Crossdressers - Be encouraged by what you learn

At the start of every yoga class we’re urged to set an intention for the practice. The intention is set as something to grasp onto when the practice gets tough. When your muscles are aching and sweat is dripping down your forehead you can come back to your intention for strength and motivation.

Recently I made my second trip to an advanced yoga practice. The first one had been a miserable experience. Overwhelmed and unable to follow along with the instructor I spent most of the class lying on my mat. It had taken a few months before I braved the advanced class again, yet the memory of my failure was still in my mind.

I knew that the class was going to be just as hard, and I would feel overwhelmed, tired and frustrated. So I chose my intention carefully. This practice I was going to focus on one thought:

Be Encouraged By What You Learn

Be encouraged by learning, not by perfection. Even if I try a pose and fail, my muscles become stronger, I learn more about the technique. Even if I’m too tired to stand up, I watch others and learn from them.

Throughout the practice I felt encouraged by my frustrations. I felt encouraged when I couldn’t do a pose. I felt encouraged when my muscles ached and my body quivered. I felt encouraged by what I was learning in every moment.

Crossdress and Be Encouraged

Sometimes crossdressing is like the most difficult yoga practice. You’re frustrated because you can’t seem to get your makeup right. Your clothes don’t fit properly, you struggle to walk in heels and you ladder your stockings. Every step you take as a crossdresser seems manly, clumsy and awkward. You may even have people laugh at you, or stare with intense interest. Your feet might be hurting, sweat ruining your makeup and the teller calls you, ‘sir’.

Despite being excited at the prospect of a wonderful day spent en femme you end your day in despair. Cursing your transgendered misfortune.

But Be Encouraged By What You Learn

It’s easy to get caught in the perfection trap. Always striving for perfect, yet never achieving it. Each failure chipping away at your pride until you barely feel like wearing anything at all. Don’t let your own judgments stop you from crossdressing.

Wear those clothes, do your makeup, put on that wig. Do your feminine best, and be encouraged by what you learn. Even if all you learn is how ill suited that red sweater is for your figure, have fun being awfully gorgeous.

We’re all just practicing our femininity, some of us have been at it a while longer, that’s all.

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Dedicated to creating a safe, supportive and welcoming environment for everyone in the transgender community.

Latest posts by Vanessa Law (see all)

  1. Lynn Jones 8 years ago

    I shall never be able to do a Salute to the Sun without thinking of this blog post 🙂

    (weak) Jokes aside, it’s true. It – cross dressing – is a learning curve. Sometimes quite a steep one, but it’s fun studying! 😀

  2. Joy Phillip 8 years ago

    I find it encouraging that even GGs don’t get it right all the time. All the problems that we have they have also had at one time or another, the only advantage they have is the practice of doing it longer. We haven’t had that luxury, but once we start putting on the dresses and other things, we do get the practice. Keep going.

  3. The Femininity Coach 8 years ago

    I love the Yoga comparison. It takes discipline to be a beautiful, confident, resourceful, and comfortable in your skin. Great advice

  4. Marquise 8 years ago

    Thanks for this post, I was actually using this information tonight (for martial arts as opposed to yoga), I find I wind myself up over aiming for perfection when I should realise its a long slow journey and not even those furthers along it have reached perfection yet 🙂

    • Vanessa Law 8 years ago

      Thanks for all the great comments. I find it amazing how so much of life mirrors the struggle and joys we go through crossdressing. It truly is a blessing to be able to learn so much about life through crossdressing 🙂

  5. Elle 4 years ago

    Very encouraging. Thank you so much.

  6. Falecia McGuire 3 years ago

    I was just thinking the other day that one of the things I hoped for years ago was to become so comfortable in feminine clothing that I could get dressed with easy and do the things I needed to do at any given time while dressed. I used to admire women who could slip in high heels like they were slippers by merely reaching down with their toes, flipping the shoe upright and guiding the shoe on without used of their hands. I can now do that with all but my newest tightest heels of the strappy ones. The ability to do that adds to my sense of the feminine and helps me know that I am doing what I need to do!

  7. Janine O. 3 years ago

    Thank you for providing me with your support. This has been a difficult time for me. I almost lost my love for crossdressing and assuming a female persona.

  8. Jane don 3 years ago

    It would be great to meet other CDs (inperson) so as to encourage/learn from each other so as to not get discouraged!
    Jane London Ontairo

  9. Kimberly 3 years ago

    I remember being a teen and getting chances to have my own lingerie. I had so much fun trying on different styles and fabrics. But the guilt that came with dressing was one of the worst things ever. I purged so much even into my twenties. It may not have been so much dressing as much as it was the sexual side of it that the guilt came from. Once I was able to put on panties and keep myself under control, I found so much more joy and comfort in wearing them as underwear and not as a gateway to something else. I’m now exploring my feminine side more and buying full outfits. I love it, and yet, I’m still hesitant to tell anyone in person. Baby steps I guess.

    • PaulaPlaytex 2 weeks ago

      WHAT ABOUT A BRA ???

    • Jane don 3 years ago

      As long as they are steps foreward–not backwards life gets better–
      Ways to get more compfortable with coming out are–
      When shopping for fem clothes-Tell the sales people they are for you Or that you need to try them on to make shure they fit—
      Let one or two of your friends or family”Catch” you in panties/nightgown ect-
      If your uncompfortable–Just tell them(to begin with) that the clothes are just more comfy-

  10. Natalia 3 years ago

    Am just entering the CD world and began very much on own. No one in my life knew and many will not know. But as I began to purchase all that makes me femme, I felt an incredible sense of freedom! Long live the new femme me!

  11. Chrissy 3 years ago

    Thank you I have been there threw out all my clothes but now buying new ones. After reading this I dont think I will be getting rid of my clothes again.

  12. Rachel 3 years ago

    Thanks and I feel much better to have support on here.I crossdress privately and have a non supportive mom so far whom found my stash of women’s clothes and shoes in December.Was not too happy seeing it and I got to keep by luck

  13. Lacy 3 years ago

    I totally agree, Jane. I would love to meet other CD’s with whom I could go out for a night on the town.

  14. Jem 3 years ago

    God bless you! This website is a Godsend to someone like me <3 <3 :0.)

    • Author
      Vanessa Law 3 years ago

      I’m glad you found us Jem! And glad you’re part of our community. Hugs!

  15. Katie Novak 3 years ago

    Great information, I would love to get more tip on make up

  16. Katie Novak 3 years ago

    Thank you Vanessa, I would like to join in on discussions if available

  17. Janet 3 years ago

    I’m over whelmed by how comfortable I’ve become as a woman. Given the time I can be in makeup and a dress with hose and heels in under an hour. I love feeling feminine!

    • Author
      Vanessa Law 3 years ago

      Getting ready quickly is not something I’ve been able to master… I’m definitely more laid back in my appearance, only getting dressed up for events and date night 🙂

  18. Cristina Camps 3 years ago

    Hello Vanessa, is a great pleasure to write in this space. I am a Brazilian crossdresser and director of the most crossdressers club of my country. The Brazilian Crossdresser Club ( has 600 associates and eventually met in national events. It will be great to read your articles and learn a little more about the art of being a woman 🙂

    • Author
      Vanessa Law 3 years ago

      Hi Cristina, let me know if you’d like to submit an article to Crossdresser Heaven we’d love to hear from our Brazilian sisters!

  19. nancy pink 3 years ago

    Omg…yoga.I love yoga.even though I have had this feeling before … lk myself.. and all this transition… I’m new

    • Author
      Vanessa Law 3 years ago

      Welcome Nancy – just like yoga it’s an experience you grow into, it changes you and you change to meet it. Hugs!

  20. priyanka 3 years ago

    I loved it but I want to ask i am 15 so how to crossdress when you are alone but not having any cloth to crossdress

    • Constance 3 years ago

      There are ways to wear male clothes in feminine ways, just try googling that online (Youtube etc). Also, if you have any oversized male dress shirts, you can wear those differently, like a dress, and Youtube has instructional videos on that too, however this usually tends to work better for women in family households since they tend to be more petite. However, these tips can really help if you don’t have any feminine clothes or you’re nervous about shopping for those in public, just start out getting (oversized) male clothes.

  21. Janine 2 years ago

    I have been a cross dresser for a while.
    I to can get transformed into my feminine person in less than a hour
    I am the happiest when I am wearing a skirt and thigh high hose
    After I put on my high heels and leave to go out to shop I am totally relaxed and confident as I go about my day.
    Thank you for your support

  22. Christine 2 years ago

    What a great article, and how encouraging!

  23. Trish 2 years ago

    Can i ask how i get smooth without razor rash
    My chest especially?
    And do breadt creams work to grow your breast

    • Jennifer Schmidt 2 months ago

      Candy just tap the little circle next to the robat

    • Kim Cummings 1 year ago

      To ensure that your legs look smooth and silky, application of a depilitory sometimes helps avoid a rash. Use a lot of sweet smelling shave gel with hot water and soak well before you use a new razor every time. After shaving, smooth on a nice creamy lotion on your pretty legs. Be sure to get a good pedicure on your feet.

  24. tammy 2 years ago

    hello I have been crossdressing for a while know. allways at home. I finally got the nerve to go to the mall as tammy. and went out for the first time shoe shopping .I was left alone
    i got lots of stairs when i left the mall walking to my car i was called a fagit and homo.
    i went home and took off my tammy clothing and only dress as tammy at home .I looking for a place to go as tammy.

    • Lacy 1 year ago

      Hi Tammy,

      How brave of you as it’s apparent you didn’t quite make it as the woman you like to be but it must have been fun and exciting. Did you shop for nice things like lingerie. I’ve been out too but late at night so not so noticable but with heels I’m 6’6″. I’m very good as walking and being fem and do love it. Do you think you’ll do it again?

      Hugs, lacy

  25. Karyn Lobelia 2 years ago

    Be proud of who you are , love yourself as you are and always be kind to everyone !

  26. Tommie 2 years ago

    Wish me luck,going out for the first time next week.Going to casino and will be wearing a dress my wig and will be getting my nails done,and my face makeover.

  27. Sebeena 2 years ago

    I am straight male, but a cross dresser. I love wearing all sorts of girly dress and go out for walk in the morning when no one is around. Especially panties and bras make me very comfortable and reassuring. The touch of the soft fabric on my soft parts makes me feel good and some times little high. I also tried sanitary napkins for its softness and felt good Girls have so many fine soft and well designed colourful garments and under garments. Men’s clothes especially undies are very ill designed and bad. I love all that is feminine. No tried make up like women as I like the way I am. I have an athletic body, but bras and panties and leggings fits me very much and and feel very shapy and good on mirror.

    • Kim101 1 month ago

      Hi i like your trip wish i could be like you xx

  28. Susan Trace 2 years ago

    Always been a loner. Only dress for my own satisfaction, never confident enough to show myself in public.

  29. Grace Alice 1 year ago

    My body is fine as I am skinny smooth and quite girly, but I need some help in facial make up. I have watched tutorials but don’t want to look like a clown. I know the look I want is one that has a goth heavy eye and chiselled cheek bones look with kissable lips. I need someone to start my journey for me. Any advise?

    • Jamies time 1 year ago

      I can tell you from my experience a girl friend of mine suggested I make an appointment for lessons with Ultra Salon so I did and went in partly dressed and could not believe how good it felt when I looked in mirror I have been back often and getting better each time

  30. Lacy 1 year ago

    I’ve dressed since 10 when I discovered how nice it felt to have my mom’s panties and bras on. My life is straight but closet dress a lot without the wife knowing. Tough to be the girl I like to be and know how hard it is to explain this to anyone who would think we’re sick, including my wife. The internet has let me know that I’m so not alone which is great as it’s always nice to talk to others that are in the same situation as I am. I dressed for years just loving being fem but several years ago I invited a man over to meet me as Lacy and that changed me from straight to I don’t know what but I did enjoy the way he treated me as a woman and only wish I could go back in like to explore even further my love of dressing and being a woman. Love to chat again with others that feel the same way.

  31. Candy 1 year ago

    Hi all
    This is my first time on a site such as this my story is a long miserable one I’ve been dressing since I was 8 or 9 and it’s ruined my life , I have lost everything I have ever had thro dressing it caused me to hit the bottle,I was an alcoholic for 17 years till I got ill I lost my job my home and wife and kids thro the knock on effects of dressing to make matters worse I’m a manly hard ex marine. I loath myself to the point of wanting to take my life I’m on many meds for depression and anxiety I’m on here hoping to learn something that just mite help to put my mind at ease a little

    • Shauna 1 year ago

      Candy i understand your frustration. 20 year marriage, 4 kids,6 year marine and all the depression i could handle.until i accepted who i was. I was constantly angry and bitter towards others but worse off toward myself. I pray you find acceptance here, both of who you are and its okay to love yourself today.

  32. Candy 1 year ago

    Hi Shauna
    I’ve just read your message it could be me writing it , 3 kids a 17 year marriage followed by a short fiery 3 year marriage and 12 years in the service please tell me how I start to accept cross dressing I’ve fought against it all my life all my anger and depression is caused by it my currant partner is very supportive it’s me that isn’t ,I’m stubborn I guess ,I see both a physicist and physiologist and both say “what is wrong with it ” any advice will be kindly accepted

  33. Candy 1 year ago

    Hi can anyone tell me to join crossdresser heaven ? When it tells me to let us know your human I can’t type anything

  34. garridoramon 1 year ago

    hola vanesa encantda de saludarlay darle las gracias por tan bonita pagina me encantan todos los consejos y aprender ha ser una buena mujer gracias por todo y esperando sus noticias , un beesito y feliz dia

  35. DeeDee 1 year ago

    Thank you for the encouraging article. I am just beginning my journey and every bit of encouragement helps. Thank you so very much.

  36. GinaV 1 year ago

    I enjoy exploring Femininity and look for ways to embrace it through reading and experiencing. Finding ways to connect with the world of Women, and trying as best as possible, begin to see the world through a Woman’s eyes and develop those traits which define Femininity. I am curently reading Cokie Roberts’ Founding Mothers and have been profoundly illuminated as to the role of Females and what was expected of them in the colonies during the eighteenth century.

  37. debbie 1 year ago

    That was a wonderful read and presentation Vanessa.I have printed it to read to my support group . Hugs

  38. zena 11 months ago

    Hi to all was once on here but lost my membership but anyway I’m back yes wigs are nice to have if don’t have the hair already an if don’t secure them when first putting em on they will fall off or twist n move on you however the best thing to do is grow out your own then don’t have that problem even though still have keep it washed n brushed make sure it’s kept maintained)zena

  39. Tess397 11 months ago

    Well it is nice to read all the comments about cross dressing, I suffer many of the same problems. Taking in enough liquor I to will go to a club considered a gay club and have several drinks. Scared to death!!!! not many cross dresser (admitted cross dresser come out). Finding a sister to go out with is a major problem, one girl, scared two gurl’s very secure no problems. It seems every time I meet a sister in arm they are moving North oh well I’ll keep trying. For now limited to dressing and going for a drive around town, it still fun to be totally dressed and driving around, I do worry about being stopped, just a matter of time I guess. I;m sorry to see and yet glad to hear that other gurls have issues to, Keep on dressing, I’ve tried to quit for years but one side of my closet is all women and hi heels, (LOL). I guess they are right once you start you can never go back. I hope I can find a little comfort here.

  40. Sonia Reynolds 11 months ago

    Two marriages three children, seven grandchildren and at the ripe old age of 63 I have finally found what’s been missing. The pleasure I get from my, all beit, secret cross dressing. I hope that I have found in this site a warm relaxing atmosphere to be who I want to be.

  41. ConnieLynn Daunier 10 months ago

    My journey began 58 years ago at age 2 weeks. I actually did not fully realize I was male until I was 6 1/2yrs old. Seeing as how I lived as a girl pretty much full time. Being a boy was a game to me.
    It was so out there for a child in 1959 and the early 60’s to be transgenderd. But I was and did nt even know it.
    Life has been up and down many times.
    Today as I write this life is on the ups. Always getting better.
    My wife supports me in all I do. And I am truly blessed.
    see you soon. Connie

  42. Paula 10 months ago

    It hasbeen wonderfully uplifting
    Reading your

  43. Jennifer 9 months ago

    This is a lovely encouraging article. .I have been feeling alone, guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, a freak. .just because I am a feminine male who likes to feel and dress feminine. .thank you.
    Jennifer x

  44. Tomasina Dillon 9 months ago

    Having experienced at least a few of the disappointing feelings of cloths not fitting properly or the correct wearing technique. I’m encouraged by this article and feel a little less anxious about the fem cloths I love to wear around in my apartment and hidden under my shorts and jeans as I go about my daily activities as a man. TY

  45. Kymi Crocker 9 months ago

    It was very interesting thanks

  46. Eve 8 months ago

    Hi ladies My name is Eve , I am new to this site and I love it already from what I have read so far.All I can say to my sisters is that to be your self and keep practicing who you really are inside, you will get it right doesn’t have to be perfect Eve

  47. Julie Slowinski 8 months ago

    Thanks Vanessa, I totally agree. I think Brad Pitt put it best in Inglorious Bastards: ”You know how to get to Carnegie Hall, don’t you? Practice!”

  48. Julie Marie Miller 7 months ago

    I have been practicing for yrs. I just gotta keep on going. Hopefully one day I will be able to become more feminine and act more like a woman and dress and be able to use makeup to look pretty like other women. That would be my biggest struggle. Makeup.

  49. Lindy Roe 7 months ago

    This helps with my anxiety of going out for the 1st time. I will keep rethinking these points when I am in public. These days it does seem to be welcoming to us CDs than in the past. Well maybe not here in Alberta 😉

  50. Lacie Edwards 7 months ago


  51. Amy Rae Jones 6 months ago

    Thank you for the encouraging article. I’ll be ‘re-reading it often in the days ahead. I’m very apprehensive but with encouraging words from the man I love and all of you I’ll become the woman I’ve always wanted to be.

  52. Lindie Moore 6 months ago

    Thank you. Im new to the site. Never give up

  53. Marissa 5 months ago

    Thank you for the support. Im so new to this i try each day to be a little bit more feminine. Last week i shaved my legs for the first time. It felt so good. This week i painted my toe nails. Im in the process of trying to find the right wig and this weekend im going to shave my armpits. Ive incorporated a daily butt routine in my exercise too. The wig is tough…i keep thinking im hideous ..but i havent even learnef makeup yet so im hoping that helps alot. Again thank you for being here.

    • PaulaPlaytex 2 weeks ago


    • Julie Carson 5 months ago

      Oh Marrissa how cute are you?! I so remember the stage you are in now. Enjoy, it is sooooo fun. And when you find the right wig and put it on for the first time, have your makeup on first, ok? Because when you look in the mirror you will wonder wh o this beautiful woman is. Huggs hunni.

  54. Charlene Vonsmit 5 months ago

    thank you for accepting me and I try when I can but I think these other sites will help me be more beautiful

  55. josie michelle 5 months ago

    Thank you , it has been and is a slow journey for me and I am looking to release my inner self .

  56. Julie 5 months ago

    A very interesting message.
    I have been dressing on and off since year 2000, identifying as female decades before.
    I am now retired (early be today’s standards) and have recently separated from my wife though we are very good friends and see each other regularly. I keep her informed of my adventures (that sounds tacky). No. Let’s rephrase: I keep her informed on what I am doing, parties, Balls, trips away and show her pictures when asked.
    I see myself as a confident woman in every respect. I dress well. I am undergoing counselling to assess if I am a candidate for gender reassignment. This starts next Friday.

    • Julie Carson 5 months ago

      Oh Julie, how wonderful that you are beginning your journey. It really is liberating once u do come out of the closet and show the world who you really are!!!!! Hope we can chat about yours.

  57. Jennifer Hope 4 months ago

    Hello All:
    Anybody here from the Greater Sacramento Area?

  58. Tiffany 3 months ago

    My wife and I are considering a makeover and a night out in the SF Bay Area.
    First time for this. Does anybody have any recommendations?

  59. Jana Softly 2 months ago

    These comments are all so helpful. Seeing my therapist next week and you are helping me understand that more people feel like me. Thank you

  60. PaulaPlaytex 3 weeks ago


  61. Jessica De Leon 8 years ago

    That’s some good advice and I love the comparison to Yoga :). There is a lot of learning to do and many women still have to practice just to get their look right. We just have to do our best and remember to always have fun with it, regardless of how serious we are about dressing.

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