I’ve been Jessica for just about as long as I can remember. Probably sounds funny to some I know, but my attraction to women was never the attraction that books and films are made of. I knew I was attracted to them somehow, but I knew I didn’t want to date them. Most of them dressed so pretty. I wanted to tell them, but I was shy, so I admired them from afar.
Fast forward to age 18. I joined the military because I knew that would make me a ‘real’ man. I doubted my manhood because I was still a virgin and (from all the stories told in the teen boy circuit) not yet a ‘real’ man. I guess if I’m going to be totally honest … I also had an attraction to men, so that wasn’t helping me score points in the man column. The military was good. Uncle Sam kinda straightened me out, toughened me up and gave me a wife. She was great. She was a sexy woman who enjoyed wearing sexy things. Of course, it wasn’t long before I found myself trying on some of those items. It started small. Lingerie, bras and pantyhose from time to time. But eventually out of fear of being caught, I stopped. The urge never stopped, but I fought off the desire to wear her things.
Fast forward again about 25 years, which would have me out in southern California at a drag show with my wife and some very close friends. I’d never been to one before and really thought I’d overcome the desire to wear women’s clothing. Oh, how wrong I was. My wife drank too much and needed to go home. Our friend and her husband said that they were ready to leave anyway and that they would make sure that she got home safely. They did, so I stayed with a few others and continued to enjoy the show. After the last set, the ladies said that everyone was invited to the back ballroom for a dance and mixer. My remaining friends and I did our ceremonial hugs and kisses as we prepared to go home. Driving home alone I did a lap around the block and returned for the mixer. My eyes were opened that night. So many crossdressers. So much dancing and flirting. I knew then, I needed to be one of these ladies. I needed to become Jessica Jones. This was a whole new world and I needed to be a part of it.
For the better part of 2 years I would pack the little gym bag where I kept my sexy outfits that I had accumulated, drive to a nearby rest area restroom, change into my sexy attire for the evening, and slip on my sweats over them. I’d apply the rest of my make up in the car at the club parking lot before putting on my bra, wig, and heels. I managed to do this for about a year before my luck ran out and I was caught by my wife when I failed to hide my gym bag in it’s normal place. I promised to never dress again as part of our agreement to stay together, but I can’t hold back any longer. I want to start dressing again and I’m going to talk to her about it soon. I don’t need to go clubbing and dancing, but I do want to explore and get to know my feminine side and I want to do it with no guilt. I want to become Jessica Jones. I’m not sure how things will work out or if they will, but I know that after such a long time of waiting this is exactly what I want to do.
So, world, meet Jessica Jones.
Very good luck to you, Jessica Jones – you deserve it!
We are as we are made.
hi laura,
thank you for your kind words and support. i know it’s going to be challenging, but i’m certain this time that i’m going through with it this time.
thanks again,
veronica
Hi Veronica I feel like I’m in the same position – it almost feels like I am bursting out (in a gentle way!). I let my SO see me properly yesterday for the first tine – she knows, but says she hates even the idea that her husband is CD It was lovely – she said she wouldn’t even look at me, but did, and her pupils dilated, and a beautiful smile spread on her face. We conversed normally, if a little breathlessly – and hugged. It was a beautiful moment, which inspires me to believe that I can make… Read more »
laura,
your last letter was very inspirational. i believe you’re a much stronger person than i. i’m so afraid to talk to her about it because when we were watching a program about cd’s, she said that it made her sick to her stomach. i know that this is who i am and that i have to tell her, but it’s going to be tough. thanks again.
veronica
Hi Veronica, and thanks for your kind words – I am not feeling very brave, but rather I feel a soft but powerful, almost unstoppable drive to cut out any negative stuff from my life. Hiding who I am is at the root of so much negativity in my life, that it seems the sensible option to do whatever I can, not worry for now about what seems impossible, and get into a good space before it’s too late. What if my lovely wife dies and I cannot share this part of myself which has brought me joy? Yes, it’s… Read more »
Jessica, thank you for sharing such a personal experience… Which I can relate to… I thank you for introducing Jessica to the ladies here at CDH where she is welcomed with open arms…
Leonara
hi leonara,
thank u for such a warm welcome. i was just sharing with one of the girls that for the first time ever i feel like i have friends. u ladies are awesome.
love,
veronica
Jessica – thanks for sharing your story! Wishing you the best of luck in your journey! Amazing legs BTW!
Hugs,
Jessica Love
hi jessica,
thanks so much for reading and for your very kind words. oh, and thanks for the compliment. btw u are absolutely gorgeous. i definitely wish nothing but heaven for u as well.
love,
veronica
Thank you Jessica! The kind words are do meaningful! Muuuaaahhh!
That’s a great story. Will you be posting more, maybe some fun details on your nights out.
hi jamie,
beautiful picture btw. thank u so much for your kind words and i’m glad that u read it. i do plan to make updates, especially when i get up enough nerve to actually tell my wife and when i actually get to take this lady out for a spin.
thanks again,
veronica
Love this story Jessica. I am envious!
hi julie,
listen to u … i’m envious of u. your body is slammin’ and i love that dress. i’m really nervous about telling my wife, but i’ve given myself a timeline of the new year to have the conversation. i’ll keep in touch for sure.
love,
veronica
Thank u.
Welcome Jessica Jones. So nice to meet you.
Gisela Claudine.
Great article, Jessica-you discovered as most do eventually, that the desire and need to dress never goes away-just into hiding only to emerge stronger than ever. I hope you and your wife can come to a mutually satisfactory understanding.
Cyn
Best of luck, I did the same last year after 20+ plus years with my partner not knowing. I typed out my words I wanted to say on my notes on my phone and showed her knowing it would be hard to express and trying to answer any questions within it. She paused for a while and I was in no mans land then she said is that it? She was fine because I still loved her and she me and accepted who I was. It was a huge risk but like you it was eating me from the inside… Read more »
Good luck to you Jessica Jones
You do look quite sexy.