Some days you feel sexier than others. Fridays are usually my day for feeling sexy. Maybe it’s because it’s the end of the work week or maybe it’s because that’s traditionally the day to take back our energy from whatever it is we do for a living. Yesterday was Friday.

In a perfect world I would be able to wear a cute outfit as I go to work and finish my week with a smile; however, it’s not a perfect world, so I put my stockings, panties, and short tight little black dress on under my normal uniform. ‘Underdressing’ is what it’s called.

My normal work uniform consists of a t-shirt, a button up maintenance shirt, and black jeans. Yes, I am in maintenance and therefore no cute shoes either. Boots, and since boots and stockings just don’t work I put on white sweat socks on top of the cute black stockings and then my boots. Taking a look in the full-length mirror in my bedroom I smiled and felt pretty. Little did I know what would happen in a few hours.

Fridays are busy and heavy for me at work. They always have been and always will be and I had a lot of layers on. Before the first two hours of work had finished I was sweating through my pretty black dress, t-shirt, and uniform shirt. I had to take the dress off or make a terrible showing of myself. Now comes the problem of where to put it. It’s little but it won’t fit in my pocket and if I just carry it out of the bathroom and put it in a cupboard then everyone will see and ask what it is? What am I going to do?

Sadly, I had to toss the dress. I wrapped it in some paper towels and put it on the bottom of the basket. I started my day feeling cute and sexy and ended without a dress and feeling drab.

But something happened that was more important than the loss of a dress. I, of course, initially went to that dark place we all know. Feeling alone and ashamed I continued doing my job under this cloud. We all know this place. It’s an internal landscape of judgment and shame. “Why am I so damn weird?” and “Why can’t I just be a normal man?” echoed in my own voice through my head. A person can feel so lonesome with these voices your only companion.

That’s when I remembered Crossdresser Heaven. Crossdresser Heaven is filled with people just like me. Everyone here has similar feelings, the same questions bounce around their heads, and most here have traveled the same path that I am and that made me feel better. The dark cloud lifted and I accepted myself a little bit more. I, like everyone here, am perfectly me. Whether in pants and boots or in a slip, dress, and makeup, we should continue to rejoice in the beauty and diversity of ourselves. Like a stained glass window that the sun is shining through we are a picture of mixed up beautiful colored landscape.

Never stop being yourselves, ladies and gentlemen. We are just as important and needed as everyone else.


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    Jessica McKnight is a new cross dresser who has discovered her gender-fluidity in her late forties. With painted toes, and a lipstick smile she attempts to shine her way into a new and accepting life as Jessica.

    Latest posts by Jessica (see all)

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    Diane B
    Diane B
    5 years ago

    some time I will write my life history here as well but just know I am as all of you are wondering just what makes me want to do this too. But I have been doing it for so long now that I no longer question why its just who I am and no other means helps me though the days and weeks

    Kate "Squeezy McSqueeze" Jewel' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
    Kate "Squeezy McSqueeze" Jewel
    5 years ago

    Right on, Jessica! You have expressed my thoughts about how I have judged myself in the past and still sometimes do. And also how I think that I would be judged by others if they knew. Even today I was wearing a somewhat colorful headband to keep my hair out of my eyes while taking an art class (welding no less), and I was worried about even that, wearing something slightly feminine in what is usually a non-judgemental environment. My anxiety went away when I got a warm smile from one of my classmates.

    Stef Smith
    Active Member
    4 years ago

    No no no
    Its ok
    Crossdressing is who you are dont be ashamed
    Try to deal with it with self love and self acceptance
    It doesn’t mean you want to change your sex although it might . But if not just enjoy it !

    Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
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