The Burden of Lying (He/She – Her/Him)
Until almost yesterday
I have lived the entirety of my life as a lie
Barely passing as a sweet boy
in a man’s world
bearing the blessings and oftentimes curse of a sensitive heart
of not being
either / or
but desperately alone
in the space
between notions of gender and disgrace
This life where boys are not taught to be kind.
but rather to be ready
in cold determination
to do what is required of them
Yesterday I let it go … this burden of lying
before it’s too late
for fashionable tea in elegant dresses
before it’s too late
to let my nails grow longer than what is considered proper
Let go of enough deceit
to be able to explore this world
almost fully
without the constraint of self denial
Now in this fleeting moment
where both / and can coexist
time becomes my enemy
here
when the corduroy texture of an old man’s countenance slowly becomes mine
here
when I can finally stop hiding my face when embracing a feminine spirit
here
when I can still feel pretty
and strong
and start to learn the grace of a girl’s modesty and care
where wisdom, hard earned, and innocence can flourish
embracing this strange paradox
It’s a curious freedom to see the world without belonging to one thing
but to all things instead
Perhaps it takes
almost a lifetime
of absurdity and pain
to understand ……
somethings require a different kind of sacrifice
to find the strength to open the petals of a flower
To move her out
of the darker shadows
of my imagination
into the light of possibilities
Until all that remains
is an empty chair
and a quiet fragrance
that lingers
in the soft air
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Jenny Austin
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- A Moment of Grace …….. - April 26, 2021
That’s just beautiful, Jenny. Thank you!
Hey Dawn, I am so glad you loved the poem …… it comes from the heart.
Beautiful, Jenny. A lovely way to express what many of us feel.
Thank you Jillian….. I am glad the poem resonated with you. It’s a sometimes hard journey, but sooooo fulfilling when we enjoy those feminine moments.
Sad, melancolic, and hopefull.
Poetry of fellings.
Thank you
A beautiful description of my artistic intent ……. thank you!!
So true, it strikes a chord with me.
Hey Fiona, I am glad it struck a chord ……. I hope this poem gives hope and strength to others, thru the experiences I have had ….. ah poetry.
Jenny- I love this! You have that ability to make complex thoughts simple, and simple thoughts worth deeper examination… my favorite line: the corduroy texture of an old man’s countenance …
That’s both descriptive and original writing, Jenny! Nice work. -Lara
Hey Lara, It makes me very happy that you loves my poem……. and your understanding of the power of poetry!!!!
Wonderful Jenny! It gives me courage that the small changes I make each day will someday free Lea into the world!
Hey Lea,
I hope Lea get a chance to shine in the daylight ……. it’s an amazing feeling, if only for a brief moment!!!!
Really just beautiful, eloquent and heartfelt writing, Jenny. It was so uplifting to my soul as I read along – thank you for sharing this.
Thank you Mona ……. I am so happy my poem touched you.