Girl friends and wives want to know.
Why do men cross dress?
Why does my husband cross dress?
How can I make him stop cross dressing?
The unfortunate truth, is that there is no simple, one line answer to these questions. If there were, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article, and the debates on this topic would be silent.
In my personal experience, the fascination with woman’s clothes started when I was very young. I must have been about four years old, and I remember going to great lengths to procure and then wear my mom’s nightie. My most vivid memory is as a teenager, nervously buying a pair of pantyhose from a local supermarket and then wearing them home under my pants.
I felt (and still feel) a need to wear woman’s clothes, and I can’t quite explain where it comes from. The media like to think of cross dressing as a sexual perversion, and so naturally they see the desire to cross dress and purely for sexual gratification. The problem with this theory is that when I (and many others) first felt the desire to cross dress I didn’t know what sex was.
Many cross dressers I’ve asked describe the need as ‘feeling more comfortable wearing woman’s clothes’. This is sometimes (but not always) coupled with the desire to be seen as a woman. To not just dress like a woman, but behave like one as well, to wear make-up and otherwise pass as a woman. There are others who cross dress for sexual excitement. The need to cross dress is indeed a spectrum.
That still doesn’t answer the question why do men cross dress?
Marcy proposes a few interesting answers to this questions.
One argument is that transvestism of cross-dressing is a way of offering a challenge to society’s preconceptions about gender. Some men cross-dress because they are unhappy at being men. Others didn’t mind the male state, but also like to put on women’s clothes occasionally. Some men cross-dress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women’s clothes gives them.
Yet the true reason why men cross dress remains somewhat of a mystery. It is intensely personal, often confusing and sometimes guilt ridden. I’m hopeful that as society grows more tolerant of diverse gender expression we will see more cross dressers and transgendered stepping forward to share their stories. Without the need to justify their behavior, and no longer shamed by society perhaps we will be better able to answer this baffling question.
Comment and let me know, I would love to hear- why do you cross dress?
(Unapologetically stolen from a chain email I recieved)
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your site, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend crossdressing, for example, I simply remind them that Deuteronomy 22:5 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
- When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
- I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
- I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
- Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
- I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
- A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?
- Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
- Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
- I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
- My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
this is a wife of a crossdresser,finding out my husband crosssdress i could not understand after 18yr in the army a partrooper and s/f way in the world would he want to be one,i see geting dress in the morning i love him but doing the job chambermaid,i try talking to him is it the unform he like,he told me its the only job he could get as a woman, he looks like a 50yr old woman,i cant belive it looking at him pulling upmy girdile hooking hie hose to it,then my bra 38DDD full slip & white unform black apron,and white low heels his make up pass, when i drop him off after i cry looking at him as he walks into the hotel, can you send me some information thank you Irine
I feel your pain. I found out accidently that my husband was a cross dresser. I cant even begin to tell you how I would like to just end my life. I dont understand this at all. I am so hurt. I feel so betrayed. I tried to listen to him talk but nothing he says makes sense to me. Why did he have to wait till we were married for 4 years to accidently let me find out. Whats wrong with me as a woman? I do anything sexual he wants. I feel horrible, like I obviously am not enough woman for him. How was any of this fair to me? Its been a HUGE lie and I never deserved to be lied to like this. Why couldnt he tell me before we got married? If people want to cross dress, be gay or whatever….thats fine, but to lie and drag others down with you is NOT fair. What about those of us that are innocent in all this and have no desire to be a part of this lifestyle. I no longer feel like a sexy woman, I feel like that has been taken away from me. My sexuality has been taken from me, the man that I though was my husband and my lover has been taken from me. Who am I in this house now, other then everybody’s maid. Well I’m sorry I dont understand and I never thought I could feel any worse then I do now.
I replied to Irine over email. For the other folks reading this I recommended two books:
My Husband Wears my clothes by Peggy Rudd http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/096267625X?ie=UTF8&tag=crossdressed-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=096267625X
and My Husband Betty by Helen Boyd
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1560255153?ie=UTF8&tag=crossdressed-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1560255153
I also recommended the resources for wives of crossdressers at http://www.tri-ess.org
I’ll also extend the invitation, that if any of you need a caring heart to share your burden about crossdressing with, please email me (vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com), I would love to stand with you during this tough time.
Hugs,
Vanessa
Lani, thank you so much for your note. It always warms my heart when I hear about girl friends and wives who display such love and courage. I know it is not easy to accept in your man – it truly does take a special person to be willing to listen, and cry, and love.
i wonder were do they put them
I found out about my boy(girl)friends cding on accident. Its so funny how when you find womens under garments you automaticly think their messing around but once you find the size 12 heel your pretty sure theres alot more going on! I was shocked and felt very betrayed. But after alot of talking and alil crying I understood that it wasn’t my fault(we can b so selfish sometimes)I said I loved him no matter what. Since then I have been involded with everything and our sex life has never been better! I think if we could stop being so closed minded the world would b a better place. Just wanted to drop a few lines from an understanding and very happy girlfriend of a cd!
For me it has to do with self-expression. Society defines certain expected social roles (also called gender roles) based specifically on whether someone has XX or XY. Some aspects of myself fit within the XY category that society claims is required of me, and some aspects of myself lie in the category marked only for those with XX. For so long of my life, I was refused to express those parts of me that are reserved for those with XX, so now it is so awesome to get a chance to dress in way that is complementary with my inner identity, as well as have a partner who accepts and embraces these disparate aspects of myself. To not dress would put me back in the horrible cycles of life where I could not be who I was, and just sought to drown the world out through mindlessness.
hi i came home as a new born in a dress .my oldest sister dressed me like this every day (mom and dad worked alot)at the age of three my ears hed ear rings in them as i got older this was just a normal thing then came the panthose and heels and makeup this was about 1968 yes i have a wife and 2 kids and 7 grandkids witch i love them all very much. but most people dont under stand this at all but as you can see i was raised this way and i like how i am . but i just cant go out dressup my wife would not have it . i am number 6 of 11 kids i have 10 sister and i am 56 now love them all would not have it any other way
Hey Phil, thanks for sharing your experience. That must’ve made for quite a childhood. Do you remember whether you enjoyed it early on, or whether you were forced to dress as a girl?
I guess as young as three it may be difficult to remember, but perhaps emotionally impactful events are easier to recall.
Jon, thanks for bringing up self-expression. For a while my vision for myself was to “Live as who I am every day of my life”. Looking back, the year I took that fully to heart has been one of the better years of my life. Freeing yourself to really live the life that is bursting from inside you. Wow!
I have dressed since I was 11 (17 years now). My wife and I were discussing this last night, and I have really no idea as to why the desire to dress as a woman is a part of who I am.
Someone mentioned genetics, and I believe from my own research into alcoholism and depression that cross dressing might be linked to both of these. In some ways for me dressing is like an addiction. This is sensible as I have multiple family members who are/have been alcoholic. Just a thought.
Erica
I cross dress since the 10 years of age, I have dressed my sisters’ pantyhose, my mother’s OBG with nylons of all colors, but my favorite was gray, skin, black and coffee. Then one summer holidays I was at a house of our family friends on the coast when a lady wanted to undress and I have had to put a blanket over my head, but of course I snicked “out” for a second and what I have seen – I have NEVER and will never forget: a beautiful strong woman dressed in black bra size E, black open bottom girdle with the stockings of skin color on mighty and long legs…ever since whenever I have a 0,000001% of possibility to put such a beautiful things on – I do it!! Although this lady is old today (it happened almost 30 yrs ago) I still have the same beautiful picture of her before my eyes!
i like crossdressing me and my best friend both do crossdressing and love it he borrows his mums clothes and i borrow both of my mums clothes and they are proud of me crossdressing and really wanted me to be gay but i like women iand i always feel like i am one so me, my best friend, and my mums all go on a girls night out (they do our make up and buy our clothes though) the last noght i did was going to a crossdressers club in maidstone in kent its was really fun and thats where i met my girlfriend i was 16 im now 18