Enlightenment for the newbies

It concerns me to see girls moving towards altering their physical appearance in a way that pacifies a desire or maybe a fantasy, and sometimes without sufficient research into procedures, impact, and effects. I see this often on so many sites, including this one. I am not referring to those who are not ready to reveal themselves yet, but those I feel who appear to be uninformed, lacking in-depth knowledge of the path they are taking. Surgery that permanently alters our body is highly likely to impact us on psychological and physical levels, in addition to effects in our external world. It is a step that needs serious consideration and research into the subject before the first snip takes place. While at the beginning of our journey and seeking hormonal treatment, we are unlikely to be prepared sufficiently to make such life-changing and surgical decisions with absolute certainty.

We need to know and understand fully, the implications, effects, and outcomes that lie ahead with such choices. Regret is not something we would invite or wish to after any surgical procedure. We owe it to ourselves to be as honest with ourselves and as aware as possible of all aspects. There is no excuse for not learning exactly what is involved in this age of the internet, computers, and smartphones, it’s all out there. Not forgetting the professionals that we will be interacting with on the journey, who are there to help and guide us through this experience in a medical and scientific way, supporting the decisions that we are considering and may accept to take. In fact, nobody involved with such surgical procedures would wish to be a part of this, if we felt that a wrong choice had been made afterwards, least of all ourselves.

En Femme Style

It feels as if Transition has been presented as a Fad in recent times, and there are always plenty who want to be and do the current cool thing, a fantasy/dream-like state of mind that can become a hard reality. It can smack us down every morning when we look in the mirror, as it has for me, so many many times!

As a transsexual, and entering my sixth month of post-op care, I wish to share my understanding with you, that we must accept and be ourselves to walk this path. I walk this earth as I did as a male, only now, I’m better looking – period. My advice is to, be comfortable in your own skin – you are a spirit within a body, not a body with a spirit. I believe that I speak not just for myself, I include others who with their constructive advice to encourage readers with sincerity in helping others through their journey. We offer our help with good intent, to direct and suggest, not counsel or prescribe.

There are many possibilities of impacts and effects of following a path of surgery that can and will change how we feel and look. That can be perceived as the internal conflict that needs to be resolved in this way. It is possible that we may not have considered some of the extremes we may face as a result of this decision, and better that we should before going further. There are clearly wonderful and fulfilling aspects to a perceived outcome through surgery but are centered around ourselves. Our choice can very likely affect our families and friends which remain unpredictable to all until that later stage. However, we need to be aware of any bad or negative possibilities to avoid unnecessary disasters.

Koala Swim

It is possible to get through it all with relatively little or no negative outcomes or reactions from others, but, there are plenty of stories of those whose lives are not so blessed. We can sacrifice a great deal when walking this road, losing a partner, wife, children, family, and friends, perhaps even your job, or being alienated by others you may not know yet. Anything is possible as a result of coming out whether pre or post-op, but nobody knows for sure. We can only have our faith and belief in ourselves and that life can and will be good to create that future.

Our journey can be compared to a car ride headed west down route 66, every town is a part of it, and how long you stay at each one is down to you. How many are there? We don’t know and drive till it feels right, meaning I don’t care. But, I can assure you there are some bumpy roads ahead. If we’re willing to put our lives on the line, then we owe it to ourselves to be doing all we can to prepare for that ride. You may need to consider electrolysis for example, where needed to feel and look more feminine at an early stage, it can be a long process. Go forward with a detailed plan, there can be further changes to handle on many levels.

There may be many points on our journey that can feel daunting and impassable due to red tape, doctors, and don’t get me started on insurance companies. It takes a LOT of work, determination, and strength to become anatomically correct as a female. Disappointments, postponements, being older, and perhaps medically challenged. Just be aware of what you are taking on and that your body and mind can handle it all. There can always be help available and if we are prepared and equipped with knowledge before the event

Koala Swim

Gobbling down estradiol and looking in the mirror every morning isn’t going to get it done any quicker. Be sensible about your life and health, respect that by being controlled in what you do. Stick to what is good, avoid wrong directions, and misguided actions that can damage your health, physically and psychologically. You will be changing your body chemistry before anything else and that can be unsettling in its effects or elating, we can never know before. Stay focused on the end game. It is very important to stick to a detailed plan working with your doctor and to established and known standards

We need to get ready and comfortable with ourselves before we set off on the long drive on route 66. So strap in, buckle up, take hold of the wheel and keep your eyes on the road at all times, enjoy the ride/journey. It’ll save you bundles in hair coloring products I assure you

What you can look forward to after surgery is a year of healing and dilation. Almost ready to go out and paint the town red as a real female right? Nope, maybe not or even close. Our ability to bond with our new self may take hold shortly after and a whole new take on life begins as you develop and heal. It is common to decide to be Asexual afterwards, as well as suffer post-op depression and loneliness. Hopefully not of that, as nothing is a foregone conclusion, some don’t even experience that. If you’re doing it with no family/spousal support like I am it can be tough for sure. I will say this girls, depression can be real but the end result is so worth it to push through it, and is the reason I am staying behind the wheel of my journey. The post-op change can/will overwhelm you if you allow it to, so stay in touch either with us here or someone close to you to allow you to vent, ask and answer

This site is maybe our only way to vent and cry, laugh and learn, teach and listen. Our job as women who are further on in our development is to guide you, but for most – it all boils down to your simple choices. Will it be an educated and informed choice or are you simply going by what all the other girls are doing/saying? Remember this well. You are different from any other who may partake in this journey. Yours will be different, maybe quicker, maybe not. You being good to the body and mind that you reside in is key ladies! But the key lies within your spirit, to stick with it and take a lot on the chin to win over all the odds.  Otherwise, you could lose and live with your computer-generated pictures and regret!  Your call! I will always help as others have done for me. After all, this is why we’re here!

Tia

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Celeste Starre
Active Member
1 month ago

“We need to know and understand fully, the implications, effects, and outcomes that lie ahead with such choices.”

I thought that was the point of living as a woman full time for at least a year before being approved for HRT or GRS. That makes sense to me.

Barbie Satin
Member
1 month ago

I just know that I have seen CD lives destroyed when they feel pressured to become TS in transition. I actually managed to save one girl from that fate by talking her into going off the hormones. I have watched two TS friends die in my lifetime. It has now become trendy to be trans and in transition. That should never be trendy. I watched one dear post op friend die of an OD. Despite being petite and very pretty she never dated even once in her life. One of my closest friends was a non passable pre op TS… Read more »

Betty Rockwell
Member
Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Barbie Satin

I completely agree with you that being transgender has become trendy in some places. It is pretty prevalent among adolescents and teens. I think there is so much focus on transgender that the kids who would have once been a tomboy, crossdresser, etc. years ago are now more inclined to conclude that they must be transgender. It is popular in the high school here to be somewhere under the LGBTQ umbrella and coming out as trans has become a status symbol. Supporting the LGBTQ community is terrific and all persons should be free to be who they are likewise we… Read more »

Barbie Satin
Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Betty Rockwell

I think life for any human is about figuring out who you really are and then being true to yourself. I worry that some parents now think having a transgendered child as a status symbol. I was a very pretty and effeminate boy as a child but I was destined to be a CD and not a TS. My true self is a CD.

Betty Rockwell
Member
Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Barbie Satin

I agree that life is a journey of self-discovery. I think it is a very challenging time to be an adolescent or teen. There are so many options and labels to consider. When I was young you were either a boy or a girl and you were straight, gay, or bi. Now there is a label for everything and it makes those challenging years even more challenging. It’s wonderful to celebrate LGBTQ but through the eyes of young people, I think there is also the risk of it being glorified which leads to it being trendy and that adds to… Read more »

Barbie Satin
Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Betty Rockwell

I am very happy your kids have you as a parent. They are in good hands. I do think some of these kids are just picking terms out of a hat and then trying to conform to them. I am glad I lived my life when I did. Things seemed more free and open 25 years ago than they are now to me. 25 years ago I was writing an advice column on TG issues for a newspaper called Feminine Illusion. Now I don’t even know what the terms even mean. It is like trying to read an alien language… Read more »

Cassie Jayson
Duchess
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Thanks for your article, Tianna. For me when I first signed up here at CDH and got to the question where I was going transitioning.I freaked out, I didn’t want to consider myself as trans, just a crossdresser. Now after going a long way down the road I am thinking about ‘socially transitioning’???? Just a couple of steps away from dressing 24/7. Any HRT or surgery no no no????? who knows right now, I am happy where I am right now. It is my thought at the moment that pushing the questioning people into fully transitioning is the wrong thing… Read more »

Jane Don
Active Member
1 month ago

your right-one does have to consider the “”Social Costs”” the largest consideration for most of us is Money– It’s big dollars–

Holly Morris
Active Member
1 month ago

Tianna, you’re so right! Thanks for sharing your advice and experience in this well thought out article with us!

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