I’ve been dressing in femme clothes since I can’t even remember. Sheer pantyhose, satiny slips, and pretty panties had a hold of me since way before puberty. Always in private, closeted. Until I met a partner who allowed me to explore this part of my life, understanding me, and giving me the courage to feel and think and try on new clothes and new ideas.

Well into adulthood, I’ve had many chances ultimately to be “out,” and even meet up with others, and that has been always exciting. To be seen by others for a part of myself that doesn’t normally get to see the light of day has been affirming and has allowed me to understand these other dimensions to my life.

Still, my default was always simply, “I’m a mostly closeted crossdresser,” thinking that I was basically male and the dressing up would be something I did from time to time because I liked it. Usually in private, sometimes in public, sometimes on these weird social media hybrids where we’re sort of public, but always behind a screen.

But I’ve hit a point where I’ve been able to reflect on my life a bit more (and had some really good input from others) and realize that it’s not just about clothes. Or, rather, as Mark Twain and many others have stated, “The clothes make the man.” Er, well, in this case, the clothes make the woman. The clothes aren’t just an appendage and tossed off at will but have deep connections to our inside.

I’ve become (or, maybe, always have been) more than a man dressed up like a woman. I am sometimes a man, such as in my professional life and around family members. But I am also sometimes a woman, in private and sometimes public. And then too, I’m also often somewhere in between, or beyond, or in some place that doesn’t fit easily within the binary.

So, with this writing, I’m declaring that I am genderfluid, as that feels like a good enough label to use for now. (I could do all the blah, blah about how labels don’t mean anything, and we capitalists demand our power of individuality and choice, but I’m a pragmatist and the words we use can be a help. I think it’s about how we use the terms, and not letting the terms use us.) And while “nonbinary” (NB) is the term many are using, I just dislike the lack of lyricism in that term, much less the way it creates its own binary (there’s binary and there’s non-binary). Genderfluid just sounds right.

For now, it fits.

Thanks for reading. Love to hear responses, even though I’m just writing this for me to be out there.


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    5 months ago

    I really appreciated your article thanks for sharing it truly puts things in perspective. Hugs

    Deborah Sullivan
    Active Member
    5 months ago

    well said indeed Stefani

    Debbie Lynn
    Active Member
    5 months ago

    Thank you Stefani for so eloquently capturing your insight. I relate to your genderfluid identity. I just didn’t know how to say it. You did! Hugs, Debbie Lynn

    Active Member
    5 months ago

    How encouraging to see these statements. Especially picking a title/ label. In our current society … with its classification of gender, race identity. How some will say they don’t need a label identity is simply missing the nature of our own humanity. Others will label you even if you don’t choose to. I applaud you in several statements. I also am a Closet Girl. But we have several differences such as I haven’t ventured out into public. I never even contemplated Crossdressing of any type until a couple of years ago at 59. Now at 61 one I adore the… Read more »

    Last edited 5 months ago by Mae
    Haley Ann
    5 months ago

    Very sweet to share intimate thoughts, thank you. I can definitely relate to the emotional roller-coaster that we sometimes ride


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