Girl friends and wives want to know.
Why do men cross dress?
Why does my husband cross dress?
How can I make him stop cross dressing?
The unfortunate truth, is that there is no simple, one line answer to these questions. If there were, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article, and the debates on this topic would be silent.
In my personal experience, the fascination with woman’s clothes started when I was very young. I must have been about four years old, and I remember going to great lengths to procure and then wear my mom’s nightie. My most vivid memory is as a teenager, nervously buying a pair of pantyhose from a local supermarket and then wearing them home under my pants.
I felt (and still feel) a need to wear woman’s clothes, and I can’t quite explain where it comes from. The media like to think of cross dressing as a sexual perversion, and so naturally they see the desire to cross dress and purely for sexual gratification. The problem with this theory is that when I (and many others) first felt the desire to cross dress I didn’t know what sex was.
Many cross dressers I’ve asked describe the need as ‘feeling more comfortable wearing woman’s clothes’. This is sometimes (but not always) coupled with the desire to be seen as a woman. To not just dress like a woman, but behave like one as well, to wear make-up and otherwise pass as a woman. There are others who cross dress for sexual excitement. The need to cross dress is indeed a spectrum.
That still doesn’t answer the question why do men cross dress?
Marcy proposes a few interesting answers to this questions.
One argument is that transvestism of cross-dressing is a way of offering a challenge to society’s preconceptions about gender. Some men cross-dress because they are unhappy at being men. Others didn’t mind the male state, but also like to put on women’s clothes occasionally. Some men cross-dress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women’s clothes gives them.
Yet the true reason why men cross dress remains somewhat of a mystery. It is intensely personal, often confusing and sometimes guilt ridden. I’m hopeful that as society grows more tolerant of diverse gender expression we will see more cross dressers and transgendered stepping forward to share their stories. Without the need to justify their behavior, and no longer shamed by society perhaps we will be better able to answer this baffling question.
Comment and let me know, I would love to hear- why do you cross dress?
Well,…..uhm…..what can say…
First, I want to thank everyone on here for their openness and honesty-I’ve read through almost all the comments and this has been so helpful.
Over the past 6 months I’ve noticed my boyfriend of almost 2 years wearing women’s panties and panty hose, thigh highs, etc. The first time I discovered it I had done laundry and was putting stuff away in his underwear drawer. My first inclination was not that he was wearing the thongs I saw, but rather that they belonged to another women. Once I figured out they were in fact his, I was actually relieved but have since become confused. I want to understand for him but he doesn’t talk to me about it. He will wear the womens thongs and thigh highs, etc around me and to bed, but has never spoken to me about it. Then over this past weekend I was in the study cleaning and accidentally happened upon an entire cabinet filled with women’s clothing, high heels and lingerie. I came online looking for an explanation. I don’t know a lot about any of this and just was looking for some answers and hoping to find reassurance that he wasn’t gay and going to leave me, I didn’t want to overreact although I did have a minor panic attack. Reading this has helped me immensely. It also has shed some light on comments he’s made to me recently when we’ve been speaking about our future that I should not want to spend my life with him, but he “will wait a little longer to tell me why because he’s not ready for us to be over”
Now though, I need some advice on how to approach him about it. He doesn’t know that I’ve found everything. I want to be supportive and I really do want to understand (I am really trying for him), but I don’t know how to start the conversation without upsetting him. Any advice or thoughts? I love him very much and want it to be a constructive, non threatening and supportive conversation so he knows I’m there for him and not going to run away.
Thanks!
It is really hard to give acvise on such a situation Emily. I think most would say let him come to you when he is ready. On the other hand he does need to know how much you love him even though he is dressing. You obviously don’t know if he is a crossdresser or transexual. Not really does need to be discussed. One suggestion is to take the items of clothing that you found and put them in the front room with a note that says I don’t love you any less. I have found that an open line of communication is the best policy. One thing you have to understand is that this is a deeply personal thing for us and telling our partners is not easy. Especially when a very large percentage of women just walk away and make our lives very difficult when they find out. If you truely want to understand, you will have to listen very careful to what he tells you and know that none of us really know why we are who we are. The best scientist only have theories. Remember that you fell in love with the person he is and that really doesn’t change. I hope you see what I mean. I am here to talk with you if you so desire.
Sincerely Cheryl
thanks for being suportive as hard as it is to wait if u still want to be with him think about shopping with him for girls closes that will be an enjoyment for both next time in a store take him there and hold it up to him and ask how u like it find one in his sixe that should break the ice
Well Emily,here is my view on this.Im a guy.I think why alot of guys like to wear female clothing is because well,….we all started out as a female,and i think some of the female brain chemistry is left behind a little.Im not a doc,but its logical to me.And if you read some of the things ive said here then cool.What i would do sometime Emily,when the both of you go shopping,go to a mall.Tell him you want to stop in at Victoria’s Secrets for a minute.He will more than happy to go there with you.(just a FYI,he can get a thong made for men.I get mine custom made to the way i want it to fit at a great price)Look around for awhile with him.Then tell him you want his opinion on a few.Then ask him “which one would he wear if he was had to decide”.Then you say,”ok,i will get this one and you can get one in the size that fits you”…But like i say,i get mine made to fit the way a thong should fit a guy AND have a female design about them.I support him 100%. Why cant a guy feel sexy about his self without bringing the homophobe issue about.But i think thats the best way to do it.It would werk for me if i was in his spot.Once you 2 get this issue out,think about how funny it would be to go VS and shop together ! maybe he could get a Teddy or a Camisole or what ever and you both could match ! Thats the cool part of it all.! Best of luck to ya Emily
Blake
Blake, your guy is a lucky to have someone so playful and understanding!
Just one quick note i forgot,when i hear the word “crossdressers”
it sounds a big degrading to me…dress as you feel people !
WOW ok i did it kind of anyway lol my GF and i went for a ride in the car to make a house payment and i was dressed for the first time outside the house and then the next day i was in the back yard in a skirt… sure felt good on the legs the wind blowing and all i felt free for the first time in a long time but still was worried id be seen by neighbors… but for the short time i was outside i felt soooo good… now i have a problem tho….i want to do it more i want to go for a walk in the park or something where its not so private but still kind of private i want to go for a ride in the car in the clothing i feel free in … is this something that will pass now that i have made that lil step out of my house or is this something that will become worse??? yes im more confused that i have ever been in my life and i dont know how to take these feelings. She is kind of cool with it but yet is afraid some1 will notice either her or i and will put 2 and 2 together which could be kind of bad for people to find out as NO 1 knows about my need to dress as a woman when ever i get the chance… hope some1 out here has some answers or advice
Congratulations on your brave step sweetie!
ty very much for this site as it has helped me answer so many inner questions i have had about myself for as long as i can remember … i wish i would found this place sooner… (wish i had looked)
Todd,just wear you skirt and carry on with life as normal as if you were in shorts or jeans.Just do it.99% of females like to see a guy in a skirt.Just last week i had a 14 yr old school girl told me “I really like you outfit” i then said THX
So I typed “Why Do I Cross dress” into google and POOF I was here. Although the article was a good warm up the comments have been terrific for me! Thank you so much! My story begins like most others. I am 35 years old, love woman, and enjoy toys.
I started cross dressing around 10 years old when I would visit my grandmother for the summers, However it started with make up. Grandma was a make up queen, tons of it so I played with it before i would shower. One time she had a pair of stockings hanging on the door, so I did up my make up and put them on. Thats my first memories of it and after i stopped my trips there around 15 or so that was the end of it for many years.
In my twenties there was the rare buy a pair of hosiery or steal a girlfriends pair of boy shorts. I did have a girlfriend dress me up for Halloween one year, that was really fun and reignited my passion with it. I did not share it with anyone of course and by the end of my 20′s i found myself always with a pair of panties or hosiery and questioning my sexuality. Around 32 I started ordering clothes and makeup online and dressing in my home. Dresses, form fitting items, and such. It was safe so I really started to have some fun but still did not understand it and stayed away from relationships. Unfortunately my life took a turn downward and I was forced to move back home with my family and yet again stifle my desires. I wound up losing 90% of my wardrobe as I was afraid to bring them home.
Its 3 years later and unfortunately I am still back home but my desires have erupted full force! I recently met a Transgender named Jessica online, we talked for hours and I told her everything I am telling you in hopes to gain more insight. We set up a play date where she did my make up and dressed my and provided me with something I always wanted, a Wig. OMG – that let the beast out. The next day i went to the local party store, bought a wig, forms, and a sports bra, went to the dollar store and picked up make up, already had some clothes from online. That was 3 weeks ago. Since then I have fully dressed half a dozen times and even went out in public briefly…..It was so exhilarating! Still not knowing why or what it means, i found myself here tonight and here is my answer.
Why do I cross dress? To feel sexy, clothing is more comfortable, so many different options, sexual thrills, and most importantly… Because I Want To!
You all have done so much for me and have helped me understand and I really think i can now get on with the sexual life. My goal is to reveal it in my relationships early on, so not to waste time as I have already wasted so much.
As for you ladies who are here to figure out how to handle your situation, I agree with Buy him an outfit, get him in the shower, and when he gets out, tell him put these on (bra and panties or hosiery depends on what you found) sit his ass on the toilet or bed and start doing his make up…..Then show him the outfit you bought him. Then my dearies, come here the next day and tell us all about it.
Cheryl – I really took your advice to heart and thank you for continuously keeping up on this page. I hope this story helps someone they way all yours helped me.
-Melissa/Michael
You are most welcome Mellisa. I am glad that you found something in my words that was helpful.
Hugs Cheryl
Hello again to all,
I really think we should be asking THIS question instead > “Why Do WOMEN Cross dress” ? Because look what alot of them wear and styles that are after mens. For example…Boy shorts undies for women with a fly were modeled after what gender ?………..oh yea,…MALE.I see alot of females wearing guy jeans and dress shirt,or his sport coat,you name it.So then why cant a male do what the females do in reverse ? It goes to show ya that the equal rights movement was only for women,the men were not included,female actually have more rights than males today.
95% of the females that talk to about this,of many age’s
love what i wear.Just recently,i was coming out of my grocery store,there were 3 females going into the store,at the same time,one yelled back to me after we already past each outer,”Hey,i really like your outfit”i then said to her, “Thanks” then she said “you are welcome,you look so cool” that sure put a smile on my face.So can you guess the age of this female that said this ? Well,she was in the age range of 13-17….she could of easly said a derogatory comment,but she didnt.So this goes to show ya,and prove what i believe.But i know,not ALL females like a guy in a skirt,and i understand that.There’s always an exception for every rule.For me to wear a skirt is like putting on socks,dont give it much thought.It feels totally natural to me to be in a skirt.And i wear one everyday.
Blake
Emily: Speaking from the guys point of view, When my wife found out she was totally supportive. What she did do was took me into the bedroom and put on her own lingerie. She then took out an oufit that she wantedme to wear. She told me that she found me totally sexy in it and wanted to see me in it more often. By doing this and accepting me for it, she alleviated all my fears. She knows I am still a Man but I enjoy the feel and comfort of womens lingerie. We have an incedible sex life and she normally makes me have sex in an outfit. She even goes so far as taking me to lingerie stores and buys me things she wants to see me in.
I think the idea of clothes itself should reflect a strict catalog of male and female’s belongings is totally wrong. Think about a world with all the garments together with no catalogues, no sexual reference, no fashion preferences, then, the word ” cross dressing” just suddenly disappeared. I like the idea of male and female should wear something different, but not strict necessarilly in need.
I was born as the only son of my family. When I was 8 or something, I had a fresh idea, “Well, being boys for quite a while, seems like not very dramatic for me any more,( I always like to try something different that I am interested) why not try to be a little girly, and see what happens…This idea started with wearing my mum’s pantyhose, and this was the rabbit hole I fell in.
My dad is a quite manly man, and had a ton of his manly dreams waiting for me to achieve for him, and of course, including being a man which the society “wants” us to be. Surely he didn’t want to know I had this “dirty little secrets”. My mum is a very stylish lady and aware of my cross dressing interests, but she did not accept it at all, and purged these strong desires I had without negotiation. So I stopped for a little bit due to the pressure the family had put on me, but later on, found the little Alice inside of me constantly urged me to re-visit her wonderland no matter what.
My parents found I could not stop cross dressing, so they did a great favour to me, they bore me doing it WITHOUT understanding which I thank them forever. I knew it is not easy for them, too. They are living in a so social defined roles environment and has nothing in common with my wonderland.
While life goes on, I can’t lie how much I did suffer about the difference I had than the other boys at my age. I kept asking myself why the little Alice could not leave me alone and I could go back to be the boy I used to be completely until I realized all these theories I wanted back were wrong.
I spent almost all of my teen time trying to find a cure till I understood there was no cure, because the little Alice herself is the cure, and she deserves to be treated fairly and lived happily as much as my male sides which marked me physically since I was born.
Luckily, I realized this important message from the god during my teen time of my life. I immediately embraced her fantasists, choosing to be a fashion designer myself as the gift I shall give to her. With no surprise, it was exact where she belongs to. She helped being a beauty queen as I always love to, and stayed away from loneliness while having day time dreams in my wonderland. Her sophisticate fashion taste brought me a luxury kingdom to my home and still constantly added on new arrivals to my shopping list. She’d always being sweet and sometimes amazes me with those gorgeous fashion inspirations that stunning all of us, including my girlfriend along with the girls around me. While, my male part still helped me being the cool guy I’d love to be. Full of humorous that entertain someone I really love. And always stay by my side, be the man whenever I need him along with the self-confidence and strength while even experiencing the darkest time of my life.
When a cross dresser came to a woman he loves, he will ALWAYS love her as a man, he does not love her because he wants be a girl like her.
Love and interests are 2 different type of loves, they are with a person of his life time, so does cross dressing. It has not much difference than you can love your sister meanwhile love your Princess Right.
Clothes itself does not reflects personal sexual orientation. This true fact reminds me of some experiences I had when I was travelling around the world.
I had guys approaching to me several times, and none of these cases happened while I was crossing dressing. And I don’t wear wig or make up, I just enjoy the comforts the garments bringing to me whatever the forms they are. I had reaction from these guys while telling them I am not homosexual. They say ” I am so pretty”, usually. Being honestly, I don’t feel a thing, whatever you think. I enjoy myself, nothing to do with the others tho.
I was confused why I attract both male and female far far beyond why I do X dressing. Maybe the alice inside constantly casts magic that confusing people around me? lol I don’t know, I am willing to find out.
Just as many of us mentioned before, we might be drown of being pretty, but it does not change our sexual orientation. We loving girls just as much as the rest of guys do.
Women are most wonderful thing to enjoy in this planet, no wonder why it is so lucky to be a heterosexual boy…
P.S I have being out at daytime wearing whatever I would love to wear, no upsetting comments at all around here, it is fine for guys to wear something girly, puting your make up on, being stylish etc. A lot of guys here do it too
And some girls really love it as well, seems like Tokyo is a great place for who we are!!