Living in Iowa (I assume the same could be said of other areas) there is an old saying, “Don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes.” I played my first round of golf this year on February 7th. For perspective, last year it was March 30th. It was 87 yesterday and won’t crack 50 this coming Saturday for the first tournament of the year. What does golf and the weather have to do with being a crossdresser? (Besides the cute outfits the women get to wear 😊 )

How many wives have told their husbands they are addicted to golf, stupidly willing to play in all types of conditions; in between thunderstorms, high winds, cold temperatures, and into darkness. Most likely the same wives who would tell their CD husbands they own too many shoes, dresses, lingerie items, and shapewear—addiction at its finest. If someone calls me up and says, “Hey, let’s hit the links,” I’m instantly figuring out how to swing it—forgive the pun. How to tell the SO, the boss, and all the others who might put a Kibosh on it. Sounds a lot like being a crossdresser—figuring out how to get that much-needed time in. Sadly, being a CD might actually hit the wallet harder than being a golf addict. God help me if I ever blend the two…

I recently went through my CD inventory and purged so many wonderful memories because I JUST HAVE WAY TOO MUCH, and I always want more. I put together multiple lots and sold it on eBay—for a more than fair price. All the magical dresses that I’ve kept in hopes I might fit into them (I realize it won’t happen even if I lose 20 pounds). What do I possibly need with 30 wigs? 35 pairs of shoes? Makeup overflowing? More dresses, skirts, and tops than I could possibly wear, let alone keep track of owning. It doesn’t end there as the same could be said of all the golf polo shirts and shorts. I read an interesting quote, not sure who penned it, but it goes like this: “I spent the first two-thirds of my life acquiring stuff that doesn’t matter only so I can spend my last third getting rid of it.” Such is the life of a CD. Everything there is to promote our need for femininity is essential until it isn’t. Eventually, I believe we all find our female representation, the ideal of our reality, and so the experimental things collect space. So why hang on to those things that aren’t a truer reflection of my female side? Because… one can never have too many golf accessories…

My circling around has a point. Being a CD isn’t much different than a host of other things. The collection of knickknacks, season tickets to sports teams, going out to eat, gardening, and the list goes on. The difference is in the eyeballs that watch and condemn. As men, being a CD allows us to dig into what makes a woman tick and to touch some emotions that are seen as unmasculine. Neither of which is bad, per se. We fight only one major issue. Showcasing our femininity as a man is demoralizing to women, children, and the perceptional “true” men. (So they say) The context is preconceived ignorance and bigoted just as it is with every other group harassing another. Statistically, I bet we are better husbands, fathers, neighbors, citizens, and men because we are.

Nature Day 3

Perception is something that is a two-way street in which we tend to see it more as a one-way boulevard with security cameras on the gated entries to the lush estates they protect. That is us against the establishment. I absolutely love my time as Brina (for today, I’m accepting that I’m more CD than trans… tomorrow may be different), it fulfills me, encourages me to be a better human, and teaches me tolerance and acceptance of all. You can’t continue to downgrade others when you like to wear 6-inch platform heels… My point is that we sometimes feel that we are misjudged, but we also fail to recognize the polarizing stance of those who simply “Do not understand” and chastise for no other reason than it’s what the loudest voices do. We can, however, forgive them for their ignorance and go about our lives. Unless they threaten us with harm or blackmail, they are but a voice to be ignored. We all have issues! Taking it out on others is the problem we need to fix.

 If you ask anyone of us who have purged what the feelings were shortly thereafter, they’d likely tell you (besides the money cost to replace everything) that it felt as if they’d given a part of themselves away. Before my father passed, I had him go through everything (other than his books and clothes… focusing on his shop and garage stuff) and seriously consider what he needed instead of what he might need. Yes, he was a hoarder extraordinary. His love of work gloves (40 pairs), used screws and nails—just in case, plastic bags to wrap the trout in that he caught, 10 fishing tackle boxes and 20 poles, every piece of wood no matter how small, etc. You get the picture. I was proud of him as he created the keep, give away, and toss piles easier than I thought he would. We did it again three years later after he knew his time was running shorter. I’ve since done another go-through, and yet I keep things not because I need or will ever use them, but because they are his. The same goes for me as I try to make the home mine and not completely my parents.

This is a reflection of being a CD as well. We collect because we want (not need) to have it; the more the better as we equate buying to understanding this side of ourselves. There are many women out there who do similar… the goddesses who have the shoes, accessories, and clothing to die for, but they are still in the minority compared to most women. I may never settle on my reflective image, instead continuing to buy every dress that piques my interest… just because, but in the future, I know my loss will be another girl’s gain as I bundle and sell that which I don’t need and keep more of who I am… so to speak. The only thing missing are the golf outfits…

Until next time… go easy on yourself, and more importantly, on others. It’s easy to get down on who we are and take out the frustrations on those we love. A metaphor that means a lot to me is the story about the man who was having an exceptionally bad day at work and on arriving home he stops at the tree in the front yard. There, he hangs up his problems of the day before entering the house. He is present with his family. The following morning he stops at the same tree to regather the problems that need to be dealt with only to find that many of them have disappeared.

 

Be kind and loving, always…

EnFemme

More Articles by Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish

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Connie Wittnee
Baroness
Active Member
1 month ago

“…not because I need them, but because they are his." Yes. I’m one of many readers that can relate to keeping some things that once were their parents. On the flip side, did I truly read that you had “35 wigs"😲before the eBay selling? Good for you in moving out some wigs, clothes..! I’m reducing collections, too: cassette tapes . 300+ mostly not prerecorded.

Brina , I really value your writings, your abilities and CDH long service.
🌹👏🏼🏆
Gratefully,
Connie, in Virginia

Last edited 1 month ago by Connie Wittnee
Angela Booth
Member
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Another thoughtful comment Brina. There are many reasons why people collect things, hoarders for example but there is probably other reasons why Gathering things does cross sexes as you say. Look at hobbies males have and the amount of kit or accessories they ‘need’. Women partners do not understand, raise an eyebrow and let them get on with it. Then women collect things like clothes and all the accessories. The men raise their eyebrows and let them get on with it. Neither seems to understand the reasoning but it is one of the same. The difference is that men will… Read more »

Leonara
Ambassador
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Brina, you never disappoint, another thought provoking article to which I can really relate… I am jealous. Who would have thought to play a round of golf on 02/07 in Iowa ? For now, I am still trying to get my “swing” back after spinal surgery 3 years ago.. doctor says ok the spirit is willing but my body says “are you kidding”.. still trying though… you mentioned the polo shirts (I still have many colors and stripes not to mention of course shorts & chinos, no dungaree for this duffer) .. however you forgot all the golf caps accumulated… Read more »

Lara Muir
Baroness
Active Member
1 month ago

Hi Brina, Thanks for another brilliant article! I remember helping my dad go through things several times when my parents moved over the years. My dad was another depression baby. You mentioned saving any piece of wood no matter how small, and used screws, oh my yes. He passed away last year, my mom finally got me to take his toolbox on wheels. I too have some tools now that I know I will never use, but how can I throw away some of these tools that I helped him work on things with from my earliest memories?! I’m thinking… Read more »

Suzanne Martin
Member
Active Member
1 month ago

Brina – Thank you for a thoughtful article. I can relate to what you said. I have an accumulation of things that I need to purge – fishing equipment, knick knacks., clothes, tools and more. My father was also someone who held onto everything. It took a long time to clean out his house when he passed. I have enough fishing equipment to open my own sporting goods store because 1- some of it was my Dad’s (tools as well), 2- I will use it one day, 3- can’t be replaced and 4 – because it is mine. I’ve only… Read more »

Jill Lacey
Lady
Member
29 days ago

I really can’t put a word to describe my parents. They were so different. My mother was raised by the nuns so she was as stern as could be without showing any compassion. My father was a softie who loved hugs and kisses. I recall standing on the back seat of the car as a child with both my hands wrapped around my dads head while he was driving. I would rub my hands across his face to feel the stubble. Lol Purged clothing. Omg, if only I could walk into a room and find everything I purged. Some of… Read more »

Jill Lacey
Lady
Member
20 days ago

@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish I was fortunate enough to keep most of my photos from the early days when I had a yahoo group. I saved them to a thumb drive. It always amazes me when I read stories like yours to know we all share some of the same thought processes regarding our gender gift.

Sherri Remington
Duchess
Trusted Member
29 days ago

Again Brina, thank you for another one of your great articles. Everything you said is so spot on and is so true for so many of us, from just wanting equal acceptance as a CD to hording. I don’t really like the term hording it sounds so harsh to me. I prefer the title, keeper of memories instead. Sure I do have those pieces of wood that I might use and many that I know that I never will, I just haven’t gotten rid of them yet. But I do have things like a brand new pair of panty hose… Read more »

BriannaLeah Powers
Lady
Active Member
26 days ago

Hi there. The weather, yes I am 700 miles north of you in Manitoba, temp range from 40 above to minus 40 and everywhere in between. The wigs I don’t know how I ended up with 40 or so but they are there. I can’t get rid of them, I just love em too much. At our CD Club I have implemented a swap meet policy, so we have one every few months. I have been able to move a few items to other girls. I would never purge, in fact, I have trouble believing CD girls actually can do… Read more »

Gwyneth
Lady
Active Member
26 days ago

Brina,

Another great article. I haven’t been on the site in quite a while, but I had to read your article. I would easily qualify for Golf Digests worst avid golfer. Besides the money, I was always amazed at how much money I spent to suck at something in weather I would NEVER work in. Then water skiing. And RVing – the most expensive hobby yet! All that spent on CDing and I could have rivaled queen Elizabeth. I just came into this too late and too married.

Gwyn

Meryl Lyda
Lady
Member
26 days ago

Thanks for posting!! You are the first person that I have talked to on CDH for 4 years. Miss you and all the ladies! So glad you have accepted me again 🙂

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