The greatest struggle we face is not from the world, from others, from society. The greatest struggle we face in the trans community is to look within ourselves and accept the beautiful person we are. Everything flows from there – all the joys we experience, the people we meet and the life lessons we learn. Today I’d like to share a comment that a reader, Violette left on Crossdresser Heaven a few weeks ago. It touched me, and I pray that if can find a way into your heart.
It is amazing how much of a difference accepting yourself can make. That feeling when you can face the world proud of who you are and unafraid of what others will think. For me this made all the difference in the world.
Unfortunately we will continue to deal with others who will not approve of our differences, or will try to mold us as you said into something that walks, talks and acts like them. What do we do about it? Well until we accept ourselves we hide in our houses (or bedrooms and bathrooms while we still live with our parents). We purge our clothes believing that without the means the temptation will go away. We try to avoid talking about things that would out us, and fight our natural mannerisms so that people will believe in the character we have created to face the outside world. We suffer within and thrash around trying to find a way to fit into their mold so we wont have to deal with the torment they dish out.
As time goes on we realize that that our own reactions are making things worse. By hiding we build an internal feeling of shame. By purging we realize that without the release from part time dressing we build to a breaking point that adds stress to all aspects of our lives, not to mention breaking the bank with repetitive shopping. By holding our tongues we find we want to scream, or that we let slip more and more of what we want to say only to be met by jokes since we have hidden who we really are in the beginning. Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.
Thank you Vanessa for this and you many other posts. I feel that acceptance is the most important step in our journeys. No matter where you land in the gender spectrum it is important to accept yourself as you are and recognize the beauty in the differences. Even if you don’t know if you are a cd, tg, ts, tv, or whatever other term you can think of the acceptance of self is indeed the first step in arming yourself against the attitudes of the unenlightened. Acquiring others acceptance is still going to be a challenge especially with the stigmas around transgender in the public past, however once others can see you as you and not as a distant thing life can become more comfortable and at least some of the fears can be washed away.
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I spent most of my early life suppressing my feminine urges. When I got divorced I decided to take the plunge. It was a new lease of life but then I felt guilty, as I have children, what if people found out, I stopped many times throwing clothes away. I am now 67 everyone knows . The guilt as gone as I realise this is me. I have met lots of lovely people I know that as I am recovering from throat cancer. I have my nightie on now and will select a outfit for after my Hospital appointment. I’m… Read more »
God bless Carol!!
Last week I outed myself to the woman doctor as a gay crossdresser. It was both exiting and scary. I asked to see a psychologist and that is pending. The doctor praised me for
coming out to her. She handed me a information sheet for a
organization within the state medi-cal umbrella that deals with transgender issues.
A great story. Accepting ourselves and being happy about who we are is important. The most important thing. If we’re not ok with ourselves it’s impossible to move forward in life. Life is to short. Cris
I know there female in me I fill more my self as a female than a male I don’t hide that I’m a CD im open about it if arks I only wear girls underwear now I have a good group of friends that let me wear my real side at there home
I do feel that we have to accept our selves and love the person who we are by doing so it gives us the power to over come anything that comes our way! I am thinking I now have the power it takes to go out in the day time as the woman I know is in me and that is me! I’m at a point where I don’t care what others think about me ! I just want to be happy with who I am and I am comfortable being that person as now its time to take the… Read more »
This is so true. I see I have to learn to stand strong with who I am. I have found this battle in myself and now I so want it to stop. I feel the more I try to love who I am the more if feels people want me to stay hidden way which only makes me sad and lost. I am happy being feminine and feel so much better about myself I find it a crime to ignore or to put me back away in the angry loaner. Still feel nervous presenting my true self but sad when… Read more »
Omg!!!!! Thank you so much. Nobody has ever been able to explain acceptance this clearly to me. I’m very humbled now having read this. Over this last year I’ve overcome many hurdles and still struggle with myself. I will do my best from here to accept me first and foremost in all that i do.
very aretiquelent im sure we all have felt that and still do
Beautifully stated and thank you so much! We all have this struggle I guess and it is difficult when you know that even after you do accept yourself as who you are that loved ones will not. It is difficult to envision the pain that will be caused when and if I do tell my spouse. But I forge on in the closet and try to enjoy life as is.
Lilly
My inability to completely accept myself, including my desire to crossdress, as a complete person had me contemplating the exact method I would use to end my own life. I was deciding on the best technique available to me and how to time it so as to not cause too much difficulty to my spouse but have certainty of success. Fortunately, I got help. Now with the help of my therapist I accept both Bob and Bobbie are part of me and I am proceeding to allow both their time in the sun. Thank you for an excellent article