So I grew up in kind of a conservative, rural area. Needless to say, any difference was not acceptable, much less challenging the standard ideal of masculinity.
I was one of those kids who was the target of bullying. For whatever reason I didn’t fight back, I just took it. This drove me inwards, and I discovered my friends in books.
I realize now that I formed many of my ideas about life from reading so many different authors with many diverse points of view. Couple that with resenting my peers, and I was ready to challenge the orthodoxy.
The F-word (the other f-word, not the FU word), was bandied about freely. It was the worst to be seen as weak and girly. I became fearful of showing any weakness since I would be attacked by my peers for it.
As I grew older, I began to realize there was more to the world than the little backward town I grew up in. I still was apprehensive to show any weakness, which in those parts was often read as femininity. Now, I realize I’ve always been a mixture of both the masculine and the feminine, as I suspect most people are. It’s a spectrum, not an either/or dichotomy.
Yet, I still can’t come out of the closet. I am so fearful of going out in public “dressed”. I have so much respect for those of us who do so. Maybe someday I will. Some of my family know of my cross dressing habit, others suspect, still others I’m sure have no clue.
It has been a process for me to accept it as a part of myself. In the end I feel that if I am not hurting another, then it is OK. I know that some people can point to an obscure bible verse to condemn cross dressing, but then again there are obscure bible verses that can be twisted to condemn just about anything or anyone you want to dislike.
I have been window shopping on Amazon a lot. When you do that, you come across a few brave souls, men, who model their womanly clothing on their reviews. I have even posted a few myself.
I often go to their profiles on Amazon and sometimes see their other reviews. I am struck that the same guys posting pics of their latest bra and panty set, also have reviews of the latest auto parts or sports memorabilia. These folks will often leave reviews of the clothing they purchase. Some feel the need to justify buying a bra on Amazon because of their gynecomastia. OK, then why did you buy that really lacy girly bra? Others just leave straight forward reviews about how the product worked for them and their particular biological equipment.
I think our society is starting to move past some of the outmoded attitudes of the past. The gay panic defense is no longer accepted in courts as an excuse for violence. Perhaps men will begin to stop fearing being more feminine. I think cis women probable experience the flip side of the coin when they are pressured to be more feminine and to only take on feminine roles. In the end, society is better off when we allow people to be themselves and not be pigeonholed.
When I see many of your posts here, I am heartened and I feel not quite as odd and hope that maybe I’ll fit in.