Crossdressing is still a big taboo, and it raises fears even in those who don’t practice it.
One of a crossdresser’s biggest fears is that of being “caught” doing it. It starts with the risk that the boy who is trying on his mother’s or sister’s bra will be caught by the real owner of the piece, or even by his father or someone else.
The boy realizes that he likes to wear a bra – or any other feminine clothing – and feels insecure:
“I’m a boy. I’m a man. But I like women’s clothes. Do I want to be a woman? Am I trans? What is my sexual orientation?”
After a while, he decides to buy his own clothes.
“If I buy in a store, will anyone notice? What if I meet someone I know? If I buy online and someone opens my order and finds out everything?”
Then, unable to practice crossdressing explicitly, he has the idea of practicing underdressing outside the home.
“I’m wearing panties and a bra under my men’s clothes. What if someone notices? What if the panties show? What if the outline of the bra shows? What if I get sick and the doctors discover my ‘secret’?”
Then he starts a relationship – with a woman. More fears, more doubts.
“Do I tell her? What about the temptation to try on her clothes in secret? Would hiding my crossdressing or wearing her clothes in secret be cheating?”
The crossdresser experiences several fears throughout their experience. But whoever is next to him too.
Imagine the mother catching her son wearing her clothes.
“Is this normal? Should I take him to a psychologist? Is this an illness? Does he want to be a woman? Does he like men?”
Some parents are more violent and apply punishments and beatings to “correct” their child. Others try to talk to him. But still they are afraid. For them, their son is not “normal” now.
The situation is made worse by the fear of other people finding out. “What if my son is judged by others? Or even attacked for wearing women’s clothing?”
In the romantic field, the situation is no different. It would be a shock for a woman to hear from her husband that he likes to wear women’s clothes – even worse would be to catch him in that condition.
“Does he want to be like me? Does he want to compete with me? Does he want to be a woman? Does he really like women? Does he really like me? What if he’s using me as a facade? What if he wants a man? What if he wants me? Exchange for a man?”
A woman in this condition may even have her self-esteem compromised: “Maybe I’m not a good woman, that’s why he’s acting like this?”
Furthermore, it is clear that women, sisters and mothers of crossdressers will not feel comfortable discovering that their husbands, boyfriends, brothers and children were secretly wearing their clothes – including their underwear. In addition to being an invasion of privacy, this may be unhygienic.
To better deal with taboos and fears, the first step is information. Understanding the difference between gender identity, gender expression, sexuality and other topics is very important.
It is also necessary to have dialogue. This resolves many doubts between the crossdresser and his mother, sister or wife. Dialogue must be respected by both sides. If the crossdresser wants to have the freedom to express his feminine side, he must do so with his own clothes – after all, it is not very hygienic to wear other people’s panties. Furthermore, most women expect to have a relationship with a certain profile of man, which often does not fit into a crossdresser. Many women even tolerate their husbands’ crossdressing, but prefer not to see it in practice. It’s their right. Be the man she wants to see and have by her side when you are with her.
Obviously there are exceptions: Women can benefit from their husbands/boyfriends’ crossdressing: from combining the practice with sexual games to even having a partner who understands them better as a woman and helps them with everyday issues.
Transparency is also important. Many women feel betrayed when they discover “by chance” that their husbands dress like her. Many men hide the practice for fear of losing their girlfriend or wife. On the other hand, when people talk about crossdressing they may walk away. It’s a big taboo.
It is very important that you evaluate your crossdressing if you enter into a relationship. If you realize that she would not support your hobby, consider not entering into the relationship or staying away from crossdressing. Life is made of choices, and each choice is a renunciation. Evaluate what is best for you in the long term. Crossdressing in secret while your wife is away is safe… until she arrives early!
Psychological help can be very positive for the crossdresser – and their family members. It helps to establish dialogue, clarify doubts and improve relationships. Consider couples or family therapy. Individually, therapy will show you paths and facilitate decision-making, reducing fear.
– What fears do you have regarding crossdressing?
– Do you think your mother, sister, girlfriend or wife has any fears about your crossdressing?
– How do you and those close to you deal with these fears?
Sincerely,
Marie Claire
More Articles by Marie Claire
- The psychology of crossdressing: Why do you dress like a woman?
- QUIZ: Do you like bras?
- Mindfulness and Crossdressing: Relax and feel the present
- Crossdressing in teenage: discoveries, doubts and insecurities
- Signs you might be a crossdresser….
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HI there I simply agree with all that you say and have felt this way myself, for me l try not to worry about because you can’t stop the way you feel and you can’t stop what will be will be . A very big thank for you for you story. Take care .x Frenlee. X Sophie.
I thank you for reading my article!
It is exactly the same story for me. Thanks for sharing dear Marie
Dear Jasmina! I thank you for reading my article!
It sums up almost every aspect of fear as a crossdresser, it is a wonder why we still carry on, but we do out of necessity. There are those that carry it as a secret from cradle to grave managing those moments when a wherever they can and be quite content to do so, others will have to face and confront a fear from whatever source it comes from. Then what about those that are aware they may or even want to be caught or outed? For those that dress in partners, sisters clothes the risk is high and always… Read more »
Thank you for reading my article!
My experience has been somewhat different. I’m an older dresser and really only came into my own in the last 5 years. I’m now President of our local CD club and have taken 2 solo trips out and about en femme. It was fun. I got some nice looks from others but no anger, hostility; I was treated with respect by everybody. I have not seen any hostility here but that said, I know a local CD girl was murdered not far from here when she started street hooking and a client took exception when he found out she was… Read more »
The world needs more respect!
I was always scared of being caught. But did get caught and exposed by my wife to all. I still dress and unfortunately not how or when I want. But no stopping it’s in me
Surely you meant now ex-wife????
Yes
I’m sorry you had to go through this.
I really enjoy and after 30 yrs marriage time for change
This is a great article Marie.
It certainly captures what a lot of us go through.
Thank you
I was very happy to know that you liked my article!
Thank you for your article. We all experience that fear. I have it every time I dress at home thinking that my wife or daughter can come home and get caught fully dressed. I have every time I’m wearing anything feminine under my cloth. It happens when I have my bra on for some time and hope it doesn’t leave any marks on me. It happens when I do my makeup and hope that I removed any sign of it. It happens when I do my nails and then remove the color before my wife comes home. This fear doesn’t… Read more »
Evelyn, I thank you for reading my article. Your comment is very special, he showed everyday examples such as bra marks and traces of makeup and nail polish.
Thanks Marie Claire. I pray not to ever get caught as my wife will throw me out of the house and divorce me the same day.
Evelyn❤️
A fascinating article Marie! I can relate especially to the feelings of crossdressing when you are in a relationship. I my instance I did not begin my crossdressing journey until i was 69 – two years ago now. Once I began, I knew there was no way I could or wanted to stop. Yet the taboo of what I was doing and the effect it might have on my marriage brought on not only fear but a stress which I could not endure. My choice was to quit or come out right away. I chose the latter, and it made… Read more »
I agree with you. I eventually told my wife which made things much much easier. I was afraid of what her reaction might be. But id did tell her, showed her all my pics, and showed her in person what Briannaleah looked like dressed up. I dress every day now for an hour or 2 and go out to meetings once a month. Plus other trips. She has been quite supportive which I love.
Thank you very much for reading my article!
I have to admit, I was majorly fortunate. My wife discovered my cross dressing one day when she came back from a business trip a day early and my secret stash of lingerie was just setting out on the floor by the bed. She wasn’t surprised, and fortunately, instead of kicking me out like has happened to so many men when discovered, she allowed me to dress, but only in private. As Marie mentions, women do want their husbands to appear normal in public. The image has to be maintained. The trade off for me was, she put me in… Read more »
Thank you very much for reading my article and sharing your experience!
Hi there. We don’t hate our inner girl. We love her with all our heart. We just worry about acceptance. By far most others do not even notice in public. We don’t have to pass, we just need to accept that we are out in public with other people and it is ok.
great post. i was caught years ago by my grandfather’s wearing my grandmothers’ dresses, my grandfather’s said nothing but make sure i put her cloths back, well i did i think, but my grandmother knew i did not. years later i was dressing up and took a pic of myself and forgot to put it away my daughter seen it and showed mom, our daughter said it’s his body not hers. so, know my wife knows and does not like to see me dressed up but it’s been a long road with me dressing up with my own female clothing,… Read more »
Thank you very much for reading my article and sharing your experience!