Clubbing

It was the first time I had ever been to that particular club.  There was an admission charge for men, but the t-girls and cross-dressers were admitted for free. The invitation did let it be known that there was a changing room available for crossdressers to trade their man clothes for their girl clothes. I arrived early in my man clothes but showed the guy at the door that I had my girl clothes with me and was going to change. I didn’t have to pay the cover charge. I changed in the changing room. I put on my tight jeans and a long sleeve cotton shirt, my usual blond wig and gold hoop earrings. I wore strappy-black heels. I stepped out to mingle and immediately realized that I was not dressed like the other girls who were dressed in far sexier styles.

I stayed for about two hours and met some wonderful people and really cemented a relationship with one girl whom I had met a couple of times before at other events. Then I returned to the changing room, took off my makeup, and got back into my man clothes to head home. As I was leaving, I stopped near the entrance and got involved in a conversation. There was a different person at the door than when I arrived. It was someone I had met in the club and had a conversation with not even one hour earlier. She approached me and asked me if I had paid the cover charge.

It was clear to me that she didn’t realize we had already met each other in the party. “It’s me,” I said, “Katie. I just changed to leave.”

“With the blond hair and the jeans?” She asked. “I am so sorry, I just didn’t recognize you.”

Nature Day 3

“Do I really look that different?” I asked.

“My god, yes!” She said. “You looked so good when I first saw you, I though you were a Cis-girl and I thought you were lost. And now, you look like a handsome man.”

“Thank you,” I said, blushing  (btw: I cannot emphasize enough how much I love flattery!) “That’s so nice to hear.”

After a little more chat, I headed home. On the drive home, it hit me: Maybe I can pass. That thought, however, quickly gave way to rather convoluted train of thought. First, I dissuaded myself of the fantasy that I could actually pass as a woman. I am six feet tall in bare feet, and I would have been 6’4″ in the heels I had been wearing. I have large hands and a deep voice. If I was mistaken for a cis-girl, it could only have been from a distance. For sure, once I opened my mouth to speak, my deep voice would have outed me. Second, I realized that not-passing is actually a more comfortable state of being for me. I am NOT a cis-girl. I don’t want to become one either. I am very happy with my biology, my libido, and my orientation (as screwy as they are).

It was a bit of an epiphany to realize that actually passing for a cis-woman is not something I particularly desire. It would require both internal and external deception. I don’t want that. I want to be pretty, and feminine, and desirable, and cute, but I don’t want to be something I’m not. I am not male or female at all times. In fact, I would much rather be seen as a particularly attractive cross-dresser than as an unusually large and ill-proportioned cis-girl. Like it or not, and true or not, I feel that I rate a whole lot hotter on the spectrum of cross-dressers, than on the spectrum of cis-women!

What I want to be is an awesome cross-dresser and that’s all I want to be. In my mind that’s far more comfortable than being an unusually tall and masculine-proportioned woman.

Realizing this has been completely liberating. For once in my life, I like who I am.

 

The following two tabs change content below.

Katie Robbins

Latest posts by Katie Robbins (see all)

Tags:
0 0 votes
Article Rating
23 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Lynda Jones
Baroness
Active Member
7 months ago

@Katie Robbins Nail it, I am with you 100%. I want to be the attractive CD @ 6′ size 12 heels I would only be able to pass from behind in a dress or skirt.

Suzanne Martin
Member
Active Member
7 months ago

Thank you for a very inspiring article. As I read it I came to the realization that you were describing me. I have a feminine side that is part of me 24/7 but I share it with m.y male side. I will admit that I have thought about what it would be like to be a woman but have no desire to transition. I have been in therapy for a few years primarily for my crossdressing and have come to realize that it is okay to have a femme side and to express it. I will readily admit that dressing… Read more »

23
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

Forgot your details?