The greatest struggle we face is not from the world, from others, from society. The greatest struggle we face in the trans community is to look within ourselves and accept the beautiful person we are. Everything flows from there – all the joys we experience, the people we meet and the life lessons we learn. Today I’d like to share a comment that a reader, Violette left on Crossdresser Heaven a few weeks ago. It touched me, and I pray that if can find a way into your heart.
It is amazing how much of a difference accepting yourself can make. That feeling when you can face the world proud of who you are and unafraid of what others will think. For me this made all the difference in the world.
Unfortunately we will continue to deal with others who will not approve of our differences, or will try to mold us as you said into something that walks, talks and acts like them. What do we do about it? Well until we accept ourselves we hide in our houses (or bedrooms and bathrooms while we still live with our parents). We purge our clothes believing that without the means the temptation will go away. We try to avoid talking about things that would out us, and fight our natural mannerisms so that people will believe in the character we have created to face the outside world. We suffer within and thrash around trying to find a way to fit into their mold so we wont have to deal with the torment they dish out.
As time goes on we realize that that our own reactions are making things worse. By hiding we build an internal feeling of shame. By purging we realize that without the release from part time dressing we build to a breaking point that adds stress to all aspects of our lives, not to mention breaking the bank with repetitive shopping. By holding our tongues we find we want to scream, or that we let slip more and more of what we want to say only to be met by jokes since we have hidden who we really are in the beginning. Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.
Thank you Vanessa for this and you many other posts. I feel that acceptance is the most important step in our journeys. No matter where you land in the gender spectrum it is important to accept yourself as you are and recognize the beauty in the differences. Even if you don’t know if you are a cd, tg, ts, tv, or whatever other term you can think of the acceptance of self is indeed the first step in arming yourself against the attitudes of the unenlightened. Acquiring others acceptance is still going to be a challenge especially with the stigmas around transgender in the public past, however once others can see you as you and not as a distant thing life can become more comfortable and at least some of the fears can be washed away.
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Very Intriguing article and well written. It’s something we as transgender go thru
Thank you
Well said! I can relate to so much of this article. Thank you! 🙂
Beautiful words ringing truth. At the point where the only way I can move forward is to not listen to them but listen to me. Because it is me stopping my happiness, my growth. They can only do what we let them do. Thank you for the article. It is up to you in the end.
This is all so true, even now in my 50’s a lot of what you write is still true….
i am probably going to stay in the closet, for the time being, apart from meeting with men..
I am a mtf transgender. This article scored a direct hit as to how my feelings have run over the years. I have struggled with these exact feeling for decades, buying clothes feeling guilty throwing them away and starting all over again. As each cycle came and went I realized that I was a woman. Violette, was exactly right we do have to accept ourselves for who we are. I am starting to realize my dream, I have accepted who I am and I am a woman.
I have to dress up as Gina every day or I get really down and depressed. I am only ever truly happy when I’m Gina. I hate going to work every day as a man I really do but as soon as I get home I become the real me
Really well written! I can’t tell you how many times I threw all my female attire away only to go out and buy more later. I think you really hit home with the self acceptance. I only tried to tell 2 people in my life and one is now divorcing me and the other made me feel like a freak. After reading this I realize that I am struggling with accepting myself. I continue to dress the way that makes me feel good. I like silky dresses and soft fabrics like leggings and I love the color pink. I only… Read more »
Denise, There are people in my life I know that will not accept this. I realized that rather purging myself or my things I will purge them. You and I are not freaks. Far from wanting to live your true self is the greatest form of honesty. If this helps find a friend that has a progressive view of lgbtq issues and open up to that friend first. I also notice that cis women seem to be more accepting than men. I have told 5 people and they actually said they were happy for me. Tell the easy ones first… Read more »
Well done! I’m 56 and have been trans for some time, but I still have those thoughts that people are looking at me or making fun. I really do feel good about who I am. But every once in awhile those insecure thoughts come back. Recently I was waiting to be seated at a restaurant when the hostess said to me “oh you’re one of our regulars let me get you a booth.” I had only been there twice, but my thoughts were “why did she remember me” I guess it just had me thinking all sorts of things, hope… Read more »
I have been dealing with gender dysphoria for years. Started dressing at 12. Through adolescence and adulthood it has come in waves, but over the last 3 to 4 years it has become a tsunami. Now I am making minute changes that are in the open. I am not 24-7 femme, but I do want this. I know it is a process. So what I started doing was little changes so it does not shock the social circle I am in while at the same time coming out as trans and having open conversations to a few more people. Now… Read more »