Girl friends and wives want to know.
Why do men cross dress?
Why does my husband cross dress?
How can I make him stop cross dressing?
The unfortunate truth, is that there is no simple, one line answer to these questions. If there were, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article, and the debates on this topic would be silent.
In my personal experience, the fascination with woman’s clothes started when I was very young. I must have been about four years old, and I remember going to great lengths to procure and then wear my mom’s nightie. My most vivid memory is as a teenager, nervously buying a pair of pantyhose from a local supermarket and then wearing them home under my pants.
I felt (and still feel) a need to wear woman’s clothes, and I can’t quite explain where it comes from. The media like to think of cross dressing as a sexual perversion, and so naturally they see the desire to cross dress and purely for sexual gratification. The problem with this theory is that when I (and many others) first felt the desire to cross dress I didn’t know what sex was.
Many cross dressers I’ve asked describe the need as ‘feeling more comfortable wearing woman’s clothes’. This is sometimes (but not always) coupled with the desire to be seen as a woman. To not just dress like a woman, but behave like one as well, to wear make-up and otherwise pass as a woman. There are others who cross dress for sexual excitement. The need to cross dress is indeed a spectrum.
That still doesn’t answer the question why do men cross dress?
Marcy proposes a few interesting answers to this questions.
One argument is that transvestism of cross-dressing is a way of offering a challenge to society’s preconceptions about gender. Some men cross-dress because they are unhappy at being men. Others didn’t mind the male state, but also like to put on women’s clothes occasionally. Some men cross-dress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women’s clothes gives them.
Yet the true reason why men cross dress remains somewhat of a mystery. It is intensely personal, often confusing and sometimes guilt ridden. I’m hopeful that as society grows more tolerant of diverse gender expression we will see more cross dressers and transgendered stepping forward to share their stories. Without the need to justify their behavior, and no longer shamed by society perhaps we will be better able to answer this baffling question.
Comment and let me know, I would love to hear- why do you cross dress?
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Vanessa is a happily married 30 year old transgendered woman from Seattle. It's been a long road to acceptance for her, despite the fact that she has been crossdressing for more than 25 years. Sometimes, when she looks in the mirror she longs to see the girl that lives
within her. 
216 Comments
to me crossdressing is more than just wearing the cloths and makeup. most of my life (and still going) i have felt that i am more like a stage actor playing a part. i play the part of the all american boy who played football, dated cheerleaders, and acted agressive. i also play the part of the good son who cares for his parents and is the dependable man everyone can turn to in need. but when i dress even if it is only a little makeup for 5 minutes to have a quick smoke i feel as if i am me. it feels like i am stripping away all those costumes and finally going off stage to relax. i am lucky enough to have a wonderful wife who knows all about my dressing and supports and loves me no matter what. just last month we went on a 3 day trip with me dressed for over half of it in downtown houston. we went sight seeing, shopping, out to eat, everywhere and you know what i got great responses from alot of people. granted there were a few bad ones such as when we went to the aquarium these 4 teen girls were making snide remarks about me but i say all in all it was a great outing. and next week im planning to goto the mall and were going to go walking round the mall window shopping and picking out things for me to buy. so i view myself as more female in mind than male and being the male role as a brilliant piece of acting but an act i hopefully one day can lay down for good. now this does not mean i plan to have SRS as i am very much atracted to my wife and plan to keep it that way lol. but i wouldnt mind FFS or breast augmentation one day but till then i will console myself with the knowledge thant i am me and i am theire view of me but i am still me weather in a dress or in pants and a shirt. as rupaul says “you got to love yourself first honey cause if you dont how the HELL you gonna love somebody else?”
hey vasanth would you like to contact me plz cas i m also like you, i wear my moms saree when i can and also my elder sister’s dresses, but i want to someone that i ca tell abt my fantasies, can u be that plz contact me at amisha002@yahoo.com
hi,amisha my name is santosh but aft crossdressing my name is sangeeta i always like 2 crossdress so i need 2 share wit u pls contact me my email id is santoshkumar32111@gmail.com
hi everyone i’m 22,, a crossdresser n i like to wear minis , stockings thongs with makeup ,,i wanna know is there any crossdresser here for me n can anyone can help me in becoming a beautiful crossdresser,,mail me at men_gay1111@yahoo.com..///////
Hi ladies i guess we are all alike and love to dress and meet new friends i have been dressing since 12yoo and love to dress more as i get older , god help me but i so enjoy sweet fem fashions and the trashier the better i think , ii would realy enjoy sharing emails with any one that would lke to make friends thanks penny
firstly I would like to say thanks to everyone that has posted on this thread as it is comforting to think that I am not ‘alone’ in this world. I first began to dress when I was 12 or 13. I am now 37 and have been married for 8 years. My wife does not know and I do not think that she would be very supportive. I have tried to talk to her about it discreetly but I sensed that she sees the traditional male and female roles are necessary in the relationship for it to work and adding a third ‘person’ would cause an inbalance.
My mother is getting re-married later this year and my wife and sister will be bridesmaids for her. My mother sent a text message to me (as she did not have my wife’s number) to confirm the date of the next dress fitting. This then led to a long tongue in cheek conversation that I wanted a dress fitting too including what under-garments I should wear. She said that she would arrange one for me but I dont think that it would have been a good idea to ‘come out’ in that manner.
I love my wife dearly and idolise women in general and have no ‘gay’ inclinations. I think that my desire to dress is borne from a love of all women and what they represent increasing my want to be part of their ‘club’. I work in an industry that is gender generic as a travel software trainer and would love to go to a new client dressed but I think that would be some time away yet.
I found this site through a web search engine and will be keeping track of it as I am really thankful for the understanding that I have read so far.
Many thanks, Sam xx
My dad is a crossdresser and even though I love him I do not understand why he would do this…
I am open to people choosing whatever life style suits them but can you please help me understand if you know you like to wear womens clothes why not choose a lifestyle that is suitable to your needs. Why would you involve a woman that wants to have a normal life and kids?
Even though you say you feel alone, have you all of you felt what this might to a family or to the children of that family? I think it is brave for those that seek their happiness without involving people that obviously do not want to share the same fantasy?
So why did you get married?
My dad hiding this from the family has caused such distrust in our family. Our relationship is toxic because he will be gone for days and we will not know where he is. He has spend money when we didnt have any so he could play with his fantasies. I think that any of you that are married and have children and do not tell your wives upfront before adding more people into your own selfish lifestyle just really makes me mad.
I agree that it is completely selfish to not tell someone that you’re a cross-dresser before getting married, or even engaged. In my mind, how can they know me if I’m hiding a major or even minor part of my life. I’ve lost relationships because of this, but I don’t see them as losses, I see them as another chance to find the one that will accept me the way I am.
This is nothing new, but I crossdress becuase it is comfortable and relaxing. Mainly, I just like women’s clothes better. I love femininity and want to be as feminine as possible (in some regards, but I also like being a man sometimes). I don’t necessarily want to “pass” — usually. I just want to wear the pretty dress and relax.
For me, sometimes there is a sexual aspect to it. I love wearing panties or lingerie to bed with my wife (a rarity). It just makes everything that much more fun. I love having an orgasm while dressed up and pretty as well. This is not the main reason at all though, it is more of an added bonus.
Rachel, thanks for sharing love. Great to hear from you.
Hugs,
Vanessa
I think in the same way that you do. I have crosssdressed since I was 10, I’m 38 now and I’m not really passable as a woman without a great deal of effort. For the most part I crossdress because i like womens clothes better. I am not into makeup and wigs and don’t see it ever being a real issue. Although there is a sexual or more a sensuous side of crossdressing, I think that there are many of us who use it as an escape from our very regular everyday lives. I love womens lingerie and especially shoes. However I also like being a man. I do manly things for work and also as hobbies. But there is a great release in coming home and shaving my legs and slipping into a nice pair of pantyhose, a silky nightgown and a pair of high heels. Not all of us want to be a woman full time nor we want to have sex with men. This is a very popular misconception that many people have and as result, crossdressers unlike many gay or lesbian people are even less accepted in society. Recently I have been able to have my wife accept my crossdressing as a part of me and she is incredibly supportive. But she also knows that it is MY preference to keep it quiet. I have told many of my female friends that I have done drag shows as a way to test the waters, and much to my surprise they think its great. At any rate I hope that my small contribution to this post reaches someone somewhere.
I crossdress because I feel female most of the time. I feel so comfortable putting on a pretty bra and nice pair of panties. I love wearing my control tops over the panties. My toenails are painted 90 % of the time. Of course, my legs, and most other body hair is gone. I usually use a hair remover for my chest, or on places wear I can’t shave. My figure is feminine. After I put on a dress or skirt/blouse combo, I’m starting to feel like a woman. I love to do my makeup, from eyeliner, mascara, rouge, lipstick, etc….girls are so lucky. A nice pair of earings (pierced) along with my wig and shoes and handbag (always carry female essentials in my bag.) I’ve been dressing for over 40 years now. Probably, your everyday woman thinks nothing when she clasps her bra…I think how great a feeling it is. I love to let my boobs (yes, I have baby boobs) fall gently into the cups. I love seeing the outline of bras on women…I wonder what they think when they see my outline. I work in a small office and go as “Patrice” pretty often. One of my most exciting things in my life was when a goworker asked me to accomppany her to her OB/GYN appointment. It was heaven sitting in the office. Other women just smiled at me as they looked up from reading, Cosmo, Bride, Oprah magazines, etc. Of course, I was NOT examined for medical ethics. The doctor, because my friend was last appointment, let me come in to see an examination room. I was SO jealous when I saw the exam table and stirrups….I wished I could have been in a hospital gown for an examination. I live my life as “Patrice” about 80 % of time. I could go on and on telling some of the beautiful feminine things that I have encountered over the years. Otherwise, my sisters, let’s enjoy our make believe “womanhood.” I hope I wasn’t too long writing this……Patrice
I misspelled “coworker” in my above story…let me know if you ever want to hear more about my life. I love being as “female as possible.” I really wish I was – I’m sure many/most of us do too.
Patrice (again)
Wow, I must be in a writing mood this weekend. First of all, thank a veteran this weekend, no matter what your thoughts and opinions are. Do a small volunteer project in their honor….Now, I know it is a big “shopping weekend”, so I’m off to Victoria’s Secret – I saw a panty and garter set with matching bra that I must have, so girls, I’m on my way….actually, I also want to get a gift card for a gg friend….she helped me tremendously the other night with my makeup and assisted me with the right outfit. I had a “date”, yes a date, and he knew all about me. He was very, very respectful. The kiss at end of the night was so thrilling. I was treated and accepted as “Patrice”….so that’s why I need the gift card for my friend. She was so happy for me. She set me up on the date….write to me sisters (rjb7839@aol.com) if you care to. Thanks.
Patrice
Hey Patrice, great to hear from you. Thanks for sharing a bit about yourself. I think some of your experiences would make for a great Crossdressing Success Story. Take a look here: http://www.crossdresserheaven.com/do-you-have-a-crossdressing-succes-story/ and let me know, I’d love to hear from you.
Hugs,
Vanessa
I have been practising crossdressing more than 40years in secret. Please link me with a friend who can help me secure a breast and something to make my shape look like a woman. I live in Nigeria where there are no facilities for crossdressing.
Hi Rose,
I recommend trying to find a local support group. You can find a listing of support groups here: http://www.crossdresserheaven.com/about/crossdresser-support-groups/
Blessing and good luck,
Vanessa
Honestly I can’t understand it. From what I have been learning about the whole umbrella; There are three different groups. These are my own impressions and are based on MY experience.
Transvestites: Gay men that dress up in drag.
Cross-Dressers: Straight men that absolutely identify as men that occasionally dress up in womens clothes.
Transsexuals: People that were born into a physical sex which does not match their internal gender.
For myself, I am a mtf transsexual. I really don’t understand cross-dressing because whether I am wearing mens clothes or womens, I still feel internally feminine.
As soon as I realized with the full weight who I was I decided to stop wearings mens clothes almost entirely. For me, I felt like society had been making me cross dress for most of my life. It’s not something I can step away from and this is my impression with cross-dressers. That there are special times for the special clothes and then thats it for the week. As a lesbian I think that women are gorgeous whatever they wear whenever. But how is it that straight men want to see themself as somewhat feminine for a while and then go back to being a manly man the rest of the time. Whatever makes one happy is great but I feel like cross-dressers might just be transsexuals that are extremely good at repressing. The only way I have been able to stay sane is by seeing the progression the hormones have been having on me. Clothes are just clothes but feeling right in the shell I’ll have to wear for the rest of my life is 1000% better than any feeling I’ve gotten from putting on a piece of clothing.
But as I said before; If it makes you happy.. cool whatever.
Hey Ezmyrelda, thanks for your comment.
I agree that one way to categorize people is into transsexuals (born in the wrong body) and cross-dressers (who identify as their current sex but enjoy dressing in clothes of the opposite gender). Though it’s never quite so easy, and I’ve met many woman (myself included) who are somewhere between those two.
Transvestite can be a somewhat loaded term. Some people do use it to refer to gay men in drag, yet others reserve the word ‘drag queen’ for these folks. I think it’s important to realize that sexual preference and gender identity are two separate concepts, and you can mix and match both to your heart’s content. There are also those whose gender expression doesn’t match their gender identity, e.g. who identify as a woman, but present as a man or androgynous.
It’s a great, diverse world of gray out there
I do have some concern when you say that you feel cross-dressers might just be transsexuals that are good at repressing. In a sense, this denies the validity of the crossdresser experience. Just as those who are cisgender (identify as the gender they are born), may tend to look on those of us who are transgendered and not understand how gender identity could be any other than what we’re born with.
My greater worry, though, is that this starts to create divisions within the transgender community. In truth, I believe that the crossdresser, pre-op transsexual, post-op transsexual, no-op transsexual and everyone in between all try to live out who they are inside. For some this means being a woman, for others it means being a woman, for a time, and then enjoying who they are as a man.
But you made me happy at the end. If it makes you happy… cool whatever. Live and let live. Because really, who are any of us to judge the experience and realities of another person?
Hugs and blessings
Vanessa
Hi Vanessa
I really do think that this website and forum helps as until I found it, I felt very alone without any way to air my feelings. I am not in a place where I am ready to speak to my wife about this so having some ‘kindred’ spirits really does help.
Obviously the site is there for anyone to post on, I think that everyone needs to realise that not every situation is the same and so they cannot be pigeon-holed into this or that.
If I had to choose a label for myself, I do not know what that would be. Clearly I have the body of a man, but I enjoy the look and feel of clothes dictated to be for women and wish that I had the body shape that the clothes were designed for. I am not gay and have never had any homosexual desires. In fact I adore women although very recently my eye has moved on from how attractive they are to how are they dressed, even to the point that I think to myself, “I wonder where she got that skirt/top/belt/jacket/shoes/etc”. I do not desire to have SRS (at the moment) but I would like to live the life of a woman, even if just for a short time to see whether it fits better than the life of a man. I have always done the things stereo-typed as male activities such as playing soccer, computer games, war games etc but I also had a strange affection for those on the other end of the spectrum too, for example, home economics, cooking, needlepoint.
I guess it is fair to say that I am a little confused :S
Sam x
Sam, thanks for stopping by love.
As you can probably see, you are not alone
There are many here to offer your love, support and encouragement. Have you had a chance to read any books on the transgender experience? I highly recommend Helen Boyd’s book My Husband Betty
I find that talking with others (even online) is great to help me learn more about myself. Reading about the detailed experiences of someone who has been through it (like Helen) is also a soul searching experience.
Hugs,
Vanessa
hi i am a 18 year old guy and want to be a women i am not gay i just want to be a lesbian…i love to dress all out in my moms bras and panties,dresses and bathing suits i love to wear make up i would like to tell my mom and ask her in some way to let her know i love doing this but i dont know how even if she could just walk in on me in her clothes what do i do and all crossdressers add me on msn justin_bruce2009@msn.com
i made a mistake add me on msn my email is justin_bruce09@msn.com
Hi justin, My cd name is Ragina. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to encourage you to be the woman that you want to be. I, like you started crossdressing at an early age and I enjoy it still. I am married and have several children. Though most of them know that I wear panties instead of male underwear, they really don’t know all that I do.Hang in there.
Hi Justin
There are lots of questions to ask so I have sent an email to you.
All the best
Sam x
hi sam please email me with those questions asap at jabruce2001ca@yahoo.ca
As far back as I can remember, I wore pantyhose. Once I was old enough to realize that they were womens clothing, I tried to quit, but I could not. I am almost 40 and married to a accepting wife. I own more panties and pantyhose then I do socks and underwear. Here lately, I have wanted to get into the whole CD thing. I told my wife that I just purchased a pair of heels online and she was a little uncomfortable with it at first. I tease her all the time and she has opened up a little. I just want the damn things to get here so I can put them on. I have been researching dresses and other feminine garments, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I envy those that have the “balls” to go out into public in womens clothing. I have just reached the point of wearing shorts w/ shaved legs in public. I refuse to wear pantyhose w/ hairy legs. I am not getting younger and I realize that if I still want to do these things while I still have a decent body, I need to hurry.
Thanks to all
I have, to some degree crossdressed since I was 9. My grandmother, out of curiosity on my part, let me try on one of her full slips. I ended up enjoying it so much that I wanted to wear it again the next day, which she let me do. My parents both worked at the time. My brother tried it , but didnt feel about it the same as I did. Anyway, a couple of years later, my grandfather passed away and my grandmother moved in with us, and all the time she was with us (about 13yrs) I would from time to time put on her old dresses or pants (parents didnt know) and it always felt good. I dressed up till college and then joined the army. At this time I rarley dressed, not even in panties ( in the Army your alway subject to sudden, unannounced uniform and welfare inspections).
It wasnt til about my last 4 years in the Army that I started to try on my wifes skirts and bras (she didnt know). It wasnt till I retired a few years later that I started to dress more often, in secret of course. wearing of womens clothing, even part time and in secret. One morning my wife found two pair of panties in my jeans ( wore them at work) she was upset. anyway, eventually told her I wanted to wear womens clothing and told her it felt almost natural for me and that I had been partially dressing on and off since I was 9. Certain rules were laid out(we have a young daughter and wife didnt want any one to know what I was doing, but eventually she couldnt take my dressing anymore, she started to think I was gay or at least a closet gay, even after I told her I wasn’t, plus she figured I would leave her in favor of dressing(which I told her I would never do that). So now, after telling her I no longer dress. she is happy now (she dosent hold that you can be heterosexual and want to wear womens clothing) you are either gay or a pervert. So now, I wear only lingerie under my work clothes and only at work. By the way, told my mother before she died what I did and while she wasnt to sure about it? did accept it. My brother knows and dosent care and 3 of my co workers(all guys) know and they dont care. MY youngest son and his girlfriend know and it dosent bother them. My wife is the only one it bothers. But all things considered, I feel ok about what I do and I enjoy it cause in a sense, it does feel natural.
Yvonne, thanks for sharing your story love. I’m sorry that your wife doesn’t accept your crossdressing. I hope that you’ll find a way to share with her that she can accept. As you’ve found out, there are many others who will accept you for who you are. Perhaps your wife feels threatened, as you say, about crossdressing becoming more important than your marriage.
Crossdressing is not something most people think about doing. I think it’s probably genetic or that there’s a biological cause like hormone flooding in utero or something. I think it’s related to the homosexual gene but different. And I don’t think people have a choice. Good luck to you all x
Mick, thanks for your comment dear. There is indeed much debate about nature vs nurture as far as transgender goes. I think that many people who were raised as otherwise normal boys crossdress or transition to a woman later in life. I tend to believe that genetics plays a part in how we come to be transgendered.
I have been crossdressing for 36 years, am now 42. I’ve just found out I’m xxy, so it seems to be genetic.
I began crossdressing in my teens. I think it was to fill a hole in my life originally. My mother was pretty much not a very nurturing person. She and all of her girlfriends liked to party and wear skirts, heels, and make-up. I think it looked like they had so much fun that I became curious and tried it myself. I love the soft, constricting garments and underclothes and was missing that in my life. I also discovered that I could have absolutely mindblowing orgasms when dressed. It turned out my first girlfriend was a bit on the kinky side and would dress me up, tie me up, and have sex with me. I learned to associate plasure and sensuality with crossdressing. I got married and had two kids and crossdressing dropped off into the background until my wife got tired of having sex. I then began to explore crossdressing and searched for a woman to share that aspect of my life with, someone who was open about it and would love me regardless. I didn’t want to be a full-time waman, only to enjoy times when I could dress up. I was caught in two affairs and confessed about my crossdressing and submissive tendencies. So I am back in denial and waiting for the day my children grow up and I can pursue my desires. I want to fulfill my obligation to raise my kids. It’s not their fault I’m unhappy, I owe it to them to be their father, not just on the weekends. In the meantime I CD when I can until the closet door can be opened again.
I am working on my second wife and fortunately she has accepted that I wear woman’s undergarments. We have both gone shopping for panties and pantyhose for me and I do feel really grateful in that matter. My wife had to visit a gay bar with her friends to hear it from a flaming gay man that they do not like pantyhose or woman’s clothing. Since that time, she feels more comfortable. I too have been more comfortable opening up to her. She does not know that I am a closet cross dresser, but she is accepting with limitations, I just need to seek those out slowly.
There are many out there like me that are great husbands and fathers. I hope that you all can find the way to express yourselves to an open minded significant other. Once a marriage gets old, anything can spice it up.
Hi, this may seem pretty long, but it’s been puzzling me for ages.
I can say I c-dress to fulfil my sexual desires, but is this all necessary? It goes like this…I put on the clothing, feel excited in it, walk around and try to act feminine. Then the desire comes, I(j**k)it out and then I feel disgusted and quickly take the clothing off. Can anybody tell me why there is such a big difference in the foreplay and the ending? No harm to any c-dressers but coming from a conservative and strict family, this is really becoming awkward for me as I know it’s wrong as in sense of my background, but it just feels so exciting.
Does this have anything to do with strong male hormones or strong female hormones or just a fetish that can’t be controlled? I find females very stunning and I (assume)some find me as well but I find it difficult to build up the courage to approach them.
PS. I did not c-dress before I met a girl whom I really loved, I basically worshipped her(pathetic huh?) and tried to be like her in many ways. Although it has been a while now and my feelings have died for her, does that wanting-to-be-her notion still hang around?(She brushed me off very direct and cold heartedly)I don’t blame her but….. I’m lost, please help
My boyfriend does sort of the same thing. While his desire to crossdress is mostly only in the bedroom, it did progress to wearing my panties in day to day life. He feels that he looks sexy in my lingerie and clothing, but after he “gets off”, he immediately takes it off like he’s ashamed. I don’t do anything to make him feel ashamed, but I think he might personally believe it to be wrong. I have tried to talk to him but it, but he usually shuts down. He says that once he gets off, then he is no longer “horny”. The thing I don’t understand is that he will wear these things when he isn’t turned on. Perhaps your feelings and experiences can give me some insight into my own loves feelings. Im not sure that being heartbroken by that girl has triggered something in you or not. Have you ever talked to a therapist or anyone about your desires? Good luck to you
The sensual fact you described happens to all. You’re still in the conservaive side and that’s why ashamed of. After awhile you’ll get over, wash the garments and soon enough you’ll not feel horny at all.
Crossdressing has been all throughout human history and determined by all sorts of factors, from genetics to social, from hormones to climate, economic and so on. Women in US a short 150 some years ago were fighting for the right to wear pants. Ladies on the East Coast and home makers couldn’t understand that is hard to do ranching and farming in a dress.
For me the crossdressing is the ying and yang of our nature. Female have it easier because Eve was made out of Adam and not in reverse.
The difference in between the begining and the end is the same as in between fantasy and reality, whereas fantasy is always more promising and less delivering. With time you’ll make the difference and you’ll be better, but the sensual act will always be there.
I think I stay very confused. I love and have really strong thoughts about cross dressing. I love it and have done it since I was about 14. I have always been scared to do it very often. Life dictates who we are a lot of the time. Why do I like it so much? I love panties and bras and bikini stuff. I like the short skirts and the tops and there are so many bright colors. I love high heels. I like walking in those heels and wish I could let loose and do some things that might be kinda fun but I dont want anyone to know. I am thin and think I enjoy how I look dressed up and wish I could go all the way with surgeries. I like being a man too, Its just so relaxing to change into someone with new possibilities(and so sexy). I have always wondered if I am partially or maybe even strongly transgendered. I try every day to suppress these feelings and urges. I have terrible luck with women and I have told some of my desires and others I did not want to tell. I guess today I am in the mood for a change and life has not been great. I am not really depressed as I sound its just one of those days.
Mike, hi, I’m Ragina and I’ve been a crossdresser for a very long time. I have also gone through a lot of the feelings that you are now. No you are not having one of those days, but yes, you are very confused about a lot of things. I personally would say that yes you are probably very strongly transgendered. You say that you would like to go all the way. My best advice to you is that first,you need to spend time getting to know the real you and learn to love who you really are.Then start working toward the place that you really want to be. Also, try to find a support group in your area. Look on the web for Tri-Ess. That is a good place to start for support. You stated that you have had hard luck with women. Part of this could be a fear of rejection or even ridicule for this part of you. I know that feeling as well. Be open to new relationships, and don’t be afraid to share who you are. You will be surprised, there are a lot of women who are more accepting of you as a complete person than you may believe. I pray that one of these women will come your way. My wife is very accepting of my crossdressing, and I am forever thankful for it. You also say that you would like to let loose and be yourself. GO FOR IT! If you are afraid to be in your own area, go somewhere out of town. I’m sure if you look hard enough, that you will find a club or other gathering place for crossdressers, and they would love to have you there. Like I said earlier, learn who you really are and love that person. then I believe you will be more able to deal with all the confusion in your life. Good luck in your search for yourself. Ragina.
I can remember my sisters or moms bathing suits in the bath room. When I was young boy I like to wear them. I have my own things now. though I feel that, In these clothes my real man hood is out. panties and a dress just feels good and I’m I big guy. Or like I say Gurl. I know I’m gay. I just feel good. maybe we should have a little Island.lol
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years just proposed to me and I said yes.
I wrote this email to Vanessa, but she never had a chance to write back. I still have so many questions and concerns. Please leave me some comments. I want to be comfortable with this, whether it is something he continues or something he never does again (read on and understand).
(Written July 22)
I stumbled across your site today and wanted to write.
Two days ago I discovered my boyfriend of 3 and a half years has had a secret life.
A week ago I had accidently stumbled upon some tg porn. I was a little disturbed but mostly wanted to be comfortable with it because it was something he obviously liked. Over the next week I had tried to get my boyfriend to watch porn with me. He has never been comfortable watching porn with me, and that does bother me because I enjoy porn occasionaly and would like to share that with him. I was hopefull that if we could get on the computer together and start watching porn that I could lead the porn viewing to tg and let him know that even though it was new to me that if it was enjoyable to him, I could get used to it. (I didn’t want to embarrass him by outright asking or accusing, if you know what I mean.)
Then this week, while looking through the history I went to a myspace pic page honestly thinking I was going to see pics of his cousins new baby (he had chosen the same name for his CD persona that his cousin has). Instead of finding pictures of her and the baby I saw my boyfriend dressed as a woman. To say I was devasted is an understatement. I looked through the rest of the pics out of morbid curiosity. Turned the computer off, grabbed a bottle of gold schlager, started chugging, and collapsed to the floor sobbing. What hurt the most was the feeling that he had been lying to me all this time. The page was active so I knew that this was still a part of his life, how in depth I didn’t know.
We talked about it later that night, we were both crying. I told him that if he weren’t honest and open with me, or if I found out that he was lying to me that we were through. He told me that it had been a period of his life that was now over. He said that he had given it up, had been getting rid of his clothing (some of which he had given to me) because he loved me, and only wanted to be with me.
I still have so many questions. We still need to talk. I went through his myspace page (he gave me the email and password so I could look at it) and wrote down several more questions (which we are to talk about later tonight). He has asked me not to talk about this with any of my girlfriends because he is so scared and embarrased that word might get out. I understand and respect that. The last thing I want to happen is for him to get hurt. I just need to understand why. I need things to make sense in my head, and right now, even though I know he is still the same man, and I love him oh so very much, I am confussed and hurt. How could he keep this secret from me. How could he be doing this, having this other life that I didn’t know about.
Right now, my biggest fear is that even though he claims that he is done with that part of his life, that he hasn’t dressed in about a year, that he says he gave it up for me.
(sorry I know this is a bit jumbled… just spewing the words through emotion right now.)
He said he gave up that lifestyle for us, but I’m afraid that he is going to resent me for that (even though I didn’t ask him to give it up… I didn’t even know about it). The fact that he has still been on his CD myspace tells me that maybe he’s not ready to completly give up that part of his life. I’ll be honest. Right now I don’t know how or if I can accept that hidden part of his life if he decided he wanted to continue.
But My biggest fear is that in a year or five or ten that he will start doing it again and hide it from me out of fear. If I found out he was hiding his life from me, I would be crushed and devestated and our relationship would be over. I don’t want that to happen.
He said that he has never done anything with another guy, and only looks at the TG porn once in a while. I’m trying to understand. I want to understand. I want to be accepting because I love him. But I don’t know if I can. He says he has given that part of his life up, that it was an expensive experimental stage in his life, but do you think a person who has been in that lifestyle can ever truly give it up?
I guess thats the main point of this long emotional email. Do you think he has truly given in up, or will it resurface. I can deal with the truth, I will love him no matter what. And I think that I can deal with this, as long as he is honest and open with me.
Thank you so much. I eagerly look forward to your reply.
-Sarah
UPDATE:
Even though he said that he only occasionaly looks at TG porn, I have found that he does it more than he orriginaly let on. I don’t want to accuse him of lying but I’m feeling very uneasy right now.
Thank you for taking the time to read, Please, any advice or “answers” that you can provide would be greatly and sincerly appreciated.
Thank you.
Hey Sarah, I apologize for the delay, and congratulations on your engagement!
You did a brave and considerate thing by talking to your fiance about what you found on his Myspace account. You obviously love him a lot to try searching for answers and understanding. I hope he realizes just how lucky he is to find a woman like you.
I think he is probably well intentioned in saying that it was just a phase, and he won’t do it again. In my experience, and that of many transgendered people I’ve met, there is usually a strong desire to quit. You may have heard this referred to as a ‘purge’, which is an attempt to put this part of their life behind them. All clothes and accessories are thrown out as they start a fresh life. Unfortunately, as well intentioned as the desire is, it usually falls afoul of reality within a few months or few years. I don’t know him, but I have a strong suspicion that he will start crossdressing again, or live an unhappy and tortured life trying to resist it. I’m not sure if he’ll resent you, but he may resent himself.
The thing to be concerned about is if he does this in private, and doesn’t feel as though he can trust you, or that he has to hide this. Open and honest communication is the most important tool to tackling this together. I’m quite confident that the reason he kept this secret from you for so long, is because he was afraid to lose you. As strange as it may seem, he probably loved you too much to tell you.
I can understand why he would want to keep this secret from others – you’re doing the right thing in reaching out for help. I strongly encourage you to find a local crossdressing or transgender support group and attend a few times. Many groups have special programs for partners, this is a great place to find a someone to share this with, someone who will understand your struggles. You can find a list of groups across the US, and the world here:
Hugs,
Vanessa
Uk there may be a lot of ?s that pop into your head bout that. I waz the same way wen I told my fiance dat. 2 my suprise she waz ok wit it. It sumtin dat she wantz 2 try wit me. Iv brn doin this since I waz 13 yrz olld and I’m 22 now. Wen my mom found out she didn’t know how 2 handle it. I thought I could quit but I couldn’t. My mom s ok wit it. And wen I c my mom. We go shoppin 2gethre. I do it cuz I’m comfortable in womens clothez. I like womenz clothez and the way they feel. Guyz just don’t get the type f clothez dat women do. Talj 2 ur man and let hum jnow ur tryin 2 get comfortable and talk 2 him bout it. My fiance and I have dress up datez and we go shoppin 2getha for womens clothez. I hope this helps u and ur man
wh r u from. My e-mail is shruti28071981@yahoo.co.in
Hi Vanessa and all CDHeaven visitors. I was inspired to tell my story here and so far it’s quite a bit different from the norm. Just goes to show how mysterious life is and how many similarities we share, even through our differences.
First of all I was born in a female body. It took many years for me to realize that I identified more as male than female. Yet I have this puzzling desire to be “pretty” at times, to dress up and still retain my perceived masculinity. It is exciting for the same reasons many biological males find it exciting. But on top of all that, I consider myself gay as I am attracted to other males.
It does feel as confusing as it sounds, and it’s something I am still struggling to understand myself. My theory is that–in a sense–the human mind is evolving, either biologically or just due to the advance of humanity embracing undefined gender roles. Either way it is something I’m excited about because I don’t believe in labels.
To all the ladies with crossdressing male significant others–please do not automatically assume your man is gay. Also don’t assume that he feels he is really a woman. Though both are possibilities, you shouldn’t judge your man before he tells you in his own words what he is. I fully believe a straight man can feel the desire to be elegant, beautiful, and alluring without being gay or transsexual. Women are just as capable of wanting to feel strong, handsome, and rugged because they feel just as empowered. I believe this is the marvel of human nature and something we all need to find in ourselves, whether you like to crossdress or not. We are yin and yang, two different sides of a same coin. We should not be defined by genitalia when our hearts and minds can do and feel so much more.
Vanessa, I feel you understand my feelings most of all and if you ever want to drop me a line I would be honored. If you are busy or would rather not write me, I’m completely okay with that too. Be well, everyone.
Hi hon (Anon), thanks for sharing your story. I must say it’s quite unique – it’s a blessing that you chose to share it on Crossdresser Heaven. I feel as though we can barely grasp the beauty in the diversity of humanity.
Ashley, thank you for your service to our country! Whenever I hear of someone in the service who crossdresses it makes me realize how important the transgendered are in society, even if society doesn’t yet realize it. Thanks for sharing hon, take a look around Crossdresser Heaven, there are a few articles and many comments by others who are in a similar situation. Sharing with an objective professional in therapy is a good step I encourage – you should approach this, too, with an open mind. It’s widely accepted in the psychological profession that transgender desires can’t be ‘cured’ by stopping, and they should be able to work with you to understand who you are, how far you want to take it, and to help you develop a positive compromise with your wife. Patrice’s words are one’s I’ve heard from many others as well (thanks hon!)
Hugs,
Vanessa
A little bout me, ive been crossdressing since 8 or so and as the years pass i got more involved with wearing womens clothes. By high school i was buying my own clothes and i always enjoyed looking at the fall jcpenneys catalogs and dreaming what i would like to wear.
I did a lot of purging from then on because i was in the Marine Corp and i needed my fix on the weekends. Then i got married and had to throw away that again. by the way she still dosent know. Then i moved back home and got a po box to buy my things and i had to hide my things, very hard to do but i got really good at it.
Im married again and my wife has a pill addiction, that i didnt know till after i was married, so i do love her. So i told her that i cross dress and showed her my things, she was understanding bout it at first but then she is very uncomfortable with it. We seperated for a while bout my problem and hers as well, we are back together now and she doesent want me to do it anymore. Ive agreed to speak to a shrink about it, but i dont really want to stop, i dont see a problem with it. The thing is dressing in womens clothes makes me feel so at ease and normal and its just the greatest thing in the world. Most of the stuff i have is expensive and i dont wanna throw it away such as ugg boots my pantyhose, skirts etc…
I think she is more upset that i shave my legs or sometimes i get them waxed. Ive even got french pedicures, that she dont know about. Im just so confussed i dont know what to do, because this makes me, me and to what kind of person i am today.
I just wanted to share a little bout me and get some things off my chest, thanks for listening
Ashley (John),
Feel comfortable in life….if dressing as a woman keeps your thoughts and feelings at a comfortable level, continue to “dress”…your inner peace is most important to you. By shaving your legs and other areas, wearing pretty dresses/skirts, nice lingerie, makeup, etc, you bring the “woman that you strive to be” out and this helps you….I was seeing a female therapist awhile ago, and believe it or not, she encouraged me to be “myself”. She believed “Patrice” was and is at ease with herself when dressed in female clothes, even if only occassionally. Good luck, Ashley
Patrice (rjb7839@aol.com)
UPDATE:
Hi all.
Thank you all for being here and being so supportive!
My Fiance and I have had more opportunities to talk about cross dressing and his life.
He took me to a club that he used to go to both dressed and “regular” (that’s the term he prefers to use right now.) I was ok with it and actually had a really great time.
A few weeks later, we went to one of his cd friend’s house and I had some issues. I saw where many of his pictures (the one’s I stumbled upon accidently) were taken. I don’t know why, but it was really hard for me to deal with it. Even though I was really uncomfortable, the group wanted to go to another cd club that they used to frequent. I didn’t do well. I faked a headache so we could go home early.
We talked about it a few days later and I dealt with some of my issues and he in turn made some confessions. He told me that he does still occasionaly have desires to dress. THAT WAS HUGE! He was finally able to admit to me that he still has the desire to dress. So we talked about outlets that would be ok for both of us right now. One of the things we decided was that we could start out with him dressing in the bedroom. This may not be right for everyone, but right now it is right for us.
It wasn’t easy for me, but I love him, and I don’t want him to be unhappy. I even talked with him about the possibility of him dressing to go out again. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for that one, but if it’s something that he wants to do, I want to be comfortable with it. I just need to adjust to this at my own rate and deal with this in my own way and hope that our love is enough to keep us together no matter what life throws at us.
I am still afraid that his desire to dress will eventually take him away from me. That he won’t tell me when he wants to dress, that he will keep that part of his life to himself. Mostly I’m afraid that I won’t be enough and that he’ll find someone better (but isn’t that part of the wonderful world of relationships?!)
Thanks for listening!
-Sarah
yes well the reasons i crossdress are a few!
mainly i crossdress because i like the clothing it is comfortable wearing skirts dresses slips panties which ahve so far alwasys been female clothing this is just not right really
the other reasons aer that i wish i had been bron female myself i really would like to be a girl i’ve kind of always felt this way i think being a girl would be wonderful i would take the good witht the bad just to be female at last as i was really suppose to have been born in this incarnation as a female and why i ma not is one thing that is stil puzzeling me even now.
ah well!
more later!
It’s a very sexual thing for me. I usually dress myself up and watch marathon sessions of porn and imagine myself as the girl in the video. It feels good to really let go and just let my mind run wild with it. I really want to quit or tone it down though, I feel like I neglect other parts of my life, especially my social life, because of this fetish.
Thanks for sharing Josh. It’s sometimes hard for people to admit if it is sexual, but I don’t think anyone should be ashamed of who they are, even though there are those in the transgender community who would frown on crossdressing for sexual pleasure. I do think it’s concerning if other parts of your life begin to suffer, I highly recommend you strive for balance with crossdressing and your life, or find a way to incorporate crossdressing into your life.
Hugs,
Vanessa
What is to anyone on what a person feels.We have to accept and love ourselves as we are. We treat people the way we want to be treated this works wonders. I started with my sisters dressing me one afternoon at the age of 6. I started ballet at the age of 29 took class 11 years . my son took and taught ballroom dance for 10 yaers also met his wife there ,Twin daughters who graduate to colledge 2010 also took ballet 3 years. I was married twice 2nd wife met at a tatto show wearing a mini skirt and black sheer hose 3 1/2 inch heels and nice perfume . still married 8th anniversary coming up. All I can say is dont be afraid was cleaning at a maid service for a while wore stretch pants long shirt with flats or white shoes and panties ,pantyhose black or white were required under yes they showed and houses I cleaned women loved it. I got plenty of comments.I have been to 10 salons electrolysis, makeup ,hair removal,nails ,and department stores trying clothes the second hand stores are my favorite.do not be afraid, be yourself and stay strong. look good and have fun .Let your women within shine women love your comments on there attire too.
you know i got a father that is against the CD way of lifes laughs mocks and everything else a mom a gf that do the same and since i was bout 8 secretly jus trying on high heels 4.5 + in. and it is the only thing i really desire but i doubt it will ever come out considering i love my family and friends and if i told/showed them that side of me not one of them would want me around considering it is the way i am still the same as them as i mock out loud but think they are so luck inside of me… why i do it i have no idea but i blame my older sisters for leaving there sexy high heel boots out all the time … there is my aspect take it as you will.
I’m sixteen and have been a crossdresser for a while. I secretly dress at night when everyone’s asleep. I love to try on different kinds of clothing and I really enjoy wearing women’s halloween costumes. For me, it feels like I have fun doing it along as a form of expression of femininity. I get scared sometimes because there are times the family have to use the bathroom. I almost got caught two nights ago and I’m scared of getting caught… What should I do?
Just be careful for so far and don’t get caught. It’s difficult for your age and circumstances.
Susan
I know every person has differentn reasons, but it is common that attraction to womens clothing began early, 4 t0 6 or so. For me, it was about 5. I have learned that this age is when children get their first sensual impression of sexuality. If that is true, associateing womens clothing with sexuality due to some early experiences could help explain the initial attraction. I would have to agree this was the case for me, as I would lay my head on my mother’ s lap (andstockings), and later play with her stockings as if they were doctors’ gloves. Later on, around 13, wearing pantyhose caused quite an arousal for me. Only recently did I come to understand why. No doubt we have all felt the rush of doing something taboo, the fear of getting caught. That fear, and rush became for me a source of stimulation and arousal. Later on most of us felt the rush the first time we stepped out of doors, or drove a car dressed, or went out on the town. We repeated the fear and pleasure of doing something out of the norm, on the edge. Even after the arousal ceased to occur, we felt the rush.
I’ve come to realize that this rush is our addiction. I know the rush does not apply to all who cross dress, but for those that feel the rush, make no mistake about it; it is the same rush felt by many drug addicts, many alcoholics, cleptomaniacs, etc.
If this describes you, it is your choice to either continue to give in to the rush, and justify it, or to deal with it for what it is, an addiction.
I found, and tried on my mother’s things when I was younger. I’m now 31 and have a collection of my own things, including knee high boots, a pair of mary janes with a 2″ heel, and just the other day got my first pair of skinny, 4″ high heels! I enjoy wearing a bra, and panties the most, and own a few dresses, which have not yet seen the light of day outside of my apartment. I have a great female friend, who I used to work with, that I have been out with several times while I have feminine attire on, being womens jeans, a top, etc. She is really the only person that I can be completely open with, and include in my thoughts, desires and dreams. She means quite a lot to me, and I’ve told her so many times!
My girlfriend, however, is aware of my fetish, but is not accepting of it. She is also jealous that I share it with another girl. I feel guilty, and do not bring anything out in front of my girlfriend. I long for the day that I can find someone more understanding, and possibly even encouraging that I can have a completely open and meaningful relationship with.
Why I crossdress though? In a way, it turns me on, I think because it’s maybe seen as something “naughty”, and I do consider myself as submissive. It just feels good sometimes too though, and I’m not quite sure exactly how else to describe it. I can probably go on rambling, but I’ll stop, and thank you for reading/listening, as I’ve never really said this much about myself on this subject!
adam,hi hon. My name is Ragina. I just wanted to comment on your situation. Sounds to me like you need to have your co-worker friend as your girlfriend if she’s the one that supports you as a complete person. My wife supports me as a crossdresser and I love her so much more for it. Examine your relationships, and I really think that you’ll see it too. Hope you make the right choice for your lifemate. Good luck and God bless.
Why do I crossdress? Hmmmm I love this question. I use to ask myself this same question and sometimes would pose the question “why me”? As an adult, I have come to terms with the fact that I am a crossdresser and I love this part of me so much that I am so glad that I am a crossdresser. Like many of you, I too, have felt guilt, shame, and I have purged my femme attire and clothes a few times but never again will I do that. $$$ I have discovered the possible reason why I began crossdressing at such a young age of about 5 years young. I remember my mother used to make me wear those rubber pants [panties] over my cloth diapers so that if I wet the bed that the rubber panties would prevent my bed sheets from getting wet too. I remember the wonderful feeling of the elastic leg bands hugging my legs similar to young girls panties and some adult womens style of panties. I also remember the different colors she had me wear as well. Green, purple, yellow, etc.. but no pink ones
.. lol… so my first experience with girls clothes thereafter was my new found pleasure of wearing freshly washed panties from our laundry room in our basement. I have 4 sisters and 2 were older than me and 2 were younger than me. I used to wear them long before I was sexually active and I eventually found my way to try on a bra for the first time too. Oh what a feeling that was. As a teen, I eventually began dressing up in total feminine attire with wig, makeup, etc… I am 47 years young now and I love crossdressing more than ever before.
I have told every woman in my past that I have dated and also I have told my ex-wife before we got married that I was a crossdresser. I always tell a woman upfront and leave no room for any surprises. Honesty has blessed me with the ability to be able to crossdress with my girlfriends or wives awareness and approval to some degree or another so I woulnt have to hide it. I love to come out to other GG women at any opportunity possible.
Now back to why I crossdress still after more than 35 years of doing so. I love to express my feminine side to myself and to others. I have been blessed with some wonderful GG women as friends that allow me to be in their presence while I am dressed and they treat me like one of the girls so to speak. GG women tend to enjoy asking me questions about my crossdressing “hobby” and I love to talk about it with them as they are very much into sharing their perspectives on the wonders of being a woman and to be able to express their femininity as well. I love the feeling of the clothes and the styles and the many many choices of clothing and accessories. I am content being a man but I sometimes wish I was a woman although I have never considered SRS Surgery, hormone therapy, or transitioning.
Crossdressing makes me feel a sense of bliss and completeness as a person as well. I know many women complain about wearing a bra or heels all day but If I could, I would wear a bra 24/7 and I always wear panties under my mens clothing. I am 6′ tall and 210 lbs as a man and Im in shape and carry my weight very well with an athletic build. I do dress up well enough to go out in public which I do periodically although I am not all that passable with my height and weight factors considering I wear 3 inch heels most of the time. I have been told that I look very nice when dressed en femme as well as I have very effeminite mannerisms and postures when I am dressed up and actively out and about while dressed en femme therefore I have confidence and poise when I do go out in public en femme.
I also crossdress as a pleasurable sense of self gratification, comfort, bliss, and also for a sense of sexual arousal when I want it to be that way too.
Maybe I should have just made a list of 100 one line reasons why I crossdress because as I am writing this reply to my most favorite question in the world that anyone could ask me, I am seeminly writing a forward introduction to a book ..lol..so I will end my reply here. I hoped this has been informative and not TMI and that maybe it has allowed other CD’s or wives and girlfriends of other CD’s to either relate or to have becomed enlightened.
Crossdressing is harmless behavior to myself and to many of those who also crossdress. It is a natural high which no drug can ever compete with. Ok.. I’ll stop now.. It must be the woman in me that wants to keep writing and talking. Remember this too…”if it feels good, wear it! ”
~hugs~
Hannah
Well said Hannah! You are blessed to have such wonderful girl friends. What wonderful encouragement to other CDs to get out there, even if they don’t pass all the time. The truth is, very few of us will pass all the time.
Hugs,
Vanessa
I like her attitude. I am of the same mentality when telling. If the girl runs scared of my crossdressing, she’d better be running before the vows, not after.
Susan Veronica Miller
The main reason is alot of women’s clothing is comfortable. Second is I love the feminine feeling that crossdressing gives me. Like Hanna I probably could come up with 100 reasons on why I crossdress. If it is comfortable why nit wear it?
I’d like to gently respond to Sarah’s post from August 27th..
Dear Sarah,
I can relate to your fiance in a way that he has fear of telling you just as the majority of crossdressers have initial fears of being discovered, caught in the act, or coming out to family and loved ones. We all know that crossdressing is still not as socially acceptable in American society as is being gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Transgendered persons including crossdressers are the minority in the alternative lifestyle community.
In regards to him giving up or stopping crossdressing, in my opinion, I truly doubt he will be able to do that even if he tries. So many CD’s have tried to quit and to purge their feminine clothing and have experienced guilt and shame and other adverse emotions during their lifetimes which is rather normal im my opinion. He may be saying these things our of fear and guilt and to also hold onto you and not lose you but you can help him find peace if you are willing.
I think there is nothing more pleasant and wonderful to a heterosexual crossdresser, even more than the crossdressing in itself, is to have a special woman in their life that they can share their feminine self with. And this also may apply to the many bisexual and homosexual crossdressers too. A crossdresser typically wants to be accepted by other woman as one of the girls. This is a feeling of bliss to a crossdresser. To be amongst GG women [GG = genetic girls] and be accepted and loved is prime gratfication for us.
I have always loved telling every girlfriend I had that I was a crossdresser and my wife before I got married to her. I am divorced but it had nothing to do with my love of crossdressing. My current girlfriend knows I am a crossdresser and she takes part in it with pleasure as there is a lot of potential of a lot of fun for GG women to have with a crossdresser and likewise the crossdresser is typically elated with joy to have their girlfriend or wife share in this behavior. Many women report in surveys that their relationships and marriages to crossdressers have enhanced the relationship or marriage greatly. A crossdressing husband or boyfriend can relate to women on feminine issues and femininity in general.
I have been privileged to be able to share my love of crossdressing and admiration of femininity with my female friends and girlfriends due to my honesty with women about this part of me. As a man, one would never know I am a crossdresser because I keep my masculinity in balance with my femininity. I personally dont let crossdressing dominate my relationship with a woman. There is a time for me to be a man which I am and I am happy with that part of me that I was born as a man and then there is a time where I can let loose and be the woman I enjoy being and I can act out my femininity as that is a part of me too.
I hope that you and your fiance keep talking and communicating on this matter and if you feel you can give him a chance to be “her”, then give it a try before you get married and always be honest in your feelings about any issue and anything in general as he should be that way with you. I hope you understand why he was hiding it from you but now that you know about it, ask him to be open and honest and to tell you how he really feels now that you know. Again, I doubt he or most crossdressers can just quit and walk away from it and never again partake in something that he really likes and that is not harmful to himself or to anyone he loves unless he continues to be dishonest and concealing.
Crossdressing is not like alcoholism, drug addiction, or other criminal activities although it can be addicting and hard to stop.. lol…
Feel free to keep this dialogue open if you want to continue to talk about it. Sorry Vanessa, I hope Im not stepping out of line but I love to talk about these issues and I presume this an open forum dear.
~hugs~ Hannah
Hannah, bless you dear. Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply, you’re definitely not stepping out of line. It’s so wonderful when readers share their hope and encouragement with others – especially when it’s done with as much care you as you shared.
first i wanted to thank you so much for your site and the service that you are giving to the crossdressing comunity, i just wanted to add to your question on why do men crossdress/ for my self i started at 12yo and never realized that i had such a want or need to dress. I was transformed at a halloween party being dressed as a little girl , i thoght that i was mad at first but found i was very turned on by the reaction of the guys and the girls , i was addicted. i have dressed ever since , it contributed to devoirce and broken relation ships . but i still dojnt want to stop nor could i. I love to dress and play with friends and i allowyself to be more expermenting , sexully when dressed. I also love to actas a fem sissy and dont want any masculain responceability i just want to be used anf live as a submissive gurl . thanks again penny
why do males crossdress i do belive i just might have an real answere and solution!
it is something that an old moutain climber once said i think
and that is simple this because it is there!
that’s why i want to go and do tis fair enough!:*
I started dressing as a girl when I was five years old ! It felt normal for me to dress that way. I started doing it on my own ,when I was left in the house ,while everyone else was working around the house . As I got bigger ,, I was able to wear my mothers clothes seing I was about te same size as her. When I started,I wasn’t like most crossdressers ,I dressed completly likeagirl ,with the lace panties, bra (at first un-stuffed),stockings or tights ,slip if needed and heels ! My mother only wore heels that had one to three inch heels. She never caught me dressed in her clothes because I always did it cautiously. When I hit my early teens, I was a little dissapointed that my breasts did not grow. My siter had a nice chat with me about it,but never spoke a word to our parents about it.As far as girlfriends, I never had any sexual desires towards them as other boys my age. This went on this way until I gotout of school ! I have hada few relationships,but they all ended for different reasons ,noneofwhich had anyting to do with my crossdressing desires. Nobody outside of my sister had known about it,and that was the way we kept it. When I was in my twenties,I went out on a blinddate with a 35 year old good looking young woman. I ended up moving in with her ! Things were going good.The first time sehad seen me without any clothes,she had toldme that I had beautiful feminine legs that any woman wouyld die for !I could feel my face get hot,and at the same time, I felt good that she noticed ! It was about two months before Halloween and she told me that wehould go to it. I told her thatI didn’t have a costume ,and that is when she for me not to worry ,because she would take care of it. She finaly told mewhat shehad planned. She wanted to dress me up as a Hooker ! I asked her what she was going to be,and he told me she was going to go as my pimp ! At first ,I didn’t want to let on that I was excited to do it,so I dragged it out a couple of days ,then I gave in ! The first thing that she wanted to do was to take me shopping in one of her favorite stores-Fashion Bug . She ended up picking out a very sexy black above the knee misses medium dress. Next she picked out a long curly black wig that went past my shoulders . Next we hit the make-up section where she got all the make up she needed and also a pair of long eyelashes. The first thing that she had me do we got home ,was to take a bath with her perfumed soap ,and to shave all my body hair except for my head. When I got dried off,she handed me apair of her panties,and a pink bath-robe to put on. I never questioned anything she wanted me to do. Next she had me sit at her vanity table ,that is where she told me that when she was done I wouldn’t recognize myself. When she was done with my make-up ,she kept me away rom the mirror ,and told me to put a tight back slip on . She said that i would help give me the feminine curves that I would need . The beautiful black dress was next ,followed by the wig,and then big hoop clip on earings ,and then camea pair of black stilettos that had 4 inch heels. My girlfriend was right ! When she had finished her creation,she walked me over to a full length mirror that was in a spare room . I could not believe my eyes ! Standing in front of the mirror was a beautiful woman with a big smile. All of a sudden,I could feels my eyes tart to well up. My girlfriend told me not to worry about my make-up or mascara,because it was waterproof and wouldn’t run ! After I got my composure,se told me she wanted to teach me how to walk ,use feminine gestures,how to tain my voice to sound feminine ,and what to say to any males that tried to hit on me.The day of the party ,I was very nervous because I knew looking the way I did,I ould definitely be hit on ! The party went without a problem, even though during the nigt ,I had ended up dancing with four men. None of tem knew that I was a male nor did they push the issue with my girlfrend my pimp. She did look like she ,I mean he, could be a little mean if provoked ! The next day sh told me shewanted me to start taking vitamins to stop the beginning of male pattern baldness . I agreed and she had went out to get them. I did not know it at the time ,but she put all the pills into a empty beta carotene bottle ,and then gave them to me, and to take one a day.After a month,my skin started getting softer, and my chest was starting to tingle when I woke up and just before going to bed. I didn’t say anything until I started shaving once a week . Usually I would have to shave three times a week ! When I said something to her my nipples were gtting very sensitive to touch. I asked her about the pills,and that is when she told me that I had been taking birth control pils.I asked her what was on her mind ,and why she did it ! All she told me was that when we were at the party,I seemed to be much happier and content as a female. We had a long chat,at times it got heated,in the end ,our relationship ended because I could not trust her. Three months after we broke up ,my breasts continued to grow ,even though I stopped taking any and all pills. I started thinking more and more about having larger breasts. I decided to search the internet. I found a site ,and it had pictured testimonials,so I read all the testimonials and decided to give it a try. I took teirproduct for seven months. From the time I had not knowingly taken te birt control pills ,I was 38-32-38 . After the BC pills and the seven months I hadended up with a very feminine 45-29-40 figure. It is hard trying to compact my breasts when I have to go t work ! When I get home ad let hem out,they practically fly out ! Now I find myself shopping at theFashion Bug Store all the time ! Only now,I having strong sexual desires towards men andoral sex ! I now even fantasize about having intercourse as a woman ! My mother now knows about my crossdressing and she was surpized that nothing was ever said to either parent about it. Now she wants me to visit her as my feminine self ! I jst wish that I could have made the transition before I hit my teens ! All the ignorant people that just condemn people like myself, have no clue as to the amount of pain one endures being trapped in the wrong body and not being able to dress to fit the part ! That is the reason for a lot of suicides !
Wonderful story Suzzanna, you are blessed to find such a supportive and understanding woman
Why do I crossdress?
I am 51 years old and have been crossdressing in some form since i was a young boy. My earliest memory was around age 4 or 5 when I would take my sisters panties and wear them. No one ever told me that I shouldn’t, so I did it often. As I got older it just seemed normal to me to wear panties. Now at age 51, I only own panties, no male underware at all.
I am single. Have not been able to meet a woman that will accept my at home lifestyle. I do not go out in public dressed as a woman, but generally speaking always dress in female attire when at home. I only sleep in pretty and sometimes sexy nighty’s, and nearly always wear stockings (thigh highs, not pantyhose).
I do it becuase it makes me feel like I am expressing all of who I am. In other words, when I am away from my home I am expressing my male identity. When I am at home I am expressing my female identity. I get to be all of who I am every day.
A few years ago I did try to stop, but found only that I was incredibly unhappy. Once I started again, I was once again a well adjusted and happy person. A person that was whole and complete.
Will I ever stop again? No. Will I die a single man? Probably. Will I die happy? Definatelyl.
I know that was very little help, but that is my answer. I do it because it is who I am. Plain and simple.
Good luck to all,
Gary
Hi Gary,
You said it well with ‘it makes me feel like I am expressing all of who I am’. Don’t condemn yourself to a lifetime of solitude just yet though. There are many crossdressers who have found loving, understanding woman. Take a read through some of the crossdressing success stories on the site for some encouragement. They always pick me up.
Hi all,
My womanly name is Kat or short for Katherine.
I started crossdressing when I was about 12 years old. I would try on my mother’s clothes dressing fully like a woman. It felt so good the feeling of women’s clothes and hose on my body. I felt so free and sexy. As I got older I would feel the need to dress up to relieve stress. I found a woman that I dated for a few years that was very understanding, she would even buy clothes for me and help me dress up to go out on the town for girl’s night out. After we broke up for reasons I would rather not discuss, I stopped dressing up as much I only did it in the privacy of my own home with no one else around. I am married now and my wife would not understand, heck she would probably throw me out of the house. But, I was fortunate to find a woman whom I love dearly that my wife does not know about. She and I have dressed up each other and have gone out on the town once again. I feel so free with her because she is so understanding and let’s me be me.
How do I break out and tell my wife about my habits and why I do them? I will never stop crossdressing but as long as I am married to her I have to do it in private when she is not around. I want her to understand as much as this new woman in my life does but I don’t know how to tell her. I may end up leaving her in the long term and finally marrying the woman of my dreams who understands me and let’s me be the woman that is trapped inside of my body.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks girls and have a nice, girly day out on the town for me.
Kat
Kevin – (Kat) , I think that you should tell your wife about how serious crossdressing is to you ! It isn’t advisable to keep it from loved ones ! You migh think that you are sparing them from all kinds of embarrasment , when in fact you are creating more ! If your wife doesn’t understand , or is one that will not listen ,you can expect the worst with your marriage ! I advise against telling her about another woman helping you dress as a woman ! Your wife could say that you are having an affair ,and that would not look good for you ,especially if you want her to believe that you still love her ! Don’t wait too long to tell her , the longer you wait ,the harder it will be for her to believe you ! I wish you luck . Keep in touch “Kat” !
Thanks for the reply.
I still don’t know if I want to tell my wife or not about my secret life. She would not understand. My marriage is shaky now and if I tell her, it will surely end it. She will not know about the other woman though until the time is right.
Thanks for the help though.
Best of luck hon. Timing is an important part of disclosure. Don’t rush into telling her, but don’t put it off forever either. I hope it works out well for you.
I guess I didn’t read the part about the other women. How does this
other women feel about your cross dressing?
Lisa,
The other woman is all for me dressing up. She even goes as far as helping me pick out clothes to wear and even helping me dress up. She wants me to be myself and she fully understands my reason for dressing up. Whether I am dressed up or not she even calls me Kat. She is so understanding and maybe that is why I love her so much.
Kat
kev
I have a friend who is a crossdresser. I am a very open minded person
and love my friend no matter what. He was married for 19 yrs and the
secret broke up his marriage. I ask told him I would talk to his wife to make her understand a little but he said it is no use. He said she went
to talk to someone and they told him he was mentally sick. I disagree
its is in the normal range. Their is nothing wrong with you. So
what I am telling you is if she is not open minded I don’t think
I would tell her.
Lisa,
My marriage is already shaky as it is and I know that this will break it up for good. I have decided not to tell her and I will keep this secret to myself unless I am around my other woman who fully understands and encourages me to dress up and go out.
Thanks for the comment.
Kat
i have some questions about my boyfriend and i am writing this hoping that someone could give me some insight. We have been together about a year, and he told me a few months ago that he wanted me to dress him up. That came as a shock to me since I have never known any men like that. Recently, he has started wanting me to dress him more often. I dress him in my lingerie, thongs, and occasionally my skirts and shirts. Also, he has started wearing my panties for more than sexual fantasies. I thought it was just a sexual thing for him, but I can see now that it isnt. He wears them doing yard work, the store, work, etc. I would never leave him over this because I love him deeply, but I would like a better understanding of why he likes these things. I have asked him, but he says i am over analyzing it. I know he loves women, but occasionally has male fantasies. He trusts me with this information and things about himself so I dont want to break that trust. I do need answers because it is upsetting me not to understand the man I love.
My wife and I went through the very same thing. For many of us it is a realease from the constraints of our everyday life, I know that it icertainly that way for me and that I can not speak for your boyfriend. If it gets to a point where he can’t live without being dressed up it could create a level of resentment.But I have crossdressed since I was 10 and have never taken it any further that just dressing up on occasion. That’s enough for me and my wife understands that. Danger hits when fantasy becomes reality for people. Try asking him how far he wants to take it and see if you are able to handle the answer. I love women and everything about them, I don’t want to be one though, I like being a man. But your choices for clothes are just so much more interesting. Hope this helps a little bit.
Sabrina , maybe you might as your boyfriend is telling you that you could be possibly reading more into it ! He might be one that loves the feel of them on his body ! If that is the case ,he will like wearing them when ever he can. How does he react around any of your girlfriends ? Does he want to dress after seeing another girl or young woman ? It just might be a fetish ,if that is the case ,all you would have to worry about is if he stays your size !
Sabrina first your your boy friend is very lucky to have found some one as special as you it is very unfortunate for us cds but we are thought of a sfreaks it many circles. i dont believe that youhave any thing to worry about we all love to dress and play as fem side needs to live. Speeking for my self I can only dream about ho woderful it would be to dress with my wife or girl friends help. I and i am sure most other dressers have avery strong attraction to a fem self under their male prosonia, but we all still are truely men and most donot wish to be transexuale which is something a little differant . But I hope yoy two continue with your special relationship and know that there are others that would love to be in one similar Love ya Penny
Hello I’m a 53 year old Lady who has an interest in BDSM as a Domme. If your really interested I am a CD or whatever you call me.
Dressing isn’t sexual for me but a pleasure of being myself. Once dressed there is no remorse but pleasure. I feel free and comtent to be Maeve.
I found one of my dear friends via Alt and five years later the friendship is still there. Another I met through Calgary Girl friends andf it would seem I was the explosive to bring her fully out. Clubs movies. dinning out confidence soaring we were on the loose.
i
Muave , I have been crossdressing for about 40 years ,and I find it hard to get up the nerve to go out during the day. I think that my main concern would be my make-up ! I have worked all my life to make sure that I had the feminine shape ,but I never had anyone or a computer to teach me what I needed , and how to apply it correctly . Right now ,my measurements are 43-30-40 and I am wearing misses sizes . If someone were to come up from behind me , they would think I was a female especially wearing 4 inch heels !
Oh Mauve, i only wish hat i lived near you becaause you would definatly have a new sub friend to play with , it is so wonderful to hear that there are people that understand dressing and the joys that we all can ahave hope to hear more from you and other gurls like us love penny
I have been reading several of the comments fellow CDers have made. Especially important to me is the parts where the wife/girl friend either knows or don’t know and their reactions to it. AS I have not written for awhile, I have mentioned that my wife does not approve and has said so. Unfortunately, my wife wont even open up to talke about it. If I even start to make any remark about crossdressers or crossdressing, she gives me ‘a look’ . Bottom line! MY wife will not accept anything that even hints of crossdressing, especially on my part.
She wont consider any type of limitations or negotiations in this matter. MY youngest son who is 29, was going to dress as a girl for holloween but was cut short when my wife said something about him looking gay. My perception is that as far as my wife is concerned, I best not be anything other than pure male, in mind, in spirit and and in body. this includes dress. Fatigues (Army) is ok for wear, blue jeans and cowboy boots are ok. but oh woe for me or my son if we even think about wearing a pair of panties, much less a skirt, even for holloween. So. for those of you who can at least talk to your wife/girl friend about crossdressing, I envy you and if your wife/girl friend accepts and/or understands? Hallalua!! And more power to all of you.
I dress in secret of course. Under my clothes. at work. still do. she thinks I may be dressing? but isn’t sure. So at least for now, things are at least on a even keel at home. But if she finds out for sure, that I still am dressing even after I told her I am not. OH OH! I hate being deceiving and detest lieing , but she has not given any other alternative. I have tried to stop! purged on several occassions through out the past several years but like the majority of Crossdressers , I can’t stop dressing, I enjoy the sense of comfort and naturalness it gives, not to mention a peace of mind. The ONLY options I will get from her is that either she will sleep in the spare room or divorce. so much for understanding. Ihave told her severao times in the past that my dressing is no threat to our marriage or her, that I am neither gay or have a desire to change anything. But all I got was “you are probably gay and dont know it!
yes and isn’t it still a real pity that something so very harmless is yet so misunderstood!
and yet for women it is still alright foe them to do the very same thing that mean want to do!
they can and do get to dress in both male and female clothing and right now even right down to wearing ties biut let a male put on slips skirts dresses and he is stil so labled a pervert or wrose he is gay or something not that there is naything wrong with thta either but most of us who are transgnered crossdressers are not gay and that very word used to mean something esle entierly!
I we still wonder just what si so all fired strange about mlaes in girls clothing it is far better for males t so allowed to be in loose clthing then to continually be stuck in pants jeans slacks and all that is so very confineing to the whole of male anotomy i say we just go right out and tske it ater all if and when we really did want to we could very well do so wone did so quite some time ago and they have never really ever looked back!
so tel me why have men not done the same i for one fail to see why it is not the very norm by now what are we waitng for i mean really it is a real pity ah well!
i started wearing womens things when i was young like most started, i would say to myself i was never going to do it agin and burn everything and then lateron get more and do it agin.i woundnt admit to my self what i did, when someone pointed out another guy who crossdressed or wore panties i thought they should be murdered ,not admiting to myself ther no diferant than me, then my wife got me to wear her pajamas and her panties,she liked it what a wonderful wife, but she died and i tried everything to stop did ok for a couple months at a time but then i was online looking at the women on the vs website the next thing i know i was looking at the panties,then they sent me a preaprovle for an angel card i cliked on it to see what it was it disaperd a week later i got a pink envelope in the mail i opend it up and couldnt belive it they made me an angel i couldnt resist it i bought some panties a couple months later i tried to stop burned everything serioly cocitered suiside made an apointment with a shrink she said thers nothing wrong with it its very common and the people that have a problem with it are biggots so that helped a lot and i been wearing panties almost every day now for over six months , but somtimes i still have a hard time deling with it and consider suiside i wish my wife were still here because then i had support i loved her very very much the most wonderful woman god ever created. it took almost 50 years to figuar this out.
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