Hi everyone, I haven’t been a member or even a dresser for very long, but in three months I think I’ve advanced significantly. That’s been with a lot of help from the angels here on CDH. I want to share my story from the very beginning.
My first experience with dressings was 19 years ago when I was 12. I had the smaller room. When my sister moved out I got the bigger one for time. She left her bridesmaid dress hanging on the side of my wardrobe. It was purple and satin as far I can remember. After weeks of it looking at me I couldn’t resist it anymore, so whilst no one was in I tried it on with a pair of heels I found somewhere. I felt glorious, clicking and clacking around the house. I didn’t dress again for 17 years but it was I always remembered how that dress made me feel.
Back then, I never developed confidence. I didn’t have a proper job until I was 25. I was a cook in a popular fast food chain. The job forced me to fake confidence, and I ended up developing an overconfident persona. He’s loud, swears far too much, a windup merchant and loses his temper. At home he’s lazy, loves to cook but doesn’t very often and is sarcastic.
At 27 and tired of being lonely, I utilized online dating and met Leanne (pseudonym). We had a 10 month relationship, which was amazing at first. I experienced intimacy for the first time and learned how to be in a relationship with a woman from her. Eventually, I split as her bipolar and anxiety issues caused a need for total control, which I no longer could cope with. After the split we didn’t talk for three months and then we eventually became best friends. With her, I occasionally wore her clothes as a joke. I realise now that it was my femininity escaping. I also transferred to a much nicer store and moved out into my own place. A room in a house of multiple occupancy.
Two years later, I couldn’t contain my femininity any more. Loneliness and depression were pushed those feelings up as they usually did. The COVID-19 outbreak didn’t help. On the day before my 31st birthday, I cracked. I told Leanne that I liked female clothing. She had the usual questions, am I gay?, Do I want to fully transition? I told her no. She gave me one of her dresses. I wore it most of the day until I had to leave.
That night I went to my parents’ house. As soon as I sat down my mum knew something was on my mind. Then 4 hours went by excruciatingly slowly, until everyone except my mum went to bed. I knew I had to tell her how I felt. I broke down doing so. I believe her exact words were “Why the hell didn’t you tell me earlier?” My reply was along the lines of, “I wasn’t ready to accept it.” After I told her, I decided to tell my sister, who is a lesbian. She really didn’t care and ordered me a pencil skirt on the spot.
I decided to tell my proper step-dad. He’d been asking me if I was gay for a couple of years. My mum helped me get the nerve to do so, and she thought he’d be okay with it. I was shaking and the most scared I have ever been. He’s my male role model, an Iranian war veteran and the best man I have ever known. I practiced what I was going to say in the bathroom, got my nerves settled, and told him. Ten minutes later we were joking about it. Everyone asked the usual questions and I answered them.
The next day, my birthday, I sat in the living room exploring my feminine side properly. I chose my first and last name and thought about the type of woman I wanted to be. Trisha Langdon was born. I’m flirty, love to wear the colours red, gold, and black. I also speak my mind. I’m impulsive and generally naughtier. I have changed my surname and gained a middle name. My sister used my debit card and purchased some items for me. I spent that night dressed, being both elated and paranoid that one of my two nieces or little brother would see me.
A couple of weeks later at Leanne wanted to give me a middle name. The name Tisha is close to that of a friend of hers who died in an unfortunate manner. She chose Lilly. It means so much because she gave it to me. We even share clothing these days, though I haven’t seen her in person since Christmas Eve.
I spent time in late November and early December living at my sister’s flat. She is currently at my mum’s due to mental difficulties and doesn’t want to isolate alone. I was able to explore my femininity there. I am planning to move into a house with my sister near my parents. I discovered I was bisexual during this time. I spoke to a gay colleague and used to work in a support hotline for LGBTQ people. He helped me to accepted it.
One early morning at my flat, I got out of the shower, forgetting I had bright red toenails and walked into the kitchen, where my biological dad was. He noticed straight away. Busted!! His exact words were, “what are they?” looking directly at my toes. Trying to keep my composure, but panicking on the Inside, I learned back on the fridge and simply said, “I’ve got something to tell you. I’m a crossdresser.” He took it very well. Much better than I thought he would. I know I’m very lucky to have the family I’ve got. Not long after Manchester went into a high tier lockdown and not seeing the point of living in two places, I moved all my female clothing into my flat.
Recently, I’ve started telling people at work that I dress. I did this over a three week period. The day before I decided to go in dressed for the first time I got Covid symptoms and had to isolate. Covid isn’t fun, it’s given me, (hopefully only temporary) asthma and I’ve had to go on light duties. Since returning to work, most of my shifts I’ve gone in dressed. After my first shift as Trish, I went around Tesco myself. It felt like I was in heaven.
Everyone at work has been wonderful. They aren’t being kind because they have to. The ladies give me advice and compliments. Apparently, I have nicer clothing and physique than many of them. They have taken me under their wings and are actively helping me. People have said they prefer Trish to male me. She’s calmer and apparently more sociable.
What I’ve learned is that maybe society today is a more accepting of crossdressing and transgendered people, or at least in Manchester. My hopes for you are that you can feel free to go out dressed and enjoy it. What’s next for me? An accounting course and finding an SO who’ll accept both sides of me. I spent 19 years in denial and have been dressing for about 90 days. Life is for living and that’s what I plan to do.