You know the funny thing about the story of Cinderella is that at midnight the spell is over. Everything goes back the way it was, and only that which was left behind exists…the glass slipper. The question for most of us is when does midnight strike? Is when we get tired of dressing and the blue undertow comes in? Is it when our significant other puts her foot down and says enough femme time, you need to pay attention to me? Is it even a defined time, or could it be an action that puts an end to the pink cloud?
There are two key ingredients to this narrative. What is the trigger, and what is left behind? I’m sure most of us have at one time or another used a “forced feminization” narrative, which could include being put under spell by a fairy, however, that spell only comes to an end when something else acts upon us. We know there really are no such things as fairies that are 12 inches tall and fly around with a magic wand in their hand.
Some of us are fortunate that we go out en femme and enjoy that side. We can move, act, and behave like our feminine alter ego. For those lucky ones, there may not be that stroke of midnight that comes along, but only a gradual coming down from a euphoria created by the endorphins released during the thrill of that outing. For the exercise fanatics, it’s like that positive feeling you get after a good work out. There is a sense of relaxation, confidence, and contentment.
What gets left behind? There are some forums on CDH that speak to those items left behind by accident and is found by wives, significant others, friends, or other family members. They could be undergarments, jewelry, makeup, skirts, dresses, or even shoes…you know…the glass slipper. But there are other things intentionally left to remind us of our inner self. The painted toenails, the under-dressing, or the pictures left behind on CDH. All little clues we leave behind to try on to get back to that mystical place we enjoy so much, and not have to spend time with the ugly stepsisters.
Well by now, you must be thinking, what’s the point to this story? Surely Lisa, you know we know about Cinderella, and we certainly know about our desires for women’s attire. What are you getting at? I knew you were all smart ladies, and I am hoping you can help me.
See, I’m not one of the lucky ones that can just go out and “be Lisa”. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there’s the whole courage issue to get over. That is somewhat of a roadblock, but not my only one, and please believe me, I get the urge to want to go out as Lisa. In the privacy of my own surroundings, I can be Lisa with the feminine movements, behavior, you name it…well not the voice yet (still have to work on that). Lisa is very sweet just as Cinderella was in her story.
Then comes midnight; it’s when someone sees me. My wife has seen me many, many times. That’s not the same, it becomes more of a fetish time thing, but not the same. I’m not Lisa. I have also been to a couple of transformation “artists”. The first time was a negative experience with a gg. She thought it was something she did wrong, but it was me. The second artist I went to twice and was quite happy with her as she has taken many pictures of Lisa following each makeover. One of the photos she took of me is my profile pic here on CDH and still one of my all-time favorites! I have to brighten that photo up a bit and make it lighter, brighter and easier to see. However, as much as she worked with me, and I do love her work, I still didn’t feel like Lisa.
What is left behind? What is left behind is my male persona standing there in drag. I don’t get the same euphoria, the same contentment as I do when I am alone and I’m Lisa. Each scenario is different, but in each, I am not Lisa. Even under-dressing doesn’t work as intended; I either forget about it (may mean it feels natural?) or makes me feel like a man in women’s underwear. Not the desired feeling I am looking to achieve. Is it an issue of not coming to an inner peace with who I am on the inside? Is my male persona so ingrained and so strong that Lisa cannot break though? How do I find that glass slipper that will allow me that freedom that so many of us seek?
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When, in your process of the thrill of cross dressing, do you feel the greatest sense of euphoria which I’ve mentioned above in my article?
On your very first night out totally en femme, did you experience strong feelings of confidence, self-assuredness, and overall happiness and well-being at the end of that first night out as Cinderella felt at the ball?
If midnight struck for you…where did you find your glass slipper?
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Thank you all for reading my article and please feel free to send in a response to my article or one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you above!
Love and Hugs to you all!
Sincerely, Lisa
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Lisa Fox
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Thanks Lisa Great article, for me when I look in the mirror with in drab or dressed I just seem to see the the women within, I have past the stage of seeing a man in drag or even a man anymore, and the strange thing about this is that I am still very much in the closet
thank you for your article I loved reading it
Hugs Paula
Hi Paula,
Thank you for your response! You made me think and perhaps this is contrary to the article, however there are times when I am en drab, looking at the mirror, into my own eyes and in my mind I am saying I am a woman. Unfortunately for me, life snaps me out of that and just like when I am dressed I become “that man" again. It sounds like you have found acceptance of yourself and happiness with who you are!
Hugs,
Lisa
Hi Lisa I wanted to offer some encouragement to you but, your article connects with me on a deeper level. I’ll explain. I live in Japan. This year, I joined my first musical theater production. Guess what-it was ‘Cinderella’. I auditioned for a female role but, I ended up being cast as a guy. At least I passed the audition. This was big stuff, we had a music director, a choreographer and a dance teacher. We were well into rehearsals. Then the virus happened. We continued rehearsals for a while. Then the decision came down. The production is postponed. We… Read more »
Hi Triesste, It sounds like you live quite the life, and I am sorry to hear how the pandemic has affected your production. The Cinderella theme is quite the coincidence, OMG! I also checked out Tokyo Closet Ball on you tube and I can’t wait to watch more! I appreciate you encouragement and you are absolutely correct in that the is much more to the entire experience like the decisions you highlight. Unfortunately if I don’t get past the first step, I will never be in line for any other experiences. Thank you for reading and taking the time to… Read more »
Thank you so much Lisa. i am really missing being on stage. The Closet Ball members have done a few events on Zoom but there’s no idea about when we will be live again. One of our main venues has already closed permanently. The other is struggling. The Cinderella cast also did a few tribute videos. I would say, just follow your heart. But that’s easier said than done when it feels like you’re taking on the whole world alone. I performed live for many years before Closet Ball but, when that started I felt like, this is what I’ve… Read more »
Great piece.
For me, the feeling never really goes away.
The painted toes, smooth legs (etc) , the public (and private) photos. And the thought of, “next time!”
Thoughts of what can happen while I’m out en femme are reoccurring day dreams!
Hi Megan, I am so envious of the freedom you enjoy! I would be curious to hear of your first times, and how they went. As you have probably read, I am still working on that first step!
Well written LIsa. I know what you mean about the afterglow or euphoria from endorphins . A lot of chemistry involved and not just psychological.
Hi Deborah, thank you for reading my article. Yes, those endorphins are hard to beat!