Author’s Note: I first published this article in the Abeqweit Rainbow Collective Publication in 2002.
My life as a male to female transgender started when I was born. I have recollections of my mother telling me that I had long curly hair when I was younger. When everyone kept telling her how cute her little girl looked, she cut all my cute curls cut of to make me look more like the little boy she thought I was.
I suspected that I had more female qualities than male at about the age of six. At the age of 13 I stared to grow breasts and it was then I knew that I was a female in the wrong body. Today my breasts have grown to a size 38C. I started to dress as a female when no one was home but me. At first I tried on my mother’s or sister’s bras and panties. Sometimes I would go a little further by trying on some of their dresses, but I always feared I would get caught so I didn’t stay dressed that way too long.
When I went to school I didn’t go to dances because I was always scared that my friends might find out my true identity. For this reason I put my transgender issues on the back burner until I was about 17 years old and got out on my own. I slowly started to dress in female clothes. I had a few experiences with women, but when they found out I liked dressing as a female they dumped me. I very felt bad about this, because at that age I thought I was a straight male.
Since the age of 17 I have worn a bra and panties under my male clothes. I didn’t go out much in public dressed as AlysonAnn then, because it wasn’t safe for me to go out dressed as a female at that time. I dressed as AlysonAnn when I was home alone and sometimes on special occasions I went out in public dressed as a female. At the age 25 I tried accept the fact that I might be straight so I started to have a relationship with a women, who was my age. We had a lot of good moments together but nothing ever developed from this relationship, because I couldn’t give up my urge to dress as a female. When I told her about my “situation,” she wasn’t wiling to accept me as a transgender, so we parted company.
After this relationship I started to drink a lot and it developed into a very serious drinking problem. When I 20 I started to buy female clothing when I had the money. I started out at second-hand stores and a few years ago I started to go regular department stores to get my female apparel. My drinking problem continued until about 30 years old, when I finally accepted that I am transgendered and I enjoy have relationships with both men and women. When this happened I quit drinking and haven’t had a drop since.
About four years ago I moved back to the O’Leary area to get a job. I lived in the old homestead so I could dress as AlysonAnn at home whenever I wanted to. I also started to let my hair grow to see if it would make me look like the female I feel I am. Over the years I acquired an extensive female wardrobe. I have about 15 pairs of high heels, as well as dresses, bras, and body suits. I also wear makeup most of the time. I worked in the woods as a woodcutter, but due to a serious back problem had to give up. A year ago I took a course called Career Bridges to see what I was interested in and it turns out that I have an interest in working with computers so I’m going to get training in that field.
I got my hair cut in June of last year because I found it hard to keep my own hair up when I wore wigs. Although I knew that I was a male to female transgender, I didn’t get a chance to go out in public dressed as AlysonAnn until I became involved with ARC at the Pride parade in 2001. Since then I have attended most ARC dances as AlysonAnn and I have great time. On my first time out as I was very nervous, but as the night went on I realized that I was with people who were willing to accept me for who I really am.
At the 2002 Miss Gay Atlantic pageant I met most of the participants and they offered me a lot of advice on how apply makeup. Now I can’t wait until ARC’s monthly dance come so I can dress “en femme” as AlysonAnn. As for my future plans, I am going to purse a career in Computer Networking Applications. I would someday like to start my own computer business and run it dressed as AlysonAnn.
About three years ago I got a computer with access to the internet and since then I’ve met a lot of people right here on Prince Edward Island (P.E.I.) that I would call closet transgendered. Someday I hope to have my own transgender webpage on the internet. I would like to get a transgender community started here on P.E.I. so come on all crossdressers, transvestites, transgenders and transsexuals.
Author’s Note: I first published this article in the Abeqweit Rainbow Collective Publication in 2002. I am currently a member of the Abeqweit Rainbow Collective Board of Directors.
More Articles by The Author
- First Shopping
- My Lovely Hair
- Anna Secret Poet – A Year in Review
- Out of the mouths of babes and angels
- My oscillations as Abby over time