The greatest struggle we face is not from the world, from others, from society. The greatest struggle we face in the trans community is to look within ourselves and accept the beautiful person we are. Everything flows from there – all the joys we experience, the people we meet and the life lessons we learn. Today I’d like to share a comment that a reader, Violette left on Crossdresser Heaven a few weeks ago. It touched me, and I pray that if can find a way into your heart.
It is amazing how much of a difference accepting yourself can make. That feeling when you can face the world proud of who you are and unafraid of what others will think. For me this made all the difference in the world.
Unfortunately we will continue to deal with others who will not approve of our differences, or will try to mold us as you said into something that walks, talks and acts like them. What do we do about it? Well until we accept ourselves we hide in our houses (or bedrooms and bathrooms while we still live with our parents). We purge our clothes believing that without the means the temptation will go away. We try to avoid talking about things that would out us, and fight our natural mannerisms so that people will believe in the character we have created to face the outside world. We suffer within and thrash around trying to find a way to fit into their mold so we wont have to deal with the torment they dish out.
As time goes on we realize that that our own reactions are making things worse. By hiding we build an internal feeling of shame. By purging we realize that without the release from part time dressing we build to a breaking point that adds stress to all aspects of our lives, not to mention breaking the bank with repetitive shopping. By holding our tongues we find we want to scream, or that we let slip more and more of what we want to say only to be met by jokes since we have hidden who we really are in the beginning. Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.
Thank you Vanessa for this and you many other posts. I feel that acceptance is the most important step in our journeys. No matter where you land in the gender spectrum it is important to accept yourself as you are and recognize the beauty in the differences. Even if you don’t know if you are a cd, tg, ts, tv, or whatever other term you can think of the acceptance of self is indeed the first step in arming yourself against the attitudes of the unenlightened. Acquiring others acceptance is still going to be a challenge especially with the stigmas around transgender in the public past, however once others can see you as you and not as a distant thing life can become more comfortable and at least some of the fears can be washed away.
More Articles by Vanessa Law
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- I Want to Live Like That
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I really believe this to be true. The most important person to come out to is yourself. Like William Shakespeare said through Polonius in his play Hamlet, “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." So be true to yourselves! Your real, honest, complete selves! Stand tall in your skirts and heels and I will stand with you! I am Rachel! And I love me for who and what I am! And if others don’t like it, they can just kiss… Read more »
This is all so so true. I have lived a secret life for so many years….only daring to dress and act as a truly beautiful and sexy female when alone in my own home. Only recently my wonderful wife found out about my feminine self, and calmly reassured me that she loves me no matter what, and now encourages me and accepts me as Melanie. I only wish I would have confided in her so many years ago, but to have her unconditional love and acceptance when in my feminine self means so much to me. No other family or… Read more »
Dearest Kister,
My heart breaks for knowing what you have gone through, and totally understand and relate to your feelings. Just wish I could give you a big hug and make everything okay for you. If you ever need to pour your heart out to a sister cd, I will be there for you.
xoxo Melanie xoxo
Melanie you are fortunate in having such a loving wife, and together you will find it easier to come out to the world. I envy you and wish got the day when that will happen in my life. Kisses, Celine
I am still not sure if I belong.
I have the hardest time getting dressed anymore.
I don’t have the motivation to go out dressed as a woman.
Does anybody else have this problem?
If you do what do you do to get past it?
I would love to hear from someone who has gone through this.
This is the heart of the problem, if we don’t love ourselves as we are, it is hard for us to be loved by others. If I assume the general prejudices of others and even for a moment mock my femininity ( as I do even for a fleeting moment) I am never going to realize myself as a woman. All I can say is my understanding of myself has deepened and become more mature and I have found a way to accept my world and suddenly my perceptions have changed, both of myself and my place in this world.… Read more »
Thank you Vennesa your articles have been helpful. My male life unfortunately is highly respectable in my community my female side is not Perfected enough to pass in public here. I have had the opportunity to be in the public eye away from here however I still need a lot of work. I am learning a lot mmore tips from crossdressing heaven looking forforward to my next trip out of town.Thanks again
Thank you im feeling better about being comfortable in lingerie in my home i live in a hick town i never dont dress i got to hide it thank you love and kisses
Such wonderful comments totally love yourself first than others may love you also no matter where your at with crossdressing or Transgender just love you self first others will follow confidence come also with the love of yourself I know I do love my self!
I have always wanted to be the woman inside of me. I am so very tall though. It makes it difficult to dress up as a real woman when you are 6′-7″ tall.
I have a nice collection of high heels. I enjoy the look of the pretty shoes and high heels as they elongate my legs and are so sexy looking. I am already tall,but at 6′-7″ tall, I am almost 7 Ft.
I have been dealing with my “Jennie" self for nearly 20 years. Recently, “Jennie" grabbed a hold of my conscience and threw me into a whirlwind in which I hired a professional shopper (female) who helped me re-stock my wardrobe in a result of my latest purge. After a $1,000+ of wardrobe, lingerie, wig, feminizing, hormones and creams along with extensive make – up additions, “Jennie" started to fade. It was 4 months of “Jennie" in which she became a dominant presence in my life…6 trips to the gender therapist, 3 trips to the make-up specialist, 2 trips to the… Read more »
I’m kinda like you now. I’m retired at 63 and am home with my live in girl all the time. I have no excuses to make to go away from home. So now I have to be content to dress as a guy in a dress while my girl goes to the grocery store. I only have an hour or so then its back to being a drabby old guy again. Sometimes she will visit her sister and I will have 2-3 hours but not enough time to get makeup on so I’m still a guy in a dress dreaming… Read more »