresser and have been for a very long time. Is there some advice you could give me for my new wife to explain to her that she does not need to worry about me turning gay or feeling wierd towards me. I need help bad. I want to help her to understand. But as a crossdresser myself and as many crossdresser’s i can not explain to her why i do it. If you could be of some help i would greatly appriciate it.
    Than you.

  5. JENNIFER says:

    I been a life long cross dresser since i was about 5 to 10 years of age , and i am now 55.I still do not understand my need to dress as a girl.I feel strongly i was born in the wrong sex.I feel more at ease while dress as a girl.I do most of the time have my own fantasys of having sex as a girl with a man ( either my husband or boyfriend and at times have rape sexual attacks fantasys as well ).I think i dress as a girl because it helps me feel at ease and gives me the chance to think about in my dream world or fantasy of having sex as a girl/woman.

  6. Rachel says:

    This is nothing new, but I crossdress becuase it is comfortable and relaxing. Mainly, I just like women’s clothes better. I love femininity and want to be as feminine as possible (in some regards, but I also like being a man sometimes). I don’t necessarily want to “pass” — usually. I just want to wear the pretty dress and relax.

    For me, sometimes there is a sexual aspect to it. I love wearing panties or lingerie to bed with my wife (a rarity). It just makes everything that much more fun. I love having an orgasm while dressed up and pretty as well. This is not the main reason at all though, it is more of an added bonus.

  7. Vanessa Law says:

    Rachel, thanks for sharing love. Great to hear from you.

    Hugs,
    Vanessa

  8. Theresa says:

    I think in the same way that you do. I have crosssdressed since I was 10, I’m 38 now and I’m not really passable as a woman without a great deal of effort. For the most part I crossdress because i like womens clothes better. I am not into makeup and wigs and don’t see it ever being a real issue. Although there is a sexual or more a sensuous side of crossdressing, I think that there are many of us who use it as an escape from our very regular everyday lives. I love womens lingerie and especially shoes. However I also like being a man. I do manly things for work and also as hobbies. But there is a great release in coming home and shaving my legs and slipping into a nice pair of pantyhose, a silky nightgown and a pair of high heels. Not all of us want to be a woman full time nor we want to have sex with men. This is a very popular misconception that many people have and as result, crossdressers unlike many gay or lesbian people are even less accepted in society. Recently I have been able to have my wife accept my crossdressing as a part of me and she is incredibly supportive. But she also knows that it is MY preference to keep it quiet. I have told many of my female friends that I have done drag shows as a way to test the waters, and much to my surprise they think its great. At any rate I hope that my small contribution to this post reaches someone somewhere.

  9. vicky says:

    Good for you! rachel!

  10. raffig says:

    I totally agree!!
    It just feels SO good!!
    Hi,
    I am 59, and started to crossdress about three years ago. It started when my wife was away for a trip a couple a weeks and I found CD hilarious. I left a wineglass with lipstick in the dish washer machine. She thought I was cheating on her, kept asking me who´s been seeing me. I said nobody. Then, When I told her she didn´t believe me! “It´s just a bad lie!”, she said. I said wait. When I dressed and put on some make-up she started to cry. It has been a pretty hard time since, but we keep on talking about it now and then and she knows I crossdress sometimes when she is not around for a while even if it´s just a couple of hours.

  11. eve says:

    remember who the first crossdresser was? adam he wore one of eves big leafs

  12. Eric Whitney says:

    I recently wrote about a crossdressing client on my blog. Actually, he just liked to wear a nightgown in bed. I think he also found the outward expression of his femininity very relaxing.

    http://wp.me/sK78O-lanz

  13. msC says:

    I just discovered my boyfriends basket of goodies and at first I freaked out because I knew for some time he was hiding something from me. I told him that I want to join in on whatever it is. Now I know and I can accept this but I want to understand the need to dress up and fantasize, would you men be willing to talk and share these fantasies with your wife if she was open and non judgemental about it?
    How do I approach this with him without him freaking out?

  14. Kaydi says:

    Hallelujah! I needed this-you’re my svioar.

  15. kuchel says:

    HI
    I am in the same boat you are in. I tried to explain to her, and she wont budge. The problem is there is no point in arguing whose mind is closed or not in a rational state. It is quite difficult to argue with them, I guess next to impossible.

  16. Cheryl says:

    Simply put hon, you have to make her feel special all the time. You have to show her how important she is to you all the time. That doesn’t mean you have to kiss her ass. It means that their really isn’t anything short of action that will convince her otherwise. Good Luck.

    Cheryl

  17. Cheryl says:

    Try letting her read this forum

  18. Johnny says:

    I am a cross-dresser. Just like an alcoholic, we will ALWAYS be a CD. We need this “expression” of ourselves, just like an artist needs to express their creativity. With in us is the want need and/or desire to submit to a female. The wife, Girl-friend or signifigant other will be the total recipiant of the admiration that a queen would deserve. She would be worshipped. Then he changes back to his male self….

  19. Johnny says:

    I have been married for over 40 years to my lovely wife. Before we got married I got her a book on transvestism, and had her read it. I also got her a few books on forced feminization so she would learn about the possible positive effects of having her “personal Maid” and closest “girlfriend” all wrapped up in her subbie-hubbie.

    Good-Luck!

  20. vicky mynx says:

    Hi there
    tell her the reason you do it is because you just like womens clothes & like to emulate the female form as that is what cross-dressing boils down to.
    In a way providing you are not gay or bi-sexual all ready, i think it actually makes you straighter than the macho macho men who feel the need to prove their manliness, as win my case as well as liking womens clothes and admire the female form that much that i want to emulate the female form. Please note that i am not trying to put words into ya mouth, as evry one has to find themselves, their selves. Pep talk to yourself in your head & answer your own question b4 answering hers.

  21. JPL says:

    I would be happy to help if she wants to communicate with me. I am a heterosexual female. My boyfriend is a heterosexual male that likes to cross dress. Not into men and is not “gay”.

  22. Lyndon says:

    Iv just started doing cross dressing the first time I did it was for a costume party so that way my excuse all my friends were cool with it but then they started saying how girly I looked and it suited me but they didn’t know that I finally felt like me for the first time I have know idea how you should tell your wife I don’t think anyone can everyone takes things different wish I could help

  23. Jeff says:

    Seems to me it makes me hot and gay , but im bi and love both its like 50,50 literly it would be awsome to be a women , im taking extra strength estroven and soy milk 3 times a day and doing some push ups for a bigger breast!

  24. cntlvr4u says:

    I personally would love to converse with an understanding woman on this subject. I have told my wife and she is aware of my panty fetsih, but is NOT willing to open her mind or even try to understand any of it. She has actually gone so far as to forbid me to do it. Yes, I would love to be able to be open and honest with my wife, unfortunately this is not the case. I truly believe our relationship would be strenghtened by having her approval and support.

    Maybe you could slowly incorporate it into your lovemaking by asking him to wear your dirty panties while you have sex. Maybe even suggest a girls night in where you offer to paint his nails and give him bubble bath.

    If you would like to converse directly, my email is cntlvr4u@hotmail.com

  25. Ty says:

    I’m a straight guy who crossdresses in private. The reason I do it it’s a turn on. It’s a role play thing. The problem with sharing it is that he might be afraid you’ll tell people. I would wait until you guys are having sex and I’d put your panties on him. Turn it intoa kinky thing. Rub him through the panties. Maybe put a double ended dildo in youand wear his underwear. Make him rub your dildo through the underwear. This is how it hapenned for me. It’s a way to get involved and have fun too.

  26. Christina says:

    Bring up the subject of crossdressing during conversation and see how he reacts. Act like you have an open curiosity and he will eventually open up, because it is what I would want if I were him.

  27. Mike (Mikelle) says:

    You could start by asking him if he wants to wear a nightie to bed (you might have to buy him one) or lay his stuff out on the bed one evening and just ask him if he would wear it in front of you

  28. Moddle says:

    Oh, if I had just had the opportunity to tell my wife about my enjoyment of wearing women’s garments, I think our marriage would still be working.!
    We have acknowledged that we do love each other, after being separated for many years.

    However, with our ‘catholic’ upbringing, I thopught myself sort of weird how I felt, and whenever the subject came up it was treated with derision.

    Only talking to people like all you lovelies have I found out that my feelings are so normal.- and shared.
    Maybe we were all born a generation early. !
    Luv to all

  29. todd says:

    thing is even tho you say you will be non judgemental there will still be aspects of you that will be… i know this because my G/F said the same to me and she didnt openly judge me at first but little things she said over the first year or so let me know what she was thinking and it took some time for her to accept me for me… i told her that i am me with or without the clothing its not my clothing that makes me who i am on the inside and if you cant love me for me then theres no reason for us both to be unhappy and well 18 yrs later we are still together.. but i still dont share all my fantasies with her some are just to be kept to ones self i guess

    but i am happy to hear there are women like you who want to help and take part in it all because there are guys like me who with a lil help make 1 hell of a good looking lady and some guys like me have a woman who enjoys the touch of a woman

  30. RYAN says:

    I wanna talk, please e-mail me

  31. Johnny says:

    Boy, are you in for some good fun! If you like the idea of sharing CD with your husband, take the bull by the horns, and “dress him up”.

    Just invite him to the bedroom, “order” him to strip naked, and then tell him that that you have a fantasy about dressing a man up in woman’s things. I am almost certain your husband will go along with what ever you want to do….

  32. Cheryl says:

    mcC, I am a heterosexual crossdresser. My wife knows and is supportive now. It hasn’t always been that way though. The simle fact that you want to talk to him is huge.
    Whiole I am heterosexual, I do have a fantasy about my wife and I having sex with another tgirl. The key part of the fantasy is her. What we have done to satisfy it is to talk about it when we have sex. It is very erotic for me. Actually having sex wwith my wife while dressed I do believe is my real fantasy. She responds to that and accepts that and it has added variey to our sex life.
    I dress fully, dresses and skirts, stockings and pantyhose, heels wigs makeup and I am passable about 70% of the time. I don’t have sluty inhibitions and as a matter of fact I conduct my with class at all times.
    Try this. You bring the subject in general conversation. Tell him you seen a couple tgirls and it really kind of intrigued you. Then lean the conversation towards him dressing. Once you get him dressed he will be much more willing to talk.
    Now for the tough part. Think about one thing in your life that you just really love. You just can’t live without it if at all possible. Do you really know why? It is something that you enjoy and it makes you feel good. You don’t really know why, you are just really into it. That is what crossdressing is for crossdressers. Keep in mind that a very high percentage of crossdressers are not gay or bisexual. They like the girly girls. And what I mean by that is they like the girls that dress very nice. Also keep in mind that depending on where he is with his personal journey, crossdressing for him may be a very embarrassing, guiltful and confusing thing.
    If you say you can accept it then you really have to accept it. Once you really accept it be prepared for him to dress a fair amount because he has not ever been able to dress and actually hang with someone he cares for. It is so theraputic.

    I do not want to be a woman, I absolutely love to crossdress, fish, play guitar, hunt and take sly looks at the hotties waking through the world.

    I don’t know if this helps you but I know it will help him.

    Why do you like ice cream? Because t taste good.
    Why does he dress? Because it feels good.
    Why ask why?

    Cheryl Ann Teaks

  33. dorthy says:

    i feel that he would be happy if u found out i would be happy to share with anyone my wife and kids know but dont accept i think it drives them away i dress up cause its more i would love to talk with wife ir other women who accept it more even get pointers from them

  34. dorthy says:

    yes i would be she is on the other side she is like guys r not supposed to dress she tried a few times with me i i would take him out shopping i our cross dresser dream if u acceping he will be there to make a girls night out or halloween must of u fantazie being accepted with our girlfriend

  35. dorthy says:

    a simple yes we want her to share our fantasies and both do the fanties and shoping toghter

  36. Leslie says:

    Don’t tell him you know. Let him know you approve of CD by dropping hints about it in a generic sense. Steer the conversation in a CD direction when the opportunity presents itself (maybe when gay marriage comes up?), and then, “Gee, I don’t know what the big deal is to everyone. People just have needs. Some people just need to dress up as the opposite sex now and then to be fulfilled, and that’s perfectly healthy.” If he knows you’re going to accept him, then he’ll probably come out to you.

    We all want to be accepted by our loved ones for the completeness of who we are. If he sees this opportunity to deepen the relationship between you, then he’ll jump at it.

    Good luck!

  37. DGON says:

    slowly bring up the topic see what he says maybe try to play around with him and see what he does.

  38. Jim says:

    First of all, you need to tell him that you are open minded and won’t judge him or tell anyone his desires or fantasies. Cross-dressers are scared and can be very embarrassing to tell their wife’s or girlfriends. Trust me… it was for me. You have to get him to trust you. Tell him you want to participate with him and want to join (meet) that other side of him that he hides from you. He’ll be worried that will think of him less of a man and will leave him. If you truly love him, say you won’t leave him because he likes dressing up in girls clothes. Tell him you would like to help out if he’ll allow you.
    He will still feel extremely embarrassed even after you tell him that he has nothing to fear. Us guys who dress are very cautious about our secrets. You have to be supportive and patient with him. Whatever you do, don’t push him or force him to open up to you. This is something that’s been hiding longer then he’s known you. As long as your honest and telling him you accept him for who he is, I’m sure he’ll become a little more comfortable. He could start telling you some. There’ll be tame fantasies he might tell you, to see how you react to it. Don’t put a surprised look on your face, don’t make any comments about it yet. Remember, your open minded and nonjudgmental to him. If all goes well, he might dig deeper into his secrets and tell you. I’m still trying to help my wife understand my desires. It’s hard for us to do this.
    He might not be able to tell you why he likes doing it. Cross-dressers sometimes don’t know themselves why they do it. Of course they might say, they like how it feels, there’s more color choices, more comfortable than men’s. It relaxes them after a hard day at work. He might not always want to do this very second. It’s like music. When your in the mood, you’ll turn it on to listen. Same thing when it comes to cross-dressing, when the mood strikes them. Unless he thinks he’s in the wrong kind of body. He thinks he was supposed to be a girl. You need to ask when he dresses, does he have feels for guys? Most of the time, cross-dressers are straight males who just like dressing and have no feels towards guys. They want to feel the softness and let go of there manhood for just a little while. Even act girly sometimes. To escape reality and experience the other side of the gender.
    For myself, I’m still trying to figure it out who I am. It’s been about 30 years and I still don’t have all the answers. It can take a lifetime to figure it out. I do know when your younger, it’s much harder when there’s no one you can talk to that you can trust and not judge you like society does.
    Cross-dressing for me is just wearing bras and panties for sexual gratification. When I was younger, I was very shy and never could ask a girl out. Then when I entered into being a teenager, I needed and wanted to experience sex. Just masturbation with my hand wasn’t going to work. I needed something closer to a girls… well you know. Not dirty ones, by the way. I’m not a panty sniffer. That would be gross.
    I hope this helps you out. I know you asked this question long ago. I hope you check this site out looking for answers that people aren’t giving you. Good luck.

  39. jordin says:

    looking for tv

  40. granny panties boy says:

    i could not say it better if i tried shave your legs 900 ct sheets chocolate n a romantic movie thats me all the way. i deserve to pamper my self

  41. very confused wife says:

    I just had my husband tell me he cross dresses and has been keeping it from me for 30+ years, it is very hard to understand and to even believe this is my husband. After a few days of discussing it with him Im trying to understand him, Im not willing to give up the Man I Married. Im very scared he will leave, if we cant come to an understanding. If someone could give me some insight that would greatly be appreciated.

  42. dorthy says:

    thats kinda great thats kinda where i am im i can go a couple months never needing the female sides then i need to relese stess and get back in balance with maybe hormones or caring side of me i allways want to help others when ime male maybe mother nature my parents seperated and i was oldest kid and my dad slept with my sister and she did some sleepng but not sex the teddy bear she said i would try her stuff on esspecialy always had thing for swimsuits especialy cause back then sprts illistrated swimsuit model i have allways been when i looked at naked girls watching there eyes a female trait i think then when there dressed i try to guess what there wearing underneath esppecilly type underwear the panty line no with the hidng unewaer had me confused for a little while then i seen the comecials for sliming effen no panty line i know why i dont seee it much anymore i know ppl at work know i wear undear because my shorts and pants accidentaly slip down they have went to boss and tols to tuck in my shrt lol

  43. beckyg65 says:

    i have been with my boyfriend (who i call my husband) for 17 yrs.I did not know of his crossdressing right off,but his ex-g.f decided to tell me in the hopes i would get freaked out and not want to be with him. (Guess she was not happy they split up). anyway,,,, little did she know i hhad already had 2 lesbian relationships prior. So i guess im bi, i have had 2 relationships with a woman(committed) and alot of promiscuity with men. although a few long term ones.
    My husband i would say would not be passable at all,but then again he is really into the panties,panty hose,lingerie, and high heels.
    Personally being attracted to women to, i would not mind in the least if my husband was a passable gal. i really would have the best of both worlds, boobs and c***k !
    I am very understanding but we have had some very rough times too. We have been through the hot sex all the time, do anything he wanted,gadgets and gizmos,etc. and we or I have been through the total turn off,your a freak,it disgusts me, you can only have sex with me when you are dressed up, you really want a man,not me times….
    He says he has never beenwith a man, but even after 17 yrs. im not sure i completely beleve that.
    but the fact is,he is with me ,i do get turned on by his crossdressing, he has the best looking legs in heels and hose ive seen.
    I think it is hard for a person to have all these different and unsure feelings when you are involved in this situation.
    I have been guilty of shaming and putting my husband down for what he enjoys,yes to hurt his feelings,only to find that at the timenot only were we having problems but that my words scarred him, and made him more stand offish to me,and to the degree that we were pretty much “room mates” in our home.
    Things are much better,we are working on our trust and respect issues, which we both damaged.
    I do admit i do fantasize about us having another c/d join us, but even though the thought is there, i know i would never be able to go through with it, im stuck on monogomy,and still cant deal with the ‘its only sex, idea.
    So enough of my rambling,And im sorry that your wife has such a wall about it.
    Yes,from experience approval and support is like the utmost for a good relationship.
    i noticed your post is from 2011,so i hope things are working out, and that you are still together.
    I would love to converse and share thoughts with you.

    i will send an e mail too!!

  44. vicky mynx says:

    Every woman wants to feel special, but a relationship is a two way thing, meaning a man wether transvestite or not,should not be taken for granted. Think the main thing to when coming out of the tranny closet, to your partner is to re-assure her that your not gay, as even some of the most open minded people when faced with this scenario can become closed minded when comes to the subject of transvestism/cross-dressing as is the western worlds last taboo, as the gays, lesbians, & goths have become part of society & accepted. I am a part time transvestite, & I regard myself as lesbian when dressed, as my sexuality does not change(I’m still only attracted to women)cus if you only like women you only like women! They may be some that use the cover of transvestism as an excuse to come out of the gay closet, but the majority of transvestites are straight men that just love womens clothes & the female form to the point they want to emulate the women they admire so much.

  45. vicky mynx says:

    to beckyg65
    like what you put on your mesg above this one, but wondered what make you worried that your man would want be or do another man. Is it just the fact that he’s a cross-dresser & there for your worried he might gay, or is there other reasons that none of my business. i only ask this cus i hate the people who think that we transvestites only do this to pull men cus according to stats & most other tranny’s i know most are straight, & this mith that we cross-dressers are gay, needs dispelling. Like in all other walks of life though! you get a variety of different people in this community & some may be gay or Bi-sexual, but its not the rule or majority, some of us just like womens clothes & admire the female form so much so, that we want to emulate it, which is the case with me, & generally prob what been a cross-dresser is about.

  46. dorthy says:

    my email lammersdavid@yahoo.com same facebook put something to know differnt i get alot adds dont know who they r so i dont say nothing

  47. tracy says:

    Ok ..I am a straight female…45 years old. My boyfriend told me he is a crossdresser. He is not gay and I am the only one he has ever told.
    At first I thought I was openminded enough to handle it. Then he decided to dress daily…wherther it be in a night gown. Womans shourts with bra and tank top…One day I cam home and found him in the driveway cleaning his car in womas jeans white flip flopps and full makeup…only thing missing was the wig. He came tward me for a kis….and I felt uncomfortable…didnt like it. I went againt my own feekings as not to hurt his…but as the day and evening went on I got even more turned off.

    He told me he does not want to “change” but that he just likes to dress this way. Ok fine,,I love him and want him to be comforable in his own home and skin but explained for me…sexually I an not have sex with him unless he is him….(make sence?)
    One day Im doing laundery…putting clo0thes away,,,he is out so I know his makeup burshes are in his underwear drawer. Upon putting clothes away I discover “estroven”…this upset me because he said he didnt want to “change”…isnt the point of taking hormones…even over the counter hormones..a sign someone wants to “change”?

    Moving on I learned his alter name…his full name and found a facebookpage dedicated to “her” with links to transgender/transsexual sites and support groups…ok fine. hat got me was something he/she posted….it said “sorry i didnt make it to church…i was home practicing whichcraft and being a lesbien.”

    Again…I am a straight 45yr old female who has never been attracted to female…I am actually a submissive female who enjoys dominiate men in bed. (which he protrayed himself as when we started dating)

    I ffel bad because we have broken up…maybe thats why im here to get answers. He is a good person and wants more from “her” in his life. It just isnt for me…As Iv read through this site isee alot of you have wives…also wives who are accepting. However I am no closer to undersrtanding or haveing the capability of being with a man who thinks himself a feamale’lesbien. I just wish things were differant. We were so good together as a team out of bed. :::sigh::

    I realize I cant force him to change,,that will only lead to more deception. I also know I can not live part time as the other half of a lesbien relationship… Now I know I have to let him go so he can be free to be himself/herself.

  48. tracy says:

    sorry for so many typos…a bit stressed over this whle thing

  49. JPL says:

    Hi Tracy,

    I hope all is going well with you. I too am heterosexual female, 46. I have a CD boyfriend and knew it when we got back together. I have openly participated and loved being with him CD. I dont feel lesbian when we do it… but… just recently he told me he wants to take hormones… and has started… I like you am not lesbian and dont want a feminized BF who is “changing” his physical self. I need the man parts all functioning well etc… He has become more obessive with his appearance, acting very much like an anorexic person or someone addicted to plastic surgery (all conditions which I have extensive experience dealing with in my profession)… dismorphic, narcissitic and very self absorbed.

    I honestly don’t think this is about being a CD. In his case, I suspect it is about an obsessive compulsive disorder that is not necessarily related to CD.

    I love my man and his feminine side too… but I am not interested in the feminine side “chemically killing” and high jacking his male side (which will affect his ability in bed and will take away the physical aspects of our attraction). He is a very manly man which is something that I need and love. I too may have to let him go and move on to something that suits him (am me) better if he wishes to fully feminize with hormones etc. :(

    Just like he needs to be who he is, I am not and never will become a lesbian.

    So to all of you sweet loves that CD, please please please don’t lie about your full intentions if you plan to be sexually and physically altered using chemicals and hormones and have desires to become a woman through surgery or hormones etc! Because heterosexual partners like me are born this way. We are what we are and we are not going to change our sexual orientation.

  50. kay says:

    similar story no point trying to accept something that goes against what
    you
    want
    in
    a
    partner anyway as they only lie more and go underground with it to hold onto you dishonestly move on and get a life with an honest person I have, and resent that I spent 30 yeaqrs with someone who was living a lie, I felt only extreme betrayal
    especially
    considering
    the
    type
    of
    things
    you
    have
    shared
    IN
    A
    LONG
    TERM
    MARRIAGE
    SUCH
    AS
    THE
    DEATH
    OF
    ONE
    OF
    OUR
    CHILDREN
    AND THERE WAS STILL
    THIS
    LACK
    OF
    TRUST!
    I
    CAME
    TO
    THE
    REALISATION
    HE
    WASN;T
    WORTH
    HAVING.
    AT
    THE
    END
    OF
    THE
    DAY
    YOU
    WERE
    LIVING
    A
    LIE
    ONLY’YOU
    DIDN;T
    EVEN
    KNOW
    IT
    THANKS
    TO
    YOU
    CARING’
    SPOUSE”HA’HA
    GUESS
    THE
    JOKE
    WAS
    ON
    US LETS HOPE THEY GET PREGNANT EH THEY Can enjoy wearing maternity dresses

  51. tracy says:

    JPL…

    Thank you for your responce. actually he and I met out yesterday. He told me that part of his life is over. He told I am more important than his self destructive behavior. I explained that I think he is a good person, and while I believe his intentions are good, I do not think it is that easy.
    We are no longer together, I did tell him we can be friends, but in the future there will not be a relationship. I too, told him I wish him the best in finding a partner who can understand and even be involved…but I am not her.
    Thanks again for this site. I learned alot about him as well as myself in teading the posts here.
    Happy new year everyone.

  52. Jennifer says:

    Hey JPL
    The disorder you are thinking about is GID or Gender Identity Disorder. I know this because like alot of people here i am a cross dresser but I’m also more. I feel better dressing looking acting going out at a female. It’s hard to deal with yes and alot of people don’t understand what or how to do with it. I myself am not gay not would I date another guy. I feel in a way I wanna look female and have the chest but not take hormones because I want my man parts to. It’s even tough for me to deal with and there are days were I feel like nobody wants me. But I work through it.

  53. Kerrysub4u says:

    Hi . I know how you feel. I also feel I was born the. Wrong sex. I love everything about girls. I started dressing around 10. I have many fantasies of being a girl and having sex with a guy. I would like to chat more with you about this.

  54. a girlfriend says:

    To Vicky mynx.
    Hi Vicky, Please can you tell me, when you cross-dress do you feel that you would like your partner see you as an attractive women and make love to you or you are just excited by your own self looking in the mirror. Because my boyfriend told me that he is a straight CDr and he is fine with being a man, its just his sexual fantasy .But i cant understand what exactly is his sexual fantasy. I asked him to put on a wig i put a make up on his face and then we took pictures and i asked him if he goes somewhere would he masturbate on his pics he didn’t say No, which got me really thinking that he is not “”a I regard myself as lesbian when dressed, as my sexuality does not change(I’m still only attracted to women)””.He cant answer if he is attracted to himself ,all he says that he used to masturbate before while CD and its his habit and now as he told me and i am the only person he ever opened, he doesnt know what are his feelings while CDsing.I am super confused. He tells me he loves me and wants me and he is not gay.But he masturbated on his own pictures. Or lets say used too,what does it mean?

  55. a girlfriend says:

    To Vicky mynx.

    Hi Vicky, Please can you tell me, when you cross-dress do you feel that you would like your partner see you as an attractive women and make love to you or you are just excited by your own self looking in the mirror. Because my boyfriend told me that he is a straight CDr and he is fine with being a man, its just his sexual fantasy .But i cant understand what exactly is his sexual fantasy. I asked him to put on a wig i put a make up on his face and then we took pictures and i asked him if he goes somewhere would he masturbate on his pics he didn’t say No, which got me really thinking that he is not “”a I regard myself as lesbian when dressed, as my sexuality does not change(I’m still only attracted to women)””.He cant answer if he is attracted to himself ,all he says that he used to masturbate before while CD and its his habit and now as he told me and i am the only person he ever opened, he doesnt know what are his feelings while CDsing.I am super confused. He tells me he loves me and wants me and he is not gay.But he masturbated on his own pictures. Or lets say used too,what does it mean?

  56. DGON says:

    Maybe give him a dressing day when your not around or try to do little things for him like wearing some panties to bed. being supportive would be the best thing for both of you all it also took a lot of courage to come out and tell you he likes to cd so be proactive with that and see what you all can start talking about.

  57. David says:

    Men crossdress for a variety of reasons: sexual stimulation, comfort, Tension release, a brief escape from reality, emulation,in that they look up to their female partners,or they feel that they are indeed more feminine than male. even physical health can be a reason. one must always look at a difficult situation logically and not emotionally to understand the reasoning behind certain actions. I believe that since it took him 30 years to tell you that he must love you very much, and is probably more afraid of you ending the relationship.In my own situation, I tried to tell my wife of 15 years that it helped relieve stress, brought on by bills and work. I have been unhappily divorced for over thirty years now. I still love her, but she doesnt want any part of me. I now have certain health issues that prescription garments can alleviate, but at a fixed income cannot be purchased. instead I opt for panty hose and skirts at home. and accept misery when I have to go out. I have also learned how to communicate better and to understand my own failings in order to correct them. cross dressing can be very educational, especially in the reasoning of why it takes a woman so long to dress for a night out. just be patient and good luck.

  58. Divina says:

    i feel the same way sometimes then again i have also thought that if i were to change sex i would be a lesbian but idk because sometimes i dress up and think of a man being in me it does get hard and is very confusing. please lets chat about this more often.

  59. MY DEAR. TRACY
    I AM SAD FOR YOU. ABOUT BEING STRESSED. WITH GOOD TIME AND UNDERSTANDING.IT WILL ALL PAST”

  60. stephanie says:

    Whats the name of the book about forced feminism? My gurlfriend loves to dress and we have fun with it but i know
    He would really enjoy being my sub so id like to learn more about it

  61. dorthy says:

    thank jpl we loveour supporters they r few and far apart is it usor society

  62. Lizzie says:

    My guy just told me last week that he likes to do it… He has even admitted that he has out on my clothes before. I am trying to accept it. He isn’t into men and isn’t gay. I’m working on trying to accept it. How did you when you first found out?

  63. rosser1703 says:

    My start with cross dressing begin when I was in a home of 200 boys. I was five years old. the girls were across the building .When I would not eat a certain food ,The person in charge tried to put a dress on me ,while I fought her,this became the punishment every time I did something she considered bad she would do the same thing .later when I was about eight years old I would start stealing clothing and wear them when I got the chance. as I grew older it became a sex thing with me.It is to this very day.

  64. Flyboy says:

    It means you are an amazing person and he is lucky to have you. CD behavior is very difficult to explain, but I really enjoy it.

  65. dorthy says:

    hey girlfreind he probly does it for you we want to be accepted it doesn’t make you a lesbian onless he fully changes

  66. dorthy says:

    to stephine
    he would really love that especially if you want it bring other men and force him to you fantasies make him do do all the work and punish him if he dont meat your standards even take things away if he aint good its as goes as far as you take it

  67. Nayomi says:

    How wonderful. He feels strongly enough about your relationship to be open and honest with you. That should make you feel even closer to him.

    I would think about this a little bit differently. Do you have a favorite food, place, or activity that excites you? Maybe an ice cream place that you love or a great vacation place you want to see again? If you were told that you were going there in a few days, you would get excited and would not think of much else. Well that is probably what he is feeling about you and your clothing gives him a way to be close to you. Remember you can wear his stuff and it’s no big deal so it should not be a problem the other way. Just love each other and have a wonderful life together!

  68. Bobbie Lee says:

    The best thing to do is be as supportive as you can, let him know that you are okay with his dressing, even if your not. If he knows you are trying to accept his new hobby, he will be more open with it to you and wont keep secrets about what he wants to do.
    Most guys are more relaxed and have less stress when they have supporting wife’s or girlfriends. He needs someone to talk to and someone to help him with clothing etc.

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