Hey, buddy! Yeah, it’s about time you let me talk. You always talk about me in the third person, like I’m not you or something. We are the same person; ya dig? In fact, maybe I am you, but I guess we’re still figuring out how that’s going to go. When are you going to admit that the “you” you thought you were is actually me? I mean, you can keep pretending that I’m not real if you want, but you and I both know that’s a load of crap  – you just want to keep everyone else happy, and not rock the boat. Can’t upset the status quo now, can we?

 

Remember a few weeks ago, that gay co-worker told a story about why he decided to come out some 20 years ago? It was largely political. These were the days of the gay marriage fight, and to him, it was important to support the LGBTQ+ community by coming out publicly to family, at work, everywhere. He is spot on that back then was a political inflection point, and many voices were needed to drown out the conservative minority. Now gay marriage is legal and “don’t ask, don’t tell” in the military is a thing of the past.

 

However, never satisfied without a fight on its hands, the conservative elements have turned their sights on trans people – despite a record number of younger Americans identifying as trans or non-binary. In fact, they use that trend to support their rhetoric that this is all part of some sort of “liberal conspiracy.” The competing forces of more trans and non-binary people coming out than ever before in the face of a seemingly endless parade of anti-trans legislation can only mean we are at another such inflection point.

 

And here’s where it comes back to me! Face it, kid. You are trans. You were born with male genitalia, I get it, but it should be pretty clear by this point that what’s between your legs has little, if anything, to do with who you are as an individual. So, besides the fact that accepting that you are Alexis does wonders for your mental health, consider how becoming visible as yet another “trans girl next door” will help lift up everyone else. Not to get overly dramatic, but “you being unapologetically you” might literally save someone else’s life. What’s that saying? “Stronger Together?” Being an ally is great and all, but are you doing all you can to have a positive impact? 

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I know, in the final cost/benefit analysis, there’s a lot of potential risk – you’re moving a lot of other people’s cheese! But, you are a woman. I mean, I’m a woman! See? Now you’re getting to me, too. You’ve got me talking to you like you are somebody else. Let’s try this again:

Hello! My name is Alexis. I was born in 1972 and assigned male at birth. However, something never felt quite right, and as a consequence, I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin. I never knew how to “dude.” Whatever instincts that should’ve taken over to make me enjoy being a boy never kicked in. The answer, of course, was right in front of my face the entire time, but I chose to ignore it and did my best to accept the role biology had chosen for me. And yet, my deepest hope was to be “mistaken” for a genetic girl, external validation that what I felt was true inside would be how I was perceived by the world. As I began to present my “true self” to the world, hiding my real intentions behind Halloween costumes, I would invest maximum time and effort to present myself as feminine as possible, all in the hopes that others would be convinced they were in the presence of a genetic female. And when that perception indeed held (for at least a few fleeting moments…), it only further validated my existence.

For too many years, I had convinced myself that the woman I would see looking back at me in the mirror was only an illusion, that my brain was playing tricks on me, and that any reasonable person would just see a “man in a dress.” Yet even if that nightmare situation played out in public, it doesn’t make my experience any less valid. Because when I look in the mirror, I only see a woman, and my perception is reality. And only at that moment do I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. In fact, one might say I feel “euphoric.” According to the Gender Wiki: “Gender Euphoria is a psychological condition which consists of comfort or even joy when thinking about one’s true Gender identity, often accompanied by a strong desire to change one’s sex to better match their identity or to be called the correct gendered language.” Which is really just a clinical way of saying, it makes me really happy when how I feel inside and my physical appearance (often including how the world perceives me) are 100% in sync. 

I’m not even sure where all this rambling is leading, but since I’ve got the microphone now, I ain’t giving it back! It reminds me of a Tori Amos lyric: “Sometimes I hear my voice and it’s been here, silent all these years.”

Do you hear your true voice? What’s she trying to say? My intention here is that this essay inspires you to let your female voice speak up – she’s not another side of you, she just might be you.

More Articles by Alexis "Lexi" Moon

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ɛƖąıŋɛ ą
Member
ɛƖąıŋɛ ą
1 month ago

Dear Lexi ,
   You asked ” Do you hear your true voice?” –I think many of us have different levels of transfeminine dressing desires and some of us can present as a Cis guy half the time and have a great need the other half of the time to present as a woman in private , but saying that I have hidden transfeminine feelings present most of the time .

Susan Talbot
Active Member
1 month ago

Wow what a compelling and thought provoking article. Frankly it describes how I feel on a daily basis. In all sincerity thank you for taking the “mic” and writing this.

By the way you look beautiful in that pic.

Have a blessed weekend.

Susan

Mona
Duchess
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Lexi – really great article – thanks for sharing it with us. BTW, love your photo as well, girlfriend. To paraphrase the Steve Miller Band: keep on rocking it, baby (yes, showing my age with that musical reference haha).

Jocelyn Beyoody
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

Lexi, wonderful job. Elequently writtin. Thank you, for taking the mic. I share many of the same thoughts and feelings. Your stregnth is an inspiration. I believe Coco Chanel says it best, “Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.”

Christina Cross
Active Member
1 month ago

“I never knew how to ‘dude.'” LOL I hear ya sister! I always felt weird in groups of guys. I always felt like I was acting. I never understood it. I just wasn’t like the other guys and I never could figure out why. I suppressed my feminine thoughts for a long time. I am the same age as you. Growing up in the 80’s we didn’t have the internet to help teach us. So we suppressed and stayed hidden. When I present feminine I feel that gender euphoria. I don’t have dysphoria when I am not presenting feminine per… Read more »

Christina Cross
Active Member
1 month ago

One important thing I learned is that you can be “trans” and not transition. There are no guidelines. You can do whatever you want. Follow your instincts. When I self reflect on myself, how I feel my past actions and feelings and connect the dots things get a bit more clear. I still have “denial” phases but I recognize them. I have denials because it kinda scares me. But then I dress and am in my happy place again and feels like it is hard to deny. It really helps to know I am not alone in these same issues.… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Ambassador
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Several comments on both your article and the comments thus far. First love the purple lace peeking through. Second, Christina nails it when she pointed out that we each have our own path/journey and destination. Some will -by choice or circumstances- never venture outside their home or even their bedroom and that’s ok. For some/many they will eventually get out to a smaller or larger degree and some of those will present full time but never do anything ‘medical’ but may ‘socially transition’ -appearing and living 100% female. Some will do HRT but no surgeries, some will do ‘top’ and… Read more »

Christina Cross
Active Member
1 month ago

There DEFINITELY is a middle ground. Take your time and find what is right for you. And what is right, might change. Or not. It truly is a journey.

Lea
Active Member
1 month ago

Hi Lexi. I really like your article, very nice writing style.

It did have me thinking, how would my intro or autobio look and sound if I started it as I’m Lea, “I was born in…” instead of “I’m Lea, I wear women’s clothes.” You’ve inspired me to write an intro that way someday. Thank you!

P.S. Your photos are amazing, love your style, go girl!

Haley Ann
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

Wow! Just wow! I could not have said it better, amazing how so many of us land at similar places on our journey. Yes, her is me. Thank you, and I love you for being true to you! 

Haley Ann
Duchess
Member
30 days ago

Ramblings, or random truths that so many of us face? I recently had to pack Haley away, hidden from the real truth, hidden from sight, hidden not from the shame and guilt I would feel, but the shame and loathing my SO would feel knowing all the facts. If “that is gross” is how she comments on my beige toenail polish, I can only imagine the reaction of she were to meet me…the whole me…the person I have become in my 66 yrs on earth. Maybe we all change a little?

A48E33D7-2663-47CF-8FCF-718E9B1592C2.jpeg
Brianna Slat
Member
20 days ago

Alexis you are always a true inspiration. Thank you

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