Don't frown when you crossdress

I gazed around the room. Every lady was well put together – to an individual her outfit was coordinated and appropriate to her build. Her makeup was subtly and carefully applied. Her hair styled with the love of a salon owner. These ladies had clearly learned how to crossdress, they had avoided the most common crossdressing mistakes and then some.

Yet as I looked at many of these lovely ladies I couldn’t help thinking “man in a dress”. That thought stunned me – these women could all be role models in the crossdressing community. They had cultivated their appearance and would be the envy of any just beginning their crossdressing journey. It also made me pensive – if that thought so quickly entered my mind, and I admired their appearance so, surely I’ll be read even more quickly? In fact, what hope is there for any of us to pass as a woman?

After mulling it over for a few days I finally figured it out – these ladies made 2 crossdressing mistakes. Mistakes we all make.

Crossdressing Deportment School?

Men are relaxed to the extreme. When they sit they spread out, taking as much space as they need to fully relax every body part. When they walk they take up space, and they slouch. Their shoulders stoop over as if finally bending to years carrying the heavy load of masculinity. Woman don’t slouch – woman sit and stand up straight. Watch woman next time you’re out shopping, and compare their posture with the men you see. If you can catch a multi-gendered checkout line the difference will be immediately obvious.

Now “stand up straight” might bring to mind a relative you know who is in the military. There’s nothing feminine about standing to attention as if preparing to salute the president. To get a more feminine posture you need to think “in and up”. Roll your shoulders back and gently drop them. Pull your elbows in and lift your torso up as if you’re  a puppet on a string, with the string coming through the crown of your head. Lean slightly forward and then soften your posture. To make good posture a part of your daily routine I highly recommend taking up yoga – many of the poses will help undo years of bad habits that gives us all the inevitable slumping forward.

The first mistake these lovely ladies made was to slouch.

Life’s Not That Bad, Is It?

It was clear all the ladies were deep in concentration – learning the latest tips on how to present in a more feminine manner. Their brows were furrowed, their lips pressed together in a contemplative frown, and their face pulled down as if they were wrestling with the information presented. It was also clear that this look was working against their desires to pass as a woman. For most men their face “at rest” is in a slight frown, yet most woman have a more radiant, open and uplifted face. This can prove quite a challenge for transgender woman, since most of the time we don’t think about what our face is doing until we express an emotion.

What can we do about our propensity to frown? Find something joyful in every moment, and let your joy show. That’s much more effective than plastering a fake smile on your face – and as a bonus you’ll feel better too 🙂

Do you want to avoid other crossdressing mistakes?

If you want to hone your feminine presentation I highly recommend you purchase the ultimate crossdressing guide. And practice practice practice! You’ve spent years hiding your true self, and it will take time to break through all the masculine walls you’ve built around yourself.

With love and blessings,
Vanessa

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Dedicated to creating a safe, supportive and welcoming environment for everyone in the transgender community.
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  1. Profile photo of Jennifergordon
    Jennifergordon 1 year ago

    Once the panties and nylons go on your body look out! They are going to stay on. It’s a very special feeling and you will be very happy and calm. Enjoy the journey!

  2. Profile photo of Erin
    Erin 1 year ago

    Males and females have an inbuilt tendency to place their arms and hands protectively over their respective gender specific areas. When dressing it’s helpful, I find, to be consciously aware that I ought to be protecting my uterus and breasts before I protect my (slightly more tangible) testicles. Though the “man-spreading” point is important too, I tend to just cross my legs at the knees anyway regardless of how I’m presenting.

  3. Profile photo of Danielle Marie 'Dani' or 'Cricket'

    I was out on a hetero date the other evening. I am on a couple dating sites as a male. My date and I were seated outside on the walk in our local downtown plaza area, at a well respected Cantina, Roberto’s. Anyway, while we were chatting away, I noticed a very tall gal in nondescript clothing coming our way. Immediately, I knew it was a man. As Vanessa pointed out, the slouch always gives it away. And the facial ecpression as well. In this case there were even more tells, almost as if this person either just doesn’t care about certain feminine traits, and is working the oddball angle. Of course, as a dresser, and I think even moreso as a trans person certainly, my heart was hit on both sides of the judgement channel. On the one side, I was like, gee, this is why it is hard to gain acceptance in the community, but on the other side, it occurred to me there are plenty of feminists out there that applaud women not conforming to some of the norms that society seemingly has pressed upon thier roles.

    Well anyway, I let it go and wished her well silently in my mind. Happy that another soul was brave enough to be in public as thier true self.

    But, the point I wanted to make here, is about what Vanessa said. LOOK. Watch. See how women walk and sit. Turning hour hands palm forward, and gesturing lightly with your fingers as if making magic spells as you lightly float your arms through space, at your side, elbows tight to your waist, it will help you look feminine, and help you with your posture and your gait. Girls rarely step it out loke men. The keep thier knees closer together and tend to walk from the knee and hip. Practice this. Also, when sitting, girls rarely touch the back of a seat. They sit up proper, and keep knees together, hands often lap bound unless gesturing or writing. Cross legs when necessary, and always upright. Girls mouths are gorgeous, and usually have a curvature in the natural form of a slot smile. CD and TG girls need to work on those things for sure, because we’ll before your voice outs you (another topic) your mannerisms will.

    If you really are a girl, these things things should come surprisingly easy.

    When you sit. Knees together in the whole movement. Sitting into a vehicle is often done similarly where legs are last to enter. This has a lot to do with the garments women wear more than any other reason, but over time has become just the de facto feminine standard.

    There are so many things. We should look to start charm schools for CDs. Hmmm. What a great idea!!!

  4. Profile photo of Charlotte Deneice Windham

    I have bee crossdressing all my life. I just love it all,the dresses,panties,bras,high heels,stockings,corsets,makeup,feminine jewelry,slips,wigs,hair extensions,pierced earrings,shaved legs,and body,painted toe nails,french nails,false eyelashes,breast forms,or breast implants,gaffs,mini-skirts.I love lingerie to sleep in,and feel so feminine,feminine facial surgery is a must,laser surgery on beard,HRT Female Hormones is a must.Go for it all. Be the woman that you are. Kisses Charlotte Deneice

  5. Jillian 5 years ago

    There has been much talk about the idea of the male trying crossdressing. I’d like to tell you my story. When I was sixteen years old my high school had a day when all the boys had to come to school dressed as a girl. My mother and sister gave me lots of encouragement, saying it would be fun. My sister was almost the same size as me, a year older, same high school. All my friends agreed to try it. I was totally surprised when my sister came into my bedroom loaded down with a skirt, blouse, and girls ankle socks, but what made me almost change my mind was she had panties and a bra. I told myself, no never, I’m not going to do this. By that time my sister and mom kind of ganged up on me, saying I was a coward, quiter, etc..you know, making me feel I was letting them down. So when the morning came, I slipped into the panties, finally got the bra on right, my mother had bought a pair of inserts for the bra. I cannot begin to tell you how the panties made me feel. I’m embarassed to say, it became very uncomfortable down there, and yet, it was such a wonderful feeling. I was worried sick the my mom and sister would see, and know what was happening. I already knew what masturbation was..and to be truthful, I wanted so bad to go into the bathroom and rid myself of this discomfort. I knew that wouldn’t work, it was nearly time to leave for school. So i began to think of all kinds of things to get my mind off my problem. My sister and mother helped me with a little of their make-up, checked the rest of my outfit, said I looked great. I think my worrying about my problem helped to calm it down for awhile. Everything went pretty good at school, all the girls hooted and pointed at us at first..but after awhile we all seemed to get along, just a bunch of girls having fun. After that day, I thought all this would be forgotten….but it wasn’t, I remember lying in bed at night and not being able to think about anything else but how I felt dressed in feminine clothes. I knew right then, I could not stop. I knew the encouragement and help my sister and mother gave me, was gone. It was only for that special event. In time I managed to aquire all the female clothing I could manage or want at the time. Panties remained the item of clothing I had to have..they became a need for me, I had to wear them 24/7 and managed to do just that. I continued to dress with more thought and idea’s, crating outfits for myself, learning make-up and hair stylings. Today I’m 20 years old, going to college and dress whenever possibe, which to me is not enouugh!! I know my desire to dress, to be feminine will be with me forever. To try to fight it would be a lossing battle, and something I do not want to stop. So those males out there who have been thinking of dressing JUST ONCE, be advised, it really can grow on you. Me, I have no regrets!!

  6. Terri Virgil 7 years ago

    Hello,
    Here is one other point if we crossdressers want to be treated justly and fair. then we should take a stand and just ask men that have a problem with crossdressing just to try it and then see just how they feel.
    I would like to say this to the woman of America that don't like to see their males wear female clothing. Just look at what you are wearing, for women do crosdress and don't even know it. So the same thing if you have a oppion too that you don't like to see men wear female clothing. Here is something for you. Just ask your male friends or husbands and your sons to try on female clothing, and also help them look the part and to have them not just do this for only one day, but a week, month or more just to let things die down and then you can say if you like it or not. Go out into public and to school dress as a woman just to see why we see in our own eyes. now how do you know if you are going to like it or not if you don't try it first.
    Does everyone get my point. don't judge until you at least try first just to see for your self.
    Thank You
    Terri

  7. Terri Virgil 7 years ago

    Hello,
    I feel that all men should try to be a lady or just wear a dress or a skirt one time in their life.
    My question is how does everyone feel about that idea? I feel if a man does try on or even wear a dress or skirt at one time in their life, or even every now or then. The we would not have any problem of be accepted into the comunity that we live in. Here is part of what i have to say about that idea.
    When I was a child I did pass as a girl from time to time, but I did not know and understand why. Today i can understand why, but if I dare to live my home there is a chance that I would have a hart time.
    Ladies it is time that we take a stand, and say to those that don't like men that crossdress then why don't they just try it and see why they just hate crossdressers over all.
    Than You.
    Terri

  8. unome 7 years ago

    i accept crossdresser for who they are and i don't think it's wrong at all to wear the clothes of the opposit sex. Why am i so accepting? cause i am a crossdresser aswell. also i think a good community of crossdresser can come together as one on what we believe in. I see no wrong in this at all. Those who judge need to accept the fact for who we are as a person. There is No Harm on what we do.

  9. Carolyn Ann 7 years ago

    I have to be pedantic, sorry!

    It's "the President", not "the president". It's a title, and as such needs to be capitalized; I would never say "saluting the prime minister", because such a phrase would always be "saluting the Prime Minister". 🙂

    • Annie 4 years ago

      Actually, most style guides disagree with you. It is correct to spell “President Obama” with a capital “P” because that’s his title. But it is also correct to spell “the president spoke forcefully about climate change” in lower case. In short, title and name of title holder, capitalized; title alone, lower case. Another example: “Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has not formally announced her candidacy for the presidency in 2016, but her foreign-policy credentials were tested and honed during her term as secretary of state in a time of rapid change all over the world.”

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