Surviving the time between en femme

To my lovely readers,

I can hardly believe it is already March. I feel as though it was just the other day when I went in for my first transgender surgery. I remember the trepidation the night before, fearing the procedure and wondering whether I would be pleased with the results. In the dim portion of my memory I can still see the pain of recovery, but I am blessed that I remember as if watching an old silent movie. I can see the characters, but can’t hear them. I know they are in pain, but I can’t feel it.

That was almost 8 months ago. My journey through the last 8 months has been difficult. Two surgeries, recovery and then returning to work after a long absence. My emotions have soared to the highest joy, and then dropped to the pit of despair. Yet with all that I’m startled. 8 months have gone by!

Time is easier as yourself

Survive your time away from the feminine

Survive your time away from the feminine

Tonight I was thinking back to my time before transition. When every moment as myself was a sweet and fleeting breath to be cherished. When it felt as though any time as myself was as precious as water in the desert, and evaporated just as quickly. The time between these events felt slow, arduous and filled with anguish. I was constantly tortured, forced to pretend I was another person. Forced to live a lie.

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I know that many of you ladies feel the same right now. For some the future is murky, you’re not sure whether transitioning is in your future. For others the future is clear, and you know that you will forever live between the genders. In some way this makes the burden of time harder to bear, because you know you’ll carry this burden forever.

3 Tips for surviving time outside the feminine

All is not lost. If you’ve followed my 5 tips for loving your time en femme without envy you’re well on your way. Today I’d like to share 3 more tips for surviving your time outside the feminine.

  1. Keep the big picture in mind: If this is just a temporary stop before you transition, use it to gather your emotional fortitude (you’re going to need it!). If you are a crossdresser this might be a regular occurence, realize that this too shall pass. And soon you’ll be able to live one brief night in all your feminine glory.
  2. Stay present: One of the greatest blessings I’ve received since transitioning is that I am more able to be present in my life. For moments, conversations, experiences. The noise has been driven out of my mind and I can appreciate each moment more readily. You don’t need to transition to experience the present. Perhaps it’s meditation, or finding something you really enjoy to spend time on that will keep you in the present.
  3. Affirm yourself: Notice how you walk, how you speak, how you feel. Affirm the feminine feelings within you. See a cute dress you’d like to try? Go take a closer look. Be proud of who you are. You don’t have to prance around and make a scene, but don’t let your temporary time not crossdressed dampen your spirits.

How do you survive the long droughts between en femme?



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I’m passionate about creating a safe space for everyone in the transgender community to find laughter and friendship on their journey. I completed my physical transition in 2011 and through it I lost everything, and gained everything. I am blessed that I was forced to gaze inward and embark on the journey to discover and live my authentic self. My deepest wish is that all who wander here may find peace, happiness and freedom.

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Rebeccalynn Collins
Rebeccalynn Collins
9 years ago

I feel my life is passing me by. I want to be Rebecca all the time and hate my male self. But I feel that taking care of my family takes all my time. Iv’e been married 29 years and she doesn’t support my dressing. I would love to hear from anyone about this time in m y life. If you like Email me at

Louise Willis
6 years ago

When I cannot dress en femme I like to polish my nails, moisturise, shave my legs and read beauty magazines. I then feel feminine whilst I cannot dress up. X

Jessica Scarlett Ray
3 years ago

Well it’s been 6 weeks coming out of closet as a cross dresser. For so many years; 43 in fact! I bottled my desire to embrace womanhood. My partner of 26 years female commented that I could not be truely female as my mechanics did not correspond to a cis woman. I must agree with this statement but my desires are contrary to masculinity. So! What happened? I had was so liberated going out first in the car then walking through the village introducing my feminine self to the neighbours step by step. Milestones like going to church both Catholic… Read more »

Marlie Shyly
Active Member
3 years ago

I am a crossdresser who would like to live my life as both sexes. I am comfortable dressing en femme and really don’t care what people think. However, my wife is definitely not on board with that. I love her and don’t want to lose my marriage or my son. So when I can, I dress with what I have that still fits what this stupid pandemic locking me in the house with every one. I am on hormones because I need to at least feel like the woman inside even if she only sees the light of day once… Read more »

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