The greatest struggle we face is not from the world, from others, from society. The greatest struggle we face in the trans community is to look within ourselves and accept the beautiful person we are. Everything flows from there – all the joys we experience, the people we meet and the life lessons we learn. Today I’d like to share a comment that a reader, Violette left on Crossdresser Heaven a few weeks ago. It touched me, and I pray that if can find a way into your heart.
It is amazing how much of a difference accepting yourself can make. That feeling when you can face the world proud of who you are and unafraid of what others will think. For me this made all the difference in the world.
Unfortunately we will continue to deal with others who will not approve of our differences, or will try to mold us as you said into something that walks, talks and acts like them. What do we do about it? Well until we accept ourselves we hide in our houses (or bedrooms and bathrooms while we still live with our parents). We purge our clothes believing that without the means the temptation will go away. We try to avoid talking about things that would out us, and fight our natural mannerisms so that people will believe in the character we have created to face the outside world. We suffer within and thrash around trying to find a way to fit into their mold so we wont have to deal with the torment they dish out.
As time goes on we realize that that our own reactions are making things worse. By hiding we build an internal feeling of shame. By purging we realize that without the release from part time dressing we build to a breaking point that adds stress to all aspects of our lives, not to mention breaking the bank with repetitive shopping. By holding our tongues we find we want to scream, or that we let slip more and more of what we want to say only to be met by jokes since we have hidden who we really are in the beginning. Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.
Thank you Vanessa for this and you many other posts. I feel that acceptance is the most important step in our journeys. No matter where you land in the gender spectrum it is important to accept yourself as you are and recognize the beauty in the differences. Even if you don’t know if you are a cd, tg, ts, tv, or whatever other term you can think of the acceptance of self is indeed the first step in arming yourself against the attitudes of the unenlightened. Acquiring others acceptance is still going to be a challenge especially with the stigmas around transgender in the public past, however once others can see you as you and not as a distant thing life can become more comfortable and at least some of the fears can be washed away.
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i understand all the comments you saying. ive been cross dressing since high school. i love it. the problem with me i dress up at home havent gotten to go out in public yet i want to so bad. many of my family and friends know and they are ok with it its important to have them as ur support system.love beonkia
Im dyin to go outside too, but here’s what i think, if we really wanted to then we would. Each person is differrnt but for me the other reasons i have not yet is because i have other things in life just as impt if not more, like my love for music, nature, non violence activism. To me it goes to this, do i want to go outside to meet someone for a poss relationship as a woman or do i just want to have sex? I guess im not at the point where i want feminine friends as ive… Read more »
Its so great to read all these blogs I am 43 slowly coming out but still don’t have the courage to do so as I have three children that I do not believe they will understand My wife has been amazing and is very accepting Thank you to all the ladies that leave there storys
Hi Paula,
Thank you dear for being part of our community! It may seem daunting right now, but trust yourself and make progress every day. You’ll be amazed at where you’ll be in 6 months, 1 year, 2 years. Best wishes dear!
A pleasure hon, *hugs*
The battle we face with ourselves is the hardest one I have fought and still fight but your words are so true because I denied my true feelings my hiding it away has cost me dear regarding family who have not accepted the true me because I didn’t tell them the truth a long time ago but I hope with time they will see being truthful about myself has made me a happier person they will come to accept I am still the same person but the person I should be not the person I was born and hid behind… Read more »
Hola Daniela, hechale ganas y Dios te va a ayudar. Mi esposa me acepta y hasta ne compra mis pelucas y me ayuda a escojer zapatos y maquillaje, pero nadie mas en mi familia lo sabe, tal vez nunca lo sabrán, pero no ha sido facil, yo lo vengo haciendo desde los 13 años y ahora yogi 48 y proximamente voy a ir a un cruzero de crossdressers con m iiesposa y eso me hace muy feliz…ánimo y suerte.
Ivonne
I love to dress up as a girl with makeover bt i cant go outside my home as everyone know me and they would laugh at me…….
As becoz i wil be caught that i m a boy…becoz of my eyebrow and shaving
hi Tina, Im facing the same problem. I’d love to go out in feminine clothes and wearing make up….but people out there will recognize me.
Im trying to go to one of the meetings with Vanessa and join with other girls like is. Love, susi
I think most of us are our worst enemy. Acceptance is a big part of this, the prejudices of society, religions, and often times family tend to cloud our willingness to accept ourselves for what we are. Adding labels (cd, tg, ts, tv, etc.) doesn’t help either. When I face these questions I have no answer except that I enjoy femininity and leave it at that. My acceptance is that #1 – I am male, nothing I do (surgically, medically, pretend, etc) will ever change that. #2 I love lace I love touching it, I love looking at it, and… Read more »
I loved the posting it makes a lot ot sense. I know my life has become a lot easier since I accept that I’m a Cross Dresser. I have not told my family but wife does know I wear panties all the time she thinks it’s disgusting .
I agree loving yourself counts most. Being Trans my whole life hasn’t made life any easier from childhood counselors telling parents it’s just a phase to childhood psychologists trying to make me normal, yes the 70’s and 80’s sucked. I know what I am and accept it, but it still took time and courage to step out. The best I can say is who cares what others think, if you live according to them all you will have is misery, do what makes you happy.
loving and understand yourself is so important. To realize that you are who you are, that what you do is probably always going to be looked as alternative or off by many. I accepted a long time ago who I am, and that I cant allow others to dictate or intimidate me for something I cannot change. I suppose thst my acceptance of me really helped when I became an active nudist. Why you may ask? Because as a nudist everyone accepts another for them, no matter the shape the size orr the age. Everyone has scars and wrinkles and… Read more »